I AM SO ANNOYED! Marriage/parenting issues

[SnowWhite607]

this happened yesterday - she drank a capri sun and threw the wrapper on the living room floor. I found it a few hours later when I got home and called her in there to pick up her trash. Before she could get in the living room, DH jumps up and picks it up off the floor and throws it away himself. HUH???

Just things like that....I look at it as trying to teach her to be responsible for her things and take some pride in her home. He looks at it as me being a nag and a shrew and being mean to her.

 

[NY Disney fan]

this happened yesterday - she drank a capri sun and threw the wrapper on the living room floor. I found it a few hours later when I got home and called her in there to pick up her trash. Before she could get in the living room, DH jumps up and picks it up off the floor and throws it away himself. HUH???

Just things like that....I look at it as trying to teach her to be responsible for her things and take some pride in her home. He looks at it as me being a nag and a shrew and being mean to her.

Don't let this incident pass by. Tell your husband that next time she does something like this you will leave it on the floor on purpose. Then dare him to complain about it. Don't be a martyr or a nag. Make him see the YOUR reality.

 

[MomNeedsVacay]

this happened yesterday - she drank a capri sun and threw the wrapper on the living room floor. I found it a few hours later when I got home and called her in there to pick up her trash. Before she could get in the living room, DH jumps up and picks it up off the floor and throws it away himself. HUH???

Just things like that....I look at it as trying to teach her to be responsible for her things and take some pride in her home. He looks at it as me being a nag and a shrew and being mean to her.

okay... the Capri Sun trash on the floor is too much.... even my 22 month old knows to throw trash away....what about incentives such as earning stickers to collect for a prixe...you can also take stickers away for naughty and innapropriate behavior

 

[Subrbnmommy]

this happened yesterday - she drank a capri sun and threw the wrapper on the living room floor. I found it a few hours later when I got home and called her in there to pick up her trash. Before she could get in the living room, DH jumps up and picks it up off the floor and throws it away himself. HUH???

Just things like that....I look at it as trying to teach her to be responsible for her things and take some pride in her home. He looks at it as me being a nag and a shrew and being mean to her.

Wow! I feel really bad for you.

You need to to have a serious chat with your husband and soon. He's turning you into the "bad cop" and I'd be afraid of that impacting your relationship with you daughter.

 

[whatcateydid]

okay... the Capri Sun trash on the floor is too much.... even my 22 month old knows to throw trash away....what about incentives such as earning stickers to collect for a prixe...you can also take stickers away for naughty and innapropriate behavior

This is a great idea, although your DH would have to be in agreement for it to work. I was a difficult kid and my mum used sticker charts in all sorts of situations to get me to take more notice of my own behaviour. At the time it was fun, and I felt more like I was working towards something good for myself than constantly being told off for my behaviour. And now that I'm an adult, I find myself using similar methods to motivate myself to do boring things! "If I write 500 words of my essay I can check the DIS boards", etc

OP, I really hope that this situation is something that you and your DH can figure out soon. I think that the posters who suggested letting him deal with her bad behaviour by himself for a while and seeing how much he's fueling her temper tantrums might be a wake up call for him. Good luck!

 

[DeluxePrincess]

I think 9 is a little too old for time outs. I see you are doing the 1 minute per age system. My DD is 10. We stopped time outs after age 6. If she needs to go to her room, she has to stay there for an hour or so. Punishments now consit of taking away "fun" things for an extended period of time. I see you have tried that by telling your DD that she could not go and spin the Wow Wheel. That would have probably made a huge impression on her. You definitely need to get your husband on board. Trust me, I have a 14 year old niece who gets away with murder because her mom does not like to hear crying and tantrums. It only gets worse!!!

 

[N&B'smom]

Wow! I feel really bad for you.

You need to to have a serious chat with your husband and soon. He's turning you into the "bad cop" and I'd be afraid of that impacting your relationship with you daughter.

I agree! She has him wrapped around her little finger and he is allowing it. By doing the things that he does, he is making you out to be the bad guy. That's not good. Kids need consistency and with you and your DH disagreeing on how to parent your child, she is not getting that at all.

 

[sbell111]

The DH is wrong because he did not back up the Mother. She may have over reacted but he should not circumvent her authority. He should back her up in front of the daughter and then talk with the Mother later to explain why she overreacted and how to handle the situation next time. This is why I suggested parenting classes.

I agree with this regarding the problem with the toy, but not the frightened/can't sleep issue. Sometimes, you have to step in and resolve the problem.

 

[SnowWhite607]

I agree with this regarding the problem with the toy, but not the frightened/can't sleep issue. Sometimes, you have to step in and resolve the problem.

then perhaps you could provide some advice or a suggestion or two instead of just telling me that I am wrong and that everyone is man bashing.

 

[usnuzuloose]

I can say this your DH wants to be her best friend, because he does not want conflict. I could tell you some horror stories of my ex. To this day my son has respect for no one, not even me for the ex doing this. Please try to encorage him into counseling and start now before she gets older. Jo

 

[shortbun]

You posted here so I guess you want feedback. I think you could find more natural conssequences rather than resorting to time out for everything. Honestly, I'd get DH alone and have a meeting about exactly what he thinks is appropriate. Taking him to a preteen/teen girls clothing store isn't a bad idea. Maybe he could watch a movie about mean, spoiled girls. I'm not saying he shouldn't back you; I'm saying maybe you could come up with more event specific consequences that HE will support. If he doesn't support you at all-that IS a problem. If the 'fit' is about the DS game, take it away until she reads the instructions-don't send her away. Send him away if he can't stand the shrieking, she's pulling his chain and he needs to know that. Later, after she calms down, he can tell her it makes him feel bad to hear her so violently reacting to things. BUT, he should not intervene unless he feels the punishments are doing some damage. Talk about it with your husband NOT when it's happening but at a calmer time.

Also, the wheel spinning punishment had zero to do with the sleep issue. I assume you thought her story about being afraid was a ploy? If she read something scary in a book and could not sleep, the consequence would be that mom picks the reading material from now on and there is no reading before bedtime for 3 days. Spinning some wheel for a toy the NEXT day just isn't a natural or linked consequence. Honestly, it seems like you are participating in some power struggle with her over your husband/her dad's attention. I'm guessing this is a pretty common issue and could be solved by seeing a family counselor for a few sessions to give you the tools you need to be the parent and remind her about being the child. Why not try that? It could help all your issues.

 

[Gigi22]

I suggest you ask your husband to read about a certain Miss Lindsey Lohan, recently sentenced to two 90 day prison terms in California, and ask him if he really wants your daughter to feel so entitled/above all the rules that this is the route she takes too?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

this happened yesterday - she drank a capri sun and threw the wrapper on the living room floor. I found it a few hours later when I got home and called her in there to pick up her trash. Before she could get in the living room, DH jumps up and picks it up off the floor and throws it away himself. HUH???

Just things like that....I look at it as trying to teach her to be responsible for her things and take some pride in her home. He looks at it as me being a nag and a shrew and being mean to her.

Honey, you need some serious marriage counseling then. Make an appointment.

This is no longer about your dd. He has no respect for you as a parent which in turn becomes no respect for you or your marriage. You guys need to get to the bottom of this.

Nip this in the bud and get some help.