I saw something very disturbing this morning--need advice

[Jeafl]

I drove my daughter and her friend to school, which I don't normally do. You have to line up to drop the kids off in a certain spot. The guy in front of me was someone I know from various school events, but he is not a friend or neighbor. Well, his 7th grade daughter got out of the car, walked around to the driver's side and kissed her father goodbye. It was NOT a quick peck on the cheek, it was on the lips and lasted at least 7-10 seconds. Then she stood up and turned away, then turned back and kissed him again. By this time my daughter and her friend were going "EEEWW!!" . They told me that this happens every morning. There was something very sexual about it that is really bothering me. It was very uncomfortable to watch. I called my friend who usually drives the girls to school and she said that she has seen this numerous times and that is is not just my imagination working overtime. I don't really know the girl that well, but I do know that she is very introverted and is not really involved in any outside activities. She definitely was the instigator of the kiss, so I don't think she is being abused.

The whole thing just doesn't seem right to me, but there is really nothing I can do about it. Would you just mind your own business?

 

[Claudia1]

I would probably mention it to a trusted but "official" school staff member. They may wee other pieces to a puzzle or they could just drop it. Then I would drop it, too.

That's just my opinion.......

(It does sound very, very weird. Most dads would also recognize it as weird, too.)

 

[aahmom1]

She definitely was the instigator of the kiss, so I don't think she is being abused.

Even if she instigated it, she is still being abused.

 

[caitycaity]

gmta, aahmom i was going to post the same thing...

just b/c she instigated it does not mean she is not abused.

 

[newmousecateer]

I would find that very disturbing also. You said the woman who normally drives the kids to school agrees with your assessment, so maybe the two of you should talk to each other and decide whether or not you should talk to a school counselor or not. Seven to ten seconds is just not normal. I don't even kiss my DH like that when I am leaving for work.


These are very sticky situations to handle. Is there a counselor here on the DIS that could give you advice?

 

[Jeafl]

caity and aahmom, you are right. I guess "abused" isn't the word I was looking for. What I meant to say was that she didn't look coerced or forced to kiss him.

 

[Robinrs]

Originally posted by aahmom1
Even if she instigated it, she is still being abused.

Amen, aahmom!

Please get ahold of a guidance couselor to at least check this out. If it "yucked" out that many people to the point of noticiing it, it is highly inappropriate and would not hurt to investigate it.

It may be nothing but at least they need to know that others have noticed...

I have people in my own family who have been sexually abused by their own fathers, it is so disgusting and sad.

I love my Dad more than anything and have NEVER kissed him like that and never would.

 

[aahmom1]

I understand. I think you should contact the guidance counselor.

 

[RitaZ.]

Jill, that is disturbing. I don't know what I would do...

 

[Lorix2]

are you sure he's her biological father? I agree whether or not he is it's still inappropriate...I just wonder if maybe it's a stepfather or mom's boyfriend, which would still be bad...but would rather think a real father wouldn't kiss his daughter that way

 

[browneyes]

Originally posted by aahmom1
Even if she instigated it, she is still being abused.

And that more than likely she's been abused for several years.

So sad.

I think you should contact the guidance counselor.

That would be the best person to contact about this.

 

[Serena]

Jill, report it.

You don't have to accuse anyone. Just tell them that you saw something that seemed strange to you and thought you should tell someone.
Then just tell them what you saw.
If your friend saw it too, I think she should be with you. It'll have more credibility if more than one person saw it.

 

[Jeafl]

Lorix, I think he's her biological father, but I'm not positive. I just don't know them that well.

 

[Snow White]

I agree, contact the guidance counselor as soon as you can. Its sad to say, but where I work, we deal with lots of cases where there is very inappropriate behavior between parents and children and whether you want to believe that it would be going on or not, it really could be a very bad situation!

 

[annemariec]

I agree with reporting it to the Guidance Counselor.

Annemarie

 

[Dream]

I agree with everybody else here. A simple description of what you saw, told to the guidance councelor, cannot hurt and it just might change the life of a child in great pain. I would do it...but I understand it's hard. Be proud that you are willing to help this child...sounds like other folks have been much less willing to get involved!

 

[Toby'sFriend]

I agree with everybody else. Call the school Psychologist or Guidance Counsellor - today.

 

[December99]

The thing that "sparks" my interest is that she did AFTER she got out of the car.....it's more in the "open" where if she did that in the car at least it wouldn't be as noticeable...maybe there is some underlying - please someone help me - in this....I also would either talk to one of the school counselors (if there is one) or the principal.

 

[Jeafl]

Chris, that's what really bothered me. It reminded me of the "goodbye at the train" kind of kiss because she went back and kissed him again. I honestly can't get this out of my mind. I really think I will call the school. I hope they don't think I'm nuts.

 

[December99]

Jill...call your friend again and ask if she minds you mention that another parent has seen this that you have discussed this with...it may be a factor that there are MANY other parents that have seen this but are afraid of saying anything....getting involved, etc. It appears to be very important to get involved though - in my opinion!!!