I feel so mean!!

[aunt lissa]

I've been asking the children to clean their room for atleast 2 weeks. They haven't even begun!! Well my DD cleaned today and did a good deal of it so I told her she could stop and left the rest to the other 2. Toys were all over the place! So after about 3 hours of trying to convince them, sending them to the corner and realizing that nothing was gonna get them motivated to clean I did it. Except I did it my way, I threw away every toy that I found on the floor. I'm a firm believer in tough love but now I feel so guilty and bad for throwing their toys away. I'm trying all that I can to not run out and get them back out of the garbage. I just think that if I do then they won't learn their lesson. In a way it needed done anyway w/ Christmas coming it was time to throw away them old toys, but why do I feel so mean and guilty now?

 

[JC2]

I don't think you're mean.
I do think the children will be quicker to clean up next time!

 

[RitaZ.]

Oh boy... I can totally relate. I have done the same thing to my kids, except I didn't throw out the toys. I put the filled bags in the garage and the kids had to earn them back, plus put them away where they belong. Now, all I have to say to my kids is, "I'm coming with the trash bag" or "Do you want me to clean your room MY way?". They move really fast!!!!

One thing that you may want to try... give each child an assigned task. For instance, one child can pick up the Legos, another one the books and so on. Tell them to focus on their assigned task and nothing else, sit in the room while they clean if they are young and need reminders. Just break it down to smaller tasks, when they are finished with one task then assign another. It can be really overwhelming for a young child to clean up a messy room. Good luck and hang in there.

 

[MICKEY88]

WOW..you actually threw away their toys..that seems harsh to me...I could see taking them for a week or so to get the point across....



how old are the children....,,

 

[MICKEY88]

Originally posted by JC2
I don't think you're mean.
I do think the children will be quicker to clean up next time!

they'll definitely clean up more quickly,,,they have less to clean up....LOL

 

[believe]

DH does this, but once they start picking up he gets the toys back out. If I straighten up their room they don't have a choice as to where I put things and they are to stay put.

 

[aunt lissa]

I've tried taking the toys away, I've tried taking priveleges away and I've tried everything else I could possibly imagine. Nothing seems to get it across to them that I am serious. They are 8, 7 and 5..which in my oppinion is old enough to know how to clean and to listen and do as you are told. It was a hard thing for me to do but I'm at my wits end w/ their fighting and not listening to me. They run over me constantly and do nothing that I ask!! My DS 5 has gone beyond out of control. My DD 8 listens pretty well since she has seen me at my wits end before. The 7yo is my Dnephew. I can honestly say my DD is the only one who listens to me and does as I ask....hope it stays that way. The other 2 just don't want to!

 

[CamColt]

Oh I know how you feel. Thats seems to be my answer when my kids are fighting over something. Its usually something stupid and they will be going at it over it. Thats not worth it to me. If something causes that much trouble, I get rid of it. That usually stops the fighting right away, but then I do feel somewhat bad about it. Of course when they were fighting over dollar bills the other day I just couldnt do it, LOL! I threw them near the trash to get the kids thinking they were gone.
Dont feel too bad. I think you did what you had to do.

 

[Bon Bon]

You feel mean and guilty because doing the right thing hurts you more than it hurts the kids. That's just the way it is. I don't think it's harsh, not unless you got rid of a favorite baby blanket or that special toy they will probably always keep. DH and I have been through the same thing. We also did this and yes, they cleaned their rooms like there was no tomorrow the next time!

For future use, I want to share with you what we had to do with our teenaged DD's. The older they got, the more expensive their clothes and shoes got. I would get so frustrated walking into their rooms and seeing those $45 pants they had to have laying on the floor in a heap. After much struggling, I went into their room one day while they were in school, picked the clothes up, and held them for ransom. I told them that once they started paying for the clothes, they would treat them better and have a better appreciation for the money we spent. I "sold" their clothes back to them by charging them money from their allowance: $1.00 per shirt, $2.00 per pair of pants etc. I've never had a problem since then.

 

[chesirechik]

My mom did this to me once when I was eight (I'm 23 now) and she threw away my cooties game and a few other things. Straightened me out! I always (for the most part) picked up my toys after that!

I still tease her about how horrible she was to throw the cooties game out!

 

[luvmydogs]

I don't think you're mean, Lissa. Sometimes you can only tolerate so much, and at those ages, I think you're right for holding them accountable. I did the same with my ds8. After telling him a million different times on a million different days to clean up his room, I issued a Zero Tolerance Policy. I would ask ONE TIME ONLY for him to pick things up, because anything left on the floor would be history (except his books--those I kept and he had to earn back). It didn't happen overnight, and he whined and complained, but he now listens when I tell him to clean up his room. It's your home, and all you're asking is for them to respect your rules. It's better to start when they're 8, 7 and 5, rather than 18, 17, and 15! You're a good mom!

 

[HeyMickey]

Maybe you could consider taking the bags to Goodwill or a local charity instead.

 

[aunt lissa]

Oh Thank-you so much you guys I feel so much better that I am not the only parent who does this. I didn't throw away any favorite toys, or Absolutely no books, those are too important. What I did throw away mostly was those stupid toys they get in happy meals or things that are broken and such. Nothing major all though they believe the favorite toys are gone.

 

[MICKEY88]

Originally posted by aunt lissa
Oh Thank-you so much you guys I feel so much better that I am not the only parent who does this. I didn't throw away any favorite toys, or Absolutely no books, those are too important. What I did throw away mostly was those stupid toys they get in happy meals or things that are broken and such. Nothing major all though they believe the favorite toys are gone.

I hope there weren't any Disney toys........LOL

 

[ToddBreakey]

How bout this...Go out and get the toys out of the trash. But don't give them back to the kids. Find a charity, something like Toys for Tots, or your church nursery, or a local day care and give the toys to them. Better yet make sure that the kids go with you when you do it.

I hate to see good toys go to the land fill.

Just my $.02.

 

[Boo'sMom]

You do what you have to do when you have to do it as a parent...Let me tell you a funny story about when my mother did the exact same thing you did.


It was my brother's room she was sick of complaining about...and instead of toys my brother collected baseball, basketball, football cards. His floor was literally an inch thick with various cards (now bear in mind, he was about 8 or 9 then...) On several occasions, she would go into his room with a trash bag and pick up the cards and ditch them.

WELL......one of the cards that she threw out......a Michael Jordan rookie card....I'm told this card is now worth several thousand dollars......

 

[smilingmouse]

SmilingMouse

 

[shep]

I've thrown their toys in the garbage but never actually thrown them away..they always seem to go haywire when I start walking around with the garbage can...

 

[CRB#33]

Not mean at all and hopefully they will never do that again.

Tough love is harder on us than them sometimes, I think

I like Todd's idea too---give them away.

 

[aunt lissa]

I would love to give them away but most of them were so old and either just flat out worn down or broke. That is why they aren't in the charity box. We started a charity box today to take down to give.
It is such a relief to know that I'm not the only parent who has done this and to know that it wasn't all that mean of me and I shouldn't feel so guilty.