I need to vent...

[MickeyAnne]

Hey all!
I hate sounding whiney but I just need to vent about stuff and I know you are all so understanding here.

So let me give you some background on the major events that have preceeded my wedding (which is 3 weeks away mind you).

Event 1: Our engagement party
We sent out the invites for our engagement party and the about two weeks later found out that DF's father was not going to live to see it because the cancer that he had was taking over his body. We forged ahead with the party (as per DFIL's wishes) and had it about 1 month after he passed. The morning of that party, our phone rang at 5:00AM. It was my cousin telling us that my aunt was not going to make it through the day. At that point we HAD to have the party, we had people who had travelled in to it although, I would have cancelled it because I was just so sad. But we made the best of it while most of my family was with my aunt and then afterward, those who went to the party, went to be with her. So, although out of our control, that day was very hard for us.

Event 2: My Bridal Shower
Its a long story that I will spare all of you but the short of it is that my family insisted on surprising me, I found out, couldn't tell anyone, felt horrible about it and ended up having a panic attack before going in. This disappointed my mom and she and I ended up at odds for a few days. It was a lck of communication and everyone (including me) trying too hard to make eachother happy and not trying enough to listen to eachother. So, needless to say, my bridal shower, although it turned out lovely, was a really hard day for me personally.

Event 3: The bachelorette party
My MOH and I started talking about what to do a few weeks ago. Personally I think the concept of bachelor and bachelorette parties is silly. I know most people think they are very important, but for me, it just seems silly to have this big crazy night of bad behavior. So MOH and I thought it would be nice to go into NYC in a limmo, grab dinner and go to a comedy show - nice, calm but still fun and different. We discussed this with the bridal party several times and weeks in advance and no one objected or even seemed to dislike the idea. MOH sends out the invites and one by one, my bridal party and family members that were invited started to call and drop out. The worst part is that most of them waited until Wednesday to call (the party was today!!!). It eneded up being JUST me and MOH at my bachelorette party and I feel so hurt and let down.

My one BM is 7 months pregnant and I understand that she didn't want to come but she actually called me and talked to me about not coming and really felt bad. My other BMs never even called me until today when my pregnant BM told them that no one was coming. They all said that it was too much money for them and that they had wished we did something local! WHY DIDN'T THEY TELL ME THAT???? I never would have kept these plans up if I knew people were opposed to them. I wanted everyone with me and had no idea what the issue was until mere hours before the party. Meanwhile, people had responded so late that MOH was locked into tickets that she had purchased already so it was too late to switch plans. I just wish people would have been honest with me so that my day didn't have to be so terrible today. It was nice to go out with MOH but we do that all the time - I wanted it to be special you know?

The worst part is though, that today was DF's bachelor party as well and all of my BMs significant others attended that. I sat in my room today looking out the window at the crowd of people who gathered for him and I couldn't help but be envious. I know I had my shower - but this event is different then a shower and I looked forward to it. I am just bummed...

Now, I am sitting here just worried about DF and wishing he would come home - I hate when he drinks and I am not there to make sure he's okay (the boys he's with are not always responsable and he doesn't drink well).

So, it was a bummer of a day and I am just worried about THE BIG EVENT. So much has happened for the other stuff, I am just worried that my wedding is going to find a way to be screwy. I really hope not.

Thanks for listening...

 

[Ember]

Take a deep breath and put your worries about the wedding day to rest. No matter what happens, no matter what goes wrong (if anything), you and the man you love will be married that day. Which means the day will have been successful!

Realistically, you probably won't even notice what ever tiny things go wrong. And even if it's something huge (say, a random chipmunk burrows a home in your wedding cake ) it still won't seem like that big of a deal, but rather a memory of your day that makes a great story to tell.

Your day will be perfect. Decide that now and go into it with this expectation.

 

[IndyBride]

I'm sorry these past few events have been disappointing for you. This is supposed to be a time of excitement and celebration and it's not been that way for you. However, you know that your big day will come and you won't be able to think about anything but you and your husband! I hope the rest of your engagement goes smoothly.

 

[Beep]

Awww honey, sending you big from over here.

It shouldn't be like that should it? Unfortunately it seems quite common. I wish people would be honest and say upfront what they can or can't afford to do, or what they don't like. I had a very similar experience at my do when I got married years ago.

I (luckily) don't really have that problem as there are only going to be 6 women in our party in Florida and we won't really have time to do anything before our wedding day. I agree with you, I don't like the bacherlorette parties either (we call them hen and stag do's) and I would much rather go out for a meal somewhere. Our combined stag and hen do is at House of Blues with our guests the night before the wedding!

Listen, don't dwell on it. The important thing is the wedding and that you are both going to be there and that you both love each other

Take care

ps. I'm so sorry for your loss

 

[OceanGdss]

Aww, I know its the morning now and your DF is home safe and sound, but I know you're probably still hurting over all of this. The most important thing, as said above, is that you are going to marry the man you love. Thats what ALL these parties, showers, and get-togethers come down to. As for the stress involved inbetween and the crummy friends...unfortunately thats life, regardless of what event it surrounds, sh*t happens. We may wish that there is some magical shield that surrounds us when we are a bride-to-be, but that just doesn't happen. The same crummy things, the same bad things, happen, even when we're supposed to be in the happiest moment of our lives. Those things will continue to happen all of our lives...c'est la vie. However, its how we look at those things that can really change how we feel. So just keep the big picture in mind...you are going to marry a man that you love, and for the rest of your lives you will be together to face any bad times. Look at what you have both already overcome in just the last few months. The losses in your family were huge, and many couples would not have made it through such tough times...but you did. So look at the positive. Find a little sunshine in everything, and try to think of my favorite saying...."Everything happens for a reason." Regardless of what it is...everything has a reason. You may never know what it is or was...but there was a reason for it to be only you and your MOH. Promise.


*hugs*

 

[keenercam]

Hey, sweetie! You've been through a lot recently and it has all been made worse because of the losses you and DF have experienced. I hope you are feeling better today. Please know that at the end of your wedding day, all that REALLY matters is that you are husband and wife. Go into the day knowing that you love each other and are starting your happily ever after with friends and family. No one should be able to take from you the happiness of that day. Please dont' fear anything going wrong. There is nothing you can do about what you don't know about and as for everything else, leave it to the DFTW folks to make your day as perfect as possible. Sending you a huge and lots of

 

[Bouncy bounce]

I feel your disstress. I'm going through the same things right now. I think I've built everything up in my head so much. From going to other weddings. I'm especially upset when my bridesmaids agree and then after the fact say something else to make me feel guilty but I think we all go through so that is why I'm trying not to let things bother me.

When we told everyone we got engaged we would have congradulation pouring in... Nope!! hardly no one said anything.

Well cheer up... look forward to your wedding day.

 

[pink_tink8i8]

I'm glad you got it all out. We're always here for you if you ever need to vent again I completely understand your situation. I have lived through a lot of that myself with my engagement party. It sucks but try not let that get to you. You don't need added stress for your big day

 

[DisneyBride41108]

Try to relax,
This is the best advice I could give you. You will quickly learn that everyone who shows up really wants to be there to support you and wish you well. My MOH backed out on me at the last minute! the day of the wedding!! Here's what happened. I've known her for 16 years, so we were close but there was always something missing. Anyway I had to invite her overbearing parents, grandmother, and children for fear she wouldn't show up. So here is what she did to me:
a. right before the wedding my fiancee and I learn that her family has canceled their rooms at the CBR, without even telling us!!! So I called her up and she (they) decided to stay about 40 min away in a condo because it would be cheaper!! Her husband is a doctor and they just bought a house in Cape Cod, you mean to tell me that our prices (with our discount) wasn't good enough for you!
so with that being said my MOH was not there for me before the wedding when all my guests were arriving.

b. She had her phone shut half the time when I tried to reach her! When I left a message and she called back she sounded bothered like I was intruding.

c. The morning of the rehearsal luncheon, I rang her and said that she needs to bring her dress to the Grand Floridian because all our dresses are getting steamed the next morning at 8am. At the party she says ' I just checked my messages' can I bring my dress at 12 when I come for the makeup? At that point I lost it and said no, I am sorry I can't change the time.

D. Wedding Day, my two other bridesmaids and I are getting our makeup done and I didn't even realize she wasn't there. I go to check my cell phone, and she says ' we were eating brunch or whatever and her grandmother passed out and had to be taken to the hospital. Which I understood that. So she'd let me know what happens.
Here's what I don't understand, her mother and father were there, why couldn't she just hop in a cab show up for the ceremony and then turn around to go back to the hospital? THATS WHAT I WOULD'VE DONE FOR HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

anyway she leaves me a message that she's okay at about 6pm but then goes on to say it would've been impossible to show up!! She had no one to leave her daughter with. I booked two babysitters for everyones kids!!!!!!!!!! which is another thing I lost money on!!!! or WHAT ABOUT HER PARENTS!!!!

to end the long story, I've gone through this sort of thing with her for years I don't know why I let it get this far.

Lauren

 

[MickeyAnne]

Disney Bride - Thanks for reminding me that I am not the only one who has attendant drama! I guess sometimes people just lose sight of what it is all really about...

I'm glad you got it all out. We're always here for you if you ever need to vent again I completely understand your situation. I have lived through a lot of that myself with my engagement party. It sucks but try not let that get to you. You don't need added stress for your big day

Thanks...I am really trying to get past the hurt and I am determined to not let these people effect my wedding day.

I feel your disstress. I'm going through the same things right now. I think I've built everything up in my head so much. From going to other weddings. I'm especially upset when my bridesmaids agree and then after the fact say something else to make me feel guilty but I think we all go through so that is why I'm trying not to let things bother me.

When we told everyone we got engaged we would have congradulation pouring in... Nope!! hardly no one said anything.

Well cheer up... look forward to your wedding day.

I do the same thing - I get this vision in my head about what I think the day will end up being and as of now, nothing hs lived up to that. I have to just kinda sit back and let things flow...

Aww, I know its the morning now and your DF is home safe and sound, but I know you're probably still hurting over all of this. The most important thing, as said above, is that you are going to marry the man you love. Thats what ALL these parties, showers, and get-togethers come down to. As for the stress involved inbetween and the crummy friends...unfortunately thats life, regardless of what event it surrounds, sh*t happens. We may wish that there is some magical shield that surrounds us when we are a bride-to-be, but that just doesn't happen. The same crummy things, the same bad things, happen, even when we're supposed to be in the happiest moment of our lives. Those things will continue to happen all of our lives...c'est la vie. However, its how we look at those things that can really change how we feel. So just keep the big picture in mind...you are going to marry a man that you love, and for the rest of your lives you will be together to face any bad times. Look at what you have both already overcome in just the last few months. The losses in your family were huge, and many couples would not have made it through such tough times...but you did. So look at the positive. Find a little sunshine in everything, and try to think of my favorite saying...."Everything happens for a reason." Regardless of what it is...everything has a reason. You may never know what it is or was...but there was a reason for it to be only you and your MOH. Promise.


*hugs*

You are so right...DF and I have been through so much in the past year and on top of that, we survived the untimely death of my sister a few years ago (we called her Sunshine so its funny that you said to find the sunshine in every situation). My father has often told me that most people our ages would have really struggled to remain together through all that we did and that we always impress him with our ablity to love and support eachother. I take pride in the strength that all the hard times have forced DF and I to conjure up. He is truly the ying to my yang and I know that he is my partner in this world. I missed him yesterday and couldn't wait to melt into his arms and cry today - I felt so good when I finally did. He loves me and supports me and, most importantly, he understands me. I do look soooo forward to marrying him and sharing life together - I have to keep that in mind and not lose sight of it. And I have to say - I totally believe that everything happens for a reason - sometimes I just wish I had some control

Awww honey, sending you big from over here.

It shouldn't be like that should it? Unfortunately it seems quite common. I wish people would be honest and say upfront what they can or can't afford to do, or what they don't like. I had a very similar experience at my do when I got married years ago.

I (luckily) don't really have that problem as there are only going to be 6 women in our party in Florida and we won't really have time to do anything before our wedding day. I agree with you, I don't like the bacherlorette parties either (we call them hen and stag do's) and I would much rather go out for a meal somewhere. Our combined stag and hen do is at House of Blues with our guests the night before the wedding!

Listen, don't dwell on it. The important thing is the wedding and that you are both going to be there and that you both love each other

Take care

ps. I'm so sorry for your loss

Honesty and loyalty is something that is important to me and its hard for me to accept when others can't be those things. I would have loved a joint event but DF was really into a day out with the boys (who were all the spouses of the people who were supposed to be at mine) and I had to respect that. Thanks for the support

I'm sorry these past few events have been disappointing for you. This is supposed to be a time of excitement and celebration and it's not been that way for you. However, you know that your big day will come and you won't be able to think about anything but you and your husband! I hope the rest of your engagement goes smoothly.

Me too! I tend to be happier when DF and I are together at events and I don't have to stand alone. At my shower and my Bach. party, DF naturally wasn't there and I felt like I stood alone. At my wedding - I will surely not stand alone, he will be next to me and he has a way of making the world okay. (I hate to sound dependent because I am generally a very independent person, but I suppose when it comes to emotional stuff he really is so great)

Take a deep breath and put your worries about the wedding day to rest. No matter what happens, no matter what goes wrong (if anything), you and the man you love will be married that day. Which means the day will have been successful!

Realistically, you probably won't even notice what ever tiny things go wrong. And even if it's something huge (say, a random chipmunk burrows a home in your wedding cake ) it still won't seem like that big of a deal, but rather a memory of your day that makes a great story to tell.

Your day will be perfect. Decide that now and go into it with this expectation.

You are right - its my decision. Like someone else said - it all depends on how I choose to handle situations. Besides, I like chipmunks and wouldn't mind much if one crashed my wedding