How to convince my sister to come???

[laura forbes]

Ok I am not getting married for a while but I have wanted a disney wedding since my first trip there and when we got engaged there in Nov I managed to convince my DF that we should get married there - it didnt take much convincing really. So when we came home in Nov we told everyone we wanted to get married there but to give everyone, including us enough time to save we decided it would be in 2009 and in Nov as that is our anniversary of getting together and of our engagement. Everyone was totally up for it and I started planning as much as I could straight away, e.g. I have made welcome bags, t-shirts, made contact with Randy, picked my dress and pretty much planned the whole day. (I know its early but I am - was - so excited).

and then two days ago my oldest sister announced she couldnt come, I am really upset cause we are a really close family and I dont want to get married without everyone there.

She said its because she couldnt afford it (she has a young child and one on the way) and needs to buy a bigger house. Now I will totally pay for them all to come but don't know if she will accept that. My mum also had the theory that she maybe doesnt want to take the kids on the plane it is an 8ish hour flight but I think there will be enough of us on the flight to keep them occupied.

Do you think I am being selfish, how can I get her to come, I really dont want a normal boring wedding in the UK.

Sorry half vent, half cry for help.

 

[kidzmom3]

As a mother, I will give you a little insight as to what she "may" be thinking. You can only know her true thoughts if you ask her and have an open and frank discussion.

the cost-not just of air travel/hotel, but food . . . souvenirs . . . new outfits etc.

will she have to take the kids out of school

will she have to take time off of work

if the kids are in daycare/would she have to pay even though they weren't there

does her husband want to go

do they have plans that you don't know about (planning for another child)

some people just don't want their children on airplanes

 

[laura forbes]

Thanks for your advice I had thought about most of the things listed and I had brought p most things when we told everyone what we wanted to do. I do intend to talk to her about it properly but she is due next month and has enough on her mind so I will wait a while.

As a mother, I will give you a little insight as to what she "may" be thinking. You can only know her true thoughts if you ask her and have an open and frank discussion.

the cost-not just of air travel/hotel, but food . . . souvenirs . . . new outfits etc.
I had thought about the cost of travel/hotel and food I would have paid for all of these eg book hotel with disney dining plan, I hadnt thought about souvenirs and clothing, but its not like my sister wouldnt go on a holiday in that year anyway (she goes somewhere every year) this is just more expensive than normal - and if I was to pay for the accomodation etc it shouldnt be anymore expensive for her.

will she have to take the kids out of school
We planned it for then and not any later partly because the kids wont be in school at that time.

will she have to take time off of work
My sister doesnt work but her husband does but we had thought that November would be a very easy time to get off of work for everybody.

If the kids are in daycare/would she have to pay even though they weren't there
My younger sister runs the nursery that the kids will be going to so hopefully they shouldnt have to pay.

does her husband want to go
He seemed the most up for it when we told everyone but then he may have been just being nice.

do they have plans that you don't know about (planning for another child)
they have made it quite clear that they want no more children after this one.

some people just don't want their children on airplanes
and I do understand about this one but why wait till 6 months after we announced it to tell us they wont come.

 

[LeesyUD]

kidzmom3 has some good points, however, I will say that with the wedding you are planning 2 1/2 years from now, I would be upset as well if one of my close family members said they could not come without at least giving some time to weigh their options. While there could be many good reason right now she could not go, there is plenty of time to plan.

I can't tell you what to do because everyone is different but, if it it helps at all, I can offer up my situation I am in. I am planning on getting married in Disney in October 2008 and I would love for my grandmother and aunt to be there. However my grandmother will not do planes or the 16hr train ride from PA. My aunt has colon cancer but has been doing very well so far, going on vacations and such, but we don't know how much longer her good health is going to last. I have been battling with this really hard bc I have thought about trying to bump up my wedding and do a smaller ceremony so that they could both be there. But in the long run and talking with my mother and grandmother, it wouldn't be the wedding that I truly wanted, my aunt and grandmother would not want me to do that just for them, and things can change alot by next year. Even if I moved the wedding up to just a few months from now they still might not be able to go, or someone else I want there may not be able to go even if my aunt and grandmother can. The more I though about it, the more I realized you never know what is going to happen.

I think that you need to decide what is best for you bc alot of things can change in the next 2 years. I do not think you are being selfish at all, and even if you were, weddings are about being a bit selfish in some respects. It is your special day! It something you will remember for along time, something really special. I would ask your sister to at least try to work something out even if it includes asking you for some help with it or getting someone to watch her kids if she did not want to take them on the long plane ride. If it does workout great! If for some reason it doesn't, you need to do what's best for you. But I would just keep an open mind and remember that sometimes you may not be able to make everyone around you happy. And the people that really care about you will want to see you happy on your wedding day even if they can't physically be there.