How to handle a mean kid?

[thegrimdwarf]

I've dealt with this before, and what I had to do was really ride the child's mother. "Are you going to handle this, or would you like me to do it?" "He's doing it again - will you speak to him, or should I?" My statements would get more curt and less polite each time I needed to point out that she needed to get off her butt and parent her child. And my voice would get louder. And the other moms started doing it, too.

Finally that particular mom socializing with us, because it was clear we weren't going to tolerate her ill-mannered child and her unwillingness to deal with him. I have a friend who also belongs to another Mom's Group, and I guess this mom and her brat are now terrorizing that group.

 

[LoveTwoTravel]

Exactly. My 2 year old understands that. Those who think a 3-4 year old can't understand this boggle my mind. I knew a parent like that and her kids were nasty and mean because she insisted that they just didn't understand. Yeah right. Every other kid there understood. How come not hers? Please.

Oh, I completely think that an average child can understand this concept (and it is well understood in my home). However, to understand a concept, it must first be taught/presented and practiced. If the "mean child" isn't getting the reinforcement of acceptable social interaction at home then it's the PARENT'S fault that their child isn't behaving well, IMHO. Also, if that child does not attend a MMO or preschool program they have even less of a chance to interact and find out the consequences of their actions at that age (I do NOT want to have a debate over whether children should attend a program or not--everyone makes their own best choices).

I've never come across a child that acts PURPOSEFULLY ugly (outside of testing boundaries, learning the consequences, etc.) if their parents are helping them grow into nice little people at home.

From the sounds of it, we all have lovely children and I'm thankful for that. Well done, everyone!

 

[disneyjunkie]

I've never come across a child that acts PURPOSEFULLY ugly (outside of testing boundaries, learning the consequences, etc.) if their parents are helping them grow into nice little people at home.

I have. As a matter of fact, I have a few of them in my class this year.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Let me clarify. Ok, I said that I didn't think a kid this old could really be reasoned with, but I meant if they were not your own child. A child who is not used to having boundaries, etc, in MY experience doesn't really listen to what I have to say to them.

I have intervened for my children when they are being bullied, but I rarely address the child that is the bully. If the parent refuses to correct their child (rare, but happened before once or twice), I will tell their child "Don't hit him." A look in the eye paired with that is always enough. I don't reason with them.

Now I get what you are saying. Makes sense.

 

[nessz79]

Now I get what you are saying. Makes sense.

I promise that I'm not the parents of "those" kids, by the way!

 

[Stinkerbell317]

I am the first person to recognize if my kids are being unkind. So if someone else's kid is being allowed by their parent to be unkind, I myself step in. Not only do I not want my kids to be treated badly, but I do not want them to see another kid getting away with it! Not to mention this tends to get the other parent's attention, and usually they keep a better eye on their own kid as a result.

 

[polyfan60]

3 is totally old enough to understand, "You're being mean so we won't play with you. IF you stop acting like that THEN we can all play together." The basic logic of "If/Then" is well within the grasp of a pre-schooler.

DevilDuckie is right on with the point. Young children should be inclusive if people are kind and mean people should not be included because young children (and no one for the matter) should not be exposed to bullying within groups.

 

[TDISFAMILY]

I have had some problem with our next door neighbors daughter 5. When she plays with DS3 she constantly pushes, hits & grabs things out of his hands. He would come up to me so and so hit or pushed and would say tell her that is not nice( her mother being right next to me would ignore and tell her nothing.) next thing you know a week or so later my DS start hitting and pushing with his younger cousin and the neighbor. He would get a time out and have to say sorry. Still the mother would ignore her daughter that now taught my kid to do this. Finally my DS stopped his bad behavior after lots of time outs infront of the neighbor and her daughter. You would thinks the mom would catch on and try the same with her daughter but not yet. Finally I told my son instead of telling me when so and so hits etc tell her mom. He is very shy and it took about a week for my DS to start telling the little girls mom. (Even though see could see it with her own eyes)and by some miracle the mom finally sees the light and started correcting her daughter by punishing her or sending her inside. Sad that it took my 3yr old to tattle in order to get the mom to correct.