I need some parenting advice! What would you do??

[disykat]

I think the shirt thing made sense because it was more of a "we had a special treat planned for a well behaved boy and now your behavior doesn't warrant it". It's not a matter of you were naughty so I'm taking away your shirt, it's more of a you were not behaving well so I'm not giving you extra priviledges right now.

 

[LoveWDW]

text removed by LoveWDW

 

[Lesleyluvdisney]

I know its really really hard, but you are doing the right thing!! Even if its to drive it home that you mean business. I have a five year old, and if I ever hand out punishment like go to your room etc, my heart flips over thinking about her being sad or upset, but its the only way, short sharp measures. take him to science centre but talk it over in morning and make sure he understands, it was wrong, and the decision to take him is based on how sorry he is.

As for the wishing his freind or he was dead, is just a thing kids say, he doesnt understand the full force of it. dont worry

Good luck- be strong

 

[txgirl]

I can't find the logic in the *known consequences* argument. If you mouth off to somebody you might make them cry. On the other hand you might get a pop in the mouth. Even worse as an adult you might lose a raise at work or lose your job. Either way, there's no way to know *exactly* what the consequences will be.

Stick to your guns mom. It's a jersey (even though the best jersey in the world, IMO ) It is still very relative and appropriate.

Lesson is: mouth off = not fun
instead of....
mouth off = mom gives me a *talking to*

 

[Tinijocaro]

OK-just to mix things up a bit, real life scenario here- what if a 5 year old told another 5 year old "I'm going to murder you". The child only said it one time and has always been otherwise very, very well-behaved. What then- how would you as a parent on either side react?

Jackie

I'll expand on the scenario tomorrow- busy tonight.

 

[LoveWDW]

I just don't think the punishment fit the crime. The child didn't steal, or hit, or lie, or talk-back. He spoke something that was not appropriate and was hurtful. The scolding and apology should have been enough. Now he knows he shouldn't say that. If it happens again, then the punishment could be stronger. I hope I am not causing offense by saying this. I apologize if I am.

 

[slo]

I would definitly still take him to The Science Theater tomorrow.

My oldest DD is 7yrs old also and when she does something wrong and I have to punish her, I don't roll the punishment over into the next day. I want her to feel that the new day is "fresh" and we are starting with a clean slate. I don't want her thinking that I am dwelling on a topic that happened in the past. When she is older and she may do things more severe I will probably change my philosophy on this, but it works for now.

When it comes to what was said, he really didn't mean it about the friend or himself. He was just upset and it came out. If my DD said this I would make her apologize to the friend and then ask her if mommy ever said that to her when I was angry. Naturally she will say "no" and then I would explain that even though I may get angry, I would never say anything to her that would be mean and make her cry.

Please hug him and make him realize that even though you are mad at him, you still love him and tomorrow will be a better day (I tell my DD this everytime she makes me angry about something)

Good luck and God Bless!!!

 

[buddy&wooz]

In my experience (3 boys, youngest is 7 now) kids say things they don't mean to get a reaction- negative as it may be.

The punishment of coming right home and no shopping is appropriate IMO. Anything more than that is too much, I don't think a kid should be punished more just because a parent is still angry and upset.

Spend some extra time talking to him. My son said some scary things about death last year. Freaked us out, to tell the truth. But we learned that he was just trying to process the concept, and it was coming out in inappropriate ways. We helped him work it through, but it really was stressful for awhile!

 

[kristen821]

I think the punishment was fine. He did something wrong and will remember to think before he speaks next time.
I don't think what he said is anything to worry about. Kids say stuff like that all the time and don't mean it. Even adults say I'm going to kill you all the time but don't actually mean it. If you feel real bad about the jeresy get it for him later this week, because he has been so good. I wouldn't punish him anymore for this. If he does it again then have the punishment last longer next time. Consider this his warning.

 

[ksjayhawks]

I think you did fine. Stick with your punishments, don't change them. Don't feel quilty--you are his parent and must discipline him when he misbehaves. Better to learn now, then have more serious problems later.

He will survive not going to the science center and he will survive not getting that shirt.

I do have to agree that perhaps the boys are seeing too much of each other--sounds like it is more a parent thing, than a kid thing.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

Well I would let him sit in his room the rest of today, and maybe tonight have another talk with him just to reiterate why he shouldn't say those type of things.

But tomorrow I would still have the day as planned. but instead of taking him to the store to buy a # 7 ben r shirt, I would probably buy him a nice blue and orange #24 Champ Bailey jersey... just kidding on that part of course

You're funny! But buying the Champ Bailey shirt instead of the Ben shirt may have just been the ultimate punishment, sure outweighs making him sit in his room.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

I could get flamed for this but
What does the shirt and his visit to the science center have to do with what he said to his friend.
I would make him tell him he was sorry to his friend and maybe talk about how feelings can get hurt when we say mean things to other people.
I can't be the only one who thinks this way

We already talked about what he did in the restaurant and he did apologize to his friend. After the incident, I took my DS to the bathroom and explained what he did was wrong, etc. And he apologized.
IMOP, is why I asked on here, he needed something more. An apology is OK but Ok he said something hurtful all he has to do is say I'm sorry, but he's still getting his $50.00 Ben R. Steeler number shirt. No, the 2 incidents don't coincide, but as others have said its consequences. He REALLY WANTED that shirt, now because of what he said, he didn't get it. He knows that. We talked about what he did again last night, and hopefully he'll think before he speaks next time.

And to the person who asks if the boys do really like each other: Yes, they do. They've been seeing each other more than they usually do, and sometimes at that age, more is not better. So it could have contributed to the problem. He had a choice, to play with 2 of his other friends, stay home, or go to Pizza Hut with the child we went with and he picked the latter.

And we are going to the Science Center today! Thanks guys for all your opinions!