I have been sentenced to Disney-Time out :(

[GATORinaZ28]

Edit: I am not looking for marital advice or any advice...just simply stating I'm sad.
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My wife is quite upset with me about the trips my daughter and I take to Disney. My wife hates the place and doesn't want anything to do with it. My daughter and I love it and try to go every few years, though I pushed it with a few extra trips recently, thus earning the time out.

I try to go places she wants to go as well, but 9 times out of 10, she cancels the trip for some reason (doesn't think we should spend the money, possible future medical costs, etc).

I am hoping to somehow convince her to let us go in December 2016, but that is a battle I am not prepared to fight yet. So now I just sadly read these boards and get jealous of everyone. I left all the Facebook groups I was in since it made me sad as well.

Not sure why I am posting it...just to pass along my feelings to those that would understand I guess.

Thanks!

 

[g8torphan]

Sorry to hear....at least you're still a Gator!

ChompChomp

 

[smitch425]

My wife is quite upset with me about the trips my daughter and I take to Disney. My wife hates the place and doesn't want anything to do with it. My daughter and I love it and try to go every few years, though I pushed it with a few extra trips recently, thus earning the time out.

I try to go places she wants to go as well, but 9 times out of 10, she cancels the trip for some reason (doesn't think we should spend the money, possible future medical costs, etc).

I am hoping to somehow convince her to let us go in December 2016, but that is a battle I am not prepared to fight yet. So now I just sadly read these boards and get jealous of everyone. I left all the Facebook groups I was in since it made me sad as well.

Not sure why I am posting it...just to pass along my feelings to those that would understand I guess.

Thanks!

How sad! Unless you are taking these trips by going into debt, I don't know why it would be a big deal. You sound like a loving father. She sounds too bossy to me. Lol! I hope it works out for you. Has she tried a Disney spa?

 

[APiratesLifeForMe2]

Is your wife jealous perhaps of the fabulous time you and your daughter have when you are in Disney? Although it sounds like you already try to take trips she wants, maybe she knows you and DD would rather be in Disney? I completely understand worries about affording a vacation etc. but perhaps there is some deeper reason. I hope you are able to figure it out and don't become too sad being on the boards. No matter how far away your next trip may be, it's always fun to plan it.

 

[Richard M Nixon]

It sounds like you could benefit from marriage / couples' counseling to discuss what's going on here. It sounds like you've had this clash many times before and it's a point of contention that she also feels very strongly about. Sitting down and discussing it with an outside voice could be very healthy and open up dialogue that's difficult to do alone.

 

[csm101]

I know exactly what your feeling

 

[kaetra]

I feel for you! Living with a Disney hater must be very hard for a Disney lover.

My husband didn't ban me from Disney outright, but he was completely irritated with the number of trips being taken and money being spent. Also he wants to travel other places, but daughter & I are just not super keen on mountain climbing. So I stopped booking the trips on my own to keep the peace. After many months he could see how it affected our moods. After over a year of no trips for the girls (and almost 3 years since he'd been) I was so happy that he gave me a Disney gift card for Christmas 2014 with the words written on it "For Disney World". I cried tears of joy and he was very happy to see me that happy!

Hang in there, maybe she'll have a change of heart after a bit of a break! After some time off maybe you can find an agreeable compromise.

 

[angelicamy12]

I'm so sorry to hear that - there's nothing worse than knowing you are unlikely to return to your 'happy place' for the foreseeable future.

We have no plans to return to Disney in the immediate future as we have to save for our wedding at the moment and, whilst I appreciate your situation is very different to mine, please take solace in the face that you are not along. I actually love reading trip reports - even if I don't have trips planned as I find the escapism helps cure the Disney blues

 

[kharoof13]

I agree with the above poster who suggested you guys seek professional help...it's not healthy for one person to completely deny the other person something that brings them and their child joy. There is some deeper issue at work. I think it's great that you respect your wife's wishes, but I seriously recommend some sort of counseling because that behavior is not normal.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Maybe she isn't a traveler at all. (The way I read your post is they alternate destinations get cancelled. But maybe I read that wrong.)

Is it possible to just plan your own vacations and she stay home.

There are folks who do that happily.

 

[GATORinaZ28]

Thanks all! To answer some of the posts, in no special order:

1- GO GATORS!
2- With the exception of our last trip in December, all money for the trip is saved, so nothing goes in CC. I offer the spa and a resort with a balcony, but she refuses.
3- I think the hardest part is the fact that my daughter and I have those trips and truly enjoy them, but cant take them now. She loves them so much that she wants to be an Imagineer one day. We always book Dine with an Imagineer for that purpose.
4- Marriage Counseling. We are actually in counseling, but for another reason. We bought a new house in August 2014 and moved my mother-in-law in. That move has created some friction because she is a hoarder and I am a pain when it comes to disorder. To be honest, I am hoping that we can move into other things like this. Maybe.
5- I see other mentions of separate vacations, and that is something that we have tried in the past. I am actually OK with it, but she decided that its not for her. Still, when I see other couples at Disney, I end of missing my wife terribly. She gets mad at me for not enjoying myself while I am there. lol

Cant think of anything else.

Thanks all!

 

[smitch425]

I would bring up everything in counseling. With a mother in law like that, I can see why you would want to get away!

 

[DisneyFive]

Give it your best, and best wishes.

Dan

 

[lilbuddy88]

I guess I should go kiss my husband. He is not a Disney fan either but he is more than happy to send the kids and me on our way. Maybe she fears that you and you daughter have a better connection than her and your daughter and it is manifesting itself by her trying to stop some if the bonding. I hope you can get to the root of this because it doesn't sound like it's really about Disney.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I'm sorry. You say you have tried other places and she cancels 90% of the time.

I simply could not tolerate that in my relationship. I am a traveler. It is one thing to literally be unable to go due to finance or a non-self-imposed circumstance. It is far different to say--I don't like that place nor do I want you to take me any place I do like.

I would simply say, sorry--but until she is willing to actually go on a family vacation, then you retain the right to choose the destination and take your daughter.

And thus I can never be a marriage counselor.

 

[ThistleMae]

Wow! This is truly a sad situation with no immediate solutions....so sorry. My motto is "life is short"! Mature individuals, with good coping skills, support individuality in a relationship. In a healthy relationship one person supports the others interests and wholeheartedly desires the other to be happy and joyous. It seems this isn't the case with your wife. It puts you in between a rock and a hard place because if you make a decision to go...she'll probably make your life pretty unpleasant for going against her desires. On the other hand....how much do you and your daughter sacrifice for her "fears" and "insecurities". It is a question only you can answer. Good luck...and remember...you only live once!

 

[AquaDame]

+1 to mentioning this in counseling. Ultimatums are not healthy and can easily go along with your current talk about the mother in law and hoarding - you are being put upon in a lot of different ways that are tearing into your happiness/quality of life at home. It sounds like with the trips your daughter is getting involved as well. I'd actually go one step further and say your wife may do very well with individual therapy too. If she is always cancelling trips (regardless of the location) out of fear of some future unknown... she needs to talk that through with someone. She isn't happy either.

On the other hand, you said you'd been going every few years or so, but then threw in extra trip(S) all in one year including putting part of the latest on a CC. If she doesn't like it to start, and is worried about finances and then you upped the ante all of a sudden to way more than you had been going, leaving her at home alone with her mother... yeah I could see her freaking out and saying no more trips for at least a while, lol! Consider it the cost of taking more now and paying for it later just like the credit card. You have to pay back your time between trips a little and show some constraint. I bet December 2016 isn't out of the question, its just out of the question FOR NOW, and in the meantime, focus on therapy and get you all back to a good place.

 

[Belle61513]

My parents divorced when I was 3 and from kindergarten on, my dad took me to WDW alone every couple years. My dad and I always had a GREAT time and that's why I still love WDW today. Does your wife need to go? Perhaps you can take your daughter alone and then ALSO go on a one on one vacay with your wife and/or a family trip?

 

[LSUfan4444]

but 9 times out of 10, she cancels the trip for some reason (doesn't think we should spend the money, possible future medical costs, etc).

It's none of our business, but maybe she is right. It might be worth a trip to a financial advisor and have them break down your financial situation. They can sit down with you, help you focus on retirement, savings, budgets, etc. so if her financial concerns are viable it might shed some light on the situation. If her concerns are unjustified, maybe hearing it from a professional might help.

Counseling may be needed as well, but there are too many variables we don't know. I mean, no offense but we're only hearing your side of the story. Her side may be that ya'll have credit card debt to your ears, two car notes, struggle to meet monthly debt payment requirements yet every two years you're shoving off to WDW with DD while she stays home and works two jobs to pay the bills.

Obviously, I'm using hyperbole but be open to finding the true root of the problem. If it isn't financial, ask her for another shot and dedicate parts of the trip to truly doing stuff she likes. It may mean sacrifice on your part and missing out on some park days, but she has to like something Orlando and the these mark areas have to offer (sports, shopping, dining, recreation, water parks, etc)

 

[BugsDaddy]

My suggestion would be to not come to a message board for marital advise. I would continue on with counseling and keep in mind, as you probably know, that compromise is part of the deal in marriage on both sides. It does sound to me like she feels that the vacation budget should be reduced and that money should be allocated somewhere else.