I don't know what to do.

[amburger]

I don't know what to do, but I just feel so stressed and just not as happy anymore. Let me start with some background. In July I made the cross country move from Minnesota to Texas. When I was in Minnesota, I'll admit, I had it pretty easy. The only things I really had to pay for was my car payment, gas, food sometimes and my credit cards. Then again, I still lived at home with my mom cause I was going to college and all that fun stuff and I was only 18 so I mean come on. Anyways, once I moved to Texas of course that all changed. I had to pay all my own bills along with the stuff I paid for before. Blah. I've been just BARELY making it and it totally sucks.

So that's reason #1 why I'm stressed. Definately not enough money. I also now live with my boyfriend and without his help I'd be back in Minnesota. Without him I am able to eat. Basically my job allows me to make JUST enough to pay all my bills, but for NOTHING extra. Nothing to save, nothing for food, nothing to buy anyone anything. It totally bites. Not even enough to go get my flippin oil changed. Ugh.

Now I don't want to say I hate life or anything like that, but I just really like all the stress is getting to me. Basically I love life when I'm with my boyfriend. We have fun together and it's great. I'm writing this because I just got stressed again. We were both just sitting in our bedroom when all of a sudden we hear this giant crash from the kitchen. Guess what it was? You'll never guess cause it was a freakin cupboard falling off of the wall and onto the floor breaking lots of plates and bowls (cups are in the other cupboard). Now this stresses me out for a few reasons. #1, how the heck does a cupboard just fall off of the wall? My goodness. I didn't want to deal with that. Ugh. #2. We have TWO teeny tiny cupboards so now I have the lovely stress of finding a new place for all the plates and bowls to go which is NO WHERE cause this house is WAY too tiny. Great.

Basically I really want to move. Right now we live in Wichita Falls, TX if anyone knows where that is. It's a kind of big town, but I don't like it. It's dirty and just blah. I don't like it at all. Mike and I had been planning on moving to Dallas, TX so that I can go to school and he can do management training for the restaurant he works out. I'm confident that I could find a better job in Dallas and a better place to live. Only thing is, if you haven't already guessed, we really have no savings built up. Now I do have one way I could do this. With Wells Fargo, I have a credit line with them of 10,000$ for whatever. Now I could use that money to apply to getting a moving truck and whatever. It won't take all that money either. But I just don't know if that's smart ya know.

I don't know. Sorry for the huge long rant, but I figured that since I'm young and trying to figure things out that maybe some of you would have some advice for me. Thanks for caring and reading all of this if anyone does.

-Amber

 

[PrincessKitty1]

Hi Amber,
It is tough being out on your own and having to learn to live on a low salary! You have the right idea about going back to school. When I was in nursing school and tempted to drop out, I'd always just think about the alternatives (staying in my low-paying clerical job and having to pay back my student loans even though I didn't finish school ) and I would become HIGHLY MOTIVATED to graduate!

I think it would be fine to borrow a few hundred dollars to rent a moving van or trailer. I don't think it would be wise to borrow thousands of dollars (if you are thinking of borrowing money to pay for a moving van, first/last/deposit for an apartment, living expenses until you could find a job, etc.).

IMO it would be better for you and your BF to each get second jobs for a short time (a few months) and save that money toward moving. Then maybe you could make a trip to Dallas to apply for jobs etc. so that everything will be set up before you make the move.

 

[Michie]

i agree with princesskitty on the second job. nobody has died from working a second job

please get your oil changed. that will save you thousands in the long run.

 

[FluffyPumpkin78]

So you are what 18 or 19 now?

Most people your age are not living independently on their own yet. I was still living with my parents going to school.

My first bit of advice is DO NOT USE your line of credit. That is a dangerous and even more stressful way to live. I would totally put that out of your head, act like it does not exist.

So, I would look into getting a roomate to help with living costs. Are you going to school? Do you work FT or PT? Is there anyway you can make more money? Is there anyway you can cut your expenses? I would try all of the above and save, save, save for either 6 months or a year to build up a little nest egg, and then go ahead with the move (although I would go check out Dallas first, and see what it is like. Cost of living wise, job wise, ect.)

Lastly, have you talked to your parents about your situation? Would they be willing to help you out? Things were tight when I first moved out, so my dad would slip me money here or there, and my mom would take me grocery shopping. Stuff like that.

HTH!

 

[Michie]

I don't know what to do, but I just feel so stressed and just not as happy anymore. Let me start with some background. In July I made the cross country move from Minnesota to Texas. When I was in Minnesota, I'll admit, I had it pretty easy. The only things I really had to pay for was my car payment, gas, food sometimes and my credit cards. Then again, I still lived at home with my mom cause I was going to college and all that fun stuff and I was only 18 so I mean come on. Anyways, once I moved to Texas of course that all changed. I had to pay all my own bills along with the stuff I paid for before. Blah. I've been just BARELY making it and it totally sucks.

So that's reason #1 why I'm stressed. Definately not enough money. I also now live with my boyfriend and without his help I'd be back in Minnesota. Without him I am able to eat. Basically my job allows me to make JUST enough to pay all my bills, but for NOTHING extra. Nothing to save, nothing for food, nothing to buy anyone anything. It totally bites. Not even enough to go get my flippin oil changed. Ugh.

Now I don't want to say I hate life or anything like that, but I just really like all the stress is getting to me. Basically I love life when I'm with my boyfriend. We have fun together and it's great. I'm writing this because I just got stressed again. We were both just sitting in our bedroom when all of a sudden we hear this giant crash from the kitchen. Guess what it was? You'll never guess cause it was a freakin cupboard falling off of the wall and onto the floor breaking lots of plates and bowls (cups are in the other cupboard). Now this stresses me out for a few reasons. #1, how the heck does a cupboard just fall off of the wall? My goodness. I didn't want to deal with that. Ugh. #2. We have TWO teeny tiny cupboards so now I have the lovely stress of finding a new place for all the plates and bowls to go which is NO WHERE cause this house is WAY too tiny. Great.

Basically I really want to move. Right now we live in Wichita Falls, TX if anyone knows where that is. It's a kind of big town, but I don't like it. It's dirty and just blah. I don't like it at all. Mike and I had been planning on moving to Dallas, TX so that I can go to school and he can do management training for the restaurant he works out. I'm confident that I could find a better job in Dallas and a better place to live. Only thing is, if you haven't already guessed, we really have no savings built up. Now I do have one way I could do this. With Wells Fargo, I have a credit line with them of 10,000$ for whatever. Now I could use that money to apply to getting a moving truck and whatever. It won't take all that money either. But I just don't know if that's smart ya know.

I don't know. Sorry for the huge long rant, but I figured that since I'm young and trying to figure things out that maybe some of you would have some advice for me. Thanks for caring and reading all of this if anyone does.

-Amber

and please dont rack up anymore credit card debt. i am guessing you are in your early 20s my boys are too. i think they are one of the few their age they dont have credit cards. they tell me horror stories of their pals who are 20, 30, thousand dollars in debt to cc but yet are only making barely above miimium wage.

 

[amburger]

As far as a second job, I've been trying. I've been applying to tons of places and such. I still need to call back one of the places I had an interview at to see if I'll be getting hired there or not. Hopefully that works cause that would be the best thing. I could use all that money to go towards paying off my credit cards and saving money.

As far as the credit cards, I really try NOT to use them, but sometimes I have too. I'll admit, I had to today. Why did I have too? So I can buy christmas presents for the people I love. I don't want to come across as being selfish by not being anyone something for christmas. I know I have like no money and I maybe I shouldn't care what the others think, but I can't help it. I'm going to try and keep it at a minimum though and just hope that I get this second job SOON!

I could ask my parents to help. I won't ask my mom cause she's already helping me by paying my cell phone bill and car insurance and I feel bad enough about her doing that. She's in a hard enough financial situation as it is. My dad however claims that he has lots of money and needs help spending it, but doesn't ever really offer it, but I think next money I might need some help with some things so I'll probably go ahead and ask him for some maybe.

Oh and I'm 19 for those curious.

 

[poohandwendy]

Amber,

You are my DDs age and I can totally relate to your post because a) she is dealing with the the stress of adulthood and b) I have been there, done that.

My advice to you is this.

1) Everything you do now has a price later. Add more balance to your credit card to make life easier now and life later will be alot more difficult. That is the truth, I am giving it to you straight up. Life is not going to become easier unless you set the path for it to become that way. Do not live on the best case scenario happening, make decisions based on the worst possible things getting in your way. That way, you will be ahead every time.

2) Set goals of how you can accomplish what you want and do not expect it to happen right away. Impulse is NOT YOUR FRIEND. Learn that patience is a gift you are giving yourself. You want to move? Start with putting pennies away, then dimes, then dollars...start somewhere and you will make it happen. When you really want something and you tell yourself you simply cannot have it until you meet a financial goal, then you will work harder to get there.

3) Remember that if you are having a hard time making the monthly payment on the CC balance you have now...you will really, really struggle when the monthly payment goes up because you increased your balance. IYou simply cannot afford to use more credit.

4) Accept that you are new to adulthood, you will make mistakes and YES, it is very stressful. but, when you are down, try to make yourself feel better with with NON-MONETARY rewards. Instead of impulsively buying something because you are sick of not having any fun, make fun in ways that do not cost money.
(no, you didn't say this is an issue, trust me...I know better, LOL)

5) Really have a heart-to-heart talk with your innerself and think about what they best situation is for you...not you and your BF...just you. What does YOUR future hold? It should not be dependent on his potential. It should be dependent on YOURS.

Hopefully some of this makes sense to you and you really think about what you really want, how you can accomplish your personal goals and live a life that is less stressful.

I truly wish you the best in your journey.

 

[Michie]

As far as a second job, I've been trying. I've been applying to tons of places and such. I still need to call back one of the places I had an interview at to see if I'll be getting hired there or not. Hopefully that works cause that would be the best thing. I could use all that money to go towards paying off my credit cards and saving money.

As far as the credit cards, I really try NOT to use them, but sometimes I have too. I'll admit, I had to today. Why did I have too? So I can buy christmas presents for the people I love. I don't want to come across as being selfish by not being anyone something for christmas. I know I have like no money and I maybe I shouldn't care what the others think, but I can't help it. I'm going to try and keep it at a minimum though and just hope that I get this second job SOON!

I could ask my parents to help. I won't ask my mom cause she's already helping me by paying my cell phone bill and car insurance and I feel bad enough about her doing that. She's in a hard enough financial situation as it is. My dad however claims that he has lots of money and needs help spending it, but doesn't ever really offer it, but I think next money I might need some help with some things so I'll probably go ahead and ask him for some maybe.

Oh and I'm 19 for those curious.

you know, you dont have to buy presents for others. there are alot of us folks who dont exchange gifts with others even though we can afford to. i dont want my boys buying me anything because i want them to save their money.

have you asked for overtime at the job you have now i have not been to wfalls in years, so i dont know what the job market or housing is like.

 

[Michie]

Amber,

You are my DDs age and I can totally relate to your post because a) she is dealing with the the stress of adulthood and b) I have been there, done that.

My advice to you is this.

1) Everything you do now has a price later. Add more balance to your credit card to make life easier now and life later will be alot more difficult. That is the truth, I am giving it to you straight up. Life is not going to become easier unless you set the path for it to become that way. Do not live on the best case scenario happening, make decisions based on the worst possible things getting in your way. That way, you will be ahead every time.

2) Set goals of how you can accomplish what you want and do not expect it to happen right away. Impulse is NOT YOUR FRIEND. Learn that patience is a gift you are giving yourself. You want to move? Start with putting pennies away, then dimes, then dollars...start somewhere and you will make it happen. When you really want something and you tell yourself you simply cannot have it until you meet a financial goal, then you will work harder to get there.

3) Remember that if you are having a hard time making the monthly payment on the CC balance you have now...you will really, really struggle when the monthly payment goes up because you increased your balance. IYou simply cannot afford to use more credit.

4) Accept that you are new to adulthood, you will make mistakes and YES, it is very stressful. but, when you are down, try to make yourself feel better with with NON-MONETARY rewards. Instead of impulsively buying something because you are sick of not having any fun, make fun in ways that do not cost money.
(no, you didn't say this is an issue, trust me...I know better, LOL)

5) Really have a heart-to-heart talk with your innerself and think about what they best situation is for you...not you and your BF...just you. What does YOUR future hold? It should not be dependent on his potential. It should be dependent on YOURS.

Hopefully some of this makes sense to you and you really think about what you really want, how you can accomplish your personal goals and live a life that is less stressful.

I truly wish you the best in your journey.

i agree with everything paw just posted, especially about being dependent on yourself.

 

[poohandwendy]

Bold emphasis is mine:

As far as the credit cards, I really try NOT to use them, but sometimes I have too. I'll admit, I had to today. Why did I have too? So I can buy christmas presents for the people I love. I don't want to come across as being selfish by not being anyone something for christmas. I know I have like no money and I maybe I shouldn't care what the others think, but I can't help it. I'm going to try and keep it at a minimum though and just hope that I get this second job SOON!

No, you didn't HAVE to and you CAN help it. It is extremely unlikely that the people you love don't know that you are not in the position to buy them Christmas gifts. There are many ways you can give them all Christmas presents without using a credit card.

You can:

-Buy dollar store Christmas tins and fill them with cookies you make yourself
-Make them gifts...check the internet, there are a GAZILLION homemade NICE gift ideas that do not cost very much money.
-Make spiced tea or cappucino mix and fill jars with it, add some ribbon and print out instructions on how to make it.

just a few quick examples but there are MANY, MANY more ideas out there if you just look.

I would seriously return what you have bought and do homemade gifts this year. You know, it's funny because people often buy gifts thinking that others will think they are doing well because you bought them a nice gift. The truth is, when you are in the financial situation you have described, most people are going to respect and admire you more for knowing your limits and NOT making your financial situation harder by buying gifts you really cannot afford. You are 19 and just starting out, people are not expecting you to buy them gifts...seriously. They would be pleasantly surprised and impressed if you can come up with a creative, thoughtful gift that doesnt cost much money, though.

 

[Cool-Beans]

My #1 piece of advice is DON'T GET PREGNANT!!!

You think it is tough now, add kids to the equation!

DH and I argued more about the use of credit than anything when we were young. He was and remains adamantly opposed to credit. If you can't afford it, don't buy it. It was absolute hell sometimes. But he was right.

Get rid of the credit cards. You can get pre-paid ones for emergency situations.

And, I know how hard it is to be broke and wish you had things you don't have...but try to relax and not dwell on it. Thinking about it all the time won't change anything. And if you have a kid, it stings 10 times as much when they want something and you can't give it to them...don't get pregnant.

And honestly, this is how it works. You struggle when you're young...but with a lot of hard work (and a little luck)...it gets better.

Good luck to you...and DON'T GET PREGNANT!

(Don't get pregnant.)

 

[Rafiki Rafiki Rafiki]

I love Dallas. If you and DBF can swing the move to Dallas, I think you'll be happier.

Hang in there just a little longer. Can you work overtime at your full-time job? That would pay more than a part-time job. In the meantime, cut back wherever you can. Keep those cell minutes low so you don't burn any bridges with your mom.

And don't buy me a present. I have enough already.

 

[Linnie The Pooh]

Wow! Some people have some really great advice. I'm sorry I don't, but don't get too down. I didn't leave home until I was 24, my brother was 27. We made a lot of mistakes, but doing well now. It takes time. One piece of advice my mom hammered into my head all the time, was get an education or a job where you can support yourself. Don't rely on anyone else, but yourself. I don't know if that helps or not, but I hope you are feeling better soon.

And get your oil changed, Amber. Could you or your boyfriend do it yourself? My dad did mine for years when I couldn't afford it.

 

[poohandwendy]

My #1 piece of advice is DON'T GET PREGNANT!!!

Honestly, that is really the best advice yet. For real.

 

[dogsmom]

I'm going to approach my answer as if you were my daughter. First, I would wish that you would move back home and finish either college or some kind of technical training. You need to have a career or profession in order to make enough money to support yourself. If your BF loves you, your relationship will continue . And there will be definitely less stress.
If you can't move back home , look for a job that offers tuition reibursement. Where I live, most hospitals offer this, and you don't have to be going into the medical field. It can be any type of job in the hospital.

Second. I agree, definitely don't get pregnant!!

Good luck.

 

[poohandwendy]

My #1 piece of advice is DON'T GET PREGNANT!!!

You think it is tough now, add kids to the equation!

DH and I argued more about the use of credit than anything when we were young. He was and remains adamantly opposed to credit. If you can't afford it, don't buy it. It was absolute hell sometimes. But he was right.

Get rid of the credit cards. You can get pre-paid ones for emergency situations.

And, I know how hard it is to be broke and wish you had things you don't have...but try to relax and not dwell on it. Thinking about it all the time won't change anything. And if you have a kid, it stings 10 times as much when they want something and you can't give it to them...don't get pregnant.

And honestly, this is how it works. You struggle when you're young...but with a lot of hard work (and a little luck)...it gets better.

Good luck to you...and DON'T GET PREGNANT!

(Don't get pregnant.)

LOL, your revised post has me

(especially the teeny print)

 

[LittleBlue22]

I can't find my reply post I care, I was reading.....

O.k., here's a summary of my long post

~don't get pregnant or think about buying a house. that would sink you in for sure.

~Don't get into debt any more than you can afford it. I was in 40K debt and I payed more to my creditors than I did to others. Digging out of debt is a long process and if you think its no fun now, being is debt over your head is worse.

~get the oil change. Does your bf know any of his friends who could do the oil change for you? If not, look for oil change coupons.

~I vote to tough it out in TX before you think about moving. Moving may not change your situation. Moving might just be a temporary fix for you. What's tht saying, things look better on the other side, but they're not... some thing like that. ??? grass is always greener on the other side????? Hmmm, not sure.
It took me 7 of the 12 years of being where I live to call it home.

~I hope you and your bf are having heart to heart talks. I'm sure you are.

O.k., I'm going to post this now before my computer freaks out again.

Best wishes to you Amber as you go through this.

 

[Cool-Beans]

LOL, your revised post has me

(especially the teeny print)

I love my kids as much as anyone loves theirs. Now that the hard part is over (knock on wood), I'm glad that I'll be done raising the four beasts when I'm 41.

But it would have been easier if we'd waited. I was generally very, very happy...but there were times that the tears forced themselves through and it felt like they'd never end.

OP - quit with the credit cards. There is an old saying about the First Rule of Holes...when you find yourself in one, STOP DIGGING!!!!!!!

And it is kind of funny for us old married folks to joke about, but I am dead serious (and am sure PAW is, too)...

Whatever you DO do, DON'T GET PREGNANT!!!!! !!!!! !!! (there aren't enough exclamation marks in the world to drive that point home.)

(I mean it.)

 

[poohandwendy]

I love my kids as much as anyone loves theirs. Now that the hard part is over (knock on wood), I'm glad that I'll be done raising the four beasts when I'm 41.

But it would have been easier if we'd waited. I was generally very, very happy...but there were times that the tears forced themselves through and it felt like they'd never end.

OP - quit with the credit cards. There is an old saying about the First Rule of Holes...when you find yourself in one, STOP DIGGING!!!!!!!

And it is kind of funny for us old married folks to joke about, but I am dead serious (and am sure PAW is, too)...

Whatever you DO do, DON'T GET PREGNANT!!!!! !!!!! !!! (there aren't enough exclamation marks in the world to drive that point home.)

(I mean it.)

LOL, preach it sista. BTDT and will also be done early (45 when my youngest is 18) And another word about those of us who started families young. Most of us know that it was harder because of it and that we many times had to walk uphill with a ton of weights on our backs that other people did not have to deal with because of it. That is why we give this advice.

And you are so right...and I am dead serious too. Do not get pregnant, do not dig a credit card grave, do not do anything that is not going to benefit your FUTURE...not just this moment or today.

People do not seem to understand that the late teens and twenties are not 'a trial run of adulthood' . You cannot take these decisions back. It is the groundwork for your future. The choices you make now will affect all of your adult years...30, 40, 50, 60.... That is the cold, hard truth.

 

[Michie]

i dont mean to be rude or nosey amber, but you have that you are going to disney hopefully in feb2007. if you cant afford maintenance on your car, i would cancel. i know it isnt fun doing without things, but sometimes you do.