I need to vent!!

[phlufster]

So my DH2B has this evil grandmother, and I know it is not nice to call people evil, but she truely is. We went to visit her because we were moving out of the area and he wanted to do the right thing and see her before we left (he is NOT evil) The whole time we were there she must have said at least two dozen times, "who in their right mind gets married at Disney World, I have never heard of such a ridiculous thing."

She then went on to complain about how the timing of our wedding is going to ruin her Christmas plans and that we should be ashamed of ourselves for doing that to her. (long story short: my DH2B's mom goes and picks her up and takes her down south to their house during the holidays, the week she does that is the week we are getting married. Keep in mind that I asked everyone about the dates before we booked anything, and everyone agreed on them!) She also told us that she isn't giving us any money for Christmas and that she is going to give it to the neighbors instead! Now, I am not concerned about the $20 check that we will be missing out on, I am just sorry for my DH2B that his grandmother is so......(insert anything not nice here)

His sister has reassured me that she has always been like this and that she does and says these types of things to everyone, but it is still frustrating.

OK, just needed to vent a little! I know there are a lot of people out there who are dealing with relatives that cause wedding problems and can relate!

Thanks for listening!
Jocelyn

 

[tinkerbela]

i'm sorry to hear about the trouble your DF's grandmother is giving you guys. it seems so wrong for her to act this way. i wish i had some advice for you but right now i don't. sorry i'm not much of help right now but at least you have people here who care about you and have no problem letting you vent. at least you got this off your chest. good for you.

 

[JonetteA]

I have been dealing with this from 2 different sides of MY family. I think you can either handle this 1 of 2 ways...
1) We are doing it so deal.... basically this is the wedding I have always dreamed of.
or
2) Explain why.
I know that my dad's big objection was that he thought it was going to be a PRODUCTION and not a religious ceremony. I explained to him how it was going to be structured and I think that that helped. I also got my Dad and my Grandmother involved in the wedding. If they have input, sometimes it is easier to deal with. My dad (who I never thought would) is going with me and my fiancee on our planning trip. I am really excited that he is going to be there and I can't wait. Once they see the quality that Disney puts out, they will come around. Quite honestly, other than it is in Florida, it is like getting married at any other venue or hotel.

Hang in there and loads of PD to you!!! PM me if you want to talk more about it, I can really understand what you are going through and how painful it must be.

 

[reese5574]

I truly feel for you. Sometimes the most difficult relationships are with family members. I only have extended family but my DH2B has his immediate and extended family to consider. While his family has been 100% behind our Disney idea and wanting to hear details, etc, my own family has been less than supportive (and we're talking about cousins I was literally raised with). While it bothers me, I was reminded recently that it is OUR wedding, not theirs. If they can't be happy for us and share in our joy, I personally do not want them there. I'm not saying you should dis-invite his grandmother, just remember who your wedding is about. Hang in there and vent anytime!

 

[Tiggerific]

I understand where your coming from. I would say that more than half of my family is very supportive in our decision and whenever I see them, they always talk to me about what we're planning and how they are going to make a vacation out of our wedding. And then I have the people that say "You're still stuck on this disney wedding idea" and "your wedding is 3 years away, you'll realize you don't want a wedding in disney" and "We won't come, we went to a wedding there...it was beautiful, however we didn't enjoy the crowds and the heat and all the walking" etc. etc. I'm sure some of you have heard the rest of them. Now this may sound a little mean, but I was talking to my family members that are very interested in my wedding and said very loudly in front of the ones that complain that this is my dream wedding and our day....if you come you come, if you don't...oh well. This wedding is in disney, the only people that need to be happy with the idea is me and Jon (DH2B).
It's true...there's only 2 people that need to be supportive about a wedding and that's you and your fiance.

 

[WickedWench]

How old is the grandmother? I've seen a number of people get rather mean when they get older. It may be a touch of senility, or depression at facing their impending death. I would try to be patient with her. Don't change your plans, but don't let her get you upset either. Just ignore her comments or change the subject, and chalk it up to her health and age.

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

So my DH2B has this evil grandmother, and I know it is not nice to call people evil, but she truely is. We went to visit her because we were moving out of the area and he wanted to do the right thing and see her before we left (he is NOT evil) The whole time we were there she must have said at least two dozen times, "who in their right mind gets married at Disney World, I have never heard of such a ridiculous thing."

She then went on to complain about how the timing of our wedding is going to ruin her Christmas plans and that we should be ashamed of ourselves for doing that to her. (long story short: my DH2B's mom goes and picks her up and takes her down south to their house during the holidays, the week she does that is the week we are getting married. Keep in mind that I asked everyone about the dates before we booked anything, and everyone agreed on them!) She also told us that she isn't giving us any money for Christmas and that she is going to give it to the neighbors instead! Now, I am not concerned about the $20 check that we will be missing out on, I am just sorry for my DH2B that his grandmother is so......(insert anything not nice here)

His sister has reassured me that she has always been like this and that she does and says these types of things to everyone, but it is still frustrating.

OK, just needed to vent a little! I know there are a lot of people out there who are dealing with relatives that cause wedding problems and can relate!

Thanks for listening!
Jocelyn

my mother is like that! i told her about me and my boyfriend's plans to marry in Disney and she didn't like it. then i had her watch the video and she kept saying "gee....how much is that gonna cost me?" and "why do you have to have it there? it's so much money! well i won't be able to give you anything for money or a gift. why can't you wait a few more years until i retire so i don't have to take time off?" just nasty things like that. who says that to their kids??

she's also going on her second(my father's first) DW vacation in a week and a half and she's complaining about everything. "oh i don't know i think i should leave the dog with your sister instead of you while we're gone. what if something happens to the house?" like i'm incompitent. and then we watched the vacation planning video and the whole time all she kept saying was "oh i'll never do that. nope.....that'll never happen. who goes on these rides? i won't be doing that one either." and a few days ago she complained because she had to walk from one building to another about how her feet already hurt and i said "you KNOW there's a lot of walking in Disney!" and she got mad at me and told me not to talk to her.

 

[mking624]

Oh my goodness, I totally understand where you're coming from!!!

My husband's grandmother doesn't care for me very much. Many times, she's just downright mean. When Wes & I were dating, she referred to me as his friend...when we got engaged, I was his "good friend." She had the nerve one time to come up to me at church, take me outside, and tell me to "get over myself and apologize to Wes" after he and I got into an argument and went on a short break. For the record (and Wes readily admits & agrees with this), we got into an argument over something he said to me. He never distorted the facts with her...he didn't even tell her about the situation. His family is just quick to assume I'm the one to blame if we get into a disagreement.

Our wedding rehearsal was a disaster. I wanted to eat at a restaurant and was willing to pay for it. My MIL decided that KFC catering in the basement of the church was what would be happening. I wasn't happy (and neither was Wes), but we let it go. I told my MIL tha eating had to be AFTER the rehearsal, because the people who were singing during the ceremony could only stay long enough to practice, then they had to go. She absolutely refused and threw a fit. So everyone when to the church basement to eat...and the singers had to leave. I kept going outside because one of the ushers was driving in from down state and had never been to that neighborhood. I kept going out there so he would see a familiar face when he came. My MIL kept following me with a very angry face (it's not like I was walking out on the rehearsal....I was doing this while people were eating). While people were downstairs eating, my MIL took me & Wes into the sanctuary and started yelling at us because we were doing things that she didn't want done for OUR wedding. Wes was so heartbroken at this point to see his own mother do this, that he literally broke down in tears. I had it and yelled back and her and told her this was NOT her wedding, that we are doing this for us...NOT for her and she is more than welcome to stay home if she isn't happy with OUR wedding. She walked out of the church and no one could find her for mroe than an hour. So rehearsal was postponed. It was MY mom who went to Wes and comforted him. To this day, Wes says my mom was more of a mother to him than his own mom at that time. My MIL had me so infuriated that I was ready to walk out on my rehearsal and just go home. The rehearsal itself was not enjoyable at all and I seriously have no fond memories of it. It was THAT bad. We've been married for 5 years now...we've never been apologised to. It's not like it's just that event either. They had the wonderful task of picking us up from the airport after our honeymoon. They took us to our new home (which we just brought our stuff over only a couple of days before the wedding so nothing was unpacked or anything). MIL walked inside and looked at me as though I was the world's filthiest person and said "do you ever plan on cleaning this place up?!" I just calmly said "I'm sorry...you see, I just got married and was out of state for my honeymoon." She left a few minutes later. She was pretty bad the first year of our marriage and still gets that way from time to time, but Wes is really good at sticking up for me. He just doesn't deal with that anymore. He gets along better with my parents than his own.

Wes and I want to renew our vows in WDW for our 10th anniversary (5 years away), and we're seriously considering it just being me & him so we don't have to deal with her drama for a second wedding.

 

[stemikger]

She sounds like the grandmother in Malcom in the Middle. I wonder why she is so angry. Truly a mean person.

I have no patience for mean people, whether they are family or not. I don't do mean. If they can't behave like human beings I don't want them in my life.

She dosen't deserve the respect she gets from your HB2b. If it was me I would let her know straight out that her behavior is grossly inappropriate and it will not be tolerated. Maybe other family members sweep it under the rug, and let her act like a spoiled two year old, but we will not. If she continues with this behaivor CUT HER LOSE. Grandmother or Not.

 

[stemikger]

Originally quoted by mking624
Wes and I want to renew our vows in WDW for our 10th anniversary (5 years away), and we're seriously considering it just being me & him so we don't have to deal with her drama for a second wedding.

I think you should really consider it just being you guys. It would be more meaningful without all the dysfunction around you.

You have it tough also. I wonder why there are so many misreble people out there. Every family has their issues, but I guess I'm lucky because I don't have to deal with anything this bad.

Good Luck.

 

[reese5574]

To mking624...

OMG! Your MIL sounds exactly like my best friends MIL. Her husband is one of two children but is the oldest and the ONLY son. After being on a break for a while, Mike moved to Chicago where Claudia was going to law school because he realized it would be the only way to get her back (he was the one who ended the relationship in the first place). To this day, Mike's mom talks about how "that woman took my son away". She tried to take over every aspect of their wedding but luckily, like you, Claudia finally had enough and told her what she thought of her. Now, 8 years later, Mike and Claudia have a 2 yr old daughter...the ONLY grandchild among both families, and Mike's mom comes up with every excuse in the book not to go and visit. Now what makes more sense...someone who doesn't have a small child to fly from NY to Chicago or someone who does to do the reverse. It still amazes me to this day that people can be so evil. Sorry for the long story...they just sound like the same person to me!

 

[ead79]

I’m so sorry you have to deal with this! Sometimes family members can be just about impossible to deal with. We encountered some resistance about our WDW wedding and honeymoon from my MIL (believe it or not, she seemed more upset about the honeymoon part than the wedding part—she wanted us to go to Paris instead for some reason). Basically, we just didn’t discuss it all that much with her. We also presented a united front telling her that this was our wedding and our decision, not hers. Eventually she came around.

 

[ohanafamily]

My dad and my DW... well he did everything he could think of (short of hiring hookers, but the thought did occur to him...) to break us up.

Some people just don't get Disney...Or as Boris, the philosopher, said "Miserable people needs to make more miserable people, then he's happy" (OK, it isn't the exact quote from lady and the tramp, but you get the idea).

Jocelyn, did you ever try little verbal jujitzu on your soon to be Gramms...

Eyes tearing up "Grammy, I know about your annual christmas trip, and we really wanted to honor you. This place is the most beautiful magical place you can imagine. There is magic in the air, and they can give your grandson a wedding like no other. I have dreamed about this type of wedding, and we really NEED you to be strong for us. There are the most amazing things that happen there at the holiday time. There is a candle light processional. There are the Osborne holiday lights. There aren't just Kiddie rides, there is a whole world of possibilities at each park........"

You can make her feel that you are going out of your way to make her a focal point...But remind her that it is her grandsonCharmings wedding....

JonetteA, Good luck converting your dad.....

 

[PrincessShea]

Stories like this are reasons #129120912 why an Intimate Wedding will be best for me when I get engaged/married. Family drama is just not worth it, especially when its your wedding, your valuable time, and your money. If I ever have a son and get as weirdly attached to him as some people's MIL's do to their sons, someone slap me.

 

[Tinkerbellz]

DH and I are considering a custom vow renewal in 2008 (20th anniversary) I can't even get my parents to do WDW for DD's High School Graduation May 07. I doubt seriously they will go for a "silly vow renewal"! I can just hear it now.

GEEZ! what's a girl supposed to do? We're going to do it with, or without them, but I would like for them to be there.

We'll see. There's a lot of time between now and then...Maybe Mickey will win them over.

Good luck on the wedding! I'm sure you'll be just fine. Enjoy it!

 

[phlufster]

It has been awhile since I originally posted, but I just wanted to update everyone on what is going on.
Grandma is not coming to the wedding, we have all decided that it would be best. Luckily my future MIL suggested it so I didn't look like the bad guy. My future FIL cannot stand the Evil grandmother adn is over-joyed that she will not be in attendance. It basically came down to telling her that everyone was flying there and she didn't want to go anymore because she will not fly under any circumstance.

So problem solve for the most part, I am sure we will be hearing about our "rediculous wedding" everytime we see her. (Which hopefully will only be once a year if we can get to South Carolina for Christmas)

Everyone else in the family is so supportive, and understand that this is a legitamate wedding and that a wedding venue does not make a marriage! My future FIL is actually performing our ceremony which is really cool.

Jocelyn

 

[WithDisneySpirit]

Congratulations and Happy Wedding!!! So glad you were able to work that thorny problem out