How to teach children about Danger

[katieam1]

My 2 yr old daughter took off on me today on our way out of the doctors office. I was pushing my 9 month old in the stroller was trying to get us all out of the door and she all of a sudden took off into the parking lot. She was laughing the whole time. Thank God no one was coming in or out but I tried telling her but I am sure she did not get it. I yelled at her but do not want a repeat performance. Bought a harness but would like to know how to get her to understand.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I honestly think you just have to take it into your own hands at that age. I had twins and I used harnesses on each of them, because I just couldn't keep them both safe 100% of the time without them (they were runners). I worked in a pediatric ER and will never forget the night we had a two year old come in who'd been hit by a car when he ran out into the street while mom was getting the baby in the carseat. (He didn't make it, and it's a sight that I'll never be able to get out of my head.) When she's older, she'll understand better. In the meantime, just do what you have to do to keep her safe.

 

[Jaycey'smom]

I agree with PP. My DD is 10 and still she does not go out of my sight. (DD and my DN(11) know when we go out they have to be within arms distance) Even when she is at home she is NOT allowed out of the yard unless myself or her dad is with her. Sometimes I feel overprotective but I tell her that bad things can happen and I could not handle if something bad were to happen. I have told her this since she was old enought to walk and she gets it now. Just keep you babies close no mattter what it takes. Maybe you could get a double stroller or a harness for your 2 y/o? I am so happy for you that nothing bad happened!!

 

[kmk160]

I agree with the other posts but in addition, you might want to rent the movie Stranger Danger from your local library or Blockbuster, etc..
I had my ds, 5, watch for the first time when he was 2 and we still watch periodically just as a refresher!!

 

[An_Island_Girl]

I second the "Stranger Danger" DVD!!! We have passes it around DD4 pre=school class, and all of the parents have now watched it with all of thier children. It really does help.

Good Luck!

 

[mjkacmom]

Flame away, but runners get a smack from me, as well as yelling. I don't spank, I don't believe in physical punishment, UNLESS you break free in a parking lot or street. I can't wait until they are old enough to understand the danger.

 

[Teresa Pitman]

Developmentally, a two-year-old is not really able to understand the concepts you are hoping to teach. They don't really generalize, so if you are able to teach the child (for example) not to run into the road in front of your house, she won't be able to figure out that it also means she shouldn't run into the parking lot at the store or even the road in front of Grandma's house.

What you can do is teach some "rules" (I know, it sounds odd coming from me because I am generally not at all big on rules, but...) such as: when we go into a parking lot, you hold onto the stroller or my hand. Then you need to remind her before you go out the door of the store (because she probably won't remember). When you have a baby and a toddler, the rule is that the toddler goes into the carseat first and comes out last, since the baby's in a stroller and not able to run off. (When you have two mobile little ones, you put them both in the car, then strap each one into the carseat.)

I don't know what's in the Stranger Danger movie specifically, but based on the title I don't generally think it's the kind of thing that is useful with kids this young. They should never be alone anyway so there shouldn't be any risk of a stranger abducting them - constant supervision is the whole key.

Teresa

 

[mjkacmom]

I agree with PP. My DD is 10 and still she does not go out of my sight. (DD and my DN(11) know when we go out they have to be within arms distance) Even when she is at home she is NOT allowed out of the yard unless myself or her dad is with her. Sometimes I feel overprotective but I tell her that bad things can happen and I could not handle if something bad were to happen. I have told her this since she was old enought to walk and she gets it now. Just keep you babies close no mattter what it takes. Maybe you could get a double stroller or a harness for your 2 y/o? I am so happy for you that nothing bad happened!!

How is this child going to become an adult? My 10 year old is biking around 10 with all of his friends! My kids know bad things can happen, and I teach them what to do. My 5 year olds had a friend come over, and they were playing in the backyard (fenced in, but backs up to a street). This kid was hysterical that I wasn't out there (I was in the kitchen, and I could see them from the window). I asked the boy what he would do if a stranger came along, and talked to them. He said "I'd hit him." OMG, this kid's mom has him scared to death, and yet has not told him to scream and run?!

It is SO important to educate our children, but to give them the confidence they need to gain maturity, independence, and street smarts.

 

[mjkacmom]

Developmentally, a two-year-old is not really able to understand the concepts you are hoping to teach. They don't really generalize, so if you are able to teach the child (for example) not to run into the road in front of your house, she won't be able to figure out that it also means she shouldn't run into the parking lot at the store or even the road in front of Grandma's house.

What you can do is teach some "rules" (I know, it sounds odd coming from me because I am generally not at all big on rules, but...) such as: when we go into a parking lot, you hold onto the stroller or my hand. Then you need to remind her before you go out the door of the store (because she probably won't remember). When you have a baby and a toddler, the rule is that the toddler goes into the carseat first and comes out last, since the baby's in a stroller and not able to run off. (When you have two mobile little ones, you put them both in the car, then strap each one into the carseat.)

I don't know what's in the Stranger Danger movie specifically, but based on the title I don't generally think it's the kind of thing that is useful with kids this young. They should never be alone anyway so there shouldn't be any risk of a stranger abducting them - constant supervision is the whole key.

Teresa

You are right - we have the DVD, but I don't think it would work in this situation. It's geared towards older kids, without adult supervision, and I can't think of any circumstance where toddlers would be without adult supervision. Even my 5 and 7 year olds hold my hand crossing the street or in parking lots - the probability that they will get hit by a car is SO much higher than abduction, a real risk.

 

[bdcp]

Flame away, but runners get a smack from me, as well as yelling. I don't spank, I don't believe in physical punishment, UNLESS you break free in a parking lot or street. I can't wait until they are old enough to understand the danger.

I agree with you. That is the one thing that got a quick pop on the rump for our boys. Doesn't physically hurt them and I dont' believe that it psychologically harms anyone either. In fact, spanking used to be used by almost everyone until some "child expert"-who usually don't have children decided it was "wrong". My boys are 22 and 24, and it worked and they are well adjusted, normal, wonderful young men. They only took off once. Their safety is vastly more important to us than the fact some don't believe in spanking occasionally. One and I stress "ONE" pop on a rear end covered in a diaper will not hurt them but it will get their attention and used sparingly is a VERY good way to get your point across. A 2year old doesn't understand when you tell them something is dangerous and you CANNOT reason with a child that age because they aren't capable of understanding. They are not small adults that can "get" what you mean by danger.

I read one time that up until about age 10, children dont' have a concept of space, distance or real danger. It's why children shouldn't even be riding a bike in the street before age 10. Kids think that like a cartoon character, you will pop back up after being run over. That is how their minds work. And you can "explain"something to a 2 year old until you are blue in the face that a parking lot is dangerous, but as another poster said, they might get that you don't want them alone in one particular parking lot, but in their minds, that's the "only" one they can't run into.

Of course, there is also the other option I used which is to "NEVER" let them get out of a car, leave a building, etc without holding their hand. NO choice. That they were able to understand because it was an "always" situation, everywhere.

 

[Teresa Pitman]

I have seen research that showed kids who were hit or spanked for running into the road, and then were left alone near the road, were actually MORE likely to do it than those who were not hit. And the researchers found they did it in a more dangerous way - rather than looking around for cars, they were looking around behind them to see if an adult was there and likely to hit them.

What they feel really makes the difference in the children is that the sense of danger was conveyed. You don't have to hit a child to do that. Your tone of voice when you shout as you see them head towards the road should get the message across pretty easily!

Teresa

 

[tripplanner]

What you can do is teach some "rules" (I know, it sounds odd coming from me because I am generally not at all big on rules, but...) such as: when we go into a parking lot, you hold onto the stroller or my hand. Then you need to remind her before you go out the door of the store (because she probably won't remember). When you have a baby and a toddler, the rule is that the toddler goes into the carseat first and comes out last, since the baby's in a stroller and not able to run off. (When you have two mobile little ones, you put them both in the car, then strap each one into the carseat.)

This is excellant advice. My kids are 15 months apart. I taught my daughter to always hold the stroller when I couldn't hold her hand and we were moving through parking lots or the grocery cart if we were shopping. When she was as young as two, I didn't expect her to remember. I always told her to do it and watched to make sure she was doing it. If she's not at the stage where she will consistantly cooperate with this, I would definitely use a harness.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

At 2yo they are too developmentally young to understand as another poster said.

It is more of a "rules thing". So instead of teaching them danger you teach them that when we are in a parking lot we stay with mommy. Find a way that best relates to your child. Make it simple.

Takes time. I know esp. today you have to have parking lot rules, at least I did until my kids were taller than the cars.

 

[scottishduffy]

For a two year old it is hard to get them to understand the punishment. As PP suggested I would just make some 'set in stone' rules and enforce them. The 2 yr old i used to nanny for had rules like a) If we are in public you must hold my hand. 2)You may NOT talk to another grown-up unless they know my name and talk to me first. (Lily was very social and would run up to anyone to say hi.... this rule helped with that. She could still talk to grown=ups she knew who would know me but it helped her distinguish what a stranger actually was). 3)You can not go outside the fences of the playground without holding my hand, but run around *inside* the playground all you want. 4) streets are for cars, not for people

She is young and some more specific rules may help her until she is a bit older.

As for Jaycey above: Wow. Your ten your old never leaves your sight? At this age you honestly have to let them away from you a little bit and teach them to deal with certain situations. Otherwise she will be a very naive and socially immature high schooler and college kid..... and there are people who prey on that because they know you can't be there to help at that point. Start getting her comfortable being allowed away from you for just little things. Leave the yard to walk to a friends without you, deal with minor social problems that make her uncomfortable on her own. As scary as it is we must let kids deal with some of these things before the age of 18 so that when they are grown they do not get taken advantage of. That way the kid can be prepared for when she grows up.

 

[clori]

I agree that age 2 is too young to fully understand. I just wanted to recommend another video ABC's of safety. On vcr it is two tapes but I don't know about DVD. This isn't just about stranger danger but things like not standing near a swing. I haven't watched it in a long time but I think it is geared towards younger kids than Stranger Danger. I think Stranger Danger is great but for slightly older kids.

 

[katieam1]

I honestly think you just have to take it into your own hands at that age. I had twins and I used harnesses on each of them, because I just couldn't keep them both safe 100% of the time without them (they were runners). I worked in a pediatric ER and will never forget the night we had a two year old come in who'd been hit by a car when he ran out into the street while mom was getting the baby in the carseat. (He didn't make it, and it's a sight that I'll never be able to get out of my head.) When she's older, she'll understand better. In the meantime, just do what you have to do to keep her safe.

I certainly will. I was pretty much sure that is what I was going to do but did not know if there was any good DVD's or something. I usually do not go anywhere without someone else anyways but I am sure there will be a time when I have to take my kids again by my self! Thank you for the advice!!

 

[katieam1]

I agree with PP. My DD is 10 and still she does not go out of my sight. (DD and my DN(11) know when we go out they have to be within arms distance) Even when she is at home she is NOT allowed out of the yard unless myself or her dad is with her. Sometimes I feel overprotective but I tell her that bad things can happen and I could not handle if something bad were to happen. I have told her this since she was old enought to walk and she gets it now. Just keep you babies close no mattter what it takes. Maybe you could get a double stroller or a harness for your 2 y/o? I am so happy for you that nothing bad happened!!

This was my first trip out where I took the two of them by myself. So hopefully the next one will get better. She is usually not like that. She usually stays right with the person she is suppose to be with. So it was a shock. But I totally agree with you! My mom was like that with us and I am trying to get the same way. I keep saying things to her so I am hoping it sticks!

Thank you!!

 

[katieam1]

I agree with the other posts but in addition, you might want to rent the movie Stranger Danger from your local library or Blockbuster, etc..
I had my ds, 5, watch for the first time when he was 2 and we still watch periodically just as a refresher!!

Thank you so much I will check Netflix for it. I was wondering if they had any so I will check today!! Thank you!

 

[katieam1]

Flame away, but runners get a smack from me, as well as yelling. I don't spank, I don't believe in physical punishment, UNLESS you break free in a parking lot or street. I can't wait until they are old enough to understand the danger.

My father said the same thing to me!!

 

[katieam1]

Thanks for the posts. I agree they need rules! My daughter normally has to hold hands and I was reaching for her hand when she took off and was laughing all the way across the parking lot. It was my first outing by myself with the kids so hopefully the next one will be better. (My husband or my mom normally goes shopping with us or different activities) I always put my big girl in the car before my little one and I always take my little one out last no matter who is with me. The problem was we were not even near my car. I just bought a harness and a double stroller so I will not let there be a repeat of that again. Thank you all for your posts I really liked reading the advice. It is nice to get advice when your a first time mom!!