I am really down today.

[PRINCESS VIJA]

Instead of eating, I thought I would pour out my thoughts. Mods, if this doesn't belong here, then please just delete this, WISH is my family, and that is why I chose to put it here.

Considering all that is going on for many people, I don't feel I have the right to be "down" as the reason I am down is completely my fault.

Primarily, I really want a job change. I feel so trapped right now, because I want to go back to school for a teaching degree, but financially I can't. At least not right now, I hope to figure out a way by next fall, but we will see. It isn't looking to good right now. The reason is, when we were young and foolish, we had a great time living and traveling, but we charged EVERYTHING!!! We created a HUGE debt, and we are paying it off. We are the only people in our age range and friend circle that don't have a house. We aren't even close. It is so depressing it isn't even funny. My friend at work that I work with is probably changing hours, so I will be alone again. We work very well together, and I will miss her terribly, and alot of more work/stress for me after she is gone.

We both joined WW in January, she lost over 50# and I still am stuck yo-yoing in the 10 pound loss. Everyone at work is ooohing and ahhhing over her, and I feel like crap (is that word allowed?) that I didn't get it done. I have been doing well these past couple of days, but I still feel like a failure. I am absolutely thrilled for her, there aren't ANY sour grapes for her success, she is in fact quite a source of motivation and she also is very supportive of me. We are very close friends.

the trip we are taking this year was supposed to be a reward for weight loss. Well, I didn't loose it, and I know we will have a great time, but I am sure I will feel guilty about it. We have so much already paid for, that we can't back out now.

I just work weekends, but those weekends for the most part are completely depressing and I hate it. I dread going to work, and without my friend there, it is going to be awful!

I know the saying money doesn't buy you happiness, but it sure would help us right now. DH's van is about to blow, and we still have quite a few payments to make on it, we are stuck in this townhouse for now, I am stuck in a career that I want to change, and I feel so trapped.

Thanks for letting me pour out my feelings, I am not going to stress eat. I can't keep "medicating" myself that way. I feel like such a failure. I know that people judge you on things you have and how you look. My self esteem is rock bottom, and I don't know how to bring it back up. Like I said, I know there are many people in the world who really have serious problems, mine is just a pity party. Thanks for listening.

 

[mowsie dreamer]

{{{{{Vija}}}}} I am so sorry that you are feeling down. Work stress and money problems can really get you--I know because I have had both. I think you are doing exactly the right thing by posting your feeling here. WISH is all about our friends supporting us when we need it. After all, so much of our eating patterns are dictated by emotion. And you are taking a very positive step by posting instead of eating!!

Everyone loses differently and everyone has to do it on their own timetable. You shouldn't hold yourself to someone else's standards-just set your own standard and go for it! Although it may not show in weight loss, you ARE a healthier person for having followed your program. You WILL get it done!!! I know you will!!!

 

[Rhonda]

Vija, I'm so sorry you're feeling so down this morning. I can't help with the financial worries (I've got them myself! ), but I have one suggestion. Have you thought about switching your diet? There's not any diet out there that's great for everybody.

I tried WW with a friend of mine last year, and while she steadily lost eventually 40 pounds, I wavered around 6 pounds and that was it! When I switched to Atkins, the pounds flew off! You might want to consider changing diets. Just a suggestion.

I hope you start feeling better soon! Just remember, you are a great person and you matter very much to many people - including us!! Keep us updated!

 

[PRINCESS VIJA]

Thanks guys, I feel better already, although I am holding back tears right now!

Just remember, you are a great person and you matter very much to many people - including us!!

I will have to memorize that and have that as a mantra to help me through!

 

[Beastlover]

Vija-
{{{{hugs}}}} I will pray for you to have strength and guidance through this time. It will get better, just relax and solutions will come to you.

 

[Rajah]

Hey, of course you have the right to be "down". Everyone has some period in their lives (or, more likely, multiple periods) where things are tough and you feel down. So don't feel bad about feeling down, come here and vent and get your troubles out -- that usually helps a little anyway.

And you are NOT a failure -- you're succeeding hugely in one point right now -- by posting your feelings and resisting the urge to "therapy-eat". That's a huge thing, don't dismiss that accomplishment.

I wish I could do something more to help you, but all I can offer right now are some hugs, prayers, and words of encouragement. You do have lots of people here who care about you, don't forget that. *HUGS* I pray something better comes along soon for you and will help with your financial troubles, ability to go back to school, and make you happier.

 

[ohMom]

oh {{{{{{{VIJA}}}}}}}} hugs for my dear friend Vija!

I actually am sooo glad to see you back on WISH and I'm doubly glad you turned to your friends here to pull you out of this valley. You know that life is full of hills and valleys and today you are feeling stuck in this valley. Take a deep breath and remember you are a precious friend, a wonderful wife and mother and above all YOU ARE WORTH IT!!

I'm sorry to hear you're in financial burden now, but remember that money isn't what matters, it's means to live. You are paying off the credit now, don't beat yourself up for your past mistakes. You are making it right now and then you will reap the benefits of straightening out your priorities. Leave the past behind you and just focus on how far you have come. Try not to look at the whole picture if it's too big and overwhelming, look at a small goal and then work towards that.

Maybe your friend's replacement will be a wonderful new friend for you to meet. Take each work day one at a time and you will get through them. Remember when God closes a door he opens a window.

Ok, now no more beating upon your pretty self It doesn't matter what you could've would've should've done, you are in the here and now and just posting here reflects on your committment to getting healthy both physically and mentally. Take baby steps in your new path and you will shine in your success!

You know that you WILL lose the weight when you are totally ready and committed to it. Start today or tomorrow or whenever YOU are ready. Not for the co-workers or family or anyone else. Where is that Vija that was so excited to play outside with her kids, walking on the curb, and creating weekly WW challenges! Find her and bring her back to life! It makes me sad to think you have given up on your dreams so DON'T, it's just not allowed here at WISH (I think I read that in the bylaws?)

Vija you have been a friend to me and I will continue to lift you up in my prayers. You are never alone and we will help you to start climbing the next hill

 

[TigH]

((((((((Princess Vija))))))))))

Hope that things turn around soon and that you are feeling better! Being depressed is the pits, but it's up to you to find the strength to get past it. Regardless of how much weight you have or haven't lost, you are a beautiful person. Our time on earth is short, even if we live to be over 100. There is so much to experience. Don't let the blues keep you from dreaming.

Good luck! xo

 

[minniecarousel]

....can't think of anything to add, except for a sincere "Hang in there!"

 

[wovenwonder]

Time to Pick yourself up and dust yourself off....

You have lots of dreams. Follow them Vija. It may take baby steps to get there but NEVER fall off the path to your dreams of the future --- no matter how slow the journey may seem at times.

 

[Tiggerkeeper]

Take your eyes off your surroundings and focus on yourself! Make a plan and then work on making things better. Stop beating up on yourself we all have down times.

Funny, that you posted today because I had noticed that you hadn't been around and I was wondering where you were. Have you checked into the service repayment loans for teaching? You have to return the "money" for school by teaching where the state needs teachers.

Hey, you have the reverse of most people...they hate their jobs and their week lasts 5 days! They live for the weekends and you live for the week!

And a pat on the back for medicating here instead of medicating with food.

I'm sorry things are so hard right now. Good luck and I'll be praying for you!

Melissa

 

[Debbie]

Vija, I am so sorry that you are feeling down. Now, it's time to get yourself UP! Good for you for coming to WISH to help make the first step! Please don't compare your weight loss to your friend's. And don't beat yourself, treat yourself on that celebration cruise! Are you aware that losing ten pounds improves your health and adds years to your life!!

A year or two ago, I lost ten pounds, and that was as far as it went. I wasn't ready. (but I felt good that I had improved my health)

After Christmas, I joined a teachers email ring for losing weight. A month later, everyone else was celebrating their losses, and I looked at the 2 pounds lost on my scale. I hadn't been ready AND I wasn't committed.

I came to WISH, learned about Fitday and enjoyed the support and love right here. I changed my "plan" , and voilà, it began to work.

Look at that pretty star on your siggie! Maybe it IS time to try a different approach. Check out some of the other plans, decide what can work for you. Take the time to make a plan for your finances-and believe me, if you are paying them back, that's another reason to celebrate!

Celebrate the life and love that you have, don't compare yourself to others, plan to succeed, and have faith! Take care, sweetie. You have a lot of friends right here on WISH pulling for you!

 

[KathyTX]

Oh, Vija! Sounds like you're due for some really nice karma to come your way. Maybe you should treat yourself to a fun little getaway, maybe on a nice, big boat...

First- you are NOT a failure! You are a wonderful and caring member of this community, helping lots of us through diet and life's low spots with encouragement and kind words. And you came here with a goal of improving your health. You've lost some weight - I'd say that's an improvement! So it's not as much as you'd like? Well, this is not a race. It's about getting better. You're getting better- you've proven to yourself that you can move in the right direction, and keep the weight off. So we can work on losing more next. But you're a winner right now.

Next- work can be exhausting. You have an especially demanding job, physically and emotionally. And you work some punishing hours. When you put that much of yourself into your work, you really need to love what you do so that it replenishes you. I can sure empathize with your feelings there... I think you'd be a terrific teacher. I'd love to see you find a way to pursue that.

Money. It's true that it doesn't buy happiness, but lack of it sure can induce stress. Maybe the van will take mercy on you and hold out a while longer... if I can dig up some baling wire and superglue I'll send it your way. Do you think that might help?
(I've driven some pretty geriatric cars in my time... I know how that death-watch feels. )

When the big things seem overwhelming, sometimes it helps to be really good to ourselves in little ways... do your nails, put your favorite music on the stereo, put on your most comfy jammies and dream about your upcoming cruise. And think about how many friends you have here, and how much love and pixie dust they're wishing in your direction.

You are rich in friends and in character. That, my friend, will see you through these dreary times.

 

[PRINCESS VIJA]

OMG you guys, I am completely crying right now. Not just a few tears, but tears streaming down my face. I knew to come here to my family. Your words of encouragement, prayer, good thoughts, and wishes have meant so much more to me than I can ever put into words. The love from you is surrounding me and giving me a true hug. Thank you so much.

I agree with you guys, I really need to look at baby steps to get to where I need to go. And celebrate the accomplishments I have made so far. I feel a little better. We went up north to my parents cottage for the afternoon and evening. My dad hurt himself last week, and we went up to do some chores to help him out. DH took down a tree that was dangerous, and while he did that I mowed the lawn. I had never done that and it was very therapeutic. We also went swimming as a family and that was nice. In the evening the kids went for a scooter ride, and I walked with them. I also got a lottery ticket ! Wish me luck!

I have been on the boards ALOT lately, but all of the trip planning boards. I have missed coming to WISH and I would often pop in and lurk at the end of my surfing time, but usually it was about 12 to 1 in the morning, and I was too tired to keep posting. BUT you guys have all made me realize that this should probably be my first stop. Thanks so much for being there for me. I do want to follow my dreams, I will pray for guidance and thank God for such wonderful friends as you!!!

 

[Mskanga]

Vija, I cannot add much more than hasn't been said yet, I think my brothers and sisters here have just about covered every aspect, we all do foolish things when we are young, we all go through the ups and downs , but things like those are what makes us better.
You are a wonderful caring person, you are my WISH sister, yes this is my family , and I love you regardless. You lost 10 lbs, that's an accomplishment! I'm sure you know the effort it takes to not gain it back. Maybe like someone said , you need to change your diet, every body is made of different chemistry , and not all of them respond the same way to the same diet.
I'm glad you came here when you felt down, I know I have had my share of that lately and it helps tremendously to come here.
Don't you ever feel alone, you are not.
{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}

 

[Pooh93]

You are not a failure. I am not really an "official" member of Wish, but I will add my .02 anyway.

I have been where you are right now and didn't think I ever would be in my life! DH ran up cc bill's due to his business and it's taken me 3 years, but they are finally paid off. He will never have another credit card while he is married to me! He ran up a revolving line of credit at the bank and we are now combining it into our home loan with interest rates being loan. (He kept telling me he would handle his money problem and I so desparetely wanted to believe him, I was in denial) So, after 10 years of marriage, we are in essence no better off than when we were back then. I have felt betrayed as if he cheated on me and can not trust him with money. Had it not been for dd's, I would have been gone a long time ago. It's taken me 1 year and a half to lose 12 lbs. Up, down, up down that's my life.

We have three vehicles that are 7-10 years old and have at least 120xxx miles on each. We finally were able to buy a five year old used chevy blazer that is in good shape and able to dump dh's truck while he could get something out of it. His work van is next. Hopefully, my car (195,000 miles) will hang in there another year.

I have worked at the same place for 16 years. (a record these days) However, it's not the same as it was even 5 years ago, with the management changes along with their attitudes. There are a select group in my company that get all the bonuses, while all us grunts are told is there is no money for raises, but you need to work harder, etc. I swear my girls will never go into the business world. At 41 (I'm having a midlife crisis, I think) I am sick to death of the politics, cut throat, back stabbing people and wish I could go back to school to do something "meaningful" with my life.

However, things have settled down a bit and I have started to see a small light at the end of a very, very dark tunnel. Without sounding trite, you will too. I KNOW first hand how upsetting, discouraging financial woes can be. It's hard to concentrate on weight loss when there is so much stress in your life.

Hang in there and let us know how you are doing. Many {{{HUGS}}} I wish I'd have had the guts to come here and ask for help and support the last couple years. Maybe it would have helped.

 

[Debbie]

Laurie, welcome to WISH! You may not be an official "member", but you are always welcome! Feel free to drop by, share your stories, your fears, your trials and your celebrations. You'll find a multitude of brothers, sisters, cousins, and FRIENDS. When you WISH upon a star . . . . .

 

[DixieDreamer]

{{{hugs}}}

Things tend to come in groups and when they are the downers... it can get overwhelming. Just breathe through it and know that you are NOT failing at anything... you have made progress, and you know what you want to achieve... you just have some obstacles you are facing right now. Sometimes just treading water for a bit is necessary to regroup and think through ways around those obstacles.

I sincerely hope you feel better soon.

 

[PRINCESS VIJA]

Thanks everyone. I feel a bit better today, the problems are still there, but I am not letting them get me down. I just spent a wonderful evening with my family. I met them at the end of a balloon rally and got to watch fireworks with them. It was wonderful. Tommorow I am going up north with the kids and I will be gone for a few days, I hope to regroup and refresh my spirit. I plan on really enjoying my kids and taking time to count all of my blessings, starting with you guys who have all helped me so much!