I need "etiquette" help...

[MickeysMommy]

Ok, so I am going to Cary, NC next month and staying with family for a few days. We do not exchange any type of presents with them, only cards throughout the year. On the day I leave it will be their youngest DD's 4th birthday and I guess while I am there they will also have a party. They have an older DD (11). Now, I am staying at their house but I will be taking the family out to dinner and treating them as a way of saying thank you. I might also send them flowers when I get home to say "Thanks Again".

My question...how do I buy the 4 year old something when I am there for her birthday when we don't exchange gifts and I don't want the 11 year old to feel bad.

What do I do?

 

[mickeyboat]

Yes, I would buy the 4 year old a small gift if you will be there for the party. Look at it as an invitee to the party, and not as a person who regularly exchagnges gifts with them.

Denae

 

[jellymanoffspring]

Ok, so I am going to Cary, NC next month and staying with family for a few days. We do not exchange any type of presents with them, only cards throughout the year. On the day I leave it will be their youngest DD's 4th birthday and I guess while I am there they will also have a party. They have an older DD (11). Now, I am staying at their house but I will be taking the family out to dinner and treating them as a way of saying thank you. I might also send them flowers when I get home to say "Thanks Again".

My question...how do I buy the 4 year old something when I am there for her birthday when we don't exchange gifts and I don't want the 11 year old to feel bad.

What do I do?

Ask in advance if they will be having the birthday party while you are going to be there. If it is a Bday party I think the older child would understand why you brought a present to the party....
If they are not having the party and you are going to be there on he rbday give a cute card...and maybe have the restaurant do a b-day dessert when you go out to dinner....

 

[Maleficent13]

Wow...tough. Maybe you could take both kids shopping (like to Toys R Us or a bookstore) and buy them both something. While there, pick up something small for the 4 yo and give it to him/her for the party. That way, both kids get something, and the older one won't have a problem with it.

I know the 11 yo shouldn't have a problem with their sibling getting a present in any case, but I think it's just nicer to do it this way. JMHO.

 

[minkydog]

We don't exchange birthday gifts in my family either, but if I was in my sister's home and her daughter was having a birthday, I would want to acknowlege it. Heck, I'd even want to get a little something for the 11yo, just to be nice.

 

[SEAlla]

Get them both something small but attach a birthday card or birthday baloon to the youngests gift.

 

[HappyMommy2]

If you are there for the actual party, I'd say definitely get a small gift for the birthday girl. The 11 year old is old enough to understand that it's a party gift. If there's no party while you're there, I think it would be nice to get both kids a little something, and the birthday girl a special pretty birthday card to go along with it. My extended family doesn't exchange birthday gifts either and I think this is what I'd do in your situation.
Have a fun trip!

 

[MickeysMommy]

Yeah, that is what I was thinking. I know I'll probably be going to the malls while I am there so buying something small for both of the kids would be ok. And, yes, I'll attach a birthday card for the younger.

Thanks

 

[LoveWDW]

Give the child a gift since you will be there on her birthday, whether or not there is a party or whether or not you attend. It doesn't have to be gigantic, How about a gift card to a book store?

eta: I read the posts just before mine and agree that two gifts, one of which has a birthday card, would be very nice and appreciated by both children.

 

[Daxx]

If you are invited to the bday party, you bring a gift for the bday child. Plain and simple. This is an "extenuating" circumstance in the gift-giving arena ... you have to treat it as one. It does not mean you are setting a prescedence.

 

[Kermit]

I agree that you should buy the 4 year old a gift and that the 11 year old is old enough to understand why. However, I think there are ways you could give the 11 year old a gift, too. Instead of sending flowers when you get home, you could come to their house with a thank you gift, and you could have something in it that the 11 year old would like more than the 4 year old. A board game is always a good gift for a family.

 

[MickeysMommy]

Ok, how about this - since I know the "girls" will have a shopping day while I am there - I will tell the girls to each pick out something (small) and I will buy it for them. Then in the 4 year olds card - what if I put some Jeffrey Dollars? That way, her and mom can go pick out something?