how to prevent bribery with trip and DS 10

[the Fidge]

Lat year, I used our trip as a motivator or bribe?? It did not work!!
My DS10 struggles in school and is ADD, so I thought last year using the trip would help motivate him to comply more with his schoolwork and homework battles! I t did not work! I did not feel good about it really it was for his brithday and not for his academics.

We are going again for DH and DS birthday's actually shockingly enough DH had a blast and asked to do it again for their birthday's as they are 2 days apart.

So my question is how do I motivate without bribery and the big battles?? I am remiinded often that it is different for ADD but he has great ability to function at ahiger level when he really wants to. I just don't know how to get that motivation in him in high gear. Every night can be up to 3 hours of me sitting right here to get the homework done.

He can give up easily! I tried allowing him to take the consequences of his lack of eefort but the result was horrible and not efective at all he simply gave up entirely! He is an only child and has my undivind attention but need another approacvh the way I have been doing it is not working! I have a desk in his room with all his supplies and he never uses it , doesn't like to be alone at any time!

So, please any suggestions are wemlcomed, I feel horrible about this I dread the new school year and all the unneeded battles that we have gone through in the past!

Not

 

[badblackpug]

Oh, this hits home. I went throught the same thing with my step-daughter. Very bright, but very unmotivated, and bribery and punishment did not work. I was told, though, not to "hover over" while she did her homework. There is a lot of "secondary gain" in this. One you are making him the center of attention, two, (and I don't know if this happens to you too, but) I ended up practically doing her homework for her because she "played dumb." We tried to do the "consequences for your actions" thing, but she, too was not terribly bothered by failing. We tried all sorts of bribes and punishments, but no luck. Here is what finally worked:
1) She had to do her homework herself, by herself. In her room. She was brought the assignments to us when she was finished to have them checked, but no-one "hovered." Homework had to be finished by bedtime (not finishing her homework was a good way to stay up late!) If it was not finished by bedtime we set her alarm and got her up early in the moring before school to finish. (believe me, this will happen only a couple of times!)

2) She had to keep an "assignment book" in which she wrote all of her assignments. The book was initialled by the teacher before she left school and by a parent who checked the homework when it was finished (we actually purchased a whole separate set of books to keep at home to eliminate the "I forgot to bring it home"

3) ...and this is what worked best. A "daily report card" on which was listed the goals you and the teacher wanted on a daily basis: It looked something like this:

Dear Mr. Mrs. ______________

This is a daily report card for (childs name) for (date)_________________
please intial below only if ALL the following goals have been met.

1) My homework was handed in on time.
2) My class work/ seat work was neat, complete and handed in on time.
3) I actively participated in class.
4) I paid attention and my behavior was polite and appropriate.
5) I gave my best effort in all I did.


____________________ (teacher's signature)

____________________ (child's signature)


The key to this was the daily report card had to be signed by each teacher, each day, and brought home on a daily basis NO EXCUSES! If the the report wasn't signed (did not meet all goals) or wasn't completed or brought home for any reason it resulted in the following: She went directly to her room and stayed there for the remainder of the evening. The only time she was allowed "visitors" in her room was when a parent was checking her homework, she was allowed to come out of her room only to use the bathroom and shower.

3 or more incomplete/unsigned reports in a week resulted in the same punishment but only for the ENTIRE WEEKEND.

...and we had her sign a "contract" stating that she understood all of the above, so that there was no "I didn't know..."

Of course, you know you must first empty the childs room of any distractions (TV, toys games, ETC)

Sorry for the length, but it worked!

 

[the Fidge]

Thank you very much these are some great tools jsut to get school cooperation! This willb e terrific to have with me ahead of time! I am set to meet with the Guidance off ice and his new teacher! So this willbe a great tool to use thnak you so much!

I got good news some of his classmates called him as they received their letter today of their teacher assigments, they are all telling him how luck yhe is he got the nicest 5th grade teacher!

Yippeee! I hope she has no problem working with a parent sadly some teachers here rather not have parent interaction!

 

[badblackpug]

I met with the 5th grade teacher before school started and, unfortunately, she wasn't very cooperative.....AT FIRST! When we first met she gave me a lot of run-around about "not singling her out" "giving her a chance to prove herself" "not having negative expectations" "I don't have time for speacial treatment" ETC. By the 2nd week of school when practically nothing was completed and her class was being disrupted THE TEACHER CALLED ME! ...and she was more than willing to participate in the plan. I have found that if you can't get anywhere with the teacher, go the the guidance counselor. They always seem more than eager to help.

Good Luck!

 

[the Fidge]

Thank you very much these are some great tools jsut to get school cooperation! This willb e terrific to have with me ahead of time! I am set to meet with the Guidance off ice and his new teacher! So this willbe a great tool to use thnak you so much!

I got good news some of his classmates called him as they received their letter today of their teacher assigments, they are all telling him how luck yhe is he got the nicest 5th grade teacher!

Yippeee! I hope she has no problem working with a parent sadly some teachers here rather not have parent interaction!