I Feel Like My World is Collapsing

[wannabebeachside]

I am not new here. Been on the Dis for many years but I just can't post this under my other name. None of you know me, but I don't want past posts to get in the way.

I have had a horrible day. And then to really set it all off, I listen to my voice mail and find something shocking.

I hear my h's voice and he isn't talking to me. He is talking to someone else and its obvious what is happening. I can't even post what he is saying as it would get this thread locked and me banned. But, to put it nicely, he was in the midst of an affair or one night stand.

He works away from home and has my number on speed dial on his phone. He only has to dial "1" and then the call button to call me. I guess somehow during all the activity, he acidently hit his phone and it called me. I have a bad habit of leaving my phone on silent so wouldn't have heard it ring.

I just couldn't believe what I was hearing. I don't know what to think. All day, I kept thinking maybe it was someone else but there is no one else that would have my number to just hit the phone and call me like that. So I listened to as much as I could of it again. I keep thinking that a part of it doesn't sound like him but most of it does.

I kept the voice mail on my phone so that I can confront him with it. And when it all comes out, I know I will want him to leave. I just keep thinking about my son. He starts high school next year. I don't make enough money to support us right now. There is so much he would have to do without. I could get a second job but its so sad to think about missing out on time with my child in these last few years before he grows up and moves away.

I am so mad because there have been weeks that ds and I have been here with no money, counting up change to buy things we need during the week. I always make sure that h has the money he needs because he is away from home and has to eat. I can't help but wonder if some of that money has been going to this!!

I don't even know what to feel. Mostly dread and numb. and unbelieving that this happened.

I know someone will wonder why I am not saying much about being hurt and our relationship. Maybe that will come, but I just don't feel that right now.

 

[minkydog]

Oh my gosh, what a shocking surprise. I am so sorry you had to hear all that. If you've made up your mind, you need to consult an attorney so you'll know how to protect your assets. I'm really sorry you're dealing with this.

 

[Aliceacc]

I'm so very sorry.

Is there someone you could talk to? A priest, or minister, or other sort of counselor?? Someone who could help you weigh what you want and sort through what you're feeling?

 

[ugadog99]

I'm so sorry. I have no advice except to consult an attorney.

 

[4nana]

Good Lord, I can't imgaine your shock, heartache, and pain . I'm so sorry you and your son have to go through this.
This board will give you lots of good advise. Meanwhile, pls. take care of yourself. ((hugs))

 

[dismom2005]

I am not new here. Been on the Dis for many years but I just can't post this under my other name. None of you know me, but I don't want past posts to get in the way.

I have had a horrible day. And then to really set it all off, I listen to my voice mail and find something shocking.

I hear my h's voice and he isn't talking to me. He is talking to someone else and its obvious what is happening. I can't even post what he is saying as it would get this thread locked and me banned. But, to put it nicely, he was in the midst of an affair or one night stand.

He works away from home and has my number on speed dial on his phone. He only has to dial "1" and then the call button to call me. I guess somehow during all the activity, he acidently hit his phone and it called me. I have a bad habit of leaving my phone on silent so wouldn't have heard it ring.

I just couldn't believe what I was hearing. I don't know what to think. All day, I kept thinking maybe it was someone else but there is no one else that would have my number to just hit the phone and call me like that. So I listened to as much as I could of it again. I keep thinking that a part of it doesn't sound like him but most of it does.

I kept the voice mail on my phone so that I can confront him with it. And when it all comes out, I know I will want him to leave. I just keep thinking about my son. He starts high school next year. I don't make enough money to support us right now. There is so much he would have to do without. I could get a second job but its so sad to think about missing out on time with my child in these last few years before he grows up and moves away.

I am so mad because there have been weeks that ds and I have been here with no money, counting up change to buy things we need during the week. I always make sure that h has the money he needs because he is away from home and has to eat. I can't help but wonder if some of that money has been going to this!!

I don't even know what to feel. Mostly dread and numb. and unbelieving that this happened.

I know someone will wonder why I am not saying much about being hurt and our relationship. Maybe that will come, but I just don't feel that right now.

I am very sorry to hear this news. My situation was somewhat different, but I put a VAR in my now ex's car and caught him with another woman in his car, when I was 99% certain he was cheating on me. Hearing the stuff he was talking about with another woman, a very young woman from his office, was beyond words and I never felt more ill in my life.

No one can tell you what to do but staying in a relationship of this kind is very unhealthy and it'll eat you alive...you may not be able to afford to stay in your home, but somehow you'd find a way to make it work. I juggle my job and childcare, and some days do a terrible job and feel like i'm not giving my kids or my job 100%, but it's better than being in a loveless marriage.

Hugs to you and good luck in what you decide.

 

[RadioNate]

OP I've been there. Lots of us have. I know it is hard to know it now but it isn't you. Please check out the website surviving infidelity. Lots of support there. NO decision has to be made today. You have nothing but time.

When is your husband back? If I were you (and I was) I'd consult with a lawyer before confronting your husband. Please choose someone IRL to confide in and have them there to help you.

Sadness, anger, all of that will come. No need to rush it. Just put one foot in front of the other and do what needs to be done.

Lawyer, copy financial records, paystubs, taxes, get all account and credit card numbers, insurance policies, take anything sentimental, valuable and irreplaceable out of the house (i.e., heirloom jewelry.) Do it now because after you see him and confront him you may very well NOT be able to.

I'm SO SORRY that you have to endure this. Please remember you are not alone.

 

[happygirl]

I am not new here. Been on the Dis for many years but I just can't post this under my other name. None of you know me, but I don't want past posts to get in the way.

I have had a horrible day. And then to really set it all off, I listen to my voice mail and find something shocking.

I hear my h's voice and he isn't talking to me. He is talking to someone else and its obvious what is happening. I can't even post what he is saying as it would get this thread locked and me banned. But, to put it nicely, he was in the midst of an affair or one night stand.

He works away from home and has my number on speed dial on his phone. He only has to dial "1" and then the call button to call me. I guess somehow during all the activity, he acidently hit his phone and it called me. I have a bad habit of leaving my phone on silent so wouldn't have heard it ring.

I just couldn't believe what I was hearing. I don't know what to think. All day, I kept thinking maybe it was someone else but there is no one else that would have my number to just hit the phone and call me like that. So I listened to as much as I could of it again. I keep thinking that a part of it doesn't sound like him but most of it does.

I kept the voice mail on my phone so that I can confront him with it. And when it all comes out, I know I will want him to leave. I just keep thinking about my son. He starts high school next year. I don't make enough money to support us right now. There is so much he would have to do without. I could get a second job but its so sad to think about missing out on time with my child in these last few years before he grows up and moves away.

I am so mad because there have been weeks that ds and I have been here with no money, counting up change to buy things we need during the week. I always make sure that h has the money he needs because he is away from home and has to eat. I can't help but wonder if some of that money has been going to this!!

I don't even know what to feel. Mostly dread and numb. and unbelieving that this happened.

I know someone will wonder why I am not saying much about being hurt and our relationship. Maybe that will come, but I just don't feel that right now.

Maybe he was watching a movie. Try not think the worst until you talk to him and hear his side.

 

[lovemygoofy]

Maybe he was watching a movie. Try not think the worst until you talk to him and hear his side.

What?!?! Really?? Watching a movie???

I'm pretty sure she would know the difference in a movie and a man knee deep in action. What can his side of the story possibly be? "Hey I slipped and fell on her??"

OP, make a plan and think about what you want from your future. Talk to a professional that can help you create the plan from logic and not anger and hurt. Oh and you might want to get yourself to a doctor to have some tests run. Sorry to have to say such an ugly thing.

I wonder if the umm lady(I use that term loosely) called you knowing what would happen. Sounds devious but Im sure it has happened before.

 

[okeydokey]

Maybe he was watching a movie. Try not think the worst until you talk to him and hear his side.

For real? A movie that he was starring in perhaps? I can't believe you posted this.

OP, I am so sorry for what you are going through. You can get through it though. Do you have someone close by? Family or friends to talk to?

 

[crashbb]

For real? A movie that he was starring in perhaps? I can't believe you posted this.

OP, I am so sorry for what you are going through. You can get through it though. Do you have someone close by? Family or friends to talk to?

Sadly, I can believe that the PP posted that.

PP - I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Sadly, I agree with a PP's advice about heading to your doctor and getting yourself tested. For now, worry about one thing at a time. Things like your son doing without, can be dealt with later (though, your DH should be giving child support, and maybe alimony, so that should help).

I also think that finding someone to that you can actually talk to (not that posting here isn't helpful) would be very beneficial.

 

[Allison]

Maybe he was watching a movie. Try not think the worst until you talk to him and hear his side.

Classic.

 

[lizabu]

I am so sorry. I agree with what other have said. I went through a divorce and rule number 1 is protect yourself. See a lawyer ASAP. As soon as he knows you know things could get ugly. You have to be able to prevent him from draining the bank accounts and maxing out the credit cards if he knows it's over.

 

[Sgt Mickey]

Like everyone says start preparing now. I have never been through a divorce so I am not speaking from experience. I can't imagine what a mess I would be right nowI am really sorry.

 

[LuLuO]

I'm so sorry OP.

 

[wannabebeachside]

What?!?! Really?? Watching a movie???

I'm pretty sure she would know the difference in a movie and a man knee deep in action. What can his side of the story possibly be? "Hey I slipped and fell on her??"

OP, make a plan and think about what you want from your future. Talk to a professional that can help you create the plan from logic and not anger and hurt. Oh and you might want to get yourself to a doctor to have some tests run. Sorry to have to say such an ugly thing.

I wonder if the umm lady(I use that term loosely) called you knowing what would happen. Sounds devious but Im sure it has happened before.

Thank you so much! You actually made me laugh out loud! I definitely know its not a movie

And yes, I will be getting tested. That was the one lucid thought I had all day.



To everyone else, thank you so much for the support. I can't even think right now. I will talk to someone IRL, not sure who yet. My family is close by. And already know a good lawyer so I will be talking to him in the next few days.

There is just so much going through my head about how our lives will change. I guess I just need to get a plan together.

 

[padams]

Please see a lawyer tomorrow, before you confront him, so you can get your financial and legal affairs in order without interference from your dh.

As for the message, he may have dialed on purpose because he doesn't have the guts to tell you. I have a friend whose ex did that to her.

You will be ok. Your ds will be ok.

 

[AnnaS]

I can't imagine what you must be feeling and going through right now. I feel for you and your son.

 

[Buckalew11]

we knew what was already going on but my sister also had this happen (well, he was with *her* but they weren't doing the deed.) I have a copy of it on my computer. You may want to try backing it up, just in case.

I am sorry you are going through this. Even though I have not experienced it personally, going through it with my sister, her 4 kids and a stbxBIL of 36 years, it has been extremely painful for me. I was nine when he came along so he was like an older brother to me. Let me tell you, the pain of divorce touches more than you and your H. *sigh* Your son will most likely need a counselor if it comes to this. My sister's kids need it (16, 18, 20 and 23) but they all need it badly and aren't getting it. The other woman happens to be 18 so you can imagine the devastation it has been on the kids.

You'll get excellent advice here and surviving infidelity is a great site. Disney Doll will weigh in and she has good advice for marriage woes (IMHO).

 

[AntePrincess]

I'm sorry for the loss of the marriage you thought you had. I now it can be so painful (even if it's not painful right now).

You need to go get tested now. Your local county health office will have clinics and information they can connect you with to get these tests. If you have come down with an illness from his cheating, I think you could (and should) sue him for damages and see about some sort of alimony arrangement for healthcare purposes. HPV, for instance, is very common and causes cancer. I think he should be on the hook for that if it's an issue.