I am so sorry to hear about what has happened...The unexpected difficulties are the ones that shake you the hardest, but like Rocky Balboa says, "You, me or nobody is going to hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard you hit, it is about how hard you can
get hit and keep moving forward, how much can you take and keep moving forward. " It sounds like you both are lucky to have such a loving and supportive family and I'm sure the future will have much better things in store.
My mother was a single parent working on a 26k yearly salary, and she somehow managed to save up just enough to take me to WDW year after year, and let me tell you that the magic of Disney is something that you can't put a price on. Someone paying for the tickets alone can have the greatest time of their lives because they're just grateful to be there, but someone else buying every toy and expensive option there is may find themselves less than satisfied. That being said, I think I'd have to agree that the best course of action is to drop the Hopper passes, and the
DDP. My DM and I had no dining plan, but we did fly in and utilized the free transportation available on property...when you take the trip down there, if you do decide to stay on site then use the busses! With gas prices having shot up to ridiculous prices being able to save every drop you can is a huge amount of money back in your pocket. If you have a costco/sam's card then buy staple food supplies for meals like lunch/breakfast in bulk! Making sandwiches for lunch with juice and fruit, and eating cereal for breakfast will be a lifesaver compared to the prices you may end up paying there for barely the same amount...leaving you free to choose counter service or an actual sit-down meal in the parks later if you'd like.
Buying souvenirs is a must have for my family, but be smart about it...give your children each the same amount of money to be spent on your trip and tell them that they are free to spend it however they like, but that once it's gone it's gone. I had 100$ one trip, and was in heaven beacuse I spent it all on one beautiful hand sculpted Maleficent statue for 99$...It was my choice, and I was proud! Photos are memories that last a lifetime too, so if you're a big photo person you can sometimes find resonably priced gorgeous photo albums to commemorate such an important trip. If you drop the hopper option, make sure to learn which parks have EMH on which days during your stay, to get the most out of your ticket...It's great to know even if you're still keeping the hopper option.
-use on site transportation during your stay to save gas
-buy food in bulk or on sale to save $$$
-give out money allowances to your children and budget yourself as well per day.
-drop the DDP in place of eating your own food/snacks
-Drop the hopper option
I don't think you have to shave off days from your trip unless your pre-planning leads you to believe you'll be spending way too much after cutting costs, because my DM mother and I found that when we were conservative with our spending we had saved much more than we thought, enough to stay 3 extra days....so we did!
I wish you the best of luck, this trip is much needed for your family to forget the pain of everyday life and stress. Have a magical vacation!