I feel trapped by my family....long long long vent.

[florida-again]

from before i started college, my mum always insisted once i graduated i would come home, where i could live RENT FREE, and save for a mortgage.

Recently she sat me down and said they'd like to get an extension done on the house and I would get a nice big room (my current room is so small it only fits my bed in it-nothing else at all). But the extra cost of the extension would mean they'd need me to pay rent.

I thought - OK, I can live with that, the money will be worth it because having a bigger room will finally mean I can have friends or BF over to watch tv, will have room to get dressed, or my own space to chill out.

She now says however, that they won't be getting an extension, but she'd still like me to pay rent. Now before anyone thinks I'm terrible and lazy for not wanting to pay rent, I should explain that I don't want to live at home. The lack of space means I can't even just chill out with BF and watch tv, or even watch tv myself, the house really is tiny and 4 other people live here.

The rent will be less than if I rented my own place, but it will still severely hinder me in saving up to move out. I am so sad that I'll be paying rent to live here in really, unliveable conditions. My friends parents, whether they ask them to pay rent or not, always allow friends or SOs to stay over once in a while, to make living at home more bearable. In my house however, BF can't even come round for an hour.

I know I might get flamed for seeming like I don't want to pay rent. But people who live at home to enjoy the luxury of having their laundry done and their meals cooked, SHOULD pay rent. But for me, I really don't want to be there.

I have no idea what to do now, I feel backed into a corner over this. I expressed to my mother that I may as well pay rent on my own place than pay rent here, but she got very angry and said I was ungrateful.....

ok....vent over......phew that was long

 

[florida-again]

Sorry to reply to my own post, I also wanted to add that not only is it a tiny house where I can't have any friends or BF to visit, but it is also NOT a happy environment to live in either.

Meanwhile just taking the plunge and renting my own place is not so easy as BF and I plan to live together but A) He won't have to pay rent to live at home and B) he studies finance so knows that renting would be financially problematic in the long run.

 

[wdwmom2]

I am so sad that I'll be paying rent to live here in really, unliveable conditions.

Please don't think that I am flaming you, but unlivable conditions is more like laying on a grate beside the road because you are homeless, and wondering were your next meal is coming from. Sounds like you need to make a choice, pay rent at home or rent your own place. Not always an easy decision. Just give it some careful thought and weigh the pros and cons of both.

 

[mickman1962]

Sounds to me like you want the best of both worlds, your own place and cheap rent. Pick one or the other because your not going to get both.

 

[Mercy]

Well I say, pay your rent for now, but start putting anything away you can to find a place of your own. I don't know how old you are, but I think you need to have some "space" of your own. Be cool with your mother, but don't let her guilt you into staying longer than you really want to.

 

[darrose]

At your age I can understand mom deciding to charge you rent. Choices like this are part of the growing up process. Its your choice now to pay the rent or move. Good luck!!!

 

[Serena]

Please don't think that I am flaming you, but unlivable conditions is more like laying on a grate beside the road because you are homeless, and wondering were your next meal is coming from. Sounds like you need to make a choice, pay rent at home or rent your own place. Not always an easy decision. Just give it some careful thought and weigh the pros and cons of both.

exactly

 

[florida-again]

At your age I can understand mom deciding to charge you rent. Choices like this are part of the growing up process. Its your choice now to pay the rent or move. Good luck!!!

You guys are right about the rent, I'm usually the first person to say that adults living at home should pay rent.

It just upset me because they always said I would not pay rent because it would hinder me saving up to move out...and then very recently changed their minds.

I dunno....this growing up stuff isn't easy!

 

[Keli]

It's all a part of growing up. This is one of your first adult decisions and you are old enough and in the right position in life to start making them. It's not going to be the last time you are faced with two choices in life and you don't want either one of them. Just try to use wisdom and make the choice that will benefit you most in the long run. Always keep an eye towards the future.

 

[Serena]

You guys are right about the rent, I'm usually the first person to say that adults living at home should pay rent.

It just upset me because they always said I would not pay rent because it would hinder me saving up to move out...and then very recently changed their minds.

I dunno....this growing up stuff isn't easy!

I don't like that they changed their minds about the rent, but they do have that right. But make this decision as unemotional as you can. If you decide to try at home for a while, get it in writing. Just to make things clear for your parents and you, make it like a business contract.
However, from reading your posts, and I know your view of her may or may not be objective. It doesn't sound like your mom would be agreeable to that.
But growing up is hard to do, frankly it isn't all it's cracked up to be sometimes. But you have to be a grown up in this decision. Stay at home and see friends outside of the home, and save money for rent. Or get your own place.
This decision is up to you, you have to make it because you will be living it.

 

[tinkerrn]

I think that your parents are being manipulative. You are an adult and need to make your own choices and become more independent. For some parents and children, this is very hard to do. Some parents enable their children to remain dependent on them.
I lived in a very similar situation with my parents. It was a living nightmare. It wasn't until I moved out on my own and gained some independence that I realized how dependent I had become. Personally, a little freedom is a huge step towards happiness and adulthood. I hope that you make the best decision for you, but your happiness should not be controled by your parents. Good luck.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Just because your mother offered for you to live there rent free or paying rent doesn't mean it is the correct decision for you.

Obviously if you consider your personal life it should be clear you need to move out. Why you resist this is something you need to examine.

 

[kldmom2000]

Is it possible that one of your friends would want to be a roommate so you could get an apartment together?

 

[diznygirl]

I've always thought that the best decision is to be self-sufficient and never have to depend upon family. In my experience, family has changed the rules on more than one occasion. I like what you said to your mom, that if you have to pay rent you might as well find a place you are willing to pay for! Start looking and good luck.

 

[minkydog]

Yep, that was probably my first real eye-opening experience as an adult, how much it costs to live indoors. I don't think you can have it both ways, cheap and easy. it may be time for you to move out and get a new life, one you pay for and enjoy. don't be mean to your mom, but you don't have to stay there either. You're an adult now.

I disagree with your BF assessment that renting is "problematic in the long run." When you are just starting out, i think renting makes a ton of sense. You aren't married and could potentially live anywhere--why not try out something new?

When DH & I were first married we rented a 1 bedroom apartment, all we could afford. We had almost nothing. A bed, a table & 4chairs, and a 13" black & white TV. That was it. We sat in our unfurnished living room floor with our bed pillows and watched our little TV. But we were in love and convinced that some day we'd do better. Eventually we bought a sofa and curtains. It took us about 5 years to save up enough money to buy a house and by then we knew what we wanted and where we wanted to live, so we made very few mistakes on that first home.

Good luck whatever you decide

 

[BuzznBelle'smom]

I was going to suggest either sharing an apartment or possibly a house or condo, depending on what's available in your area. Before we were married, DH shared a house with 3 other people--they each had their own room, plus of course the kitchen and other living areas made it a real nice arrangement. And it was much cheaper than renting a 1-bedroom. And similar-aged roommates are likely to be more tolerant of having guests over.

Try to set aside your emotions on the "new rent rules" and take some time to evaluate your options. If living at home isn't working that well for you, maybe this is the incentive you need to move on.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

Given the amount of emotional trauma and difficulty you seem to have with your Mother and Stepfather - I say be a big girl and go get your own apartment.

 

[scrump]

The rent will be less than if I rented my own place, but it will still severely hinder me in saving up to move out.

It may still hinder you, but it will hinder you less. Many people save up for a home while paying REAL rent, and sometimes in squashed apartments, especially in the bigger cities. It's pretty common. You're lucky you have the option of staying at home, even if rent to your parents is involved (and appropriate, in my opinion.) You just need to take some time to think about what you want. Renting may seem hard, but it may give you the peace and personal space you are looking for?

 

[darrose]

I hope you dont mind my saying this and its your choice to do what you want to do, but if you decide to move and and since this will be your first step at renting
and such my advice would to NOT move in with boyfriend. Instead, I would recomend sharing an apartment with some girl friends with everyone being on an equal footing and embrace this period of me time.

 

[minkydog]

I hope you dont mind my saying this and its your choice to do what you want to do, but if you decide to move and and since this will be your first step at renting
and such my advice would to NOT move in with boyfriend. Instead, I would recomend sharing an apartment with some girl friends with everyone being on an equal footing and embrace this period of me time.

I think this is very good advice. Renting with BF will take you from one dependent relationship to another without really growing up. Renting with other girlfriends gives you a chance to Make it on your own, be independent before settling down for life with your man.