I am totally and utterly depressed *Update 4/4/10*

[Amy&Dan]

Thank you all so much for your support. Isnt it funny that total strangers can be the voice of reason and really help sometimes?

I know in my heart that I am not a failure, but today is just a really rough day. I just want to hide under the covers and cry all day - but instead I am at work, trying to keep it together and crying quietly behind a big stack of work!

I feel bad for my beautiful and wonderful DD that she isnt going to get the chance to have a happy family. And I am mad at him for that. I know it doesnt have to be permanent, and I really hope it isnt. But who knows at this point.....
The thought of packing up all our stuff and moving out is what is getting me right now. Stupid, I know. But it is just a big step. One that has to be done though.

I am so sorry you are going through this. But I want you to focus on something. A happy family is anytime two people who care about each other and love each other share their life. If the family your daughter has is a mom who loves her, does whatever she can to make her happy, safe, provided for and loved, well that is a happy family! Don't sell yourself short. You can give her that happy family all by yourself if you need to.

You are being treated badly and you don't want that to be the point of reference your daughter has of what is normal and acceptable.

With whatever happens, you and your daughter have each other.

I grew up in a family that changed dymanics many times. For the last 8 years I lived at home, my family was me and my mom. And you know what, I had a happy family! And when my abusive stepdad moved out and left it just the two of us, it was amazing how much joy my mom and I found in being together and living in a home that was so much less stressful, sad and scary. With all that happened (my own father dying, my stepfather being abusive) I consider my childhood to be a very happy one. And I grew up seeing a mom that did what she had to do to make life better for me.

And the task of moving out is a big one. You wouldn't be human if that didn't overwhelm you. But you can do it. If you are strong enough to live in a bad setting you are strong enough to start anew and make it work for you and your daughter.

My money is on you to come out of this with your beautiful daughter fine when its all said and done!

Saying a prayer for you and sending you a cyber hug to go with it!

 

[Scurvy]

I'm sorry you are going through this, OP. Your daughter is lucky to have you, and she can have a happy family with you whether or not the two of you are living with your husband.

But why should she? This is situational. Her husband is having problems and is making the house miserable. If he changes, she's not miserable. If she gets out, the misery lightens. This isn't a mysterious, "why am I so sad despite my life being incredibly good", depression. This is based on something. IMO, to medicate now would be to deaden her sense of danger, and might lead to complacency, and might lead to very bad things.

I have to say I agree with this. So many posters have mentioned medication, but that might not be the best solution for the OP. Medications for anxiety and depression can be great things for those who actually need them, but they aren't meant for people who are just dealing with normal (albeit unpleasant) emotions. There's a big difference between having Depression and just feeling depressed. Honestly, in a situation like the OP's, it would be abnormal not to feel depressed and anxious. It's a very sad and stressful situation. It's possible that the OP is also suffering from real Depression, but I would think that she's just experiencing completely normal emotions for the awful situation that she is in right now.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Please don't take protecting yourself lightly. Your husband needs help and until he gets it, you are at risk.

 

[hellokitty86]

Thinking of you and your beautiful DD. You are making the right decision!

 

[MrsSpratt]

I'm sorry you are going through this, OP. Your daughter is lucky to have you, and she can have a happy family with you whether or not the two of you are living with your husband.



I have to say I agree with this. So many posters have mentioned medication, but that might not be the best solution for the OP. Medications for anxiety and depression can be great things for those who actually need them, but they aren't meant for people who are just dealing with normal (albeit unpleasant) emotions. There's a big difference between having Depression and just feeling depressed. Honestly, in a situation like the OP's, it would be abnormal not to feel depressed and anxious. It's a very sad and stressful situation. It's possible that the OP is also suffering from real Depression, but I would think that she's just experiencing completely normal emotions for the awful situation that she is in right now.

I think maybe people are saying meds would benefit the DH?

 

[Jenvenza]

I think maybe people are saying meds would benefit the DH?

Yes, people have said that he needs meds - and that is true. he does, but refuses to take anything. Some other people think maybe I should go see a doctor because I have been getting so depressed and having so much anxiety over this.

And while I appreciate everyone's opinion - I REALLY do! You guys have been wonderful and sooooo helpful - I think medication for me right now would just mask the problem. It wouldnt help the overall problem. It might make me feel a little better, but like someone else said, this is a depressing situation and it would be odd to NOT be depressed. It isnt like things are going great and I feel depressed. I would definitely seek a doctor's opinion for that.

I think he is just bringing me down and I have let it go too far. It really saddens me to think about our marriage being over, but I really have tried. For alomst 2 years now, and it just keeps getting worse.

 

[Jenvenza]

I am about to head home, so things are going to be rough probably for the rest of the night - this isnt going to be an easy conversation. But I am going to do it. Thanks everyone for your all your support! I wish I could hug all of you!!

 

[OceanAnnie]

Yes, people have said that he needs meds - and that is true. he does, but refuses to take anything. Some other people think maybe I should go see a doctor because I have been getting so depressed and having so much anxiety over this.

And while I appreciate everyone's opinion - I REALLY do! You guys have been wonderful and sooooo helpful - I think medication for me right now would just mask the problem. It wouldnt help the overall problem. It might make me feel a little better, but like someone else said, this is a depressing situation and it would be odd to NOT be depressed. It isnt like things are going great and I feel depressed. I would definitely seek a doctor's opinion for that.

I think he is just bringing me down and I have let it go too far. It really saddens me to think about our marriage being over, but I really have tried. For alomst 2 years now, and it just keeps getting worse.

I agree. It would be odd not to be depressed in your situation. As bumbershoot stated, it's situational. Once the situation is addressed, it should clear up.

You have a good head on your shoulders, Jen. Don't beat yourself up. You tried. Some things are out of your control. You know.

Be good to yourself, and that precious DD.

 

[nikkistevej]

Hope all works out.

 

[MissyDVC]

I am about to head home, so things are going to be rough probably for the rest of the night - this isnt going to be an easy conversation. But I am going to do it. Thanks everyone for your all your support! I wish I could hug all of you!!

Thinking of you and your DD and sending safe thoughts

 

[chisnpeke]

Today seems worse than it did a couple of days ago. Yesterday, I told my DH I would go into work a little late to give him a chance to go look for work - we only have one car and a scooter - and he refused to get out of bed. I finally had enough, gave him another chance to TRY to help our family out, and he didnt feel like getting out. So I said fine, I am going into work. Well, that upset my DD really badly. She starts crying for me to stay with her and not go to work. I try to console her and tell her I will be back soon, but mommy has to get ready to leave. She is hysterical and I feel awful. My DH then storms up out of the bed and says to me - you obviously dont want to deal with our daughter today, so you are going to work! I told him that didnt even make sense - but he loves to turn things around on me. I told him no, I gave him a chance to get up and look for work, he chose not to, so I had to go in. One of us at least has to work. He then takes a sippy cup off the table and throws it at my face. It missed, but that was it. I took my DD and went to my sisters for the entire day. When I got back, he was there. We didnt speak. But I think I know what I have to do now. I have to leave. It is just so hard - but I have to think about my DD. I know she loves her daddy to pieces and he loves her, but this is getting bad. It is affecting everything around me. I cannot work, sleep or even think. I called my parents and they said they would do whatever I wanted them to do.

I am just a mess today and work seems like it is going to drag on forever.

My mom had to deal with this with my bipolar father. His daughter (my half sister) from his first marriage got pregnant when she was 17. He tried to blame that on my mom!!! She went to a psychiatrist to talk and he said that it was in no way her fault and it's just part of the illness.

I wish I could tell you it will get better but with people who are mentally ill things won't get better unless that person wants to help themselves. It doesn't look like he wants that right now. I would leave and stay with family for a while and see how that goes. Good luck

 

[dcentity2000]

I am about to head home, so things are going to be rough probably for the rest of the night - this isnt going to be an easy conversation. But I am going to do it. Thanks everyone for your all your support! I wish I could hug all of you!!

God bless - I am sure we'll all be thinking of you



Rich::

 

[LuvOrlando]

I am about to head home, so things are going to be rough probably for the rest of the night - this isnt going to be an easy conversation. But I am going to do it. Thanks everyone for your all your support! I wish I could hug all of you!!

Please stop on to post that you are ok. Just keep thinking of what is best for your DD, not you, not your DH but your helpless sweet little girl. She is the only one in this that truly NEEDS you.

Adults choose to be helpless, children have no choice.

 

[TigerKat]

Oh sweetie, I am so sorry I am just seeing this. Know that I am praying for you and your little princess.

 

[4nana]

My thought and prayers will be with you and your little angel . So sorry it has come to this, but at this point you're very wise for doing what's best for you and DD. You're blessed to have a loving supportive family and safe haven to lean on, specially during difficult times like this. God bless, try to keep the faith and know many wish the best for you.

 

[glitterkittyy]

Hoping for an update this a.m. Have to admit I'm a wee bit worried about you. Please check in when you have a minute.

 

[focusondisney]

I am about to head home, so things are going to be rough probably for the rest of the night - this isnt going to be an easy conversation. But I am going to do it. Thanks everyone for your all your support! I wish I could hug all of you!!

Jenvenza, didn't see this til this morning. Hope you are doing OK. I can't imagine how hard this was for you. But you are being a strong, protective woman doing it out of love for your daughter. I hope your husband will consent to the treatment he needs, but it doesn't sound like he will. You have tried for a long time, but you can not do anymore for him.

Hugs & prayers that you & your precious DD get thru this difficult time, please let us know you're OK.....

 

[puffkin]

Any update Jen? I was thinking about you and your DD last night!

 

[lewdyan1]

Keeping you in my prayers.

 

[tinkntraining]

Jen, you're in my prayers. Wish I could offer some good advice or something. Sending a hug for you and your beautiful DD. Wishing for the best for you both