missnesbitt
Earning My Ears
- Joined
- Jun 3, 2014
- Messages
- 11
Before you get the wrong idea - I'm not happy at the situation, I'm just a happy person in general and kind of view life as a gift that should be treasured at all moments, even the bad ones. I stay happy most of the time, even when I'm sad I find some happiness in the beauty I can feel such intense emotions if that makes any sense...
Now...what's going on in my life? We'll too very bad things that are slowly growing. About four years ago my mother went to have several surgeries done for mesenteric ischemia. A really rare disease. Four years flew by and she was doing great until the last few months. She losing feeling in her arms, hands, legs and feet and is starting to reject food just like before. It's just a waiting game now, we all know what will happen. She'll have to go have the surgery again - the experimental surgery with only a 50% survival rate. We have time, I know, but how long I don't. I know it only took about three months last time for her to get where she simply couldn't eat, couldn't stand due to lack of strength, and at the rate she's going now I'm worried this Holiday season will be a repeat of 2009-2010 (when this even took place).
Secondly, my father is a lot older than my mother. He's 76 and has recently been diagnosed with Alzheimer. The signs were there for some time. He'd get lost going a familiar route, or he couldn't recall a specific event, but I guess we all ignored them. As of right now he still is mostly capable of taking care of himself and remembers everyone, and I'm hoping it will stay that way for many many years. This whole situation adds more stress onto my mother who cries to me and says she doesn't know how she will take care of him if he ever gets like his brother (it runs in his family) because she has her own medical problems - and that it would break her heart to put him in a home.
When I really, really sit down and think about it, I get bummed, so I try not to dwell on how things are not looking the brightest. I'm trying to live for the moment. Being physically disabled myself since the age of ten I've had my problems and I learned I could either cry and wish I was someone else or remain positive and at least try to be happy. Since then happiness has kind of came naturally.
So this goes back to my title. I do feel bad for feeling happy 99.999% of the time knowing that tomorrow my family could fall apart. I feel selfish and spoiled and just everything I don't want to be.
I just needed to get that off my chest...
Now...what's going on in my life? We'll too very bad things that are slowly growing. About four years ago my mother went to have several surgeries done for mesenteric ischemia. A really rare disease. Four years flew by and she was doing great until the last few months. She losing feeling in her arms, hands, legs and feet and is starting to reject food just like before. It's just a waiting game now, we all know what will happen. She'll have to go have the surgery again - the experimental surgery with only a 50% survival rate. We have time, I know, but how long I don't. I know it only took about three months last time for her to get where she simply couldn't eat, couldn't stand due to lack of strength, and at the rate she's going now I'm worried this Holiday season will be a repeat of 2009-2010 (when this even took place).
Secondly, my father is a lot older than my mother. He's 76 and has recently been diagnosed with Alzheimer. The signs were there for some time. He'd get lost going a familiar route, or he couldn't recall a specific event, but I guess we all ignored them. As of right now he still is mostly capable of taking care of himself and remembers everyone, and I'm hoping it will stay that way for many many years. This whole situation adds more stress onto my mother who cries to me and says she doesn't know how she will take care of him if he ever gets like his brother (it runs in his family) because she has her own medical problems - and that it would break her heart to put him in a home.
When I really, really sit down and think about it, I get bummed, so I try not to dwell on how things are not looking the brightest. I'm trying to live for the moment. Being physically disabled myself since the age of ten I've had my problems and I learned I could either cry and wish I was someone else or remain positive and at least try to be happy. Since then happiness has kind of came naturally.
So this goes back to my title. I do feel bad for feeling happy 99.999% of the time knowing that tomorrow my family could fall apart. I feel selfish and spoiled and just everything I don't want to be.
I just needed to get that off my chest...
(I'm a "glass is half empty" kinda girl, aka an Eeyore.) Enjoy every day that you have.
) Alzheimer's is really hard-we're dealing w/ it in my MIL. Such a sad, devastating disease. 
