How to deal with rude people???

[lorijohnhill]

I am disabled and need to use an ECV to be able to go to DLR. I can't stand for more than about five minutes and can't walk long distances. I am also a very Pooh-sized person. We went to DLR about five years ago and received quite a few snarky and some downright rude comments about how fat people should be saving scooters for the disabled and how dare I ride one. These comments were made from behind me, and none were brave enough to be rude to my face. It was very upsetting to my then 4 yr old daughter and to me as well.

I know I need to be thick skinned, but does anyone have any suggestions on how to avoid this issue on our upcoming visit? I thought about taping my placard to the back of the ECV, but I'm afraid it may get lost. Should I bring my cane along?

Any suggestions would be appreciated.

 

[Renae De Liz]

Well, first off how dare those people say those things, and I'm so sorry you have to deal with those types. At Disneyland no less. I personally feel being negative back to those types does nothing to change the situation, and only lowers you to their level. I would, however, kill them with kindness. Turn and smile at them. Show them that you heard it and that you don't give a crap. They lose their "power" that way. If you're close enough you could also throw in a pleasantry like "Have a nice day!". If nothing else it will unnerve them and make them think twice about saying stupid things around people again.

Sadly, there are endless amounts of rude people, and you probably will never avoid it. However, confronting those situations with your daughter in a positive way are GREAT opportunities to show her how to deal with situations like this, and help give her lifelong tools on how to not let the stinkers in the population bother her. You could also take the opportunity to discuss why rude remarks do not matter to you, and why people are rude in the first place (I tell my kids people are often unkind when they are unhappy themselves, and we should feel sorry for them).

Good luck!

 

[DWLA]

While I agree with Renae De Liz that no one should be acting that way - much less at Disneyland, I think that simply letting people know you heard them is not the answer. You don't want to spend your whole trip turning and staring down rude people. You want to enjoy yourself. While I'm surprised to hear anyone was that rude to you (and sorry!) it sounds like it wasn't a fluke, so we know you should do something different to change the results on your next trip.

I would say bringing your cane with you is a perfect choice. It there a basket or something you can use to store it where its visible? I think that would dissuade any comments. Or print a little disability placard and hang it over the back of the ride.

Really, you just want to do anything that gives people around you notice of your disability. Because you want to enjoy your trip. Enjoying your trip means not having comments being made behind your back. So just pick something noticeable (print your own unofficial disability sign for the back of the ride, or throw the cane in the back, etc.)

I hope you have a great trip!

 

[Rainforest_Elf]

I'm a fairly confrontational person. I'm kind, but I also don't put up with a lot of stuff, and expect people to behave. And that includes putting rude and disrespectful people in their place. If I heard someone saying those kinds of things to someone in a scooter, wheelchair, or ECV, you best believe I'd be giving them an earful.

I would suggest not being afraid to stop that scooter of yours and saying something smart to them, depending on the severity of their comments. I find that people who are put in their place are usually embarrassed and either shut up out of shame, or they apologize. You can only hope they learn from the embarrassment.

 

[YukonMommy]

Unfortunately there are rude people everywhere I have seen people get snarky when an obviously ill/in remission child went to the front of the line to meet the Princesses.

My thoughts are you have 2 choices...1. let them ruin your holiday with their rudeness. 2. Ignore them (I mean what is the likely hood of ever seeing them again) and have a wonderful time.

As for the cane, as you know there are some rides you may have to walk a bit to get on or have a few families ahead of you until your turn. So if you find a cane would help with that, then yes take it!
If you mean should you try to do what would cause you pain and ruin your vacation (walk with a cane instead of using a ECV) so people do not make rude comments my answer is no. Why would you let strangers ruin your holiday??!!

Have a magical time!

 

[bumbershoot]

I'm sorry that happened to you.

DH encountered a whole group of rude people when he could not ride Sky School (formerly Mulholland Madness) and had to exit the ride. Alas, it held things up a bit more because I had to switch seats to get back to DS, since DS was too young to ride without me. I didn't hear the comments but DH did.

He's a big guy, and he was dealing with the impending diagnosis of a pituitary tumor that was putting out a hormone that causes most people with it to gain upwards of 60 lbs a year. It also made him incredibly sensitive and emotional, and having people make such ugly comments was just the worst for him.

Unless you're a naturally confrontational and funny (or scathing) person, honestly, I doubt there's anything you could say to people like that that would, actually, do anything. More likely they would just think you're lying, or not care.

A cane won't help because they are thinking you are using the scooter BECAUSE you're heavy, and they would think the same about the cane. Same with the placard. Some people see a bigger person who is also disabled and believe the only problem is their size. I'm not sure how they think that's the only possible conclusion, but they do. And I don't think someone like that is going to be swayed.


I would just put on your "I'm having an awesome time and do not have the energy to listen to others" hat and just have fun. Try to not pay attention to people or what they say.

 

[bryanb]

Ugh. Sorry to hear that. I agree about returning their hostility with pleasantness. And I mean, genuine pleasantness, not sarcasm. It will surprise and shame most people.

Obviously, in some cases, it is better to call out evil behavior (and depending on the situation you sometimes have to confront people), but to the extent possible, you don't want that to become the thing that defines your vacation.

I hope you don't encounter this again. As for your placard idea, perhaps you could make a color photocopy of it if you want to display it without losing the original. It must be frustrating that the idea to do this would even be necessary.

 

[2tinkerbell]

I would just smile and carry on having a great time. I wouldn't care a bit what people think or say. It is more a reflection on them than it is you and if you confront them or comment to them, you are stooping to their level.

Smile and have a great time!

 

[SMD]

I would just smile and carry on having a great time. I wouldn't care a bit what people think or say. It is more a reflection on them than it is you and if you confront them or comment to them, you are stooping to their level.

Smile and have a great time!

Not to mention that confront someone could have the opposite effect and end with them escalating the exchange. If the point is to avoid rudeness, I'd say that's the most likely response to backfire.

 

[lorijohnhill]

Thank you everyone! I think I will bring my cane for transferring to rides. I can't wait for our trip! We are so excited! Hopefully, we won't run into any issues. I am going to stop dwelling on it and plan a wonderful trip instead...

 

[Dot2Vegas]

I'm a fairly confrontational person. I'm kind, but I also don't put up with a lot of stuff, and expect people to behave. And that includes putting rude and disrespectful people in their place. If I heard someone saying those kinds of things to someone in a scooter, wheelchair, or ECV, you best believe I'd be giving them an earful.

I would suggest not being afraid to stop that scooter of yours and saying something smart to them, depending on the severity of their comments. I find that people who are put in their place are usually embarrassed and either shut up out of shame, or they apologize. You can only hope they learn from the embarrassment.

I'm also fairly confrontational and have no problem letting others know how I feel. And if provoked I can be down right scary and mean. I try my hardest to not allow that side of me to come out at Disneyland so I am a lot more tolerable when I am there.
If I were in your situation I would bring and display my cane, giving others a chance to see that you aren't just being "lazy" or whatever dumb assumption that they are making. Hopefully that will deter rude comments. Unfortunately it probably won't because people are terrible. At that point I'd politely put them in their place and then be on my way.
If course, do what makes you happy and comfortable. It makes me feel better to confront someone. It may make someone else feel better to ignore it. Dont let jerks ruin your fun! Im sorry that people do this. Im a fairly fit, young person but I have had 4 spine surgeries. When I do need to use a wheelchair (not often but sometimes) I've heard snickers and comments about abusing the system ect.... you never know what another person is dealing with. People are awful. I hope you have a wonderful time!

 

[T0rrent]

I can be very confrontational. The night before our trip last month we were at the store, we were standing in line and some lady started poking my wife to get her attention to find out if we were the back of the line and she snapped at her, I told her yes we are the back of the line but it's not polite to poke people to get their attention, speak louder or come to their side. Lady flipped out, I said a few things under my breath that she heard that I can't post here without getting infracted lol. As we were leaving, she was still waiting in another line, said some rude things and I just smiled, waved, told her to have a nice day and reminded her it's not polite to touch people you don't know.

Moral of the story, I find that smiling and telling the rude people to have a nice day gets the point across and that the words don't bother you and they are just making themselves look like the idiot. Ignore the rude people, smile, and have a great time.

 

[juliamollymama]

My mom uses an ECV and we go often. My mom is a little overweight but she uses the ECV for the terrible knee arthritis she has. She just cannot stand or walk very long anymore. But all people see is her weight and really she is not very big-she's actually lost weight recently! Go Mom! She usually always encounters at least one person who is rude but for the most part we ignore those people. The crowd level seems to determine the rudeness of people. If it crowded and she is trying to get through, people can be mean but she just keeps on moving. I have seen her say something back a couple of times and people usually keep quite after that. I have had to say something a couple of times as well. It is funny because there are times she will try to walk for a bit and I will drive her ECV for her and people give me the dirtiest looks! LOL! I just smile! For the most part it does not bother us and we have a good time. My kids love being there with their grandma and no one is going to take that away from us!

 

[VicMom]

Yeah ignorance is never fun to deal with.

Three years ago when I was on our first trip supporting a couple of my clients from work for their first DL trip, there were some nasty comments made towards them-and they have been disabled since birth. There may have been a few times when I snapped back about how my guys would love nothing more than to be able to get up and walk out of their chairs but that wasn't possible and maybe they (the comment maker) should try to spend a day in the crowds with people cutting them off and then getting mad if they were bumped, not being able to get onto every ride that you wanted to go on, and then making rude comments towards them and see if they would like it. That usually was enough to quiet the comment makers and the guys even got a couple of apologies.

Might not have been the best approach but I hate not standing up for my guys when hurtful-and hateful-things are said towards them.

 

[TulipsNZ]

My sister has a hidden disability and will often be sitting on an ECV looking stunning, thin, pretty, in heels and full make-up. She likes to look nice and since she can only walk a small distance unaided but quite capably she wears heels to make herself feel glamorous (as she says she feels anything but). She has been hassled a lot. It's so unfair. She's already had one cardiac arrest and is on the heart transplant waiting list so it's not like she's just riding for fun, or parking in a disability park for the hell of it.

Anyway one of her friends suggested making a bumper sticker or tag for her ECV saying something along the lines of 'Not letting my disability stop me having a good time' Another friend has a funny one along the same lines. Another one has one that says I'd gladly give up my disability and walk - don't hassle me for riding.

Oh and they hang them just on the back of the seat so in full view and easy to see, I know someone who has one front and rear to ward off verbal attacks.

 

[lorijohnhill]

Anyway one of her friends suggested making a bumper sticker or tag for her ECV saying something along the lines of 'Not letting my disability stop me having a good time' Another friend has a funny one along the same lines. Another one has one that says I'd gladly give up my disability and walk - don't hassle me for riding.

Oh and they hang them just on the back of the seat so in full view and easy to see, I know someone who has one front and rear to ward off verbal attacks.

That sounds like a great idea! I just may try that...

 

[Cheshirecatty]

I really liked that suggestion as well!

Lorijohnhill, please let us know how everything goes for you---I hope you have an amazing time!

 

[bayoulife4me]

Have yourself the best time at Disneyland. Karma will take care of those rude folks.

 

[emily94]

I think the only time I've given a snarky look to anyone in an ECV is when people let a little kid operate and steer it! Honestly that is so dangerous and they could easily injure another guest! (and it is definitely not permitted by Disney or the ADA) If you're kid or grandchild can't ride certain rides because they are aren't tall enough, let alone drive a car, do not let them operate an ECV! That is pretty much the only thing that gets on my nerves at Disney.

But I hope you have an amazing trip! as long as you and your family are having an amazing time, that is all that matters!

 

[5forMickey]

I would also like to add how sorry I am that people can be so cruel. My mother also uses an ECV at Disneyland. She is 4'11" and maybe weighs 100 lbs., but we have had similar issues so know it's not just about your weight, I actually think people are jealous (if they only knew -- huh). While she is now in her 70's, her disabilities are not seen and sometimes she likes to walk for a bit, but she can't go far. Once we were waiting at DCA for rope drop. It was quite crowded and shall I say her "driving" isn't always the greatest. She had asked my then 13 yro son to take the scooter and drive it for her until the crowds thinned out and then we would catch up to them. Oh my Lord -- the people behind us had a fit -- so many rude comments about how this young healthy kid was using this as a way to get to the rides quicker and be first in line -- it went on for about 10 minutes. I wanted to turn around and tell them if they wanted to be in front of us then maybe they should have gotten their first, but I said nothing and took in everything that was being said (this is not normal for me but I was trying to be Disney good). When the rope dropped, off he went on the scooter headed to TSM. He parked the scooter and then waited and waited and waited while Grandma and I made our way over there. Once we got in line, I noticed the people who were making comments in front of us in the line -- I made some rude comment back to them about how we didn't have this big advantage by cheating that they thought we did and how much extra work it is to park the ECV and try and get around in the parks with a grandma that is mobility challenged or how did they know he didn't have cancer of some other horrible condition that they couldn't see and on and on ....and then I felt like crap the rest of the day, I let these JERKS ruin a good morning. I vowed to never let that happen again so we have just made jokes about it since and we look at people and just laugh about their stupidty.

Don't lower yourself to other's levels. Who cares what they think they are obviously A-holes. Just enjoy yourself and pay them no mind, that will actually bother them worse if they can't seem to get to you. I'm a believer in "Karma" also and one day they will be hit in the face with what they have judged you with. .......have a great trip!!!!