How to handle kids fighting...it's driving me nuts!!

[always quiet]

You know, there was a time when my 3 kids were best friends. At this point in time, I am threatening to give them all away!! Why are they trying to drive me insane?! There are always at least 2 of them bickering about something...stupid things too. I got so frustrated with the girls this afternoon (aged 14 and 11), that I told them I was finished with them fighting. I did not want to talk to them anymore, don't ask me for anything, you're own your own.....you get the drill....until they were done with this nonsense. Within 5 min., I got a half-hearted apology from one of them (which I ignored ). I am really at my witts end.

If you're still listening, thanks. If not, don't worry. It's not the first time I've been ignored.

 

[Dan Murphy]

Send them to Disney World.

 

[Chicago526]

Sorry, no advice, just

It could be worse. My brothers beat each other up when they were boys! Actually physically fought one another! Oddly enough, they get along great as adults!

 

[nativetxn]

LOL, Dan!

I wish I could offer advice but I only had one child. There was no one for him to argue with

Katholyn

 

[mommaU4]

Hey I hear ya. Oh yes. There are days when the last thing I hear before they go to bed is their bickering and it's the first thing I hear in the morning. Seriously, it's 7 a.m. and they just rolled out of bed what could they have to fight about?

And your right about it being stupid things like "she looked at me" or "he breathed on me". Maybe not quite that bad but close.

I have no word of wisdom except for you to know you're not alone. I fought horribly with my brother growing up. We're fine now, and my mom survived.

One more bit of comfort is that I bet for all their fighting they would have each others backs if they had to. For example, my kids will be terrible to each other but if I come down hard on one of them the others will suddenly rally around that one and gang up on me. In a way that's nice to see them support each other.

Look for times when they are being nice to each other and complement them on that. And when it gets to crazy give yourself a time out and go for a walk or leave the room. Whatever you have to do to keep from strangling them!

 

[always quiet]

Send them to Disney World.

Dan, it's gotten to the point where I want to go to Disney World without them!! Unless, of course, you are volunteering to watch them for me!!

You would think with the trip coming so close, they would start getting along. When we're Disney (or I should say, the other times we were in Disney ), they got along wonderfully...no fighting...no arguing...no attitude.....now with the teen aged years firmly set in, I can not guarantee this trip will be like the others. At the moment, they are quietly eating dinner at the table. DH is working late and I am really not in the mood to sit out there with them.

I am told, by people with more than one child, that this is normal behavior. I don't know...my siblings were at least 22 yrs older than I was when I was born. I spent my childhood being told I HAD to listen to them since the were older (now let me tell you, THAT wasn't fun!! )

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

Seperate them. Mine are sent to their rooms with no coming out until they can get along. It usually only takes them a few minutes to get over it!

Good luck!

 

[Rafiki Rafiki Rafiki]

I just ground mine from the TV and computer for a day everytime they start to bicker or whine. Actually, they get one warning.

I'm honestly tired of dealing with it myself and have developed zero tolerance out of necessity.

 

[ziggystardust]

My sister and I (3 years apart) were always screaming at each other. We shared a room too which just made it worse. I don't know how my mom put up with us. I do have to say that we were better than some close family friends (same age difference), they used to hit eachother

Just know they'll be over it soon enough, my sisters, though annoying , are my friends now.

 

[golfgal]

Tie them together and make them get along, seriously. They can spend the weekend with their wrist and ankle tied together and figure out how to get along. If that isn't going to work, make them stand on the front lawn and fight. They can't come back in until they get along. If the come in and start bickering again, out they go. They won't fight in front of the neighbors.

 

[debm]

Have the same problem. Then I realized how many times my DH and I bicker over stuff. And my oldest will say, "Just stop fighting about it." Not like we're having some major fight. Just an argument. We attribute it to both of us being first born stubborn people! But it just made me think about how much they hear us argue---how can they be expected to not fight???? This may not be your issue. But I figure my DH and I don't set a good example. Hope it works out for you and you find a solution!

 

[Tigger&Belle]

LOL, Dan!

I wish I could offer advice but I only had one child. There was no one for him to argue with

Katholyn

My youngest (will be 6yo in Dec) could have been an only child and he would have argued with himself! The other night I was agreeing with him about something he said and he started arguing with me.

And to answer your question, always quiet, I think that you need to remind them of your DIS username and tell them they need to respect it.

My kids go through phases of arguing a lot. When the middle 2 were 7 and 10yo they even argued through a WDW vacation. I was willing to give them away!

I don't have any wonderful advice, other than trying to figure out what they are hoping to gain by arguing and then making sure they don't get it. If it's to get your attention, do your best to ignore it. It will improve, but it might take some time (as in years...). My kids are now almost 6, 12, 15, and almost 18 and things are a lot better between them. Now they argue more with us!

 

[mmouseforpres]

There is a great book called 1-2-3 Magic by Phelan. I am a former school counselor, and I recommend this for all parents. I always give it as a gift for new parents. It really makes discipline seem more manageable.

 

[Daisy Duck 5]

Tell them they are allowed to fight as much as they want, the only rule being they have to hold hands while they are doing it. I have never tried to but think about it could you hold someones hand while you are fighting? If they cant hold hands then they cant fight.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Depending on the situation, depends on the tactic for my 9 & 14yodd's.

I tell them they are not allowed to speak to each other for an hour.

No talking (or yelling, not a peep) until _______. Mom gets a break.

I make them hold hands while they fight. (Works well in close quarters).

I hug, hug, hug, hug.....chase them down....hehehehe. You will be surprised how quick they stop when you threaten "HUG PUNISHMENT FROM MOM"!

 

[graygables]

I homeschool, so I get to hear it more than I'd like. Mine have to go outside, "heedless of the wind and weather, fa la la la la"! If it is very bad, they can grab a coat and shoes as long as they are silent and do it within the allotted time, otherwise, it's out the door. Now, they KNOW this, but they've only had to DO it a handful of times this Summer/Fall. Now that Winter is knocking, I can hear it start to escalate and then it's, "Shhhhh...you don't want to go out in THIS do you???"

BTW, another thing I've done (but mine are 9 & 7) is when the 7yo starts to "lose it" (she's the instigator), 9yo says, "Mom called you" or she comes to me on her own and we have a bear hug. She has very poor impulse control, so this is a way that works for her to re-organize herself and not whale on her sister.

 

[Tiffann4k]

I am in the same boat with you..lol My 4 fight all the time it seems...my 2 youngest that are only 10 months apart seem to be the worst...you'd think they would get along a lot better

But I guess thats what I get having 4 kids 3 years apart

 

[TKERBELL]

I hug, hug, hug, hug.....chase them down....hehehehe. You will be surprised how quick they stop when you threaten "HUG PUNISHMENT FROM MOM"!

Ok I just had to stop in - This cracked me up

I really have no advice since I have the samething in my house and I deal with each situation differently -

On the Hug punishment I especially like to deal that one out when I am fighting with my 11yo DS

Good luck and big hugs it will get better - afterall it can't get worse!!!

 

[Disneyfan63]

Hi,

I can't offer any advice, either, because at age 42 I have never been married and have no children. However, losing an argument with yourself really messes up your head.

Jim

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Ok I just had to stop in - This cracked me up

I really have no advice since I have the samething in my house and I deal with each situation differently -

On the Hug punishment I especially like to deal that one out when I am fighting with my 11yo DS

Good luck and big hugs it will get better - afterall it can't get worse!!!

You know, when I started doing this, oh, when dd started middle school, it really helped things and calmed my house down alot.
Of course they still fight but now I sneak up and "hug" and it seems to make things better.
Alot of the time, I think they are just "venting" and when you put a positive end on the "venting" it sure helps them out.