Husband TRAVELS for work

[jemmouse]

My DH travels roughly every other week for work. Sometimes for the whole week and sometimes for 2-3 days. When he is home he leaves by 6-6:30 and gets home around 6:45-7:30. His schedule is ROUGH. For him BUT also for us his family.
It's hard to say things to him because I know he is doing it for us his family, and I know he doesn't like the long hours, BUT I also know he does love his job. But when you are the one left at home, doing the homework, going to all the sport activities, taking care of the house, the yard, the dog and everything else sometimes I get a little spiteful. Is it normal? For instance today right this very minute he is on a plane to check on his job in HAWAII. Now yes it is work, but he does get to go to awesome restaurants for dinner and sees the beach and the palm trees, and currently right now all I see is cold, and feel cold in this 36 degree weather.

And bottom line I miss him when he is gone, and so does our son. And the older DS gets the more mad he gets that "why is it that only my dad leaves" we don't know anyone else who travels like my DH in our friends circle. And then as a parent I have to explain the reason, but all he knows at 10 is he wants his dad home. This is my DH career and it is going to always involve some traveling but lately all his jobs are out west, LasVegas, California, Hawaii, and now he might be going to London ... I know there are several millions out there without jobs, and I feel for them but in my own little world I just miss my Hubby and get the blues...can anyone relate?

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

Yes, to some extent, I can relate. Dh and I do not have children, but I work days and he works nights. I work Mon-Fri, he works Sun-Thurs. I see him for just a few minutes in the evening, just about enough time to fix him dinner, get him fed and out the door. He comes in anywhere from 3am to 5am, I leave at 7:30am.

He is also an Active Reservist, is drilling 1 weekend a month, and will be in California for 21 days beginning the end of July. Rumor has it he will be deployed at the begining of next year

All of this started in January. I was used to him being home with me in the evening. Now, I'm alone with 3 crazy cats. I don't really have anyone else, my mom is deceased, my father has never been in my life and my cousin's have a life of their own. I get really lonely, especially on drill weekends.

At least it's not cold here, but it is raining.

Suzanne

 

[Kae]

Most of my Friends DH's travel for work. They say once they get used to it, it is easier when they are gone. They all have their routines.

Kae

 

[Kathi OD]

My DH travels roughly every other week for work. Sometimes for the whole week and sometimes for 2-3 days. When he is home he leaves by 6-6:30 and gets home around 6:45-7:30. His schedule is ROUGH. For him BUT also for us his family.
It's hard to say things to him because I know he is doing it for us his family, and I know he doesn't like the long hours, BUT I also know he does love his job. But when you are the one left at home, doing the homework, going to all the sport activities, taking care of the house, the yard, the dog and everything else sometimes I get a little spiteful. Is it normal? For instance today right this very minute he is on a plane to check on his job in HAWAII. Now yes it is work, but he does get to go to awesome restaurants for dinner and sees the beach and the palm trees, and currently right now all I see is cold, and feel cold in this 36 degree weather.

And bottom line I miss him when he is gone, and so does our son. And the older DS gets the more mad he gets that "why is it that only my dad leaves" we don't know anyone else who travels like my DH in our friends circle. And then as a parent I have to explain the reason, but all he knows at 10 is he wants his dad home. This is my DH career and it is going to always involve some traveling but lately all his jobs are out west, LasVegas, California, Hawaii, and now he might be going to London ... I know there are several millions out there without jobs, and I feel for them but in my own little world I just miss my Hubby and get the blues...can anyone relate?

While you may not know anyone else who has a DH who travels like this, believe me when I tell you, there are lots of people who have to travel for their jobs.

My DH used to travel for work when our 2 oldest were little. He would fly out on Monday morning and return Friday evening. It was difficult at first, but we got used to it and developed our own routine. In many ways it was easier for me. The worst part for us was that he traveled to the exact same place every. single. week. The company could have moved us so we could stay together, but chose not to.

Be glad he is happy in his work and try to focus on that for the time being. I've been on the other side of that coin, too. I'd rather have a DH who travels and is happy in his job, than one who is home every night, but hates their job. Family life is much, much better when he is happy with his work.

 

[PUZZLDY5]

I can relate to this. My DH was an over the road truck driver. It was hard work and he loved it and made a decent living for us as a family. He was gone 7-10 days at a time and home for 2 or 3. 4 if we were lucky and then off he went again. I felt a lot of resentment at first because I was at home raising the boys alone it seemed. I told my friends I was a married single parent. lol. Soon we all fell into our regular routines and life went on.
I understand your pain about keeping up with the chores and stuff. Especialy when the stupid lawnmower wont work or the disposal dies on top of all the other stuff that there is to do, such as sports, school, plays etc.
It's can be very stressful when a spouse travels for work but to us it made being together that much sweeter. In our case, I left one or 2 things to do for him when he did get home so he could feel like he was a functioning part of the family. kwim.
Good luck to you and hang in there. Just because he's having a meeting in Hawaii doesn't mean you can't have a margarita at home. (After the kids go to bed of corse.)

 

[dngnb8]

I used to travel every week. I would leave late Sunday, and be home late Thursday.

I ended up taking a job for 33% less. Best decision I ever made

 

[njmom47]

DH doesn't travel for work, but works overnights (he's gone from 10:15 pm) and then goes straight to a part time job (from about 8:30 am till 2:30 pm). Then he sleeps from 3 till 10 and does it all over again the next day.
He sleeps 14+ hours on Saturday after dinner (6ish) if he can stay awake all day. I only have 1 kid that doesn't drive but he plays on 3 baseball teams so I am always driving him somewhere and making sure his homework is done. DH used to work 2 jobs as well when the kids were little (10 9 and 7) and I REALLY was stuck doing everything then.

 

[wvjules]

If you worked, could he (or would he) work less and be able to spend more time with the family?

 

[Tinkermommy]

Well, I am the one who travels in my family. My husband HATES it. I go once a month for 3 to 5 days.

As a woman, I feel that I have to do extra work to go on a trip.
- I have to make up a meal plan and usually make a meal for them the first night.
- I write out a list of all the kids activities/events/school stuff.
- I get all their clothes laid out in outfits for each day I am gone.
-Arrange for aftercare for my daughter, etc.
- Then I get myself ready.

I think people romanticize travelling for work. I have gone to some very nice destinations (Rome, Paris, London, Copenhagen, etc) but I am in an office all day.

Even if you go out to nice restaurants you are still "on." It's not like being with your family and friends. You are still working and talking business.

I also love my job. And there are travel perks for my family (hotel and air points we get to use) but I love nothing better than being with my husband and kids.

 

[gillep]

DH used to travel for work when we lived in NY, he would travel to DC every week from Monday morning to Thurs/Friday night. In some ways yes it was rough but at the time I was working and going to school so it was nice to come home eat something random and study/sleep without having to make a dinner or something that I would feel I should do if DH was home. After 2 year or so the company moved us down to DC and we have been there ever since. DH still works really long hours so I don't see him as much as one would think but it really works well for us.

Recently I learned that my job is moving to Houston Texas, we see it as a great opportunity for us. The only down side is that DH would have to start traveling back to DC again at least every other week. We are making the choice to have him travel again, it is not ideal but we both make it work. I am very independent and I am fine being alone during the weekdays (I work full time anyway), and DH doesn't mind traveling especially since he has a lot of friends in DC. We know a lot of people who travel and everyone eventually finds a schedule that works for their family, and those that don't usually choose to find a different job that does not require travel even if it means making less money or not having a job they love. This is not an option for us as DH loves his job and I would never want him to be miserable at work, since I also love my job it makes the most sense for us to go back to the traveling lifestyle so that I can keep mine as well. We also enjoyed the perks of his travel a lot. Life is about trade offs and this is one we are more than willing to make as we find that it works for us, that doesn't always make it easy but we make it work.

 

[phorsenuf]

Been dealing with it the last 28 years.

 

[Creativebeth]

It is my life every week. I am resentful sometimes...... seems I am the "go-to" person for everything, even when he is home weekends. The kids are used to me doing everything.....yesterday my youngest pitched a fit that dad was taking him to baseball practice (for the first time in a year!) b/c I always do it. I am tired......but grateful that my husband works and likes the travel and the job. I just have to give myself a reality check once and awhile.

It could be worse.......especially when I have to fix the electronic gizmos that I know nothing about!

 

[love2disney]

Dh travels for work every week. He leaves Monday and returns Thursday. I know what you mean by being resentful. Sure it lets me work part time, give us a great lifestyle but at night when the kids are asleep I rather have another adult to talk to or vent to when the day is hard. I am jealous of the fact that he gets 4-5 hours alone time in a hotel room without any chores or distractions or eat out on a weekday.

But I have settled into a routine and now its easier this way too. The kids miss him but I like the fact that Fri-Sat -Sunday he is with them all the time that the 1-2 wake up hours he would on weekdays.

 

[cepmom]

my Dh travels for work also; not any set schedule though so it always random dates and length of time away. He just left today for 3 days to OH. It is hard, but after 15 years together you get used to it. I work part time and go to school part time also so its difficult to work that around his schedule, but as the kids have gotten older I don't have to worry as much about leaving them for short durations while I head to work or the library etc.

One thing I keep in mind is that he has a good job that pays our bills and we are extremely grateful for that especially these days. Also, because he travels so much we are able to take advantage of that by cashing in on frequent flyer miles and hotel reward points. We've been able to fly all 5 of us to CA last summer, Disney this May and DH and I to Vegas this past January all for free! And we still have 2 more free flights ready to use for another trip!

It makes it much easier to deal with when you can use perks like free flights

 

[jemmouse]

Me working wouldnt change a thing except that I would have to find someone to watch my son, and DH and I agreed that we wouldnt want that. His schedule or rather his work doesnt allow him to cut his hours. It is what it is. WHen he was younger and starting out he knew he wanted to reach a certain postion in his career then when we met he told me and I agreed, it was his goal. Well he climbed and now when he needs to go he goes. I guess you just cant have it both ways
This isnt nothing new. When we first met 16 years ago he was living in Texas, and I in Illinois. Then after we were first married and for the next several years his jobs were in our state. Then the travelling began again so now its going on about 2-3 years again. ANd I dont see no end in sight.
To the above poster, the margarita machine is ALWAYS on the counter and turns on every once in a while
We do have a great family life, my son and husband are very close, he helps out when home, and is the answer to all my dreams...But I just get lonely and miss him...I know sappy and all my girlfriends would tease me about it, BUT then they will go home and sit on the couch with their DH..Good thing I have McDreamy and McSteamy to watch on Grays ANatomy,

 

[Bethenny]

I can and I can't relate. My husband travels a lot. Not regularly, but it does seem like it's been a lot more than usual lately. He just had to go overseas for a week right before we left for spring break. Yeah, cool places, but he was WORKING. Believe me, he'd rather be at home with the family.

Yeah he gets good meals, but he's eating them with people he doesn't necessarily like. And talking about work still. He doesn't have his bed. He doesn't have his tv. He doesn't have his computer. He doesn't have his family.

Of course we all miss him when he's gone. And he misses conferences and concerts and games. He's not there to help with baths (which I hate) or homework. But on the other hand, I can make chicken strips and mac n cheese for dinner. I can slack a little on the housework. It's a bit of a trade-off. Plus we have a boatload of hotel points and air miles!

My kids are 6 and 10. They don't like it when he's gone, but they know it's what he has to do for work. Maybe your son is picking up on your anger and resentment. I really don't see why a 10yo can't understand work commitments.

BTW, I know someone whose husband just left for a ONE YEAR tour of duty.

As a woman, I feel that I have to do extra work to go on a trip.
- I have to make up a meal plan and usually make a meal for them the first night.
- I write out a list of all the kids activities/events/school stuff.
- I get all their clothes laid out in outfits for each day I am gone.
-Arrange for aftercare for my daughter, etc.

Honestly, if you're both working, your husband needs to step up to the plate and handle your absence better. He should be able to take care of a few meals and know what the kids activities are.

 

[punkin]

Honestly, if you're both working, your husband needs to step up to the plate and handle your absence better. He should be able to take care of a few meals and know what the kids activities are.

This would be ideal, but I know that, in my DH's case, this will never happen.

 

[Planogirl]

My DH goes out of town a lot and has for many years. I'm used to it now and even feel like I'm tripping over him at times when he's here a lot. I only feel a bit resentful when there is a lot of heavy lifting to be done here but luckily I have a teen DS now who can do much of that.

He goes to some cool places and some pretty awful ones too. He usually just eats fast food so I don't feel jealous about the dining!

 

[FlightlessDuck]

I live about 90 minutes west of NYC, and in 2002, I had to spend a week there for training. I really liked having "my time" on the bus either for a nap or to read, and I really liked being in the city, to the point where I faintly considered looking for work in the city. But 3 hours of commuting every day would kill me and I would never get to see my family. I just couldn't do it. Even if it did cost me 30% more in salary.

 

[Rora]

I have no advice, nor can I relate but I just wanted to send