You had me at "gorilla". When I read your criteria for dining reviews, all three of them pointed to oybolshoi (Brenda).

If there ever was a DISer with a quirky sense of humor, Simpsons references, and a penchant for food porn....it's her.
And I didn't realize that I've quoted Moe before. I think I've described something I've eaten as "my mouth had a party and everyone's invited".
Il Mulino seems to be hit or miss. I've seen incredible reviews of it, and the not-so-incredible ones like your second experience. I'm on the fence about trying it. But the food did look incredible.