How (or Would you) answer this e-mail from my Ex?...LONG

[Rozzie]

Sam, as a fellow "survivor" of bad bad relationships, I hope you can get this all settled very soon. Do you have a "panic" button in your workplace? We used to have those at a restaurant, nice to have, especially late nights.

I am with the others and say keep documents, record dates, times, and contact the police. I can't imagine what you are going through.

BTW, I'm going to be in WDW the same time as you, we can meet up and talk trash about ex's. DH and I are DINKS also!

good luck and have a great vacation, you really deserve one!

Robyn

 

[christineann]

Do not reply, and block him from your emails. A control narcissistic freak like that will see ANY response from you as a positive reaction to his contacting you, and if you explain why you left him, he will believe that you care enough about him to give him an explanation.

 

[WeluvDisney2]

First, do not respond and block him from your email. Second, contact the police and get a restraining order. Tell them about your history and show them the email. If he was abusive in the past that is more than reason enough for the restraining order.

 

[Boo'sMom]

call the police!!!!

 

[RadioNate]

I have been in your shoes.

Print the email and hand out copies it trusted friends/family.

Write down everything this guys had ever done to you and attach it to the email

Bring a copy to the police

DO NOT respond to the emails any further, block the address.

I'd probablly contact my ISP to research as much about where he is etc

I'd install some sort of panic button etc at your workplace

Just be on guard, your vacation will help. In a way I'm glad you are freaked out because I'd be more concerned if you weren't taking steps to protect yourself.

 

[Tink&SquirtsMom]

I was also thinking about The Gift of Fear book. I think it was that author who also said to never block the stalkers emails or calls. And this is just my understanding from seeing him speak about it... But he said those emails are your only insight into what the stalker is thinking. And they will usually have some sort of pattern that will change, before a violent episode (obviously this guy doesn't have a pattern yet, but maybe if this continues you would see one?). Also if they can send the stuff (even when they are getting no response) its somehow letting out what they need to let out. If they are prevented from doing that they will often go to more drastic measures to make themselves known to the person they are stalking.

 

[Laugh O. Grams]

I was also thinking about The Gift of Fear book. I think it was that author who also said to never block the stalkers emails or calls. And this is just my understanding from seeing him speak about it... But he said those emails are your only insight into what the stalker is thinking. And they will usually have some sort of pattern that will change, before a violent episode (obviously this guy doesn't have a pattern yet, but maybe if this continues you would see one?). Also if they can send the stuff (even when they are getting no response) its somehow letting out what they need to let out. If they are prevented from doing that they will often go to more drastic measures to make themselves known to the person they are stalking.

That's a really good point!! I hadn't thought about it that way!

 

[palmtreegirl]

I'd ignore it and then block the email address he used.

 

[eeyore kelly]

Ignore and don't respond.

 

[PhotobearSam]

Thank you so much for your support. This has been very hard especially since we are moving this week into our new house and leaving in 2 weeks for Disney...

I will not let him get to me and I am reporting him asap on Tuesday.

I will not let him ruin my life. I have worked too hard to get my life back that I am not going to roll over and take this.

At least we have figured out that the email he used was from Western Canada so hopefully he is far far away.

As soon as the motel reopens, I will get a panic button installed at the motel at my desk and we are putting in an alarm system in the new house.

The DIS is such a good place to gain insight. thanks a million

 

[PhotobearSam]

Rozzie...what are your dates? We are AT DISNEY November 1 to 4th then to Fort Lauderdale for the 5th till 11th then back at Disney November 12 to the 18th...

If anyone sees my LIME green, come by and say hello...

 

[Serena]

Oh please, please do not contact him in any way. It's what he wants. He doesn't care if you want to tell him off, or just not to contact him. He is winning again by your response.

Do not delete his emails. Set up a seperate folder for them, they can be used as proof.

Call the police, get them involved now. It won't get better or go away, as you have just found out. He's still out to control you. Any way possible.

Do what you can to protect yourself in all situations. Walking to your car, at home, driving down the road. I don't want to scare you, but I'm afraid of what might happen if you don't take precautions. This guy is a nut.

 

[Lyn5]

I agree that you should take steps to protect yourself and that he may have gotten your scent.

1. He disappeared in 1996
2. Sounds like you were married after that
3. He found your new e-mail under your current name by doing a search, possible.

I am thinking that if you changed your name when you were married to your DH's last name, he had to do some homework to find out your new name and therefore would also know you are married. This guy sounds nuts...normal guys don't want rejection and trying to start something with a married woman after years sounds like rejection to me. And yes, he remembers, that is why he was being tricky. It also scared me that he knew your friends name Randy. Yikes.

I am not sure how it is where you live, but I have a friend who is a clerk at the judicial building. The way she talks, it seems as though it is easy to get a temporary restraining order and that the person being restrained doesn't even have to show up to the court house. It sounded like the government rather play it safe, minimize liabilty and just issue the TRO then to deny it and something happen. Hugs to you and stay safe.

 

[LisaR]

Okay, I know I will probably get flamed for this and I honestly am not trying to stir the pot. I feel very, very sorry for you and there is a very good chance this jerk will find you no matter how many precautions you take. However, I do not think you are helping yourself by coming to a public BB and detailing every move you are making. I am one of those that feels like we shouldn't put too much out there in cyberspace to begin with but if I was being stalked by some idiot, I wouldn't advertise where I live, that I am moving, when my business will reopen and the dates of my vacation and the cities I am visiting. Again, this guy sounds like the kind of creep that will track you down no matter what but I would at least try and make it a little harder on him. Good luck. I do agree that you need to contact the police ASAP.

Lisa

 

[Wishing on a star]

DO NOT RESPOND!!!!!


And, I totally agree with the posters here, and the experts that they are quoting.... DO NOT BLOCK HIS EMAILS.

I know it is soooo hurtful for you to think of any further emails that you might receive from him. But, this is VERY important.... These emails are the EVIDENCE that you will need to get a restraining order, and to prosecute, if necessary. You know, the same principal as keeping the obscene caller on the line, until a successful trace can be made. This evidence may be crucial to your protection.

As mentioned earlier, the fact that he was able to find you DEFINATELY qualifies as stalking/harassment. He has had to take the initiative to find you... It is not like "Hey, I just ran into her at the mall".

Please take all of this advice, and take every precaution.

 

[Rozzie]

Rozzie...what are your dates? We are AT DISNEY November 1 to 4th then to Fort Lauderdale for the 5th till 11th then back at Disney November 12 to the 18th...

If anyone sees my LIME green, come by and say hello...

We will be at PBH on Oct 29 then SSR Oct 30-Nov 8. Let me know, be fun to get together. BTW we are total Star Wars geeks!!!!!!!!

Robyn

 

[noseybuddy]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tink&SquirtsMom
I was also thinking about The Gift of Fear book. I think it was that author who also said to never block the stalkers emails or calls. And this is just my understanding from seeing him speak about it... But he said those emails are your only insight into what the stalker is thinking. And they will usually have some sort of pattern that will change, before a violent episode (obviously this guy doesn't have a pattern yet, but maybe if this continues you would see one?). Also if they can send the stuff (even when they are getting no response) its somehow letting out what they need to let out. If they are prevented from doing that they will often go to more drastic measures to make themselves known to the person they are stalking.


Also agree that this is a good point.

 

[dandee00]

Okay, I know I will probably get flamed for this and I honestly am not trying to stir the pot. I feel very, very sorry for you and there is a very good chance this jerk will find you no matter how many precautions you take. However, I do not think you are helping yourself by coming to a public BB and detailing every move you are making. I am one of those that feels like we shouldn't put too much out there in cyberspace to begin with but if I was being stalked by some idiot, I wouldn't advertise where I live, that I am moving, when my business will reopen and the dates of my vacation and the cities I am visiting. Again, this guy sounds like the kind of creep that will track you down no matter what but I would at least try and make it a little harder on him. Good luck. I do agree that you need to contact the police ASAP.

Lisa

Hi
Sorry to hear of your troubles Sam. I hope things work out for you.
I'll probably get flamed for agreeing with Lisa, but I think she makes some important points. It is possible Ian can find you here as well, and he can gain important information about you.

I don't think you should live in fear for the rest of your life or that you she should go in to hiding. Nor do I think you have done anything wrong by sharing some of yourself with the rest of us Disers. But, I would consider removing your picture and sharing the moving details, etc.

Have a great vacation with the wonderful man that is now in your life.

 

[StarWarsMan]

PhotobearSam here using DH's computer.

I got married but kept my maiden name. As for where I live, I live in the same small town I did when we dated. Population 600 people and my parents or family own EVERY business with a store front in this town.

I joke that my Dad is the Donald Trump of this area...Anyone who would ask anyone in this town where I live would get the answer. No privacy here. We called the alarm company that we have for work and left a message to call us about installing one at home.

The reason he knew Randy's name is that they went to school together. He knew I gave Randy rides to see his girlfriend. He just could not remember Randy's last name...Still bad though.

As for not putting too much out in cyberspace, he would never have known I liked Disney and how would he know that I am PhotobearSam...I was not even into photography back then.

Since his email is from a company out west, we figure he was bored one day and typed my name into Google and Voila!!!

I am going to contact the Police on Tuesday (closed here for Canadian Thanksgiving on Monday) and report this and if he ever contacts me again, I WILL PRESS CHARGES.

I am NOT going to answer him even to tell him not to contact. I will not give him the satisfaction.

I knew I could count on the nice people here on the DIS to help me...

 

[Lyn5]

Good luck and enjoy your trip!