- You are being ostracized because you have upset the extended family dynamic. You've upset the apple cart, basically, and your parents are mad at you because of it. And your sisters are mad at you, too, maybe because this means that there's more focus on them. So the easiest thing for all of them to do is to focus all of their anger and hostility on the person who left the situation (you)...because dealing with the huge elephant in the room (your toxic narcissist parent) is far too scary for them.
I'm aware of all this, which believe me, helps a lot. It's funny, I shed light on the problem and then I'm labelled the liar, the drama queen, the controller, the one without lacking empathy.
My only crime has been growing up, marrying and making a family of my own. It's not allowed in my family and I'm the only sibling who has done it. Just this week, my sister was lamenting that I'm not the same as I was in my 20s. I'm forty five now.
Thanks so much to everyone. It's helped me more today than you can know. I spoke with dh this morning and he supports my decision to forego Christmas Eve. I'm sure he is secretly thrilled, as he has little patience for the mess at this point. He really deserves a parade thrown in his honour for the tolerance for bad behaviour he has displayed.
I'll write to my sisters in a week or two letting them know our plans. The children are in the church Christmas pageant so should they press me, I will just cite that as my reason for shaking things up. Last year the kids had the pageant and I bent over backwards fitting it in along with hosting Christmas Eve. It doesn't do me any good, so this year I'll keep it easy on myself.