How to Explain Menstruation to 9 Year Old?

[Panna]

actually, she isn't little anymore, she's 11. Our school program from 4th grade to 8th grade goes over material and hands out books. Part of the progam includes answer and question between parent and child. The books include age appropriate material for boys and girls (they get the same book - just the classes are seperated).

She came home the day they discussed menstration and said "Eww mom that's just gross" I laughed, we talked, was a good day.

The reason I say My poor little girl, is because I haven't had a menstration cycle since she was one, and I keep forgetting that they happen
She has not started yet, but she is prepared.

 

[xtinkerbellax]

9 is about the same age my mom started talking to me about it. i would recommend the american girl book the care and keeping of you. it also has bra tips and basic care info. the companies always and kotex give up booklets too. just be honest with her maybe share some of your experiences too. just keep reminding her its a normal part of life. in 5th grade my schools started talking about it. girls in one room boys in another. we got packets w/ deorderant and pads in it to take home w/ a booklet to go over w/ your mom. i would just add not to put it off for too long. you don't want it to happen to her and not know what it is. that would be terrible. lol. good luck.

 

[LuvOrlando]

When DS & DD were REALLY little they asked me what my Kotex were for and I told them they were lady diapers (this they could relate too). I explained that when ladies don't have a baby growing inside them God makes sure their insides are cleaned out once a month and that we have special diapers for that. DD asked if it would happen to her & I told her yes & that she would look like me someday too. DS asked if it would happen to him and he was relieved to hear the answer of no, but not thrilled to know he'd have to shave every day like Daddy. They are now 7 & 8 and they still seem satisfied with the answer they got when they were in pre-school.

 

[fivefordisney]

I think it is really important to begin "the talk" earlier rather than later because girls are having their periods earlier and earlier. My sister is a third grade teacher and last year she had two girls in her class who had regular periods. She said it is really odd to have these little girls saying, "Mrs. F. it's that time of the month. I have to go to see the nurse."

Knowing that was happening in my sister's class, and that it was indeed a reality, I decided I needed to talk with my then 9 year old (she's 10 now.)

I took her out to a big mall near our house to shop and look in all the stores I usually avoid (Five Below, Claires, Limited Too), had dinner at The Cheesecake Factory and then checked into a nearby hotel. She was so excited--I have two other kids and I didn't want them to interrupt us. I also wanted to send the message that this was a special thing, not "EEWW, gross" not "scary, life is awful.." but more like "soon your body will begin to change and it's exciting." We read The Care and Keeping of You book from American Girl. And we talked...and talked. I let her ask questions. She was very receptive and appreciative of the special time. Then we rented Because of Winn Dixie (pay per view) and watched it. It was really a nice night!

Last week she asked if we could have a night like that again when she gets her period. I said I'd think about it! I am really happy about how open she is with me. It is a far cry from how I learned (an older girl in the neighborhood when I was too young.)

 

[DVCLiz]

I'm always amazed at how much more open I am than the typical moms who post on these threads!!! We covered ALL of this a long time ago - DD was 5 when I was pregnant with her younger sister, so she understood the basics of intercourse at that time. She saw me go through periods and we had conversations about that as well. As she got a little older, but well before she was in her pre-teens, we covered sexual feelings and homosexuality, as well as respect for her body and our family's moral beliefs. I found that having all of those conversations going at the same time made it much easier to deliver my "message" - ie. "A girl's body is ready to have a baby as soon as she starts having periods, but in our family we believe that sex is something special between a married couple." And I do think it's perfectly fine to talk about sexual feelings to young children - after all, many of them are having those feeelings, whether parents are aware of it or not. When my daughters were grossed out and asked, "Why would anyone DO THAT?" I explained that when a girl's body was ready (and a boy's body) there were special feelings that happened, and that those feelings were normal and felt good. I don't think that explanation is in any way encouraging children to have sex. I also think it's fine to show those cartoon pictures of people having sex - I was very curious about that and couldn't quite picture it until I was in late high school and found a book babysitting!!! Our family book of choice is "It's Perfectly Normal", although on another thread like this recently many posters were appalled at the frank nature and the cartoon illustrations it included. Fair enough, but I can also be, if not quite appalled, at least puzzled about why parents choose to keep all of this so hush-hush.

At our house we have something called "private family business" and that means those are things we talk about ONLY at home with each other. All of this topic falls under that category (as does how much Mommy weighed this morning and what bad word she said when she saw the scale!) so mine have always known almost all of the basics, and we have revised as they got older. DD17 now knows more than I do - apparently they have invented some new things recently!!!!

 

[DVCLiz]

Also wanted to add that Playtex makes a tampon called Slimfits that worked very well with my daughter. She went to the grocery store the day she started and chose a pad, wore it overnight, and the next day said, "Take me back and get me some tampons." She went into the bathroom and figured it out, and she's never worn a pad since. I'm so glad she uses tampons instead of pads - I think it is so much easier to use tampons and a panty liner than those bulky pads we used to have to suffer with.

 

[eeyoregon]

Or I couldn't swim with her and she'd ask why.

Did I miss something here? What happened to tampons??

 

[uconn01001]

My dd just turned 9 last month, but she looks more like 12. Its my feeling she will start menstruating soon. I really need to talk to her about it, so she's prepared. However, I'm at a loss as to how to proceed. She's only 9, how do I explain part of the "story" without explaining it all? I don't want to give her too much information that will only confuse her, but, like I said, she does need essential information.

I did start with our pediatrician, who gave me a book for her. I read it first, and its really not appropriate for her age level. Also, it says things I disagree with, such as its ok to love, hug, kiss another girl. It said somehting to the effect that with the onset of puberty many hormonal changes take place and one of the effects is a surge in sexual feelings. It stated that those feelings can be an attraction to boys or girls. It was a question/answer format, is it ok to kiss another girl? Answer--Of course! Many girls feel this way towards other girls and its perfectly natural! Pleeeze! How far are we supposed to go in the interests of political correctness? Adolescence is a confusing time, children need guidance. DD has 2-3 friends she likes to have sleepovers with. How awful if she thought it was "alright" to kiss, fondle, etc another girl then did so during a sleepover in all innocence, thinking it was "alright"? I spoke with the doctor about the book, which he admitted he hadn't read!

Well, back to topic--dd9 is developing rapidly and will probably start menstruating soon. I remember when I was about her age my parents got me a kit from the makers of Kotex. It included samples of various sanitary products, along with several booklets that explained the process without trying to use it as a vehicle for social engineering! I've searched but can't find anything similar for dd. I did find some websites that I think would be helpful, but they target a slightly older age group. They talk about dating, etc. I thought I could put together a sample kit of various products for her, wrap them nicely in a pretty display box. Perhaps I could make my own booklets, downloading just the pages I've found from websites that I think is appropriate for her age group. Well, any suggestions? I must admit I'm kinda stumped as to how to proceed.

Just curious what does this have to do at all with Disney?

 

[DVCLiz]

Just curious what does this have to do at all with Disney?

Absolutely nothing - unless someone has been able to chat up Minnie Mouse and ask her how SHE found out about having her period...

Sometimes these topics get asked on the families board because - well, there are a lot of moms who post here. Sometimes the thread stays and sometimes it gets moved to the Comunity Board. This time, it stayed here!!

 

[shaylahc1]

Wow I am suprised at how many folks think 9 is too young to know about "the sperm and the egg" Don't kids go to school? Surely kids talk about sex and menstruation at school. Would you rather your child get that kind of (mis)information from their friends rather than get the real story from their parents? I agree with the PP who said that teaching children about sex helps protect them from sexual predators. If a child is old enough to have their period (and therefore, get pregnant) they absolutely MUST know about how pregnancy happens. The last thing ANY mother wants is a teen coming home pregnant!

I still remember all these years later what happened to my cousin...she was 15 years old. My mom was talking to her mom at our annual family reunion and this girl's mother was telling her about how her daughter had her first boyfriend. My mother casually asked her if she had talked to her DD about sex and birth control and the mom laughed and said "Oh no, Jenny is so innocent still, she has no idea about sex!" Well about 3 weeks later a concerned friend of the family called to let my aunt know her daughter was 6 months pregnant The daughter had known for a while but was too terrified to tell her mom!

I am of the opinion that you can never give kids too much information about sex and reproduction. Mine have always known how it happens, we have tons of books about sex and reproduction and puberty and the kids feel comfortable talking to me about it. I would much rather have a situation like mine where my kids are well educated about reproduction, rather than to have a child come home pregnant because I never educated her about sex. Like I said before, once a child is physically able to become pregnant (is menstruating) you absolutely MUST tell your daughter how pregnancy happens so she doesn't end up in an unfortunate situation the way my cousin did.

 

[mrsltg]

I'm kind of surprised by the responses, also. I never looked at sex as a conversation to be had at x time. Rather, my dd5 has a basic understanding of how a baby gets in the mommy and she knows all about how a baby gets out (I had a baby when she was 3.5, and again when she was 4.5). She comes to the bathroom with me sometimes and so she knows about periods. I don't believe in using made-up words and when she asks what something is I tell her in terms she can understand. As she gets older the explaination goes deeper. I don't want any of this to be mysterious to her. It's biology as far as I'm concerned.

 

[Beca]

Wow!! I have to admit to being surprised that some people are so modest when it comes to their children (I'm not saying it is bad...just different....). My dd is 4, and already knows an awful lot about periods. She comes into the bathroom whenever I am in there, and has asked questions since she was 2. Honestly, it is no big deal to her now. She knows that it happens once a month, only to women, and that she will start having a period when she gets to be a teenager. It is SOO no big deal to her.

My mom started her period when she was nine....back in 1951...back when NO ONE told kids about it that early. The only thing she could imagine was that she was dying. She figured it must be pretty bad to be bleeding so much, and she didn't want to make her parents sad...so, she didn't tell anyone, and just waited to die. It wasn't until her mom did the laundry until she learned otherwise.

I just figure with my dd...it's hard enough for kids to deal with this sometimes (like when you only have 5 minutes between classes in school )...anything I can do to make something natural seem more natural...I'm all over it!!!

 

[va32h]

Did I miss something here? What happened to tampons??

Not everyone likes to use those. That's why sanitary napkins continued to be manufactured and sold!

 

[va32h]

Just curious what does this have to do at all with Disney?

Well, a young girl might get her period at Disney World. So quick, someone post the best places to buy tampons or pads at DW so we can make this thread properly relevant.

Just as curious - why did you click on the thread if you didn't approve of the subject matter?

 

[uconn01001]

Well, a young girl might get her period at Disney World. So quick, someone post the best places to buy tampons or pads at DW so we can make this thread properly relevant.

Just as curious - why did you click on the thread if you didn't approve of the subject matter?

I didn't, my child did and ask me what this was about.

 

[LSUDis]

I have a 10 yr old DS. My husband is going through the talk w/ him--more in-depth than previous talks.

I have to agree w/ other posters about the books available. At BAMM, I was browsing through some books that may fill in what we forget. Most of them were SHOCKING! As a 38 yr. old looking through books with my friend who is a girls' coach, I think that WE learned some stuff--maybe stuff that we didn't WANT to know. There is no way that I would buy these books, and I don't consider myself much of a prude. I was sooo embarrassed by some of the photos.
I think that these conversations should develop naturally, not with some of these ideas in these books all at one time.

Just my opinion....

 

[crisi]

Wow I am suprised at how many folks think 9 is too young to know about "the sperm and the egg" Don't kids go to school? Surely kids talk about sex and menstruation at school. Would you rather your child get that kind of (mis)information from their friends rather than get the real story from their parents? I agree with the PP who said that teaching children about sex helps protect them from sexual predators. If a child is old enough to have their period (and therefore, get pregnant) they absolutely MUST know about how pregnancy happens. The last thing ANY mother wants is a teen coming home pregnant!

I still remember all these years later what happened to my cousin...she was 15 years old. My mom was talking to her mom at our annual family reunion and this girl's mother was telling her about how her daughter had her first boyfriend. My mother casually asked her if she had talked to her DD about sex and birth control and the mom laughed and said "Oh no, Jenny is so innocent still, she has no idea about sex!" Well about 3 weeks later a concerned friend of the family called to let my aunt know her daughter was 6 months pregnant The daughter had known for a while but was too terrified to tell her mom!

I am of the opinion that you can never give kids too much information about sex and reproduction. Mine have always known how it happens, we have tons of books about sex and reproduction and puberty and the kids feel comfortable talking to me about it. I would much rather have a situation like mine where my kids are well educated about reproduction, rather than to have a child come home pregnant because I never educated her about sex. Like I said before, once a child is physically able to become pregnant (is menstruating) you absolutely MUST tell your daughter how pregnancy happens so she doesn't end up in an unfortunate situation the way my cousin did.

My sister (now in her 30s) had a classmate who was pregnant in sixth grade....don't hold the sex stuff too long. There is both the "easy prey" and the thought that they will learn it from their friends - who may instill a different values system. And you don't want them learning it at 10 from their 12 year old boyfriend (yes, it happens).

Funnier, one of my girlfriends in high school was a senior in high school when she asked us "what IS sex?" We'd been through three years of health class and she could name body parts, internal and external, with the best - but the mechanics had escaped her.

 

[eeyore45]

I'm glad the topic came up here! I'm glad there are so many willing to share.

When I was out of town, and dd was in first grade, I came home to "Mom my friends were talking about period, were they right?" I will tell you I never thought to be having the discussion with my 6yr old, and since she brought it up, I let her ask questions, and I have to tell you I couldnt believe the questions and answers she wanted to here - she was 6. I did tell her that a lot of the information was "TMI" and it would be better if she didnt 'tell her friends', but if her friends asked, I would understand that they would 'discuss', and at the same time, I felt she should also feel free to ask me any more questions that come up - we talked about the game "gossip" how things get confused when repeated... I also informed their 1st grade teacher what was being discussed in the bathroom, and I asked the teacher to talk to me if it got any more attention! (like this was all going to be blamed on me for telling dd!!)

Now dd is 9, and I thought it was time to remind her... she of course is good at rolling her eyes, and changing the subject... then I remembered the book "Dear God its me Margaret" by Judy Blume. I suggested it to her, she got it, but wasnt going to read it. (I wasnt going to push the issue!) Ds girlfriend (they are 21 btw!) came over and picked up the book and remarked "my mom wouldnt let me read this book, she said it was banned, why is it so bad?" She then read the book, declared it a good read, and she enjoyed it - DD read it in one day!!

Bottom line, read it first and decide if its the right book, and time for your chld!

and thanks for the links!! (and suggestions to pack supplies just in case!)

 

[Bird-Mom]

Now dd is 9, and I thought it was time to remind her... she of course is good at rolling her eyes, and changing the subject... then I remembered the book "Dear God its me Margaret" by Judy Blume. I suggested it to her, she got it, but wasnt going to read it. (I wasnt going to push the issue!) Ds girlfriend (they are 21 btw!) came over and picked up the book and remarked "my mom wouldnt let me read this book, she said it was banned, why is it so bad?" She then read the book, declared it a good read, and she enjoyed it - DD read it in one day!!

Bottom line, read it first and decide if its the right book, and time for your chld!

and thanks for the links!! (and suggestions to pack supplies just in case!)

I got in trouble for reading this book in 4th grade. I don't understand what the big deal was...it is a really good book to deal with concerns about growing up. I was horrifed when I was called down to the office and the principal demanded I give it up. They called my parents to inform them of the trouble I was making. My mom knew I was reading the book and didn't come to my aide. I was humiliated, all over something perfectly normal. Not cool. I would never want my dds to feel bad about a normal biological process.

My advice is just to talk about things as they occur. My 4 year old knows a little bit about periods (she is somewhat delayed, so I'm not sure exactly how much she absorbs). She refers to tampons as Mama's boo-boo band aids. I also use correct terms and am not embarrassed. I am also a student midwife, so this kind of talk is pretty easy for me. I want my girls to be armed with as much knowledge and truth as possible. Knowledge is power!

 

[DVCLiz]

The Judy Blume book is "Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret" if you are looking for it by title.