How to go on solo vacay with DH w/o guilt!

[ML_LovesDisney]

Hi all, I wanted to hear people's experiences who have left their children to go away only with DH/DW/GF/BF My husband and I always talk about how nice it would be to go away together without the kids, but I think I would feel SO GUILTY! I'm hoping this goes away as they get older, DD #1 will be 5 in August and DD#2 will be 2 in 3 weeks. If you've done it, did you feel guilty and then it went away once you were away????

 

[MaryKLady]

We have done it a few times. Mostly long weekends but one cruise and an upcoming trip to our honeymoon resort for DH's 40th.

DD stays with her grandparents while we are gone. She has a great time with them because they do fun things with her. Yes, I feel a little guilty but more worried than anything...until I remember my and DH's parents took good care of us and we survived

It's nice to get away alone...keeps it "exciting". Helps me to remember why I married him in the first place

Also, DD is a well traveled 6 year old...we go and do lots of things together too.

 

[Pumbaa_]

Investing in your marriage is always worthwhile and should be guiltfree

 

[ruadisneyfan2]

We did finally take a cruise for dh's special birthday. It was a 4 nt on RC with friends. Couldn't do a Disney cruise w/o kids! We also flew down day before so really 5 nts total.

They were 11 and 8 at the time. Older one was fine and understood that it's important for parents to stay married and still love each other, etc. He said, "You're right mom. You deserve it." Little ds cried when I 1st told him. Tried to break it to him gently and when the timing was good. ie, not at bedtime or before school. He was 'just ok' with it knowing it would be my parents coming to stay at our house and their whole routine would be like any other day except that on the weekends, Mom mom & Pop pop would do some fun things with you too.

By the end, my parents were exhausted and we joke that my mom burned rubber backing out of our driveway. My kids stay overnight with them often at their shore house so all is used to that but never have they done the daily grind of morning routine, homework, dinner, karate, etc.

Little ds had some hard times during school and teacher sent a note home saying, "We are sooo glad you're back!" Nothing awful specifically but I guess it made it harder for him to focus.

Overall, I felt really bad for little ds and we agreed to not do it again for a long time. Since then, my mom has retired but also taken in my grandmom (her MIL) since she's almost 93 and cannot live independently anymore. My mom has her hands full and I wouldn't ask more of her now so that I can go on vac w/ dh. She still takes them for 1-2 weekends per summer to the shore so we do still get some down time alone; quiet, empty house just not a real 'going away' vacation.

btw, the cruise w/friends was sooo awesome. That I don't regret. They want to make it an annual thing but I just can't do it.

 

[chrisw127]

I've done it a couple of times, but we take the kids at least once a year as well. My girlfriends and I usually take a long weekend once a year at WDW. The first time I did it I felt a bit guilty on the first day, but then I called my husband from Epcot and he was totally frustrated by the casserole I'd left him to bake (with complete instructions) and I thought "He can handle this" and then suddenly, my connection was mysteriously lost. The rest of the weekend was just great.

I will admit I didn't exactly tell my oldest where I was going when he was really little. He's seven now, so he knows that mommy is running the half marathon in October with her friends and he gets to stay home and help daddy run the house. He seems okay with it.

 

[2Pinks]

DH and I have done it a few times and like a pp mentioned - its always a good idea to invest in your marriage. Thats how we see it - we are reconnecting as a couple which makes our family stronger.

The first time we went to Cancun with my sister and BIL. Spent a week down there in a lovely hotel, went scuba diving, explored the ruins, read books by the ocean and came home well-rested, renewed and ready to jump back into life with kids! Our girls were, at the time, 3 and 2 years old. My mom came up to our house to stay with them here as DD1 was in preschool and they both had a tumbling class. She did drive back to her house with them over the weekend and when we flew home, we picked up the girls there. They had a fantastic time with my parents.

The most recent trip was a week at a time-share in Idaho with my grandparents last September- this was more out of necessity as my grandfather shouldn't be driving anymore so this was "our turn" to drive them. My parents drove them up to our house where we took over the wheel and my parents turned around and drove back to their house with our kids. Again - great time had by all! This time DD1 had just turned 5 and DD2 was a few months shy of 4.

I personally see nothing wrong with desiring a few days away from the kids, especially for SAHM's. We never get a vacation even when we go on vacation with the kids - its just moving work from one spot to the next! Its good to get a break every once in a while, gives you some space and a chance to actually miss your kiddos! You will be so happy to come home!

 

[El&Asmom]

Dh and I spent 3n at WDW when I was pregnant with dd3. We had some DVC points that needed to be used, and we knew that once dd3 was born, it would be a while before we could go alone again. We do an overnight trip a couple times a year, but had never flown anywhere alone since having the kids. I'm glad we did it. We had a great time, and it felt like a second honeymoon. We appreciated each other so much more since our time is much more limited at home now. The hardest part for me was flying. I hate to fly, and was having anxiety attacks for the month before we left thinking we were going to orphan our children. I had a couple of moments of guilt while we were there, but our girls have been to WDW so many times so I didn't feel too bad about that. They had fun with their cousins and grandparents and did fine without us.
I completely agree that it is important to focus on your marriage. What put me over the edge for that trip was when SIL announced that her and BIL were getting divorced. They were a couple that I thought would never separate. They just invested too much in their kids and forgot about each other.
We are planning a trip in Jan for just dh and I. Dds will be 7, 5 and 2 and will stay with their grandparents and two other relatives over 4 days. I have a conference that week. We'll enjoy the nights together and dh will golf while I'm at CE.
I say go for it. Vacations without kids are great every couple of years for us and help us remember that we are still a couple and not just parents.

 

[Bren's Mom]

We first went away when ds was 14 months. I didn't feel one single bit of guilt. He was with our moms over the 8 days and was well cared for and spoiled. Our feeling is the BEST gift we can ever give our children is to love each other and protect our relationship. So we do.

We've gone away since then for shorter overnights/long weekends. And ds has stayed at my parents out of state for up to a week. (He's 4.5 now.) He misses us, and we miss him, but the experiences are good for him and good for our marriage. He's also building strong relationships with other family members and that will serve him well throughout his life.

If you want a vacation and can afford it and have great care for your kids...go for it!

 

[stepdisney]

We didn't tell them. As simple as that. We went to Florida for our anniversary. We spent one entire day at Disney (we had a 1 day hopper pass that cost an arm and a leg) we spent one day at US/IOA and one day at a pre-season baseball game. We spend the other 2 days at the resort. It was very n ice but we didn't tell them where we were going and we brought back great gifts!!!

 

[Pembo]

We've been to Disney 3 times alone. The first time was a week for our 5 yr anniv. Our kids were 3 & 1, they had a great vacation at my parents house. Thanks to the Disboards, I got a great deal for the next year and we went back again for a week.

We took oldest ds when he was 5, left his 3 yo brother at home. Took 2nd ds when he was 5, left 1 yo sister at home.
When dd turned 5, she & I went.

Our third trip "alone" was a 4 day trip with one day at the MK. The kids were 9, 7 & 3. It was a postponed 10 yr anniv trip.

Disney is great with your kids but a great vacation as adults too. Have to admit, now that kids are older, it is harder to leave them behind. They are so much easier to travel with and I don't feel like I need the break now. Soon they'll be all grown up and it will be just dh & I. Time flies...

 

[lunalibre]

If you have someone you trust to leave your kids with, and those folks truly want your kids , then GO. Enjoying some time alone occasionally is a good thing.

DH and I went on a weeklong vacation without the kids for our 15th anniversary. My ILs came to our house to stay with the kids, who were 6 and 9 at the time. The kids didn't miss us one bit! I, however, was a basket case by the end of the week. That was my own fault, though. I bought a calling card to take with us to the resort in Mexico, knowing that otherwise it's crazy expensive to call back to the US. However, I bought the wrong kind of card , so I had to go A WHOLE WEEK without talking to the kids. We had a great trip, but I was going crazy by the end of the week with missing the kids. If I could've talked to them, I'd've been fine.

Anyway, by all means, if you can work out the logistics, GO!!!!!

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

I don't understand why you would feel guilty.

My husband and I go away every year without the kids and have been doing so since the kids were born. We are actually going away twice this year. Onceto jamaica in July (for our 20th anniversary) , to scottsdale Az in August and then we're taking the kids for their trip to WDW, in September.

 

[PHXscuba]

Start small if you think you will feel guilty. We started with an overnighter to another part of the big city where we live (I think our kids were 5 and 2 at the time). From there we worked up to a 4-night cruise, and five-day vacations a few times.

You might feel better about going somewhere close by or easily reachable (which a cruise is not).

I have been reluctant to go for super-long because I don't want to wear out my great mom, who happily babysits. (The 4 kids push us out the door). I only ask her once a year and work around her commitments and travel plans. Now that our youngest is 5 and starting school, I will feel better about asking her to watch them for a week the next time we go somewhere.

PHXscuba

 

[jupers]

We've gone to Vegas twice without the kids. That is a place where I feel no guilt because I wouldn't take the kids there anyway. I would love to go to WDW without them for a few days, but I don't think I could do it.

 

[Berrie]

My parents have been on 10 or 12 "second honeymoons". Mom says you have to nurture your marriage. I don't think they feel guilty leaving us behind because they keep doing it. We do travel as a family a lot, too.

 

[mjkacmom]

We've been to Hilton Head, NYC, and New Hope a few times without the kids, plus a 1 week cruise, and no guilt. The kids were thrilled to stay with the grandparents, the grandparents were thrilled to have the kids, and we were thrilled with being alone, and not have to take care of anyone except ourselves. We left them alone with the grandparents when they were all babies, so we could take older kids places, too. I think they're sleeping over at the grandparents tomorrow night, just because they want to - it's a special treat!

My sister has 3 under 8, and takes 2 vacations a year without them.

 

[ML_LovesDisney]

OP here: I feel guilty probably because I work fulltime and am not around then every single day. Perhaps if I was a SAHM I wouldnt feel as bad! I probably won't do anything like this for a few years, DH and I have had a few overnights without the girls and the next morning we are BOTH missing them terribly. Soooo I'll give it a little while ,thanks for all the comfort! Oh and my in laws dont even want to keep my DD #1 overnight so I DOUBT they would take both!! haha. My mom lives in Miami, FL, and I think what we will do is take kids to FL to be with my sister and mom since they are so fun (kids wont even miss us) and go to bahamas for a few days....Family vacations are a must though and we will be going to Disney twice this year altogether, can't afford all that AND bahamas so, we will see in a year or so Thanks all

 

[badblackpug]

We do it every year, and, no, we don't feel guilty, and our youngest 2 are 2 and 6m! (yes, we left a 1m old and went to Mexico)

 

[WeGoDisney04]

Investing in your marriage is always worthwhile and should be guiltfree

I totaly agree!! It's something ALL couples should do for at least a couple of days or so. Happy marriages make happy children

 

[jagafen]

This is something that my DH and I do as frequently as possible....and I think even though they're spaced far apart, solol mom and dad time helps us to remember that we're still hubby and wife, and not just someone's parents. we went to Jamaica for our first wedding anniversary, and my parents and DH's parents split the week taking care of our 2 1/2 year old DS....our last trip was last summer (so 3 years after our previous getaway), DH and I snuck a long weekend in at a B&B while his parents kept an eye on our DS...

I think the biggest factor in laying aside the guilt is realizing that you have multiple roles...parent, spouse, money maker or houselhold manager.....just because you're doing more of one, and less of another just means that you're takign the time to invest in your MARRIAGE and making that the priority (and your spouse) for a short time...it doesn't mean you're running off and abandoning your children. Your spouse deserves a little bit of "spouse time" too!!