I think I'm a bad friend... Help?

[onelilspark]

I wouldn't feel obligated to have them stay with you. I get very busy in the Spring and in the Fall with work, which makes it an inconvenience to me to have guests (when I'm gone 3 days a week, the last thing I want to do is entertain on the weekends!) In the summertime when it's much slower for me, I welcome everyone with open arms...no one really wants to visit in the Winter...I can't imagine why

The fact of life is that at different points in your life, or over the course of the year, it becomes difficult to entertain. A good friend or family member will understand that. I would let them know that now isn't a good time for you, recommend a place to stay, and suggest you get together for lunch or dinner when they're around. If you know when your husband will be back home and you're willing to have guests, then invite them to comeback then and let them know you'd be happy to play hostess then.

 

[Binnie]

Thank you for the encouragement! I can be a major pushover, and it's always in awkward situations like this, so it was awesome of you to tell me it was OK and understandable to say no.

I spoke with my friend today, and DD and I will be hosting them for dinner one evening, but they'll be staying at a nearby hotel for the duration of their visit. I even offered a couple of recommendations!

 

[Sheree Bobbins]

Good for you for standing up for yourself, Binnie and working out a compromise. At one time, I could handle guests but not anymore. I had to turn down my mother's cousin and his wife from Ontario, earlier this year. I know they can well afford a hotel and I am not up to serving people.

 

[onelilspark]

Thank you for the encouragement! I can be a major pushover, and it's always in awkward situations like this, so it was awesome of you to tell me it was OK and understandable to say no.

I spoke with my friend today, and DD and I will be hosting them for dinner one evening, but they'll be staying at a nearby hotel for the duration of their visit. I even offered a couple of recommendations!

 

[wilderness01]

Glad it worked out.

I also do not like hosting, especially my husband's family as they can be complete slobs. They put us on the spot all the time and then I look bad. I don't care though, I have to stand my ground. I am not their maid, cook and cleaner upper after they leave a room. Honestly I am shocked adults act like this and think nothing of it!

 

[MoniqueU]

I don't like hosting any kind of houseguest that doesn't understand my lifestyle. I do not cook any kind of homecooked meal ever, no desire. I am not going to fetch every little thing for you and my house is extremely casual. I love having people over but they have to fend for themselves. My MIL likes to visit alot but I am getting tired of it. She has different ideas of how to run a house then I do and even if it is for a short period of time it is disruptive.

I also do not like spending the night at very many peoples houses. I am uncomfortable. I don't need much just wifi, half and half and foxnews. I don't need to be fed or entertained or shown the local area.

I think it is ok to say no in either case whether people invite you or invite themselves.

 

[Saphire]

I am glad it worked out for you, Binnie. I just don't understand, and never will, people who 'invite themselves' to stay as guests. Could somebody (who does it) dare explain it? How can you impose like that, do you assume they want/can drop everything to host you for a few days? That is rude! Why not just tell your friend you will be in their area and WAIT for an invitation? If you don't get one, you need to make other arrangements as that is a CLUE they are not available to put you up!
Yeah, can you tell it is a pet peeve of mine?

 

[NHdisneylover]

Thank you for the encouragement! I can be a major pushover, and it's always in awkward situations like this, so it was awesome of you to tell me it was OK and understandable to say no.

I spoke with my friend today, and DD and I will be hosting them for dinner one evening, but they'll be staying at a nearby hotel for the duration of their visit. I even offered a couple of recommendations!

I am so glad you were able to work everything out

I also do not like spending the night at very many peoples houses. I am uncomfortable. I don't need much just wifi, half and half and foxnews. I don't need to be fed or entertained or shown the local area.
.

More proof that everyone's perspective is different.
half and half--also means (I assume) you need coffee. I did buy a maker just for guests in the US (DH drinks espresso here so we have a machine here that also makes regular coffee). I would be unpacking it and setting it up and buying coffee when guests came but I would never have thought to buy half and half as well unless someone asked me to I don't even know if they sell it in Germany, but I would look if someone requested it.

And Fox News We don't have it in Germany and we had no TV reception at all the last 4 years we lived in the US. Prior to that my kids would have been pretty young so I would not have wanted the news on while they were awake

Wi-fi we have. Decently furnished guest room too. A futon and air mattresses for large families visiting (we can sleep 6 guests with everyone having a soft surface to sleep on, 7-8 if little ones will double up on full sized futons/mattresses). Plenty of blankets/pillows/towels. Plenty of books on the region--and we are willing to take you all around or leave you to your own devices as you prefer. We have well stocked wine cellar, a decently stocked dry goods pantry and near by grocery stores for perishables (can't fit much more than a day's worth of food for that many in a German kitchen). A washing machine and dryer, spare coats/jackets/raincoats/beach towels/gloves/umbrellas and the like, and a phone plan that lets you call the US free of charge (landlines only) are all here for your use. But no Fox News, iffy on that half and half (oh and no hair dryer--I do warn people they will need to bring their own if they want one) so I would be a terrible hostess for you LOL--the good thing is that you know what you want and will stay where you can get it rather than complain to a friend--that makes you an awesome guest.

 

[polkadotsuitcase]

I am glad it worked out for you, Binnie. I just don't understand, and never will, people who 'invite themselves' to stay as guests. Could somebody (who does it) dare explain it? How can you impose like that, do you assume they want/can drop everything to host you for a few days? That is rude! Why not just tell your friend you will be in their area and WAIT for an invitation? If you don't get one, you need to make other arrangements as that is a CLUE they are not available to put you up!
Yeah, can you tell it is a pet peeve of mine?

Don't do it, but know people who do. One time, a relative of theirs had surgery and specifically said, "Please don't come." They went anyway. (Knock, knock. Surprise!) It was over Thanksgiving, too. They tagged along on the relative's T-day plans, and were quite snarky that the hostess *didn't have enough food to go around*. How could she? She wasn't expecting them!

From what I understand, their feeling is, "We're family." Maybe they are okay with surprise visitors, and assume others will be, as well?

 

[scrapbookworm]

We don't have a spare bedroom for houseguests, so my DH's mother and her family have never stayed here. They always get a motel room. Even if they did stay with us, I work full time too, and while I cook some, hosting a lot of family (us, them, plus I'm sure DH's sister and kids would show up as well- 9 people total) every evening for a meal doesn't sound appealing to me. I couldn't do it after working all day.

However, this makes it expensive FOR US when they do come to visit- because we have to go out to eat every evening with them.

 

[onelilspark]

I also do not like spending the night at very many peoples houses. I am uncomfortable. I don't need much just wifi, half and half and foxnews. I don't need to be fed or entertained or shown the local area.

I'm with you. Unless it's a close friend or family member, I don't like staying with other people. If it's one of my boyfriend's friends that we're staying with, I'm very uncomfortable. I'd just prefer to stay in a hotel.