I guess it's time to get "help"

[minniecarousel]

I'm sad. My Mom is failing. She's 92 and lives with DH & me. We were gone for 9 days and my sisters took turns staying here with her. I could see a difference when we got home. At first, we chalked it up to a disruption in her routine. She fell this morning when I was out. DH heard her phone ringing & she obviously wasn't picking up. So he went to check on her and she was on her bedroom floor. She didn't seem to be hurt - she just couldn't get up on her own.

I work mornings at a school & I'm off for 2 weeks. I have one contact who works in a retirement complex in a near-by town. I believe I'll be calling her and asking how to get someone to come in for a few hours in the mornings.

The home health nurse comes in on Mondays, mainly to check her toes & I'll ask her for suggestions.

She is somewhat embaressed about needing so much help. Her arms are so weak and her left knee keeps wanting to give out. Why does end-of-life have to be so complicated?

 

[Morganpics]

We were nearly at your point with my Mom. However, she had congestive heart failure and once she went in the hospital she deteriorated rapidly and died before we could get her home. You have my prayers. There is nothing easy about it.

 

[Mommy2cody]

 

[minniecarousel]

Yeah - Mom's in a fairly advanced level of CHF, along with some level of kidney failure. She was in the hosp 3 times last Winter/Spring. I feel that she's pretty much given up. You can see that it's such a struggle for her to even walk.

 

[BelleWDW]

Dealing with 2 Moms presently who may one day need to go to assisted living...which they are ADAMANT they dont want. Sigh.

 

[coconutprincess]

 

[Micca]

Been there, done that Minnie. Sounds like she's needs at least assisted living if not a full care nursing home. Nobody wants that, but there is quality of life to consider for her and you. If she continues to fall she's going to break a bone from which she may not recover. Also you & your DH have some quality of life to consider. You can't be there all the time, and you don't need the guilt and responsibility hanging over your head. Good luck, and take some comfort in knowing you aren't the first to endure this.

 

[TnTsParty]

Sorry to hear about your mom. My grandmother fell last New Years Day and broke her hip. She had to go to rehab hospital and finally came home. She turned 92 March and within days of being home fell out of bed and broke the other hip. She was in a nursing home until she passed away on May 2. Do whatever you can to not let your mom fall. It seems once they break their hip its down hill from there. I pray for the best for your mom. I know its hard especially this time of year.

 

[minkydog]

Sorry to hear about your mom. My grandmother fell last New Years Day and broke her hip. She had to go to rehab hospital and finally came home. She turned 92 March and within days of being home fell out of bed and broke the other hip. She was in a nursing home until she passed away on May 2. Do whatever you can to not let your mom fall. It seems once they break their hip its down hill from there. I pray for the best for your mom. I know its hard especially this time of year.

I agree. I've seen it over and over. My sister's MIL was having symptoms of dementia, but her husband wouldn't hear of bringing in "strangers" to help or putting her in a nursing home. So one day, MIL fell out of bed and he couldn't get her up. He had to call 911 and even then he didn't want her transported to the hospital. He just wanted her put back in bed. Well, they are hoarders and teh fire dept immediately said their house was a fire hazard and called Adult Services. The MIL went to the hospital with a broken hip and the FIL went straight to assisted living. They have no children within 700 miles. The MIL went downhill over a period of months and died in the summer. The FIL actually has done very well. He loves living in this assisted living. He has little old ladies flirting with him and inviting him to eat lunch with them. So they sold the house and he's happy as a clam.

OP, you have my sympathy. It is so hard to watch your parents become frail. Sounds like it's time to bring in some help or think about helping your mother find an assisted living facility nearby. They're not all dumps. My MIL (89) broke her hip last Feb and has been moved to a nursing home. They are great with her. We are very pleased with the home. MIL has been a pill about it, but what are you gonna do? She's unable to care for herself at all now and can no longer walk. It's too difficult to care for her alone. We simply cannot do it. Even if we lived there. We have our own disabled son to take care of. If we had to also care for MIL it would put all of us over the edge.

 

[fortheluvofpooh]

sorry you are going through this. I too have my mom living with us. She is only 79 and failing already. My dad died 6 yrs ago and she has been so lost without him. She is weak. She has constant pain. I wish you the best with what ever you decide with your mom.

 

[mamajoan]

Hey there Min, sorry to hear your mom us not doing so well. If home health nurses are coming out to see her once a week... they can hook you up with companion care, respite care or a Home Health Aide thru the agency... it may be costly tho. They also can give you a list of private duty caregivers alot of agencies do that too. The nurse that comes out should re evaluate her and request that PT come out and help her learn to use a walker, increase her strength and improve her balance. That is always a possibility for her. They can do that if there has been a change in her condition.. such as increased falls or new a diagnosis.
Sometimes a new face helps motivate or perk a person up. Not always.. but sometimes....
I am glad that you are caring for her in your home. That is alot to take on- I hope that you can get some help to keep her with you.

 

[minniecarousel]

Hey there Min, sorry to hear your mom us not doing so well. If home health nurses are coming out to see her once a week... they can hook you up with companion care, respite care or a Home Health Aide thru the agency... it may be costly tho. They also can give you a list of private duty caregivers alot of agencies do that too. The nurse that comes out should re evaluate her and request that PT come out and help her learn to use a walker, increase her strength and improve her balance. That is always a possibility for her. They can do that if there has been a change in her condition.. such as increased falls or new a diagnosis.
Sometimes a new face helps motivate or perk a person up. Not always.. but sometimes....
I am glad that you are caring for her in your home. That is alot to take on- I hope that you can get some help to keep her with you.

Thanks, mj, we really want to keep her here.

Thanks to all for your suggestions & hugs. They mean a lot.

 

[golfgal]

There is a home health care agency based in California called LivHome. They will come in and do a fee assessment on your mom's needs and help you figure out the best plan for her. Look up the local one in your area and give them a call.

As for being embarrassed about "needing" help, it is all in the way you phrase it "mom, I know you don't really NEED help but would you LIKE some help". It is amazing how much easier it is for seniors to LIKE help vs NEED help .

 

[4nana]

I'm sorry to hear and send prayers things work out for the best all the way around for you, your family and dear ailing Mom. God Bless, you sound like a wonderful DD.