I just needed to talk to someone today

[EsmeraldaX]

 

[tigercat]

It is so nice to see I am not alone. I realize that the pain of losing a child will never go away and that the rest of the family really don't think about it but I listen to them all the time about their issues or problems so once a year it would be nice to have them listen to mine. Since I realize they won't or can't I came here. You have no idea how much your messages meant (mean) to me. I did go to bed but it was to dream of babies. I find the mind is an amazing thing. The flashes of those days just pop up. I also wonder if things had been different these days would have been different. Jerry was born and was fine for the first day. The second day he had problems and was taken into NICU but since I had had problems with my other two they figured it was more of the same. At the end of the second day the Dr. came to my room and asked if anyone was going to be coming. I told him my dh was just getting a quick bite but should be back in a couple of minutes. Also, my parents were expected any second. As well at this point I had had no sleep for 3 days. I was so totally exhaused it wasn't funny. The Dr. just said that he couldn't wait the 5 minutes and then proceeded to tell me that he thought my ds was going to die. They were airlifting him to anyother hospital right away. I was a young 23 yr. old at the time. Just after he left my parents and my dh came in the room. I was in shock. I ended up getting out of the hospital that night and was taken home. My dh went to the other hospital and so did my parents. I had wanted to go but they insisted that I go home. Later that night they did come to get me and drove me to see my ds. I stayed with him for a while and then the nurse said she really needed to take him back and took him from me. I didn't want to leave but was too drained to fight. I know that at the time everyone thought they were doing what was best for me but the whole time No on listened to me. The next day I begged to be taken back but no one would. I found out that my dh did go with an outfit to put on him as he was buried. I didn't know how to get to the hospital and still had not really slept so I was a mess but I really wanted to go and see him. He died that day. About 2 weeks later a home visit nurse came to see me. At the end of the visit she asked me what they had said about his death and I told her that he had died in a nurses arms. She LAUGHED and said that she had worked there and that was what they all said. That actually he would have been left all alone until the monitors stopped. My family told me that I could have 6 weeks to feel a little down about it but then I had better buck up. I had 2 other kids to look after. My Mum got sick after that and I was told that that was more important and that I shouldn't worry her (she is still here by the way) Shortly after that my i.l's told me they were splitting up because of the death of my ds. Then a year later my f.i.l. told me that I should feel bad because something I did killed his first grandson. So many other people told me that year that my dh or I must of done something really bad for God to take his son back or that God really needed my son more than I did, or that I already had 2 children what did I really need with a third. I don't know maybe I would have been able to handle things better if I had been a little more mature or stronger and able to fight back. I do know that my ds pushed me into becoming the person I am today and I try to be a lot more understanding of people than maybe I would have. A lot did come out of the whole thing that was positive in the long run, just hard to see these couple of days. Thank you very much for listening to me and I really am sorry Pop Daddy about the lenght, I should have warned you.
tigercat

 

[Jeafl]

OMG! I hope you reported that sadistic witch of a visiting nurse! You poor thing, it seems like you had nobody there to listen to YOUR needs and wants.

I've never lost a child, so I can't begin to know what you are feeling, but please know if you ever want to talk or just need a shoulder to cry on, please feel free to pm me at any time.

In the meantime, I'm sending lots of hugs you way.

 

[tiggersmom2]

 

[piglet too]

OMG! I can not believe that people were that cruel to you. I can not even find the words to express to you what I want to tell you. All I can do is send a huge hug.

 

[zurgswife]

TigerCat...

Lots of hugs...what a horrible ordeal....To be kept away from your son and then the nurses comments...It's OK to still grieve for your son....

 

[KristiKelly]

What an incredibly sad story, not just that you lost your child, but the way your family treated you. How self-centered on their part. Again, I am very sorry for your loss and that you had no support during that terrible time. I hate that you are having to relive all of that. If you're ever feeling sad and blue, just know that you have 60,000+ people that will listen & let you cry. Take care.

 

[browneyes]

Your fil is a jerk. Actually, both of your IL's sound like that to try to blame someone other than themselves for the breakup of their marriage.

That nurse was an idiot too.

 

[jacksonsmom]

OMG! I just can't believe how some people in this world can say such cruel things to you!!
I am so sorry.
There are a lot of people on here that DO care & want to listen to you.

 

[Serena]

I cannot believe how cruel those people were to you.
I don't know what to say. Those people, you just want to shake some sense into people some times.

 

[Trish Bessette]

Tigercat~

You are in so many of our prayers. What you have gone through is incredible. I am happy you turned to us here at the DIS. I feel your sadness and find comfort in the fact that your son is your angel watching over you.

Absolutely anytime you want to talk about your little miracle please PM me. I will never turn you away.

Have a good day. Your in my thoughts.

Trish

 

[Chrissi Pooh]

God bless you and your little angel!!!

 

[WilmaBud]

I'm speechless. I can't believe the insensitivity of so many people around you in response to your devastating loss. I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious son and for all the additional pain that others have caused you.

 

[DisneyJules]

Annn hun, we're all here to listen if you need people to talk to. Sounds like you just need to sit down with someone and talk about your son, if you were never really allowed to grieve, it has to come out sooner or later. We're all here for you

 

[TINKTWINS]

What a horrible thing to have in your mind for all these years! I feel so sorry for you what horrible people

 

[Deesknee]

I'm sorry for your loss.
My brother died almost 7 yrs ago.
he was 40 yrs old. my mother still grieves, he left behind 1dd and1ds. they are adults now.
my mom tries to talk about it alot. sometimes i'm strong enough to listen sometimes if i talk or listen about it i get depressed for days. i have 4 young kids, they are (Thank you God alive and need me) I can't afford to get to depressed. I've brought up grief consoling to my mother, but she thinks that that is what you have family for. I love my mother deeply. I love my 2 surviving brothers. I loved and will always love my departed brother.
I also love the son I had (adopted) and lost after having him for 2 days. His bio mom was allowed to change her mind and keep him after all. There is no cemetery to visit. But I grieve every year on his birthday(May 5th) also. Apprx 1 yr after this loss my dh and I ended up seperated. I then went to consoling. What a difference.My consoling lasted 6 WKS. As it turns out I just needed someone to listen!! My dh and I have been together and happy ever since. Grief is strong.........like love.........each tear you cry is a testimony to both...........but so are happy tears.
Perhaps to make an appt for that day, with someone you trust to talk to, a clergy person, a consoler. Just for a day.
May your higher power hold and hug you with each tear you shed.

 

[Rajah]

No, I don't think you're asking too much at all.

 

[kimber79]

 

[Lynda Silk]

I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes as I read through your post and the posts of support and sympathy from the others. I just wanted to say how sorry I was to hear of your son's death and I agree completely with the other posters who said that he'll always be with you!!! I truly believe that he lives on in your heart and although he resides in heaven, he's still here on earth through you!

I am so sorry that you were treated so insensitively by so many people; you definitely should remember and celebrate his birthday! It's so sad the way people deal with their grief but you should have been the number 1 priority and it looks like people forgot that!

From Brampton, Ontario (not too far away; I'm assuming you're from Hamilton), a great big hug from an Argos fan! And from a fellow dis'er!!!!

 

[tigercat]

Thank you all very much for your kind words. I am usually fine with all of this and deal fairly well with it just have a really hard time this time of the year. Deesknee I actually did talk to a minister but I ended up listening to him talk about how bad his life was because he was having problems with his wife and I really should be happy that my dh & I were still okay. And Silk I actually don't live in Hamilton I live a little closer to you than that.
I keep busy during the day right now and by this weekend I should be settled down. All the things I experienced at least helps me deal with people in the same situation. I always believe that something good happens out of every situation, you just have to find it. It just is hard to remember when I am feeling so sad with no where to go. Thank you all for listening to me and all your kind thoughts. It has really made my day today a little easier knowing that there were people who cared.
tigercat