I needed to vent... very long sorry

[madalynns mom]

I have a close friend who I've been friends with for almost 10 years now. We lost contact for a few years and reunited about 2 years ago right before my daughter's 1st birthday. She had her first son about 4 months later. As of right now she is about 32 weeks pregnant.

Anyways, we spend quite a bit of time together so our kids see each other often. Yesterday while our kids were in the backseat of her car, my daughter started crying and said Zach pinched her. My friend told her "stop lying he wouldn't do that" I was a little upset by this but my daughter is an actress so I thought little of it. When I turned to make sure she was alright I caught him in the act of pinching my kid! So I said "don't pinch." He cried because of what I said and his mother said " oh honey don't worry it's okay"

Later in the day we went to my house so the kids could play. Her little boy kept hitting my daughter and she did little to stop it. She would ask him to please stop here and there. Again I told him no hitting. He cried again. She picked him up and told him it was okay.

So they come over again today. The kids are playing and her son starts to hit again. It kind of passes and they continue on playing. She goes down the street to pick up a sub while I'm cooking lunch for the kids. While she's gone her son holds my daugher by her sides, squeezes her and starts kicking her!!! I had to pull him off of her he was squeezing her so tight!


So when she gets back a few moments later I tell her what happens. She says " well I don't know where he learned that, but sometimes he kicks the dog" Are you !@#$% ing kiding me????

Now I had absolutely had it. I told her either she needed to discipline her son our our kids can't play together anymore. I said I'm tired of my kid getting hit.

She then gets very defensive and angry and says he's only a baby and doesn't understand. And, Why is it okay for my daughter to hit and her son can't? My daughter is no angel but if I catch her doing something wrong she is most certainly disciplined for it! And I know her son is very young but when do you teach them right from wrong??

So I said if you can't handle it, get your kid and leave. Now I know that was way to harsh so I apologized and told her to stay and have lunch and we'll talk.

I feel bad for saying something but when is enough, enough?? Don't I have a right for sticking up for my child without feeling bad about it?

 

[Pea-n-Me]

In this situation I'd take a step back and then keep my distance. She's one of those who's got the blinders on when it comes to her son, unfortunately. When it starts happening to them in many different settings maybe she'll get it. Until then, you have to keep your daughter safe.

 

[Kirby]

I agree. I'd just cool it for awhile. Maybe plan outings for just you and her. Her son is already a bully. I'd try to keep them apart. It's only going to get worse, especially once the baby comes. I wonder what excuse she will have when he starts picking on the baby. Hopefully she will realize what's going on and stop the behaviour before it gets too much worse.

 

[Alicnwondrln]

you didnt do anything
you are doing her a favor
this will only keep happening and with other kids
she has to teach him to stop hitting

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

You know I had a "friend" for 10 years. Always bragged about herself, her children, her life. Her kids did no wrong, the whole deal.

She lives in orlando and during a trip there in 2005, DS stayed at her house overnight. I find out later, she yelled at him for little things while her son, same age as mine has the mouth of a trucker (no offense, please) and said nothing to him. This went on for years before this, her son with his mouth and attitude and her never disciplining and thinking its funny.

Well it came to a head last Aug. She ticked me off for the last time. I called her and her kid some choice words and hung up. Haven't heard from her since. Fine by me, because since then my DS told me about the incident at her house in Jan 2005. Those kind of people think their "angels" are perfect. At least from my experience, my DS and I are better off without those kind of people.

 

[Serena]

My nephew was very much like that. I never got any headway with his parents.
I had to stop taking care of him totally. I"m not sure they've ever forgiven me for it either.

 

[madalynns mom]

I agree. I'd just cool it for awhile. Maybe plan outings for just you and her. Her son is already a bully. I'd try to keep them apart. It's only going to get worse, especially once the baby comes. I wonder what excuse she will have when he starts picking on the baby. Hopefully she will realize what's going on and stop the behaviour before it gets too much worse.

I was thinking tha same thing about the new baby myself!

Thanks everyone, I feel better getting it off my chest.
I felt so bad though! She cried and everything!!

 

[becker1123]

I had a similar situation a few years ago. A good friend of mine had a daughter (almost 4) who was constantly pushing, hitting and kicking my 1 year old. A few times I caught her doing it, and other times my 4-year-old told me, and I chalked it up to a kid having a bad day. She also did the same thing to her younger sibling, and the mom never noticed it. I was always the one to see it, and I tried to correct the behaviour as positively as possible. The mom did, however, notice when my older kid did anything remotely "bad" and was quick to correct my kid, but not her own. It was a bit surreal. My attitude for a while was these kids were little and didn't know better, but then it got so bad that I felt I couldn't take my kids over there any more. We took some time apart, and when we did finally get back together, things were much better. I guess the little girl was going through a "thing." Her behaviour changed dramatically, for the better, and the older girls ended up being good friends. I think it was just a bit of cluelessness on the part of the mom, but it sounds like your friend is more in the defensive state, which is harder to deal with. Good luck. Give it some time, but don't feel bad if you ever feel that you need to pull the ripcord for the well being of your children.

 

[madalynns mom]

You know I had a "friend" for 10 years. Always bragged about herself, her children, her life. Her kids did no wrong, the whole deal.

Once in a while she does brag about the silliest stuff and it makes me insane

I DON"T CARE IF YOU HAVE A COACH BAG!!!

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

Once in a while she does brag about the silliest stuff and it makes me insane

I DON"T CARE IF YOU HAVE A COACH BAG!!!

My ex-friend is a Doctors wife. UGH! They are building an $800,000 house in Orlando. While we live in our piddly 1800 square foot home in Pittsburgh. Before all this happened I was truely happy for her and shared her excitement, but after a while it just became bragging.

She fired her nanny and called me. "What am I going to do I just fired ****"(She has 3 kids) I said 'Um take care of them yourself, like the rest of us poor people do". She didn't know what to say.

Hang in there.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

the mom never noticed it. I was always the one to see it, and I tried to correct the behaviour as positively as possible. The mom did, however, notice when my older kid did anything remotely "bad" and was quick to correct my kid, but not her own.

Isn't that always the way?

 

[perdidobay]

So when she gets back a few moments later I tell her what happens. She says " well I don't know where he learned that, but sometimes he kicks the dog" Are you !@#$% ing kiding me????

.......................

Am I the only one who feels sorry for the dog too?

 

[Stacerita]

So when she gets back a few moments later I tell her what happens. She says " well I don't know where he learned that, but sometimes he kicks the dog" Are you !@#$% ing kiding me????

For some reason this really stuck out to me. I think I read somewhere or heard from someone that children who hurt animals have issues and this tends to only be the tip of the iceberg for their bad behavior in years to come.

To the OP....I would try to be as nice as possible with this situation with your friend. Try to keep the kids playing in the same room as you and the other mom so there is no "he hit me, no she hit me" stories. You are there and can see what happens...both of you.

I have had similar issues with the same thing but with my SIL and nephew. She really takes things way to personally and thinks her kids do no wrong. It just took time to get it worked out though.

Its a touchy situation and I wish you luck with it.

 

[FreshTressa]

I remember once at my cousin's house, her 12 year old son pinched my 3 year old nephew. My nephew hit him on the head, and he started to cry. My cousin runs in and is like "my poor baby, why'd you hit my baby"

This same cousin used to hold me down and pull my eylashes out, took after me with a hypadermic needle, I could go on, and she never said a word, and neither did my mom.

When we would visit, I would go sit on my dad's lap the WHOLE time, because I did not feel safe.

The boy is 38 now and has to be medicated to control his violence and still lives at home. He can't take care of himself.

Some parents will NEVER get it when it comes to their kid...their kid rules the house.

That poor son of your friends. He is going to have a tough life if his mom can't discipline him now, at this age, when it is fairly easy.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

I just have to say good for you!!! I would have done the same thing!!

 

[Skywalker]

It was nice of you to soften and tell her to stay and talk but frankly, I would have left it just at that, if I could work up the guts to even say it. LOL. Good for you.