I Guess That is What I Get!!!

[luvsJack]

Well, I have been saying over and over how lucky we are not to have a lot of drama on the holidays with my extended family or dh's like some of you have talked about having. Spoke too soon, I guess.

Doesn't really effect me because we are eating at my in-laws but somehow I ended up in the middle--where I am slowly backing out and letting them duke it out themselves. Its my mom and my sister.

12 years ago when my dad and brother died, all of our family traditions changed. Prior to that every Thanksgiving my Mom put on a big family gathering for whoever wanted to be there. After their deaths, we started doing different things each year for awhile.

Well, for the past 5 years or so, mom has wanted to go back to having the family gathering at her house. Well, for some reason, if they are home for the holiday, my sister wants to have the gathering at her daughter's house (or maybe its the daughter wanting to have it there, I really don't know for sure). For some reason part of the family will not come to the dinner if it is at my niece's house. And that particular part of the family recently had a loss in their family that was devastating, so its important to mom that they feel welcome.

Anyway, today my sister calls me and says she is emailing two other family members (the ones that won't come to her daughter's house) and letting them know its at her daughter's house--no clue why she felt the need to tell me this, like I said I won't be there. But, mom is planning it at her house. Sooooo, family member called mom and said they thought it was at her house. Now mom is saying "I am having it here" and sis is saying "We are having it there" and I am just glad I already have plans.

You have to understand that one part of the family is more low income and my niece is very high income. No one actually discusses money but maybe its just a feeling between all of them because of the difference. Not sure, because I am comfortable with both of them. I will say that I can understand a little, because you just don't have that same comfortable feeling that makes you want to hang around and visit after dinner. Mom has a family room and a living room with big comfy couches and chairs that just invite you to relax and visit after dinner. DN's house isn't that way at all.

I was telling dh on the phone tonight that I am glad this is his family's year because I would prefer to stay out of it but that I felt like mom should have it where she wanted to (not something I will repeat to eithe my mom or my sister). So he tells me he wouldn't go if we were supposed to be with my family because he doesn't like going to her house!! I didn't even know!

Maybe its time to start making vacation plans every Thanksgiving. What a wonderful way to get him to take me to Disney every year.


I am sure it will all blow over, if not--maybe they can serve turkey at one house and ham at the other, pumpkin pie at one and chocolate pie at the other and everybody can eat where their favorites are served!! There will be a LOT of food on this hill that weekend!!

 

[C.Ann]

I think from now on (like forever) you should just do whatever you and your DH want to do..

And that's what you get for "speaking too soon"..

 

[luvsJack]

I think from now on (like forever) you should just do whatever you and your DH want to do..

And that's what you get for "speaking too soon"..

I know!!! I actually laughed and said that to myself when my sister called me today! Serves me right for feeling so smug about our drama-less holidays!

And you are right, we will do our own thing with our own kids and grandkids. Maybe a week in a mountain cabin--that sounds heavenly!! And the next year a week in WDW!! Ok, I can definitly live with that.

 

[C.Ann]

And you are right, we will do our own thing with our own kids and grandkids. Maybe a week in a mountain cabin--that sounds heavenly!! And the next year a week in WDW!! Ok, I can definitly live with that.

Now you're talking!!

 

[Hannathy]

I would just tell them both to have their own dinner and let the family members decide themselves where to go. Those that are comfortable with your Mom will go there and be happy and those comfortable with your niece will go there and be happy.

 

[dislaney]

I know!!! I actually laughed and said that to myself when my sister called me today! Serves me right for feeling so smug about our drama-less holidays!

And you are right, we will do our own thing with our own kids and grandkids. Maybe a week in a mountain cabin--that sounds heavenly!! And the next year a week in WDW!! Ok, I can definitly live with that.

A week in Disney might be worth a little drama.

 

[luvsJack]

A week in Disney might be worth a little drama.

Thats what I was thinking!

 

[luvsJack]

I would just tell them both to have their own dinner and let the family members decide themselves where to go. Those that are comfortable with your Mom will go there and be happy and those comfortable with your niece will go there and be happy.

I didn't get far enough into to it to actually ask my sister but I think she thinks they are helping mom by doing this. But, I have to ask her where she has actually been the last 50 years that makes her think she can "lead" mom into any direction. She has decided this is what she wants and why not just go with it.

Mom usually keeps my dgd during the day while the rest of us work and they may think this would be easier on mom. But, I will be off all next week so am going to have dgd some of the time, her other grandmother will have her some of the time and her parents will be off some days and they will have her the rest of the time. So Mom will have the "week off" too and this is what she wants to do with it. She is set in what she wants and there just isn't too much point in arguing with her at this point!

But, I have the luxury of leaving it with them! So, it's all good. Besides, the more they "discuss" it the more I can tell dh "see, it would just be easier to go to wdw that week next year!"

 

[cm8]

I think from now on (like forever) you should just do whatever you and your DH want to do..

And that's what you get for "speaking too soon"..

and for not "knocking On wood"

 

[minkydog]

I am sure it will all blow over, if not--maybe they can serve turkey at one house and ham at the other, pumpkin pie at one and chocolate pie at the other and everybody can eat where their favorites are served!! There will be a LOT of food on this hill that weekend!!

Actually, I think this is a good idea! Everybody wins. But then again, we don't celebrate the holidays with family, usually. Best thing we ever did was move 400miles away So we have the perfectly legitimate excuse of "Sorry, we can't travel this year (or any year!)"