I have a bit of a dilema!?!

[donzgyrl]

This is a little long. I have a chance to go to Disney 9/17-9/23 with my Parents. I am 29 and married, my parents asked if my DH wanted to go too, he said that there is too much stuff that needs to be done around our house ( we just moved this past March) so he said that he doesn't want to go. He doesn't want me to go either, My parents are paying for everthing, they just said that I only need to bring spending $$. I don't know what to do?! I know that if I don't I'll kick myself later, but DH is right there is alot of stuff that needs to be done around the house ( mostly outside stuff that I wouldn't be doing anyway). I really want to go, I've been trying to talk to him into going for my birthday in Jan, and he told me that if I can save the $$ we could. Well I have been, I've been working a lot of overtime and any extra$$ I get goes in my Disney Fund. Now he says that he doesn't want to go in Jan.. The way I see it is if I go in 2wks I won't bother him as much for at least a year!! The last time I was there was May 04' for my Honeymoon, he said he's in no hurry to go back, but I've been dying to go back.

So Should I stay or should I go?!?!?!


TIA

Donzgyrl

 

[HockeyMomto2]

Talk to him, and if he doesn't mind you going....go. Have a great time with your parents. You need to spend time with them too.

 

[Mariposa]

I vote for go.. (and not just because I'd jump at any chance to go to WDW). Clearly, WDW is not your DH's thing.. Explain that you really wanted to go in Jan for your birthday, but since he's not in any hurry to get back to WDW you'll just go in a couple of weeks with your parents.. This way he can work on the house, you can have fun, AND you won't have to spend the money you've been saving on WDW and can maybe take a long weekend somewhere romantic that he'd like more in Jan?

 

[danny1649]

Issue with husband,I say go.

 

[abacobaby]

I'm sorry if this sounds a little nosy, but I'm just a little curious why your DH would not want you to go. If it is something that would make YOU happy, he should be happy to let you go. I go away every Christmas (the week after Christmas) and every year I ask my DH to go (I actually want him to go) and every year he says he'll stay home and do stuff around the house, but there is never an issue of him not wanting me to go. He knows this is something that will make me happy and I know that his staying home will make him happier than going somewhere with me that he doesn't want to go to. Make sense? This way we are both happy!

If I were you, I would sit down with him and explain to him how much this means to you, going to DW. Just be open and honest with him.

Anyway, hope that helps and good luck!!!

 

[MelodyMack]

I still don't understand why he doesn't want you to go. One little trip (one little FREE trip) doesn't seem like a big deal to me. Is there some history here that you aren't sharing? My honey would LEAP on board for a FREE trip!

I would advise you to offer to do a lot of the work before you leave and remind him that this trip will alleviate all the stressful guilt and hassle you would have heaped on him to take you later on anyway!

I would DEFINITELY go....
Mel

 

[abacobaby]

P.S. My DH actually prefers for me not to be home while he is doing stuff around the house. That way I am not in the way, interupting him for dinner, etc. He says he can work late at night while I am not here and not feel guilty for working instead of spending time with his family. Just a thought...you might want to bring up in the conversation!

 

[newholidayx2]

If I were you Id go

 

[CalvaryMike]

My $.02. You've only been married just a little bit over a year. I would say to go, but ONLY if it's with his full consent. Communication is very important in a marriage and you two should talk about this. Maybe he doesn't want you to go because he would miss you. My wife went to a seminar for a weekend after our first year of marriage and I missed her very much!
If you go without his FULL consent, it may be an early start to building walls within your marriage. That's definitely what you don't want to do, Mickey or no Mickey.

 

[DisneyD]

Here's your bargaining chip.....

Going to Disney NOW won't cost either of you anything since your parents are paying for it. So, take the money you've been earmarking for Disney and use it for a "House" project, which seems to be what he wants to do.
Put it to him that way and see what he says. This way you get the trip you want and he gets the added bonus of house project that might not have been fully funded without your "Disney" savings.

If you go without him, you'll probably be miserable thinking about him and he'll never let you forget that you didn't help with a project.

I've been married almost 13 years (Sept. 19th) and this has always gotten me through. A little give and take and negotiation.

Maybe he's just uncomfortable traveling with your parents. Just remember, you don't have to stick with them all the time. Just meet up for a ride or dinner.

GOOD LUCK! Let us know what happens.

 

[donzgyrl]

Thank you for the replies.
My DH doesn't want me to go because, he is also taking the same time for vacation to work around the house, he's gonna try to finish putting up the siding on the back of the house ,clean up the back yard some and plant some grass seed in the front yard. I would help a little, but not that much, I have a black thumb it seems. He wants to spend time with me on vacation. Also he'll miss me. We've been together just about 24/7 ( except for work) for the past 8 years. He doesn't want to go because WDW does nothing for him. He's kinda funny. In July he brought up the idea of taking his parents in Oct. We would pay for everything. So I don't know sometimes. I think it's a macho thing with him, like it would make him less of a man if he admitted that he had fun at WDW!?!? He's weird like that sometimes. I don't know.

But I will sit down and talk to him about it. He knows how much I want to go back. He calls me a Disney Dork! I have been obsessed with going back since we got back from our honeymoon. As matter of fact when I tell him how bad I want to go back sometimes I have tears in my eyes.

Thanks

Donzgyrl

 

[DisneyD]

I just want to add that the poster before me is right. Communication is oh so important, especially in the early stages of marriage. It's all about give and take and working it out. Offer him the chance to use your DIS savings for the house and take a free trip now. You both get what you want without compromising the other's wishes.

 

[mmeb144]

Donzgrl,

I hear you about the tears in the eyes, wanting to go back to WDW. But, it's very important to have buy-in from your DH. Just recently I went to a really cool concert, just me and the kids, no DH. I didn't feel comfortable about the idea until I was sure that he was ok with just me and kids going. I really wanted him to go, but he didn't want to. (Too hot! Go figure. ) The point being, just be honest with your honey, and tell yourself in advance that he wins over your parents any day of the week.

Marie

 

[SamanthaL]

My $.02. You've only been married just a little bit over a year. I would say to go, but ONLY if it's with his full consent. Communication is very important in a marriage and you two should talk about this. Maybe he doesn't want you to go because he would miss you. My wife went to a seminar for a weekend after our first year of marriage and I missed her very much!
If you go without his FULL consent, it may be an early start to building walls within your marriage. That's definitely what you don't want to do, Mickey or no Mickey.

Well I have been with DH for alot of years and I say your statement works both ways. If she goes without his blessing ( I like this word far better than "consent". The last person I asked for their consent was my Dad and I was a teen! A DH and DW don't "ask for consent" IMO) he will be resentful. If he tells her no and she takes that as the last word, believe me she will be resentful.
If the trip is free and not causing any financial hardship, they are both being invited and one decides not to go, that in no way means the other should lose out.
If he will miss her that badly then he should go. The house will still be there but this offer won't be.
Marriage is a wonderful thing but it in no way means that you lose your individuality. My DH would probably go but if he decided to stay home, like he did last Oct., he would encourage me to go and have fun. He would want me to be happy. THAT is what marriage is about my dear.

 

[DisneyD]

My husband and I have this sort-of unwritten agreement when we have "house" projects (one of which is in the process- our bathroom!). I give him plenty of time to work alone (or together) but he also has to understand that I won't compromise our time or time with our daughters just to finish a project.

For example, over Labor Day weekend we had an agreement. We'd have family time on Saturday and Sunday afternoon. Sat. night/Sun. morning and all day Monday were for him to work on the bathroom- without me or the kids bugging him.

I can understand why your husband wants to get that siding done before cold weather. Plus, planting grass is ideal at that time of year. Maybe you could try to get a group of guys together to help him get it done in a weekend? Just offer a free dinner or BBQ in return.

We have some friends that we trade off with. We help them with a project, then they help us out. Goes a lot faster!

 

[Mcbruns]

Girl, you had better GO !
GO - GO - GO.
Nothing more to say.

 

[O2BNWDW]

This is a little long. I have a chance to go to Disney 9/17-9/23 with my Parents. I am 29 and married, my parents asked if my DH wanted to go too, he said that there is too much stuff that needs to be done around our house ( we just moved this past March) so he said that he doesn't want to go. He doesn't want me to go either, My parents are paying for everthing, they just said that I only need to bring spending $$. I don't know what to do?! I know that if I don't I'll kick myself later, but DH is right there is alot of stuff that needs to be done around the house ( mostly outside stuff that I wouldn't be doing anyway). I really want to go, I've been trying to talk to him into going for my birthday in Jan, and he told me that if I can save the $$ we could. Well I have been, I've been working a lot of overtime and any extra$$ I get goes in my Disney Fund. Now he says that he doesn't want to go in Jan.. The way I see it is if I go in 2wks I won't bother him as much for at least a year!! The last time I was there was May 04' for my Honeymoon, he said he's in no hurry to go back, but I've been dying to go back.

So Should I stay or should I go?!?!?!


TIA

Donzgyrl

GO!
You only have so much time with your parents (trust me I lost my DF this past july) take the vacation and enjoy the time with them. But, I would definitely discuss this with you DH first. Hopefully, your DH will understand.

 

[huey578]

You should go,Donzgyrl. If my in-laws offered to pay for a WDW trip,I would have my bags packed in a mickey second!!

 

[freakylick]

My DH would probably go but if he decided to stay home, like he did last Oct., he would encourage me to go and have fun. He would want me to be happy. THAT is what marriage is about my dear.

But I'm sure that you stayed home so that he wouldn't have to miss you, right.

 

[Amyality]

Is there a control issue here? I only ask because, you mentioned that you spend 24/7 together but, his reason for you to stay home is he will miss you and he thinks you can help him put up siding - which you said you won't be doing much of and I'm sure he knows it. You may want to use the communication lines others have mentioned to get this squared away now before years and years have gone by. I know! Maybe I am way off but, that is the sense I got from your post. I hope you go! Maybe you and DH could shorten the trip and have the best of both worlds?!?!?