Husband/animal Help/ Vent

[bekkiz]

While advice is sought, I'm trying to get out my thoughts in one place to help me organize them. That said, feel free to butt in and help me figure this out

I want a dog. I know I sound like a whiny 7 year old, but so be it. I want a dog. More specifically a mini schnauzer. I've been researching and planning for about 7 months, and I feel like I have everything under control. We had two of these dogs growing up, and I think they're a good match. I also think now is a good time to get one as
a) I only work 4 hours a day, and can bring the dog as needed
b) I feel very lonely during the day, and crave the companionship
c) I'm really excited about the prospect of getting out meeting other dog people, walking, playing--lots of outdoor activities.

My husband, on the other hand, is very opposed to the idea. Just for some background info, his mom is an animal freak. She runs a cat rescue, and has always had tons of animals (cats, dogs, snakes, birds, squirrels) running around. They have pretty much free range of the house. I think my hubby is afraid of living in that environment again. He also doesn't like not being able to go on vacation etc, b/c we'd have to worry about the dog.

My rebuttal
a) I am not that type of pet owner. It's one, smaller dog. I don't want him to sleep in our bed, he will be crate trained. He will not take over our lives (well, he might, but in a good way!)
b) Both of our animal loving families live within 45 minutes--instant dog sitters, but I am also not opposed to doggy day-care, esp. if I start working full time next year, and we can afford it

I just can't figure out how to change his mind. I think part of it for me, is I don't interact with anyone during the week except 7th and 8th graders, and that is only a couple of hours a day. I'm looking, perhaps for a project, perhaps for a cuddly friend. If I wait much longer, I might start wanting kids about 3 years earlier than we had planned on!

Anyway, advice? Thanks for the vent-letting

 

[Aurora63]

I am an animal lover as well, but I think in this case you need to at least wait. Have you sat down and had a good, real talk with your husband about it, or is it all talked about in the heat of arguing? You need to sit down with him and find out why he is so opposed to it. You say you think it is due to his mom, and the vacation issue, but are you sure? Find out before you do this.

I know the issue of a pet should not be a relationship buster, but when one partner starts doing things that the other outrights opposes, that spells trouble in the relationship.

 

[grinningghost]

Sounds exactly like my mom and dad before they got their dog. It actually took my mom over 3 years of bugging him, but he finally caved. Well, unfortunately, the dog turned out to be a nightmare until very recently.

They got a Westie. My mom researched these dogs like crazy. She was sure this was the dog for them. Well, they got the most insane Westie ever born. She NEVER stopped barking. NEVER. She simply couldn't settle down and all the obedience training money could buy didn't work. My parents were melting down totally.

Before they got rid of the dog, I took her for a few days and bought her a bark collar. It was a Godsend. It was a miracle. It saved the life of the dog and my parents - I'm sure of it. Now they are all living happily ever after. But believe me, my mom and dad's very happy almost-50 year marriage almost evaporated before my very eyes because of this dog.

I think you'll be fine, but just be sure your husband really, really agrees before you get a dog. If there's any tension, it won't be worth it. I've seen it and it can get ugly.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I wouldn't get a dog until he agrees to it. A dog is a family member and needs to be "wanted" in the household. To subject a dog to that (feeling unwanted by your dh) is not a good plan.

 

[tiggersmom2]

Well, when DH met me he hated cats! I let him know real quick that my cats and I were a package deal. Guess What!!! Now he loves these wonderful little critters as much as I do!

 

[helenabear]

I am in the same boat as you are... I would love a dog but my husband is 100% against the idea. My advice is to bring it up once in a while, but the moment he seems annoyed by it, to drop the conversation. My thought is that some day I may get a dog, but it is doubtful. I could never bring a dog into this home unless my husband was all for it!

 

[Antonia]

I noticed you said something about having kids. I might would wait to get a dog if you are planning on starting a family. Many dogs don't do well with the addition of a baby. I've known several people who had to get rid of their house dog once a baby arrived or, worse yet, put them out in the back yard!

 

[Mr.BsMom]

We have a miniature schnauzer, and he is absolutely the best dog I've ever come in contact with! Very sweet and loving, and has been great with our son from the day we came home from the hospital (5 yrs ago!).

Anyway... I would definitely make sure that your husband is on board with it before you found one and fell in love with it. You really need to sit down with him and get him to explain exactly why he doesn't want one, and then you'll be able to address his concerns. It may be about his upbringing, or it could be something else... ?

Good luck!

 

[Jockaroo]

I hope you and your husband will come to a decision on a dog. My dogs are the joys of my life! You both need to agree to bringing a dog into your home. Talk to your husband and find the real reasons he may not want a dog. It is probably more than just vacations. When my husband started thinking about getting a second dog I was the one who was concerned. I didn't want a puppy tormenting my older dog. Our solution was to rescue an adult dog. It was the right choice for us. Our two get along great.

Talk to his mom also. She might have some insight about your husband. And she might be able to help you find a mini schnauzer from a rescue group if you and your husband reach the decision. Schnauzers are beautiful, friendly dogs. Good luck!

-Jockaroo

 

[MICKEY88]

a) I only work 4 hours a day, and can bring the dog as needed
b) I feel very lonely during the day, and crave the companionship
c) I'm really excited about the prospect of getting out meeting other dog people, walking, playing--lots of outdoor activities.

maybe instead of a dog you could get a different job..more hours,,more interaction with people..

or start up a pet sitting business...

 

[katerkat]

I would wait until your husband is totally on board. DH wasn't thrilled with the idea of cats, but I begged and pleaded for Wedge and he relented. We went together and picked him out and it was OUR decision. Tycho, um, I kinda got on a whim. (He was going to be put down the next day, I had to!) Now, DH likes Tycho and all, but two years later I still get comments about how I got the cat without him agreeing to it. And I'd so love a third cat, but he put his foot way down on that one.

 

[poohandwendy]

The decision to add a living being into a household should be discussed in length and agreed upon by both spouses. It isn't something you can just toss out with the trash if it causes heartache.

If, in the back of your mind, you are thinking 'we can take it back or find another home for it if doesn't work out' theory, please reconsider. Changing environments is very stressful for a dog. (I'm not saying you are thinking that, but many people have that mindset)

 

[DocRafiki]

Originally posted by Aurora63

I know the issue of a pet should not be a relationship buster

HUH? This is as important to some people as having kids is to others. I would never even date someone if I knew they wouldn't have dogs in their house.

ITA w/poohandwendy. Don't dare get a dog unless your husband commits to it FOR LIFE.

I KNOW! Why don't you contact your local schnauzer rescue and see if your husband will allow you to volunteer as a foster home. That way, you know it will be short-term (unless DH changes his mind and falls in love), and at least you KNOW you won't be contributing another "bought" pet (I don't believe in buying dogs in the first place, a whole different issue) to the homeless population.

 

[DocRafiki]

I don't know what part of CA you're in, but the e-mail addresses and contact phone #'s for CA Schnauzer rescue groups are listed on this page... http://www.simplyschnauzer.net/paws4rescue.html

 

[wdwnutze]

I was in a similar situation with my DH. I wanted a Beagle but he wanted no part of getting a dog. I would mention it and we had discussions about it and then I would let it go. This went on for a little more than a year until he finally had me write down all the information so he could see it in black and white(vet costs, food costs, what would happen if we went away, who would be responsible for cleaning the yard etc). He agreed last summer but I made sure he wasn't just agreeing to stop the discussions. I knew he had to be "ok" with having a dog. We got our dog in July and she is very sweet! We love having her as part of the family. Good luck but don't do it if he isn't behind you 100%.

 

[bekkiz]

Just to clarify, I would never bring home a poor animal to fight over. I'm just trying to figure out how to get DH on board.

In terms of my job, I am a teacher, but decided to take this year off. Right now I'm doing my first love, which is coaching, so it's a little hard to add hours right now. That said, I am planning to go back to teaching next year.

I think I was having a bad day yesterday just in general. My best girl friend decided she's moving away, plus I was feeling a little down anyway. I think I got it in my head that a dog would solve all of my problems.

Thanks for all the advice--it helped