How to refuse gift from my kids

[marlasmom]

I had a cleaning service every 2 weeks but I was never satisfied with the job they did. When one daughter had a baby and my other daughter was out of work for 7 months due to illness with no disability insurance and my son lost his job, I cancelled the cleaning service and cut back on some other luxuries because we were helping all of them. Now my kids have announced that they are gifting me with a cleaning service every 2 weeks. I am delighted with their thoughtfulness and very grateful (we did something right with those kids) but none of them have any extra $. Sarah is having another baby, Alan is spending a fortune commuting to work and trying to rebuy a house and his car is on its last legs and Marla is still recovering from being out of work. (We gave her a lot of $ but she took as little as possible and is still paying off bills she incurred.)

On the one hand it will cost each kid $10 a week so it's not a back breaker, but I still feel bad. OTOH I don't want to hurt their feelings. On the third hand it's over $500 a year for each kid.

What do do?

 

[MOMTOMOOTOO]

Accept it graciously. Like you said it's only $10 a week and thats a small price to pay if it makes them feel good giving back.

 

[christinadei]

I know that you don't want them to spend their money on you, but I think you should let them. It will make them feel good to do something for you. You don't want them feeling guilty, do you? I think that $10 a week won't make or break them and it will be worth it for the feeling that they get for doing something for you.

By the way, you did do something right! It's not often that kids want to give something back in this world anymore. So many people just take,take,take. You shoudl be proud of them!

 

[Planogirl]

I'd accept it graciously and leave it alone. They want to do this and there's really no kind way to refuse it.

 

[mickeyfan2]

Keep the gift. They did when you helped them. Now they are doing what they can to return the favor.

 

[golfgal]

I would also let them do that, but then you can be sneaky and "repay" them by buying some occasional clothing for the kids or "I really miss the kids, why don't you go out so I can babysit".

 

[Keli]

I'm thinking from the kid's perspective since you sound a lot like my mom and I think you should accept the gift. It feels so good to give things to your parents and have them graciously accept it and appreciate the gift.

 

[minkydog]

Let your kids do this for you. It's not the money, it's the heart of the gift. They want to make your life easier, so let them.

 

[Lessa of Pern]

I agree, MM, it's their way of paying you back. besides, not to mention -- you'reworking again, so you're not home all the time.

 

[snoopy]

If it were me, I'd accept the gift and say thank you, and leave how much I sacrificed for them while they were out of work, or what a hardship it will be for them OUT of the equation.

 

[piratesmate]

I was raised with the idea that you never "take" from anyone! (However, you're supposed to give when possible.... There's a flaw in that somewhere.) Anyway, my pastor's wife took me aside once & told me that I was stealing the joy from the giver by refusing. People are blessed when they give...I know I feel that way when I give. Why ruin that for someone else?

So I agree with the others - let them give it to you. You raised great kids! They really appreciate all you've done for them & want to do this for you. Besides, I'm sure you won't stop "doing for your kids" anyway. It will all even out in the end.

 

[Disney Doll]

I am an adult who has a mother just like you...never wants anything from us, never wants to "bother" us with stuff she needs, but is always ready to help us at the drop of a hat.

I would agree that your kids need to do this for you....they will get a lot of good feelings and happiness from knowing they are helping you. Accept it graciously, and if it will make you feel better, try and repay them in other ways with kindnesses...not that it sounds like you need to, but you know what I mean.

 

[Sandy V.]

Anyway, my pastor's wife took me aside once & told me that I was stealing the joy from the giver by refusing. People are blessed when they give...I know I feel that way when I give. Why ruin that for someone else?

Very wise words. Accept the gift graciously, and be happy in the fact that you've raised some great kids!!

 

[marlasmom]

You're right. I was thinking about my guilt in taking it and not about the joy they will get from giving. Always good advice on the DIS. Thank you.