I know this shouldn't bother me, but it does!

[MELSMICE]

I know this is so petty, but it just irks me & I'm going to vent!!!!!

DH has 2 grown, married sisters. A few days ago the youngest sister called to tell him, "I sent mom flowers for Easter, you owe me $10." He told me & was a little put off about it.......not because he didn't want his mom to have flowers, but because there's never a phone call prior saying, "We're going to get mom flowers, do you want to go in on them or would you rather do something else." He would tell her to just get them, but it's the point of, "We did this, you owe this much."

SIL's father-in-law just passed away (the one above). He had an 18-month battle with cancer. DH actually knew him fairly well, as they were in a golf league together. The obit requests no flowers & that all donations should be made to the Cancer Institute in our area where he was being treated.

DH's other sister called today to say, "We sent flowers, you owe me $20." DH said he would have preferred to send a nice donation where the family wanted it.

I told him that he needs to tell his sisters to knock it off with the "We did this, you owe us that" deal. They did this at Christmas & he called them out on it. He told them they never discussed anything & he wasn't chipping in for it.

It's not the money & the fact that we can't afford $30, I just think it's rather tacky!!!!!

Vent over!!!

 

[DisneyFan32WI]

I know this is so petty, but it just irks me & I'm going to vent!!!!!

DH has 2 grown, married sisters. A few days ago the youngest sister called to tell him, "I sent mom flowers for Easter, you owe me $10." He told me & was a little put off about it.......not because he didn't want his mom to have flowers, but because there's never a phone call prior saying, "We're going to get mom flowers, do you want to go in on them or would you rather do something else." He would tell her to just get them, but it's the point of, "We did this, you owe this much."

SIL's father-in-law just passed away (the one above). He had an 18-month battle with cancer. DH actually knew him fairly well, as they were in a golf league together. The obit requests no flowers & that all donations should be made to the Cancer Institute in our area where he was being treated.

DH's other sister called today to say, "We sent flowers, you owe me $20." DH said he would have preferred to send a nice donation where the family wanted it.

I told him that he needs to tell his sisters to knock it off with the "We did this, you owe us that" deal. They did this at Christmas & he called them out on it. He told them they never discussed anything & he wasn't chipping in for it.

It's not the money & the fact that we can't afford $30, I just think it's rather tacky!!!!!

Vent over!!!

Yes, tacky I agree!!! Especially when the obituary said NO FLOWERS.

 

[disykat]

Vent away - I'm right with you! I would be really irked about having my name attached to flowers when I knew they prefered a memorial donation. I'd end up doing both because I'd WANT to do the donation and I'd feel bad about sending something they didn't prefer.

 

[Kirby]

If it were me, I would pay up this last time but tell them that they were not to hit me up for any more money without clearing it first. It will only take a time or two more for them to get it.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

If it were me, I would say something not DISappropriate.

 

[lacrosse_lady72]

Vent away, that would bother me too. If you really did tell talk to them about it at Christmas then I would remind them about that and not pay them.

 

[My sister's princess]

Did you do something else for his mother?


*climbing into my flame suit*

 

[Ephany]

Don't give in! My BIL used to do this, finally DH put his foot down. He'd call and say I bought MIL/FIL a camera, a gps, a digital picture frame, etc. and then want $$. No prior discussion, and usually no interest beforehand from their parents even wanting the item. I think it took two or three times of DH saying that we'd already bought our gift and we weren't interested before BIL figured he was serious.

 

[jen0610]

I know this is so petty, but it just irks me & I'm going to vent!!!!!

DH has 2 grown, married sisters. A few days ago the youngest sister called to tell him, "I sent mom flowers for Easter, you owe me $10." He told me & was a little put off about it.......not because he didn't want his mom to have flowers, but because there's never a phone call prior saying, "We're going to get mom flowers, do you want to go in on them or would you rather do something else." He would tell her to just get them, but it's the point of, "We did this, you owe this much."

SIL's father-in-law just passed away (the one above). He had an 18-month battle with cancer. DH actually knew him fairly well, as they were in a golf league together. The obit requests no flowers & that all donations should be made to the Cancer Institute in our area where he was being treated.

DH's other sister called today to say, "We sent flowers, you owe me $20." DH said he would have preferred to send a nice donation where the family wanted it.

I told him that he needs to tell his sisters to knock it off with the "We did this, you owe us that" deal. They did this at Christmas & he called them out on it. He told them they never discussed anything & he wasn't chipping in for it.
It's not the money & the fact that we can't afford $30, I just think it's rather tacky!!!!!

Vent over!!!

If I had already told them, that they needed to get with me prior to ordering something and still went ahead assuming that I would chip in, I would have no issue, nor would DH, in telling the other party, that unless they can show me proof that I agreeded, in writing, to pay a portion of what was purchased, they can go pound sand where the sun doesn't shine. And then reinerate, AGAIN, we will not chip in for ANY purchases without prior written agreement on purchase and cost of purchase.

Ya, we've been down this road and it wasn't pretty then and the other parties involved doesn't like to be reminded of what happened when they assumed we would just fork over the absurd amount of money being asked for because of their assumtion.

I don't care if I could afford the money or not - that's not the point. It's the priciples with which they work that rubs me the wrong way.

 

[happygirl]

I would just go ahead and pay it. Then tell them next check with you beforehand

 

[luvsJack]

Dh has a sil that does the same thing. She will decide what all of us need to get in the in-laws and then tell her husband to let us know what we owe. Dh's pat answer is now, "I'm sorry but we already got something".

 

[cabanafrau]

I wouldn't flat-out refuse to pay if it would start WWIII and living under those conditions would result in a burden you don't want to hassle with in the future. I would have DH repeat his previous ultimatum in a bit stronger terms before handing over the cash, though.

If you can handle the heat or don't think it will cause a major uproar, refuse to pony up the dough.

 

[Pakey]

I stay completely out of all in-law situations; they are my husband's family and it's up to him to determine how he wants to deal. We've been happily married for 25 years because we both adhere to this philosophy.

In my own family, this would never fly. There is no way I'd go along with it. In fact, I opted out of family gifts many years ago for this reason.

 

[mrsklamc]

You said, I know this shouldn't bother me...Why on earth not?

DH needs to man up and have a conversation.

 

[klacey1]

I would pay for the flowers this time, and have your DH say "This is absolutely the last time. If you don't check with me next time, I'm not putting in." End of story. No need to start a family war, but I think your DH needs to be clear.

 

[thebigkahuna]

LOL, beat them to the punch next time -

Sis: hi, you owe us $20.00 for Mom's flowers

Your Hubby: really? thats funny, I sent Mom flowers yesterday. YOU owe ME $20.00.



But thats just me.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Okay, something tells me that they are doing this because the know they an get away with it.
They must think that they are 'Queen of the World'.

Has your DH ponied up the cash in the past?

I would simply say... NO...
just NO....
and have none of it...

Better yet...
Save up all these little $20.00-$30.00 'donations' and about a full week before Mother's day, before they have done anything.... send the most HUGE and gorgeous flower arrangment, gifts, etc... just from HIM, And just sit back and relish the thought of the look on these sisters faces when they see it.

Okay, I know that is not the best route... but the thought was entertaining and satisfying!!!!

 

[mickeyboat]

I guess I am seeing this from another perspective. Your DH's sisters are being kind to include him in a joint gift. They could have left his name off the card, and probably will from now on. How will your DH feel then? Has his sisters typically included him? Has he relied on them in the past to purchase the joint gift and put his name on the card? Did you do something else for these occasions?

To be honest, I think I would be appreciative if someone took care of gift-giving occasions for me. But if it bothers you that much, definitely make sure the sisters know that you would like to be consulted before they give joint gifts.

 

[4nana]

Seems your DH made himself clear on the gifting issue at C'mas. Where's the common courtsey here, his sisters are way overstepping their boundaries .
Without asking him first, actually he doesn't owe anything. Specially since he made have done his own thing for the funeral, etc.

 

[luvsmickeymouse]

LOL, beat them to the punch next time -

Sis: hi, you owe us $20.00 for Mom's flowers

Your Hubby: really? thats funny, I sent Mom flowers yesterday. YOU owe ME $20.00.



But thats just me.

I like this idea! I wouldn't pay them because as long as you keep paying they are going to keep doing it.