I am so annoyed!!!!

[southern_redhead]

It seems to me that many people are unsocialized. I'm seeing it more often in all aspects of my life.

This It isn't that your friends have phones, or that they text, or that they play games on their phones ... it is that they don't have the social grace to STOP doing these things when someone is trying to talk to them. I have an iPhone and I have games on it, surf the net on it, text on it all the time. By "all the time" I mean a few times during the day. My DH travels with work and I work 9 hours a day M-F so we text a lot during the day BUT I don't drop everything the minute a text comes in. To me, that is the beauty of texting...it's still there later. When I have finished my work and am killing that 5 minutes until lunch I'll play a quick game or check my email. I do not, however, put aside work until I've beaten the next level of Angry Birds.

In your situation, with all adults? Why did they go out? They could play with their phones at home.

Why did they go out? I'm betting these people don't "stay home" well. They appear, to me, to be easily bored (and my stock quote for people who complain they are "bored" if they can't go out is that the only people who get "bored" are stupid people. Smart people can entertain themselves.) We used to have friends like this. The only way they would have stayed home on a weekend (and usually weeknights, as well) was if they were near death.

I don't enjoy being home but it has nothing to do with being "bored". I like to see new places, I love to be near the ocean or the city but my home is not near either of those But, during the work week, when I can't leave my hometown, I am content to be "home" and do things around the house, read a book, watch my ONE show that I DVR We, the kids and I, try to also just enjoy being around each other without the rat race we deal with during the week. That doesn't always mean sitting down and having "face time" with each other but it does mean we will do small activities together throughout the day, we watch a movie together sometimes, we always eat dinner together with NO tv and NO phones

________________________________________________________________

To the OP - I agree that people are becoming more and more subserviant to their devices. I try to get this across to my kids. My phone will "ding" and one of them will jump up and bring it to me or say "You got a text!!" and I always say "Ok." and keep doing what I'm doing until it's convenient to answer it. My one exception to that is if I know DH or my mom is on the road and might need me or if one of my kids is out and might need me. Other than that I figure "What's up" or another stupid chain text can wait indefinitley.

 

[bicker]

What I meant was that if my cousin and I went to dinner and she spent the entire meal texting someone else, I find that rude, she does not - hence, different thoughts on what the two of us believe is acceptable social behaviour.

Yup understood, and I definitely agree with you. When you go out to dinner with someone you don't see all the time, as a special occasion, you should be invested in that connection, not reaching out to other people and practically ignoring the people you're eating with.

 

[bicker]

But, that has nothing to do with the OP's point and the responses. DH and I IM at work rather than talk on the phone because we can actually have a somewhat private conversation (I say somewhat because where we work we consent to be monitored-they actually aren't looking out for personal conversations anyway). The issue is being out or with someone and the constant texting, or any texting at all as far as I'm concerned. It's just out and out rude. It'd be no different than seeing someone you knew and getting up and leaving the table during the entire evening to have a conversation with them while out with someone. Bad manners, rude and friendship death as fas as most people would be concerned.

I don't disagree, but driven to the absolute, it wouldn't hold up - in other words, it isn't always a black-and-white situation. If I go out to eat with friends every Friday night (as I did throughout my twenties) and happened, one night, to see an old college friend across the room, I would assuredly excuse myself from my (newer) friends and spend a good bit of time visiting with that old friend. That isn't rude, in the slightest, and not only wouldn't I think badly if one of my (newer) friends did the same to me. Similarly, if my wife and I are out at dinner now, and my brother TXTs me, I'm going to return that TXT, since he's so hard to get a hold of. That's also not rude in the slightest, since my wife would be as interested in what my brother has to say as I would be. So not every bit of reaching out beyond the dining table during dinner is worthy of condemnation. Don't you agree?

 

[Disney Doll]

I would not be going out to dinner with these people again. And if they asked me why, I'd tell them that it is because they are rude.

 

[cm8]

What you expressed was not a dependence on one's phone, but the voluntary choice to make personal phone use a higher priority than sharing conversation with others in a social setting. Adults know that personal phone use is for personal time, not when out with others. These are just kids dressed up as adults and their behavior can only be called: RUDENESS, SELFISHNESS, AND IMMATURITY.

I would not socialize with these people again, in any way. Unfriend them, block their email and phone calls. If asked why, you can honestly explain to them how shabbily you were treated by them. They will probably be too busy on their phones to even notice your feelings. Sometimes there are forks in the road where you have to leave old acquaintances behind. Nothing lost.

Make sure you pass along your good manners and sense of fair play to the upcoming youths in your family who are starting to use digital.

our friendship would end that night and you have more patience, I would have walked out or asked to be seated at another table while I ate

 

[POOHsie]

our friendship would end that night and you have more patience, I would have walked out or asked to be seated at another table while I ate

Our friendship would end that evening, too. But, an essential rule of manners is to not return rudeness with rudeness of your own. My tactic is called being gracious (Def: pleasantly indulgent, esp. toward an inferior). I am probably twice your age, and being gracious is a strategy acquired through patience and practice, you are right about that! It's what allows you to paste a huge, engaging smile on your face when you can't stand the one you are facing. Sometimes my face hurts when I get home!

 

[pixiewings71]

I have a smart phone, DBF and D14 both have iTouches, we play games at the table while we wait for food. But when the food arrives the phones/touches go away and we talk as a family. When we eat at home the phones sit out the meal also. When we go out with friends we all have our phones out but we don't sit and play on them all the time. We are with friends, we talk to each other, that's the whole point.
OP I would have been very offended and would have spoken up, I can't imagine going out with friends and being ignored by them all night....

The female actually told me to download the game she was playing so we could play eachother....seriously? No thanks, My BF and I sat there and talked to eachother and had a nice night 'alone'.
Last time I mentioned how much it bothered me that it seems all our friends do this now even at dinner tables, I got the look that I was sprouting green things on my face.
I'm not trying to be rude I just have a question...are you all playing games with eachother at the table or seperately?
when you leave your phones out at the table, is there a reason?

I have a game I play on my Droid with a friend, but we don't play it when we are at the table together. LOL I will say that Word Feud is tons of fun tho!
As to your question, I quoted my OP and your question so I could answer better. First let me answer your first question, when we are waiting for service or the food to come and we play games we generally play them together, as in DD11 and I will play tic tac toe, or wheel of fortune together, passing the phone back and forth to play. I see this as being no different then us playing the word search or tic tac toe you find on most kids' menus. Of course I'm not only playing with DD11, we change it up and sometimes DBF and I even play a game between each other, and when the food comes the phones/touches go away for the meal. BTW, even if we aren't playing the same game we are playing together, for instance, DD11 loves Angry Birds, so if she asks to play it (and she always asks, and she would even if it was her phone, DD14 also asks if she wants to play a game on her touch) she plays it and I will look over her shoulder and give her tips on how to aim. She does the same if I'm playing...and if we find a level that's harder than we like we do pass the phone back and forth to play "together".
for part 2 of your question, when we are out as a family or eating at home as a family the phones are not on the table, they are in purses or pockets. However, when we are out with friends we aren't generally with the girls, so heck yes my phone is on the table just in case something happens and the girls need to get in touch with me. Most restaurants or bars around here are very loud, even on vibrate I've missed calls/texts so the phone sits out so I can see if I can get an alert. I'm the only one of any of my friends who have kids but all my friends understand why my phone is out and none care. If I'm at a club then my phone is in my back pocket and between dances I check it, again, everyone I'm with knows why I'm checking it and no one cares.
FYI not offended at all by your question.

Oh dear, I did that to DH tonight. I have no idea what he was doing on his phone, but the kids wanted his attention. So I sent him this text: "watcha doing?!?" He smiled and put his phone away.

LOL I've sent DBF a text when I wanted to ask him something I didn't want the girls to hear....what comes to mind is "hey, you wanna take the girls out for ice cream?" while we are all watching....he usually just gives a verbal yes or no answer to my text.

 

[bicker]

Our friendship would end that evening, too. But, an essential rule of manners is to not return rudeness with rudeness of your own.

You raise a good point (perhaps inadvertently): Different people see things differently: Even people who agree about not liking what those other diners did disagree about what is a responsible reaction to it versus what is a rude reaction to it.