i love you.

[bananda]

romantic love has five stages, and most younger relationships never hit the fifth stage. (heck, most adult relationships never hit the fifth stage)

thats really interesting. just out of curiosity, what are the 5 stages?

 

[wilmabride'sdaughter]

Awww Kelsi. I don't know what to say . There have been so many times when ive heard parents have a go at their children about saying 'i love you' to their boyfriends or girlfriends. Because we are only young and apparantly we don't know the meaning of love. It's stupid. How on Earth would they know whether we do or not.

I mean, i do think that sometimes people use the phrase too lightly. Like you see these 'couple' who have only been gping out for a few days/weeks and are already claiming they are in love. That really annoys me.

I'm really sorry that his Mam is being like that. It's very childish of her to be acting like that. Maybe he should learn to stand up to her, though. If he really wants he to believe that he means what he's saying then he should maybe actually admit it to her.

I can't talk though. I still can't say that i love my boyfriend in front of my mum. I guess i'm a bit scared of how she'll react to it. I know she's not happy that i'm in a long distance reationship, she thinks i'm too attached for someone of my age, and she doesn't like the place where she lives, so naturally she's protective.

But i know how you feel, honey. Parents can be so 'unfeeling' and unsympathectic at times. But hey, you can show her that you two are in love, when you two are stll going out in years to come .

 

[Sparx]

thats really interesting. just out of curiosity, what are the 5 stages?

(i didn't add this to bog down my post with all the psychological babble and make it really really long.)

1)attraction
this is when you meet and you like each other. very very shallow feelings, mostly lust. this is a very temperamental stage, because any little thing will cause you to not like the other person. (think about "deal breakers" on the first date)

2)romance
this is during dating, when you try to impress each other. very "front stage" behavior is exhibited. this is when you day dream about the person, you pine for them, you miss them when they're gone, etc. most relationships don't get far past this stage. in this stage, you present yourself as the ideal mate, and you expect the same. breakups usually don't happen here.

3)unmasking
this is after the romance stage, when your front stage behavior becomes backstage behavior, and you find out the things you don't like about each other. breakups happen here.

4)conflict.
this is when you try to change behaviors about each other. (i know everyone is going to say "i'd never change so and so i love them just the way they are" well if you feel that way, you're not here yet) breakups happen A LOT here.

5)acceptance.
this is when you move past the little things that annoy each other, and move on to the bigger picture and are truely happy with the overall picture of each other. most never reach this stage.


the biggest reason people break up is becuase they rush through all of the dating and romance parts of the relationship, and try to go straight to the unmasking, which doesn't work.

if you date for 2 years before getting married, your chance of being divorced drastically decreases, because you (more than likely) have gone through all five stages of love at that point. rushed marriages happen in the second stage, and the third takes everyone by surprise and causes them to not like each other any more.

now, this is not to say that if you're in stage five, and married, when bob throws his dirty underwear on the floor for the millionth time it won't make you mad, but this means that you've grown to accept that that is just how bob is, and you love other parts of him enough to put up with him throwing his dirty underwear on the floor.

 

[Sparx]

i also just want to add how very silly the arguement that "teenagers don't know what love is" becuase why is JUST that one emotion singled out. do teenagers know what sadness, happiness, and fear are? yes. they do. so yes, it stands to reason they would understand a full range of emotion.

 

[cindys_castle2011]

I honestly have to agree with his mother. You DO have no idea what true love is.

You, as a person, do NOT know me. I don't even know who you are. So you have NO right what so ever to tell me that.

If it was Katie, Sonya, Sian, Caitlin, ANYONE that I've actually talked to before.. then okay I might accept their opinion. But we've never talked before, so you don't know me well enough to say that.

Please type with proper grammar when you openly bash me.

I'm 16. She literally does not have the maturity to decide whether she is in love or not. Her brain is not completely developed and she therefore can't put forth the thought process to decide what love truly is. I'm guessing this is her first relationship too. I would rank this on the lust level. Teenagers have no concept of what love is.

My post was logical, not inappropriate.

Again, you don't know me. You don't know what kind of person I am. You don't know if I have the kind of maturity to fall in love.

Love is in the heart. Not the brain.

And you guessed wrong. I've been in two other 'serious' relationships.

God, I don't like you. You really pissed me off big time.

there was nothing wrong with my grammar?
it was inappropriate. why? because she was obviously hurt and upset by what her boyfriends mother had said and you rubbed some more salt in the wound by saying her boyfriends mother was correct.

you don't need your brain to be fully developed to be in, or know when your, in love.

this is not her first relationship by any means. i know of at least one or two other relationships she has posted about.

those being from the lust-puppy love rank, and her comparing it to her current relationship. i recall her saying one was "barely puppy love compared to *her current boyfriend*"


not EVERYTHING in this world should be looked at in a logical sense, sometimes nothing makes sense and you just need to listen to your heart and your gut.

thanks Katie

I personally don't believe in love at such a young age. I couldn't tell you what the meaning of love truly is. And plus, your brain isn't fully developed until the age of 20.

cindys_castle2011,

I'm 42 and a Mom and if you say you love him you do. Love is Love it can take may different forms and depths but that doesn't make it less real. While it is true that many 16 years olds do not have the maturity to know what they want some do. Try not to feel to bad about his moms reaction. Understand that his Mom make like you but not like "losing" her son. Many moms have trouble letting go even after their sons are married.

My aunt an uncle are in there 70's now and met then they were 16 and 14. Believe me they LOVE each other and it is still very obvious to this day. When I was 17 I met my high school sweet heart. We fell in love and at 19, when we were both in College and had just got engaged, we found out he had cancer. We stuck it out even though many, many adults said I should leave but I had already made commitment in my heart. We got married just a few weeks before my 21st birthday and had a wonderful 3 1/3 years together when he was told he was "cured" because he was 5 years out from his remission. Unfortunately his cancer unexpectedly came back and at 24 I lost him. only about 20-30 percent of marriages survive a serious illness like that and our young love did just fine thank you very much! My current DH and I have been married for 15 yrs so I know a thing or too about love and GOOD marriages.

I will say this. Be careful. I had a serious relationship before I met my DH1 and although I loved him it would have been a big mistake to stay with him too long (we dated 8 months) or God forbid marry him! Look at really good marriages and compare your relationship to theirs before you make decisions that will effect the rest of your life. I knew it was wrong when he wanted what was right for him more than what was right for me or us. He was a good guy but immature and a bit selfish. Sorry to say many, many guys fit this description. Many, Many guys get going when the going gets tough.

Focus your love on what's good for you and him. If it's meant to last it will. If not you will hopefully learn what you want from your next love. I have no regrets about the three loves during my lifetime. I wish you the same!

Oh and for Gods sake do not let anyone, no matter how old they are tell you how you feel!

His mom actually does like me. We have a good mother/son's girlfriend type of relationship. I guess she just see's us as being only 16, so we don't know what love is.

We might not know what love is in an adult situation, but at the age of 16, I know that my feelings for him are true. And it is love, even if it's not fully developed yet. Love always has time to grow, but it has to start somewhere.

Awww Kelsi. I don't know what to say . There have been so many times when ive heard parents have a go at their children about saying 'i love you' to their boyfriends or girlfriends. Because we are only young and apparantly we don't know the meaning of love. It's stupid. How on Earth would they know whether we do or not.

I mean, i do think that sometimes people use the phrase too lightly. Like you see these 'couple' who have only been gping out for a few days/weeks and are already claiming they are in love. That really annoys me.

I'm really sorry that his Mam is being like that. It's very childish of her to be acting like that. Maybe he should learn to stand up to her, though. If he really wants he to believe that he means what he's saying then he should maybe actually admit it to her.

I can't talk though. I still can't say that i love my boyfriend in front of my mum. I guess i'm a bit scared of how she'll react to it. I know she's not happy that i'm in a long distance reationship, she thinks i'm too attached for someone of my age, and she doesn't like the place where she lives, so naturally she's protective.

But i know how you feel, honey. Parents can be so 'unfeeling' and unsympathectic at times. But hey, you can show her that you two are in love, when you two are stll going out in years to come .

I have to admit, I said 'I love you' to a guy I was dating for like a week. I didn't mean it. I liked him a lot.. yeah. But by no means did I love him. Some people do say I love you to people they've only been with for a few weeks. But I am not the person to judge them., Only they know how they feel!

I do love him. And I don't care what any one says about my age, my brain, my heart. I do NOT care.

Only we know what we feel. No one else does, and no one else can tell me that since my brain is not fully developed then I can't love.

(i didn't add this to bog down my post with all the psychological babble and make it really really long.)

1)attraction
this is when you meet and you like each other. very very shallow feelings, mostly lust. this is a very temperamental stage, because any little thing will cause you to not like the other person. (think about "deal breakers" on the first date)

2)romance
this is during dating, when you try to impress each other. very "front stage" behavior is exhibited. this is when you day dream about the person, you pine for them, you miss them when they're gone, etc. most relationships don't get far past this stage. in this stage, you present yourself as the ideal mate, and you expect the same. breakups usually don't happen here.

3)unmasking
this is after the romance stage, when your front stage behavior becomes backstage behavior, and you find out the things you don't like about each other. breakups happen here.

4)conflict.
this is when you try to change behaviors about each other. (i know everyone is going to say "i'd never change so and so i love them just the way they are" well if you feel that way, you're not here yet) breakups happen A LOT here.

5)acceptance.
this is when you move past the little things that annoy each other, and move on to the bigger picture and are truely happy with the overall picture of each other. most never reach this stage.


the biggest reason people break up is becuase they rush through all of the dating and romance parts of the relationship, and try to go straight to the unmasking, which doesn't work.

if you date for 2 years before getting married, your chance of being divorced drastically decreases, because you (more than likely) have gone through all five stages of love at that point. rushed marriages happen in the second stage, and the third takes everyone by surprise and causes them to not like each other any more.

now, this is not to say that if you're in stage five, and married, when bob throws his dirty underwear on the floor for the millionth time it won't make you mad, but this means that you've grown to accept that that is just how bob is, and you love other parts of him enough to put up with him throwing his dirty underwear on the floor.

Attraction- check. Duhh, if we didn't have that we wouldn't have started dating (;

Romance- check.

Unmasking- check. There is PLENTY of things we don't see eye to eye about. But we find some way of liking those things about each other. If we can't find a way to like them, we deal with it. We can't let every single little negative thing come between us. That's why we've lasted as long as we have.

Conflict.- I wouldn't want to 'change' him, just for me. I want him to stay the way he is. I want to love his REAL side, I don't want him to act differently around me then he normally would around anyone else. I don't want to fall in love with someone that not really there.. if you know what I mean.

Acceptance- like I've said, we have plenty of little things we don't like about each other. We're different from each other. We don't LOVE every single little thing about each other. That would be totally boring and kinda annoying. We always find a way to move past the things that we know doesn't matter.

I'm not saying we've gone through every one of those stages completely.. but I am saying that we've seen a little of each of those. I mean dating for a year.. we've know the bads, the goods, the uglys. But we still accept one another as a person, an individual, and a lover. (not the sex kind.. but ya know (; )

 

[princesskelz]

From expierence my last relationship lasted 1 year and 13 days.
i didnt feel like i was IN LOVE im going to be with you forever but their was defetnally something their.

I do agree nobody's brain is fully developed untul they are 20 and teens dont really know what "love' is.

But i am happy for the both of you.

 

[Sparx]

I personally don't believe in love at such a young age. I couldn't tell you what the meaning of love truly is. And plus, your brain isn't fully developed until the age of 20.

actually, for most people, its closer to the age of 25/27. but again, the only thing you're missing at this point is the prediction of future consequences.

all things that make you feel emotions are developed at a very young age.

 

[Sparx]

Attraction- check. Duhh, if we didn't have that we wouldn't have started dating (;

Romance- check.

Unmasking- check. There is PLENTY of things we don't see eye to eye about. But we find some way of liking those things about each other. If we can't find a way to like them, we deal with it. We can't let every single little negative thing come between us. That's why we've lasted as long as we have.

Conflict.- I wouldn't want to 'change' him, just for me. I want him to stay the way he is. I want to love his REAL side, I don't want him to act differently around me then he normally would around anyone else. I don't want to fall in love with someone that not really there.. if you know what I mean.

Acceptance- like I've said, we have plenty of little things we don't like about each other. We're different from each other. We don't LOVE every single little thing about each other. That would be totally boring and kinda annoying. We always find a way to move past the things that we know doesn't matter.

I'm not saying we've gone through every one of those stages completely.. but I am saying that we've seen a little of each of those. I mean dating for a year.. we've know the bads, the goods, the uglys. But we still accept one another as a person, an individual, and a lover. (not the sex kind.. but ya know (; )

change was just the easiest way to describe the conflict stage. it could be more of an "Oh my god i didn't know he picked his nose oh my god" or a "i can't believe you left the toilet seat up" or a "pick your dirty clothes up off the floor!"

this is when most fights about inherent traits happen. a lot of times, couples go through this one when they move in with each other.

also, fun fact, couples who participate in cohabitation are more likely to divorce after marriage. it sounds weird at first, until you realize that like 80% of cohabitating couples never actively DECIDED to move in together. it starts when one of the parties spends one night, then two nights, then three nights, then starts leaving clothing, then suddenly, the person has moved in with the other person. now couples who actively persue the apartment/house hunting process together, and move in all at once and co-own/lease are much less likely to divorce.

 

[xx-bethh]

oh goodness had to get in on this discussion
im sixteen as well, almost seventeen, and im in love. ive been dating my boyfriend for only 8 months, but when you feel it, you just know its there

BUT, this isn't about me, its about you

i totally believe you're in love. who cares what she says. of course, you should respect her, but its nothing to get super upset over. my boyfriends mom is the same way, shes a little crazy, so i feel your pain haha

don't let anyone tell you that your too "immature" to be in love.

 

[OneTreeHill]

First off, I'm so sorry that his mom upset you. If you ever wanna talk or vent or whatever, feel free to PM me.

Anyways, I agree with most of the other posters on this thread. Only you know how you truly feel, so don't let someone else try and convince you otherwise.

 

[inlalaland]

Aw that sucks.
I've never been in love, but I believe that you are! =) And I agree, no one on here can judge that because we don't even know you personally. The fact that you're 16 doesn't mean you're completely immature. I mean, of course we all aren't 100% mature, nor will we ever be, but I think we know what we're feeling at least a little bit. Hang in there! Someday I'm sure you and your boyfriend can prove his mom wrong and really show her that you are in love.

And anyway, if teenagers were never in love then why do you hear about so many people being "high school sweethearts"?

i don't think of love as something you have to be mature or have your brain fully developed to understand or feel.

it's a human emotion, and a passionate one.
does that mean i cant feel sad, guilt, depression, or anxiety until i'm 20 years old? i don't think so. your brain does not have to be fully developed for you to feel emotions, unless i'm terribly confused.



thanks. i mean, my capitalization could use some work but the rest looked fine hahaha .

I agree 100%. I never really thought of it in that way [it being an emotion, and how we experience other emotions so why not love?] but those are really good points.

& Shelby, those are some really interesting facts! That sounds like an awesome class. xD I'm taking family dynamics and it's so fun! That kinda stuff really interests me, lol!

 

[Sparx]

Aw that sucks.
I've never been in love, but I believe that you are! =) And I agree, no one on here can judge that because we don't even know you personally. The fact that you're 16 doesn't mean you're completely immature. I mean, of course we all aren't 100% mature, nor will we ever be, but I think we know what we're feeling at least a little bit. Hang in there! Someday I'm sure you and your boyfriend can prove his mom wrong and really show her that you are in love.

And anyway, if teenagers were never in love then why do you hear about so many people being "high school sweethearts"?



I agree 100%. I never really thought of it in that way [it being an emotion, and how we experience other emotions so why not love?] but those are really good points.

& Shelby, those are some really interesting facts! That sounds like an awesome class. xD I'm taking family dynamics and it's so fun! That kinda stuff really interests me, lol!

thanks. m&f is a pretty cool class, becuase it kindof makes you step back from all of your personal relationships, and you better understand why you're friends with certain people, why you date certain people, etc. it doesn't make you the perfect friend or the best wife or whatever, but it really helps you understand what you're really doing when you have a first date, ya know? like, it makes you rethink a lot of stuff and a lot more aware of your own actions.

 

[PurpleDucky]

i don't think of love as something you have to be mature or have your brain fully developed to understand or feel.

it's a human emotion, and a passionate one.
does that mean i cant feel sad, guilt, depression, or anxiety until i'm 20 years old? i don't think so. your brain does not have to be fully developed for you to feel emotions, unless i'm terribly confused.



thanks. i mean, my capitalization could use some work but the rest looked fine hahaha .

you used your instead of you're. that's it. lol.

mrs.chamberlain you might as well turn into a vulcan with all this logic crap.

if you're in love, you're in love and no one should stop you from how you feel.

 

[imabrat]

you used your instead of you're. that's it. lol.

mrs.chamberlain you might as well turn into a vulcan with all this logic crap.

if you're in love, you're in love and no one should stop you from how you feel.

KEEP MR. SPOCK OUT OF THIS, ya hear'?!

 

[Sparx]

you used your instead of you're. that's it. lol.

mrs.chamberlain you might as well turn into a vulcan with all this logic crap.

if you're in love, you're in love and no one should stop you from how you feel.

a vulcan's logic isn't inherently flawed.

 

[pigletgirl]

When I was 16, I can definitely tell you that I didn't really have a good grasp on love. I mean, I knew what it was, but did I feel it? I don't think so. I think it was more of a lust type feeling.

JMHO, but most 16 year olds don't really know what love looks like or what it means. Even I'm (at the age of 20) still figuring out. It isn't a bad thing. Its just a part of growing up.

 

[life of the party]

When I was 16, I can definitely tell you that I didn't really have a good grasp on love. I mean, I knew what it was, but did I feel it? I don't think so. I think it was more of a lust type feeling.

JMHO, but most 16 year olds don't really know what love looks like or what it means. Even I'm (at the age of 20) still figuring out. It isn't a bad thing. Its just a part of growing up.

(not bashing you, this is just my opinion on your post)

just because you weren't in love with someone when you were a teenager doesn't it's impossible for every teen.

 

[pigletgirl]

Oh but I was! I starting dating dbf when I was 17.

Call it what you want, but I look back now and chuckle about it.

Again, i didnt begin to learn what it really meant until this year.....I guess some learn it earlier.

 

[Sparx]

Oh but I was! I starting dating dbf when I was 17.

Call it what you want, but I look back now and chuckle about it.

Again, i didnt begin to learn what it really meant until this year.....I guess some learn it earlier.

i would call that entering a new stage of love. there had to be at least some puppy love there for the relationship to start at all, but its really paled in comparison to what you feel now. kwim?

 

[cindys_castle2011]

Oh but I was! I starting dating dbf when I was 17.

Call it what you want, but I look back now and chuckle about it.

Again, i didnt begin to learn what it really meant until this year.....I guess some learn it earlier.

Exactly YOU didn't know what it was. Not me.