I need advice!! Am overthinking life and just need some input.

[rie'smom]

Stay put for now because you have job security. You also need to give yourself some time to grieve the break up of your relationship. Moving won't make that better. It would be a temporary distraction.
BTW, I have a 34 yo handsome son who's an attorney and is single. I'm ready for him to settle down and get married.

 

[VAN]

I'm going to respond to the original poster without reading the comments.

Please DO NOT marry and start a family unless you do it for love. It sounds corny but marriage is hard enough without "settling" for someone to produce babies with.

I also live in Michigan (born and raised) and do like the fact that my family is nearby ... but not too nearby. It is a 30 min drive to get to them. I've had sisters move out of state and most of them have either moved back or moved closer as our parents got older. They also wanted their children to have a relationship with their cousins, etc.

I also wish I was in Florida in the winter, but am glad I have the means to visit there on vacation.

I will not discount your feelings; however, you need to find a place in your heart where you can be happy about what you are doing. In other words, if you are so unhappy living in Michigan, then start applying and looking for jobs in Florida. If you choose to stay in Michigan for the time being, then make up your mind that you will spend this time being HAPPY ... in other words, your glass should be half full, not half empty.

I have a brother who at 40 decided that marriage wasn't going to happen for him, but he wanted to be a dad. He adopted 3 little boys who are the light of his life!!!

Whatever you decide, decide and then be happy and don't look back.

Good luck.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I would say that you stop focusing on the yrs ahead and start living in the present.

If you know you want to live in Florida then maybe the opportunity will present itself sometime in the future.

We moved to TX from MO (back home) 4yrs ago and then we had to move back last yr (dh wanted to be near family and his job needed to be safe).

I also loved the sunshine and do not like the cold winters. Plus I am dealing with kids that are not happy about the move back. They enjoyed the cultural differences in TX as opposed to the midwest attitude. I will admit that TX gave you a proud feeling to live there. St. Louis is alot like Michigan. Both are going down in flames city wise as far as job shrinkage.

However despite all of that we are making it work out. We seek out the positives and not dwell on the negatives.

If you find yourself constantly dwelling on the negatives which build up anxiety in you, go see a counselor. Both of my dd's are right now and it does really help you out. It can get you out of that negative place and help you refocus.

Getting into a healthy mindset no matter where you live should be on the top of that priority list.

 

[sunshine girl]

Thanks everyone I appreciate the responses! I'm glad to hear all the different experiences.

Especially NHdisneylover, who posted about feeling like I've "been there, done that" in Michigan... I think that's kind of true. (That list of Michigan activities... I've done 'em all (repeatedly)! I still have fun revisiting those things, of course, so I'm not complaining. Funny you mention Conor O'Neills, that's where we have our office holiday party...)

I'm not going anywhere for the time being, and will keep creating opportunities for myself and getting the most out of my time wherever I am. One never knows what will happen. Like I said originally, I've been extremely lucky and happy overall and have no complaints. I'll keep planning trips south during the cold months...!! I've got a trip south in December and the Disney half marathon in January... :

I posted this hoping for stories and advice and I'm so glad to hear it from all of you. Thanks!!

BTW, I have a 34 yo handsome son who's an attorney and is single. I'm ready for him to settle down and get married.

rie'smom, that is hilarious... Yes indeed, I have a few of my mom's friends who are also volunteering their sons. I don't know if the sons know that their mothers are doing this. But hey, I'm always open for more options.... !!

 

[LuvOrlando]

It sounds to me like you are finding the notion of permanence more frightening than your circumstances.

You're not unhappy where you are, but thinking 10-20-30 years ahead upsets you. You aren't upset over not having a baby at this moment but you are worried your clock will tick off and you won't have a chance.

Life is an adventure, where we live and what we do is never permanent. The only person who can paint you into a corner is you, and the only person who can step out of the corner is you. Since you already made 2 pretty big moves I tend to think you could do it again if you want to do so.

As for having children, no matter what people tell you there is definitely a cut off and this cutoff happens at different times for different women. I know some who have had late life babies. But I also have a DF whose eggs went into early menopause at 38. She had 2 babies but kept losing the darlings that were supposed to be her third. Point is, don't bank on having a later life child. A cousin of mine waited and is now so bitter... it is tragic. If this is a point that would make you miserable the rest of your life then you need to be honest with yourself. It sounds to me like you are pretty serious about wanting a baby because you moved across the country to be near your family for the support system.

I can't tell you what to do, no-one can. You are at a crossroads. You need to figure out exactly what it is you want most desperately. If you want a baby most then have one. If you want to be in Florida most then go back. If you require a wonderful man first and are willing to wait and see if you can have kids when that falls into place, you need to do that. Just make sure you think through the consequences of each of your decisions before making the final choice. In the end the only person who cries if you've made a mistake will be you, so you and you alone need to make your decision.

Freewill by Rush: "If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice."

Good Luck

 

[AlexWyattMommy]

I have no advice about the living and work situation. You have gotten some great advice from other pp.

Do you think you have to have a "man" to have a child? You and your child can be your own family. If you have a stable job, good support system from your family, maybe you should consider adoption or artificial insemination.

Unfortunately marriage does not always last and there are lots of single moms who thought they would have help mate in the way of a husband. Do not get married just to start a family.

Best of luck with whatever you decide to do.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Sunshine Girl--I wish I could come visit and go to your holiday rotfl2: It used to be Connor Oneals had the best fish and chips that side of the Atlantic.

Hang in there, keep going out and staying busy and you'll be okay.
Remember no place to live ever has to be permanent (just look at me and 6 states plus Germany since I grew up).

I don't know what to say about having a child. I am sure you will know when the time is right for that. Kids are pretty flexible--as long as you do take them into consideration and don't jsut expect them to magically handle hte stress of a move you can always pack up and take them along later on (DD has lived in 5 states and germany and DS 2 states plus Germany--both are sometimes stressed but mostly love the adventure).