I need some advice..........

[wdwnutze]

Just heard from my almost 19yo ds. He is a freshman in college and lives in the dorms. He hates dorm life and wants to move into an apartment next year with some of his friends. Not sure of how much it will cost each month but he thinks about $250-$300. He has no money saved and would like dh and myself to pay for this. "It will be cheaper than the dorms mom." I am worried about the way they live. I know college houses are dirty and they will have parties but he told me that sometimes in the winter if they can't afford it they wil have no heat. "They just all use space heaters in their rooms." The thought of 5 college boys all with space heaters going is scary to me. He just keeps saying, "Trust me mom.""You have to let me grow up." What should I do? I need help with this one. I told him to bring home all the facts(actual expenses etc.) when he comes home next weekend and we'll discuss it at length. My 1st reaction is "No way." He will be working full time this summer and will put money aside for living expenses. Do you think I am being overprotective?? Help!

 

[RoutemanDan]

He just keeps saying, "Trust me mom.""You have to let me grow up."

Thats where you tell him,"OK,grownups pay their own way."

 

[kdibattista]

I agree, let him pay his own way. If you want to help out by putting money down for first/last/security deposit that's a different story but let him "grow up".

 

[jamsmom]

Depending on how strict the dorm is, if you don't let him officially move out, he may just "sleep over" at the apartment a lot. I, too, would be worried. I would stress that they all muct be able to pay for appropriate essentials as to not be in danger. Good location, no space heaters only.......

 

[Piper]

I agree that if he is adult enough to have an apartment, then he should be adult enough to pay for it!

 

[Evil Princess]

With that mentality, he should pay for his dorm room too. He is an "adult", isn't he?

Personally I'd tell him to get a job over the summer if he wants the house that badly, and offer the alternative of a fully paid dormroom.

 

[SuiteDisney]

I can understand if you're paying for his dorm room, since he's in college, but I agree that he should have to pay for an apartment himself.

When I moved into my first apartment oil heat was very expensive and I couldn't afford to keep the heat above 55º. I had to sell my class ring for money to pay the rent one month. But I paid my own way and never asked my parents for money.

 

[Mishetta]

I'm with the gang on if he wants to grow up, then let him pay his way if he wants an apartment. My cousin did this for their son...let him move into an apt & then it was constant money he needed from his folks because the boys couldn't pay for one bill or another & the other parents wouldn't pay the bills so my cousin ended up paying all the "unpaid" bills. She said it was the worst decision she ever made by letting her son move into the apartment.

Good luck on making your decision. I'm sure there are pro's & con's to each side, maybe you should make a list. Just be prepared that the apartment will cost you more money.

 

[CarolA]

I went to college in the town I grew up in and my Dad's rule was the dorm or my bedroom. I did the dorm.

Why does he hate the dorm? Could he transfer to a different dorm or get another roommate next year?

That said, there are some apt communities that have sprung up lately that are set up like dorms. The students are in apartments, but they each sign a lease for the room they use. These things are all fairly new and have utlities included and stuff. Or does the college have apts. Ours did.

However, I do wonder about 5 guys in an apt. First how big is the apt? Based on what I remember this would be bad for his grades also. LOL! (Lots of parties and women).

Looking back I am glad I stayed in the dorm. Having dealth with apt junk in my grown up years and seeing the dumps my friends stayed in, it was the best choice.

 

[minniecarousel]

Almost no one I know (& I know LOTS of college age & college grads) stayed in a dorm past the freshman year. In fact, in California, the Universities don't have much dorm space available for anyone other than freshman. Both of my boys live in an apt. off campus. In fact, they've had some dreadful roommates (both in dorms & apts) that they're living together in an apt this year.
Why not use the money that you would have used for his dorm and put it towards the apt - he pays the rest. Of course, that's my reasoning because DH & I agreed to support our kids through college, never making any stipulation about on or off campus (we did say that the "gravy train" ends after 5 years!) Good luck.

 

[hercamore]

Well, I have two kids in college.

DS has been living in a house with 5 other guys since the start of his sopohmore year. It has worked out wonderfully and there is so much more room for everyone than in the tiny dorms rooms. It was a real good choice. We pay his room and board equal to the amount we would have paid to the college for a dorm room. He is so much happier in a house than the dorm. Happiness translates into a more enriching college experience and better grades. DS graduates next month and is looking into graduate school.

DD is a l9 yo freshman and totally dislikes dorm life. She is looking at renting an apt in Mpls near the campus with another gal next year.

We will also give her room and board equal to the a dorm room costs. Over that, she is on her own.

Dorm fees in Mpls are around $800 a month. Both my kids pay their own tuition and book fees.

While I am apprehensive about dd being on her own in Mpls in an apt. that is what she wants and she is a very responsible person. Dorm life can really be a problem if you have bad neighbors, as she has had this year.

Good luck with your decision regarding your son's lodging next year. Parenting can be really tuff. It doesnt' get any easier as your kids get older!

herc.