How to encourage good grades for dd - ideas please

[cats7494]

I have a dd11 in the 6th grade and I am looking for ideas of how to encourage her to get better grades. Her grades are not really bad - but I know she is capable of higher grades.

How do you motivate your kids?
How do you keep track of their tests/projects/homework? (organization)
Do you reward for good grades?
Do you "punish" for lower grades?

Thanks!

 

[tinkerrn]

Nothing has worked with ours except money. He gets $5.00 extra a week if he maintains his 3.5 gpa during the next 6 weeks. He is 16 1/2 and likes money. Really, nothing worked for us. We tried to take away play station, phone, going out with friends. It was no big deal. Money was the only thing that motivated him...sad isn't it??!! We also kinda 'scare' him a little bit with a dose of reality....cost of tuition, car insurance, car payment .... the better grades he makes the more opportunities for a scholarship and a decent college.

 

[PrincessNancy96]

I have a daughter in 6th grade also.. She has good grades..but we noticed that at the beginning of the school year when she started cross country & practices right after school her grades fell ( a little...)

How did we motivate? We decided to take privileges away.. no tv, no extras like movies w/ friends, no computer. We then decided that we would take her cross country meets away from her.. Needless to say, that was enough to motivate her.

How do you keep track of their tests/projects/homework? (organization) We got her a small calendar she could write everything in.. Our school provides agendas for the kids and they have to write what goes on in class and homework. The parents are than able to check it at night. I asked my daughter to highlight what was homework so when I checked it at night I knew what to look for. She still does it now.
Also, with projects, reports, tests and such on Monday she has to give me a list that we put on her dry erase calendar and the big family one (each child has a color so we know at a glance who to check on). Always ask questions.. I know at 6th grade they think they are too old..but I think a little helpful reminder is always good. (Ask my dh, I still ask him about work deadlines!)

Do you reward for good grades? We do reward for good grades.. All A's on the trimester report card gets 10.00.. We deduct 1.00 for B's, 2 for C's. They like the money so they will work for it! We also go through there folders nightly and praise them for good work and if there are bad papers, we sit down and discuss with them the problems they missed so that they understand them and will hopefully remember them at test time.

Do you "punish" for lower grades? If there are F's on papers we do have them re do the paper as punishment.

Also, don't be afraid to email the teacher.. They want to know there is parent involvement.. at least at our school that is the case. I have contacted my kids' teachers and let them know that we are doing extra work at home and please let us know if they can see improvement.. We always get a thank you and a update a week later.

I hope that helped a little.

 

[Sandy V.]

We have never given money for grades (not criticizing anyone who does; just not our way). Our expectation is that you give 100% effort on every school assignment. Fortunately, it's worked well with our teens.

We are fortunate in that our school district posts grades on the internet, so as long as the teacher keeps up on a consistent basis (which unfortunately isn't always the case), I can watch and see if there are assignments missing, disappointing test or quiz scores, etc.. I also regularly e-mail teachers with questions or letting them know if one of the kids will be absent for an appointment, etc. I go to every parent-teacher conference as well and back to school nights, so the teachers can put a face to a name. I also try and make sure that they clean out their backpacks on a weekly basis to get rid of the clutter.

I ask a lot of questions when my teens get home from school/at the dinner table about what happened that day and what's coming up both for this week and long term, so we try and keep on top of things as we best can.

It doesn't work for everyone, but we try and stress the need to strive for excellence for excellence's sake and to be proud of doing quality work. So far, we haven't had the need to take away privileges.

Best of luck!!!

 

[Lynn CC]

Our son is in his first year of college now, but when he was home we always made it a point to be interested in every little aspect of what went on in his day. Now that your DD is in 6th grade you have to help her get organized, and be responsible. Sometimes the only way to do this is a lot of communication between parents and their kids. We let DS know early on that C's were not going to be acceptable so he had to do all he could to get honor roll all the time. (I have to say, he did stumble with AP Calculus in High School, it took him quite a long time to catch on, but the determination that he had was remarkable, and ended up with an A and actually tutors Calc. at his college). That was his job, a lot of positive encouragement goes a long way too! You say your daughter could be doing better, I think the only way for her to do better is to know that those around her care and will be there to help her achieve her highest goals.
I agree with Sandy V., I did all those things with DS, gets tougher with High School because of extracurriculars, but school has to be #1 always.
We didn't use money or punishment as a tool, just a lot of Encouragement and Pride!
It's still working for us and DS, he got High Honors his first semester...we were so proud of him and let him know it, My DH even calls our DS... "Mr. Professor"....LOL

Does your DD's School Post homework assignments on yourhomework.com, if not maybe you can get a syllabus from the teachers or work something out with them, they usually like parental involvement!

It won't be all roses, but I think with a plan you will all make it through I think it's great that your thinking about it before she gets to High School!

 

[cats7494]

Thanks for the replies so far.
Yes - I do e-mail the teachers and they are pretty good at replying..for the most part.
We are supposed to have an online listing of homework assignments - but not all the teachers use this...wish they did!

 

[punkin]

MY CREDO:
I will not punish for bad grades.
I will not reward good grades.
I will keep on top of her assignments and help her when necessary, but I will do no work for her.
I will keep in touch with her teachers and be ready to advocate for my child if needed.
I will expect grade comensurate with her abilities and will work with her to see that HER goals are met.

 

[budbeerlady]

We do reward DD with something that we both agree on before hand that she would like to earn for her hard work at getting good grades. We actually came up with a new one since she is young, if she gets a full ride to college, she can have the 529 tuition money that we have saved up. So we told her she has to work hard every year and do her best. She is still little but the sum she saw on the statment I got for the year made her eyes spin.. Money does motivate some kids, diff things work for diff kids.

 

[N.Bailey]

Starting in about 5th grade, I started giving my kids $1.00 for every A they'd get on a test. I paid for quizzes too. Trust me, if they get an A and can get $1.00, they'll bring it home. I also talked to the teachers (they agree rewards work, but they use candy) so they worked with me to inform me of any As the kids might have gotten that they couldn't bring home.

I then simply stopped handing them money for their ice cream cones and the little money for trips to the store. It didn't cost me anything more and they just never made the connection either. It really worked well for us the few years that I did it.

I do reward for report cards too.

$5.00 for As
$2.00 for Bs

Anything beyond that, I didn't reward. While I never did it, my mom used to have a system in place too, but Cs were neutral, Ds she'd deduct X amount, and Fs would be a greater deduction. I don't think any of us ever got an F though. My bro might have gotten a D once or twice.

My kids have been consistently honor students since entering the middle school. We didn't have honors in elementary. I'd have to say it worked to some degree.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Since her grades are good, I would use all postive carrots. Short term rewards & long term rewards. All kids have their "currency".

You could also include college talk, go to colleges, look up majors, find out what requirements are needed, look in the papers for jobs how much they make, show her bills & let her know how much things costs.
Then also I include practical lessons. Cooking, how to clean, etc...
Sounds stupid, I know...but honestly it helped my dd. Doses of reality are all good. Esp. ones that are helpful.
With cooking, I say, well if I "go" who is going to know how to cook "Grandma's Stuffing"???
(All in fun, but you get the picture.)

Trust me, when you are that age you are thinking "when I get out of here thoughts..."
To me, it is the perfect time to show how to get to that goal.

Currently we are dealing with HS Algebra grade, she is a Freshman. To her credit she is trying very hard in school, I knew there would be a problem here. (Came from ALOT of working thru middle school.)
I stay on top of her grades as necessary.

 

[Sparx]

I was never rewarded. I get good grades because I can. That is what I have always done and I will continue to until I am very challenged. Then I will work harder. School is a job. Are you rewarded at your job for doing it? no. you are paid. and that is it. You don't get extra for doing the same thing. I see it that way. If I can get an A, then I will. But if an F is the best I can do, then that is the best I can do and nothing more can be asked of me. I am expected to get good grades. JMO.

 

[Teacher03]

My son was classified "gifted." Did that make a difference in his grades? NO! We tried everything we could think of to motivate him. We rewarded, consequences were given.....nothing worked. His grades weren't terrible, but they could have been much better. He is now a freshman in college and is doing great. He is involved and motivated. Until it was important to him, it wasn't important. He had to do it on his own.

As a teacher, I have seen parents do many things to motivate kids. I have jumped through hoops to get kids to do better. Different things have worked with different kids. Keep trying no matter what. But remember, she has to want to get better grades. Good luck!

 

[golfgal]

My son was classified "gifted." Did that make a difference in his grades? NO! We tried everything we could think of to motivate him. We rewarded, consequences were given.....nothing worked. His grades weren't terrible, but they could have been much better. He is now a freshman in college and is doing great. He is involved and motivated. Until it was important to him, it wasn't important. He had to do it on his own.

As a teacher, I have seen parents do many things to motivate kids. I have jumped through hoops to get kids to do better. Different things have worked with different kids. Keep trying no matter what. But remember, she has to want to get better grades. Good luck!

I had a post about pretty much the same thing. What it really comes down to is the kid. You can try to motivate them all you want but if they don't want to put forth the effort, they won't, end of story.

 

[N.Bailey]

I was never rewarded. I get good grades because I can. That is what I have always done and I will continue to until I am very challenged. Then I will work harder. School is a job. Are you rewarded at your job for doing it? no. you are paid. and that is it. You don't get extra for doing the same thing. I see it that way. If I can get an A, then I will. But if an F is the best I can do, then that is the best I can do and nothing more can be asked of me. I am expected to get good grades. JMO.

I don't know about you, but I do consider getting paid to be a reward. It's the same principle IMO for rewarding for good grades. I can certainly respect that there are people who don't believe in rewarding. I feel a parent has to parent in the best way they see fit. All the teachers I've ever talked to though (especially in younger grades) tend to feel it does have benefits.

 

[goofy4tink]

We are going through this right now also. In fact, I almost posted my own thread. My dd is doing just enough in some of her classes to 'just get by'...well, I did my homework, what's the big deal??!! Her progress report came home and some of it wasn't pretty. She did great in reading, composition, okay in science and much better than we had hoped in math. But social studies was a bust. The teacher even called me Friday morning to give me a heads up about the report that was coming home.
So...my 6th grader and I had a wee little talk...okay, I talked, she listened!! I told her that she had, tops, 4 years to nail down good study habits. Because once she got to her sophomore year, if she didn't have it yet, she wasn't going to get it. That if she didn't develop those good habits and learn how to study, she would be working as a cashier in a grocery store for the rest of her life. But, that if she 'got a clue' she would get decent grades, get into a college, and get a decent job where she could support herself...rather than be like her 29 y/o sister who just barely manages to get by as a preschool teacher. Now, before you preschool teachers out there lynch me...my 29 y/o has a high school diploma, attended a 'community college' for 2 weeks before deciding it was full of old people, and left. She then bummed around for a few years. Then she got her certification and loves teaching her kids. That's great, but she calls me at least twice a week looking for financial help or freebies!!
So, hopefully, my 12 y/o dd will take this to heart and get with the program.

One funny (sort of) story...my brother, 46 and retired from 20+ years in the Navy, has a Japanese wife. They have two sons...17 and 20. The older one wasn't so motivated to study when in jr. high. So...my brother's response was to take his 12 y/o son out for a drive. He went to the really expensive areas with the multi-million dollar homes and told his son that this is where those who had studied, gotten good grades and gotten great jobs lived. Then, he drove to the 'slums' in the city. He told ds that this is where the folks lived that hadn't studied, that messed around in school and had a good time, but didn't ever get to college lived. Well....my nephew is a terrific student at Univ. of Washington. He is very money oriented. However, my younger nephew isn't..nothing has worked with him!!!

I have always told my kids that getting good grades was the reward for hard work. It did finally click with my ds, now 33. But it took awhile. Dd...well, she is still saying that she should have gone back to school, but it's too late now. So very wrong. I do take away some priviledges though. I told my 12 y/o that if she is old enough to have a certain priv. she is old enough to get decent grades. I don't expect all A's...but I do expect her to do the very best job she can. I know she is capable of doing some B work, in the majority of her classes. Just do your best, that's all I ask.

 

[mamacatnv]

3.25 if you want to drive! Now that DS is 16, this has been a great motivator. He must maintain the 3.25 or we take the keys away and he continues to pay the car insurance for something he doesn't get to do. This is evaluated on a quarterly basis. He didn't get to drive all last summer because he didn't meet the requirement at the end of the school year, so sad but his grades have been where they should be ever since.

I never believed in paying for grades I felt it was their responsibility just like mine is to feed, clothe them etc..... That said, along about 6-7th grade, my very brite, unfocused, not motivated son began to slip. Now I feel it is fair to preface with what the original poster stated, her childs' grades are not bad but could be better. My DS should have straight A's he is fully capable and he was coming home with B's and the occasional C. So, going against my original thoughts of paying for grades, we implemented the following based on a quarterly report card:
A's = $10.00 ea. (home room does not count)
B's = $ 5.00 ea
C's = -$ 5.00 ea
D's = -$10.00 ea
F's = the whole deal is off.
Since DS had 7-9 classes per quarter, this could really add up and it worked for him, steady A's & B's.
We discontinued this when DS was old enough to drive and was able to work summers. Now it is all about getting to keep the keys to his car!

I think it is important to remember that some kids struggle to get C's as that is what they are capable of and should be rewarded for them.

MamaCatNV

 

[cats7494]

Well...dd11 and I had a "talk" last night.
I laid down the guidelines/expectations (pretty similar to some of the posts on this thread.) Great ideas!
She was great about it and apologized for not trying as hard as she should. It was a great conversation and I am hoping it is a step in the right direction.

Thank you all!