I miss my Mommy...

[chell]

Robin, I'm so sorry!

{{{HUGS}}}

 

[Melora]

{{{{{Hugs to you Robin}}}}}


The saddest part of this whole thread for me is that I don't have a mom I will ever miss like most of you....

My biological mom wants nothing to do with me.. said I was the bigest mistake of her life and I should see a shirink if I wanted to get to know her....

The lady who raised me never let me feel really close to her. Now I watch her suffer terribly with end stage Parkinsons disease in the downstairs bedroom. I do not know how much longer she will live but every day she is in pain and is angry and bitter. I have no really fond memories of her to hold close. I lost my adopted dad 12 years ago and because I was only in my early 20's I didnt really get to know him as a person. He and I were not close while I was a teen.

This thread makes me think of my own mortality and how my death would affect my daughters who I am very close to. I feel great loss that I did not and never will have a warm loving relationship with someone who I called mom. You all are truly blessed.

I never really realize how much that emptiness affects me until I get to thinking about it.

 

[snoopy]

{{{Melora}}}

I lost both of my parents when they were very young, both in their early 50's. When they passed away, they left two children underage that I was more or less left to raise. I've had a lot of people ask me how I managed to get through their deaths and raise my siblings when I was barely an adult myself. The thing is, I've always felt incredibly blessed that I had the parents I did have -- I truly believe that having those great people as my parents sort of makes up for the fact that they died so young.

Does this make any sense?

Your post made me think of that. How truly blessed I am, even if it were just for a short time in my life, and how some people never know that love.

I'm sorry you weren't close to either your biological mother or your adoptive mother, but I'm so happy that you share a close relationship with your daughters.

 

[NHAnn]

Aw, I knew I would cry if I opened this thread.

Although my mom is still alive, I miss the mothering (and grandmothering) that she devoted her life to before having surgery on 2 brain aneurysms and a stroke 5 years ago. But I'm ever so grateful that she's still with us amazed at her determination. Hugs to all who are missing their moms or have an emptiness instead of happy memories.

 

[browneyes]

, Robin.

 

[Margie J]

I know how this feels Robin.

Yesterday was the first Holiday since my Mom passed away this Spring. I honestly didn't give a s**t if I did anything or not for Thanksgiving but I forced myself to go out. All I thought about yesterday was sharing a Thanksgiving meal with my Mom two years ago. She had gotten so sick that year that we couldn't go to a relatives house as planned. We ended up having dinner together in the ER thanks to a kind Nurse that got trays for both of us.

What is also so difficult is that there is a variety of responses to me, regarding Holiday wishes, now. Some people at work were all smiley and bubbly, which hurt me. Others looked like they were about to cry, which was just as bad.

Both my parents are now gone. I have no siblings either. It's very lonely at times but I go on. I try to think of the lessons my parents taught me and to try to laugh instead of cry. One thing I don't want to become is a nasty old woman like one relative has become.

 

[Kitty 34]

{{{{{{HUGS}}}}} Robin.

 

[Snowwark]

I'm sorry, Robin. I don't think it matters whether you're 48, 58, or 68. I read somewhere that we are.. never old enough to lose our Mothers.

{{{ Hugs }}} to all of you who have suffered great loss.

 

[Blondie]

I'm sorry you're missing your Mom, Robin. I'm sure she is there right beside you in spirit, and in your heart.

 

[Towncrier]

All of these threads are a good reminder to me of just how blessed I am to still have both of my parents. I tend to take them for granted. When my dad was diagnosed with colon cancer, I didn't call him. I didn't write to him. I didn't even visit him in the hospital. I was too afraid to lose him, so I just pretended that he wasn't sick. Pretty stupid, but that was my way of coping. My mom and dad were able to drive up to our house for Thanksgiving. It was great to see my dad and I could kick myself for being so distant from him over these past two months. I can't imagine a world without mommy and daddy. I pray that when the Lord calls them home, that He will give me the strength to cope. The strength that I've seen in all of you who have posted here.

Hugs to you Robin and to those of you who are grieving the loss of a parent.

 

[cottontail]

Hi: I can understand how Robin feels, I feel it all the time.

My mom died when I was 21, now I am 49, and I still miss her terribly.

I constantly think that she never saw me get married, have her grandchildren etc, But I also have since lost my dad about 9 years ago to alzheimers, so I joke my hubby that I am now an orphen, but I really do feel quite sad in the pit of my stomach at the thought of having both my parents gone from my life.

I also know as others probably do, to appreciate my family and friends that are left each day, cause you just never know when they will be gone from your life forever. Hope your are feeling better Robin.

Bye,

Deb.

 

[Robinrs]

Yes, Deb, I am better, thanks...

I am amazed at this thread. So many declarations of pain and sorrow, both from those with parents and those without, those who lost them too young, those who lost them older, but all so strong and poignant...

The one thing will all have in common is the fact that when it comes to our parents we are still kids, whether it's the kid who plays on Daddy's lap or the one who is left alone, we are all results of the childhoold our parents gave us and our reactions to it.

I know now I'm not crazy, nor am I alone. I'm just human.

Melora, your story brought tears to my eyes. Please be aware that your acknowledgement of what has occured in your life is part of the healing. I think you know that. God bless you.

John, I know what a kind and loving man you are. God knows you've shown that to me and others so many times! Do NOT let your Dad die without totally embracing him. I have one sister who is dying from the guilt that she didn't do enough before my parents died. She is suffering inside and out and she could've prevented it. You've been given the gift of time and life. Please, TAKE IT. You will never regret it.

To all of you who have answered and have been in my position for weeks or years, thank you. You don't know what you've done for me.

Most of you know I lalso ost my Dear Dad also in March. I miss him also but Thanksgiving to Christmas was Mommy and Me time! We drove everyone CRAZY from the day after Thanksgiving till Christmas Day! This time of the year is so lonely without her, my sisters don't celebrate Christmas and are PURE bah humbuggers, so I am celebrating with my son starting traditions of our own. We brought our tree today and are planning an after Christmas trip to Orlando!

God is so good.

Robinrs

 

[loisg1]

I know your pain as well, Robin. My mom died in '85 when I was 30 and my sister was only 18... just a two days after her HS graduation. She was the one who called me all the time when DH was out to sea and we'd talk for hours. Can't imagine what their phone bill must have been. She also never got to see our DDs who she would've loved just so much.

Take care and God bless,
Lois

 

[Popsicle]

Robin, you said something in one of your replies to the effect that you wish you will be as good a mother as your own was. Believe me, you become your mother. The characteristics she had that you cherished will become yours. Based on some of your posts, you are a GREAT mom whom your son will cherish.

My mother and I had this adversarial relationship. She saw a very headstrong girl that she wanted to guide on a straighter path. I couldn't stand her for that..... THEN.

My brother, who does Thanksgiving dinner, calls me for Mommie's recipe for dressing EVERY YEAR. There was no recipe. You put in some of this, and you put in some of that, and you taste it, and you put it in the oven. That's an annual ritual and an annual joke.

As I got older I found myself doing things, saying things, that she did and said. When I see my reflection sometimes, I even WALK like her now. I have a silent laugh at that sometimes.

She's been gone since 1977, my father since 1980. (They were 57 and 66, October and November, respectively when they passed. To this day I hate and fear the autumn months and the death I associate with them.) We were blessed to have had them so long. You see someone whose parents remain with them to their 80s, 90s and older, and you get envious. Then you learn of a teenager, or a pre-schooler , or even the now rare occasion when someone's mother leaves this earth giving birth to them and you say, "God, thank you that I had them for so long."

Melora, I cannot even imagine the pain you are experiencing. I can only hope you have a family of your own to whom you can give the love you never received.

You know something I didn't give thanks for on Thursday? It was these boards. The people in them are so wonderful. We can share anything. Sorrows and joys. Highs and lows. The good and the not so good things that happen to us in life.

For my fellow DISers, I just want to say "Thank You" for the love you extend to your fellow members for EVERYTHING we share with you.

 

[ead79]

I'm so sorry, Robin. I'm sure this Christmas is a difficult one. Your mom is a blessed woman indeed to be spending Christmas with the Christ child himself, though I know you are lonely without her here. My prayers are with you.