I LOVE my kids' school

[C&G'sMama]

So DP and I just had a parent/teacher conference. We thought it was to talk about "girl drama" kind of stuff. But she talked about the usual here's what we're doing etc.

Then, oh by the way, as C has probably told you we're having issues on the playground and in the lunch room with kids teasing C & E (C's best friend who also has 2 moms. "Are you gay?" "Are your moms gay?" and I don't know what else. Well C never mentioned it to us.

The teacher found out because one of the students (not DD) and I'm not even sure if it was E, left a note in the teachers' mailbox to let her know what was going on.


So the teacher wanted to let us know that she told a school counselor and health teacher who contacted the local gay alliance who got them hooked up with a video on tolerance for the class to watch. She's going to send us the link so we can watch it.

But I just love our little school (charter school) that said, "okay, here's something we need to deal with". And it's not just not DD and her BFF. There are actually 5 or 6 other families with gay moms/dads at our school that we know of. And since the school only has 400 students in K-8 that's not bad.

So I'll let you know how it turns out, I'll be curious to see if any parents cry foul, but again, I don't know exactly what the video is.

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

I am so glad the school stepped up and addressed it without you (or another family) having to MAKE them address it! I hope the video is good.

 

[PghLybrt]

Wow, that is great that they are dealing with it!

 

[C&G'sMama]

Well since the kids had off (since it was parent/teacher conference and staff development day, the teachers were supposed to have the day off, but the school had to make up snow days).
We've been playing all day and finally got the chance to talk to DD. And we had the conversation. "Do you know what gay means?" DD:"No" us: It's when 2 men or two women love each other DD: Oh, well the kids say mine and E's moms are gay Us: Tell them yes and....

So now we need to get serious about getting her networked with other kids with gay parents, she wants this. It's not that our kids don't know any, they do, but it seems like she'd like more exposure than she has now. She's too young for an online group, so I guess it's time to see what's out there.

 

[OrlandoMike]

Gald the school is being proactive!

If you dont mind, can you post a link to that video?

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

It's great that you have your child in such a progressive and responsible school. I'm sorry that there is anything at all for them to have to address, but it's more important that the school administration is being (albeit a bit reactive) forthcoming in lettting everyone know that sort of behavior is unacceptable.

Good too that you have a core group of same gendered parents in the school! That helps, doesn't it?

Take care now and all the best to you!

 

[C&G'sMama]

Gald the school is being proactive!

If you dont mind, can you post a link to that video?

Will do. The teacher hasn't sent us the link yet but as soon as she does, I'll pass it on.

 

[C&G'sMama]

It's great that you have your child in such a progressive and responsible school. I'm sorry that there is anything at all for them to have to address, but it's more important that the school administration is being (albeit a bit reactive) forthcoming in lettting everyone know that sort of behavior is unacceptable.

Good too that you have a core group of same gendered parents in the school! That helps, doesn't it?

Take care now and all the best to you!

This school is actually quite wonderful. The teacher mentioned that the counselor and health teacher may make this a part of the curriculum after they've reviewed it.

And it is unfortunate that it has to be addressed at all. We figure kids will always find something to tease other kids about. You're too fat, you're too skinny, you're too white (one my friend's daughter got)...

So we're doing our best to teach C to be a strong person and basically tell them to "get bent".

DP took a break from volunteering in the classroom but is starting again in a couple of weeks 2 times a week (this was in place before we knew what was going on). The kids all love her and she can keep track of what's going on . And E's mom is on the Board of Trustees. (As charter schools are treated as their own "district" it is set up as a 501(c)(3)) And all the kids have known E since Kindergarten (the year the school started) So basically we're entering adolescence and the 'tween years. (God help us)

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

You know, you are right. Kids (and let's face it, adults... do the kids learn from adults, or do the adults carry the behavior into adulthood???) will tease and slide into bullying about anything.

I wonder, is it even remotely practical to teach a child to respond to mean spirited teasing with, "Gee, it's really too bad that you have that point of view. There are so many things you are going to miss out on..." and walk away? That's not the "line" I would teach a kid (just something off the top of my head as I process aloud here...) but something of that sort?

Perhaps, teaching a kid to call the others on their ignorance, instead of "sucking it up" and walking away? (Not that you said you teach your children that, but I'm repeating what I've heard others say).

When we have bullying elevated to the level where suicides are allegedly the outcome of severe bullying, perhaps we need to change our reaction to the mean actions? Then, as your school is doing, move toward being pro-active.

Didn't mean to go on, but it does bother me much that kids are subjected to hate filled garbage, and that it carries into adulthood. Skinheads, whose freaks who picket funerals of military personnel, the KKK, that sort of stuff... bullying taken to a vicious extreme...

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

DS said they just had an anti-bullying seminar at school. The thing is, these kids (middle school) are at an age where they think adults are stupid. So they mock the adults and bully their peers. To an extent that is just how adolescents are. Without parents to say "Hey! That was inappropriate!" or worse, the parents who teach/encourage the inappropriate behavior, the school is at a disadvantage.

There was a big thread on bullyin on the Community board the other day. One of the main issues is that the parents of bullies often refuse to acknowledge that their child is a bully. They think their child is being unfairly targeted by the school. Good luck with THAT!

There was a recent story here where 5 boys ganged up on another boy and set him on fire. The mom of one of the 5 attackers was on the news claiming there was "nothing" her son could have done. Perfect. So his ONLY option was to stand there and watch? He couldn't have told the one with the lighter to stop? He couldn't have run away and called 911? And his mother thinks standing there was an acceptable course of action? Fabulous.

 

[C&G'sMama]

I agree with everything, a cute little video isn't going to solve everything but at least it opens up dialogue. And having the school not support the behavior helps, we've been in a school where a blind eye was generally turned to any form of bullying and the kids ran rip shod over the place. There were 2nd graders grabbing the phone out of a substitute teacher's hand, no consequences.

Having DP in the classroom shatters some of the junk these kids are being fed. It's not so much telling DD just to ignore it, it's not letting it get under her skin, which is where bullies get their power. Usually with her, kids try to get to her and can't and then end up bending over backwards to please her, something she gets from DP. And we want her to learn that now.

Here's a recent incident from school. Child is on bus and gets his cell phone taken away by the bus driver (they are not allowed to use them on the bus). Kid takes a phone from another kids and call his mom. Does mom say "put that phone back and I'll deal with you later"? No, mom says, get your phone back from the bus driver which the kid proceeds to reach over and try to take the phone out of the bag in front of the driver. The driver pulls the bus over (thank God no one was killed) and the kid proceeds to kick open the door of the bus. Behavior on the bus is considered an extension of the school day and is in the code of conduct. The kid gets suspended, the mom gets mad and says the school should go after the bus driver. So she pulls all three of her kids out of school for good. Hence why many of our children have no sense of accountability.

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

That's the kind of parent who makes everything worse. It's interesting how the parental focus has shifted so much. All these people who think their children can do no wrong. Where does that mentality come from?

I think another part of the problem is that the schools claim to have zero tolerance, but they are spotty with enforcement. I reported an incident when DS was in elementary and the principal elected to handle it herself without ever telling the bully's mom that he was bullying! Maybe the mom wouldn't have taken any sort of action, but the school should have TOLD HER that her kid was bullying.

In middle school the administrators aren't very adept at listening to the whole story. They will catch the tail end of something and figure they have enough information. The problem is the part they see may have little or nothing to do with the actual issue. And in a school with 1100 kids there is really no way to effectively keep tabs on anything.

 

[C&G'sMama]

That's the kind of parent who makes everything worse. It's interesting how the parental focus has shifted so much. All these people who think their children can do no wrong. Where does that mentality come from?

I think another part of the problem is that the schools claim to have zero tolerance, but they are spotty with enforcement. I reported an incident when DS was in elementary and the principal elected to handle it herself without ever telling the bully's mom that he was bullying! Maybe the mom wouldn't have taken any sort of action, but the school should have TOLD HER that her kid was bullying.

In middle school the administrators aren't very adept at listening to the whole story. They will catch the tail end of something and figure they have enough information. The problem is the part they see may have little or nothing to do with the actual issue. And in a school with 1100 kids there is really no way to effectively keep tabs on anything.

Not that you won't have problems in high school, there's always going to be, but hopefully with your son being in the magnet school next year, it'll be little different as the kids are divided up some by program so there smaller groups within the bigger whole.

As I've said before, I find it very interesting that the administration across the country seems to be very similar in attitudes and actions. Quite sad really.

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

Not that you won't have problems in high school, there's always going to be, but hopefully with your son being in the magnet school next year, it'll be little different as the kids are divided up some by program so there smaller groups within the bigger whole.

As I've said before, I find it very interesting that the administration across the country seems to be very similar in attitudes and actions. Quite sad really.

Yeah, since we already seem to be bringing one of our own personal bullies along to the magnet, there are bound to be more! But you are right - the cluster teachers have 250 kids max so they probably know the students pretty well. And I expect the administrators to be much more in tune with the happenings on campus than a "typical" high school would be.

It's unfortunate that the programs that are successful in small districts would never, ever work in the behemoth districts like ours. Must be hard to get up in the AM if you are a school administrator.

 

[C&G'sMama]

Trailer from "That's a Family"

Here's the link from the teacher.

 

[OrlandoMike]

Trailer from "That's a Family"

Here's the link from the teacher.

Very nice!

Thanks for sharing!

 

[cakecup]

It's great that you have your child in such a wonderful school, they are so responsible. And thanks for your video.