How old were your kids when you had the "talk"?

[melafive]

My son will be eleven in April and we still have not talked about the birds and the bees. I have been relying on DH but he is wimping out on me. So how old was your son/daughter when you had the talk? Any good books or videos I can lead with and then invite questions/discussions? I am not looking forward to this so any help would be appreciated.

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

It's tough, but necessary. Take it from a person who never got "the talk". You don't want him to learn from unreliable sources. With my DDs, I have always been open when they have questions so it was a gradual thing. We also got our DDs a book from American Girl (The Keeping of Me, or somehing to that effect.) Obviously that won't help with your son but it was recomended to us by our peditrician, maybe you could call yours and see if there is a similar book for boys. I'd say by 11 you should start the conversation, but I think doing it a bit at a time and not overloading him is a good idea. JMO, Good Luck!

 

[kirrrby]

Although I do not have children, I am a teenager myself. I was not formally introduced about "The Birds and Bees" by my parents. They felt it was better to learn it on my own. Not to sound rude, but once your child enters middle school, they'll be surrounded by kids who know more than they should at that age. I know that when I entered middle school I already knew curse words that my mom wouldn't have known until she was 18. It's sad to know that kids are learning things way beyond their maturity at a young age. If your son is in a Public School, they are more likely to teach Sex Education, I'm not sure if it is banned in all states yet.
Here is a great article about the whole topic.
http://searchwarp.com/swa208726.htm

Hope this helps!

 

[catgirl]

Growing up, my mom & dad were very open with my brother & I. We were never afraid to ask a questions and were always given a straight answer. I have no children of my own, but have kept this open approach with my niece's & nephew (9,7,5). Usually you don't need to elobrate, just give a simple, honest explanation based on the age of the child. Good luck, it may be awkward in the beginning, but should get easier with time.

 

[melafive]

Thanks guys! He is in public schools and he does have age appropriate sex education. I have also told him that if he has any questions to ask us first and not his friends. I just want to have a more formal discussion with him.

 

[jennifer293]

I had to give that talk to my 8 year old DD because of some things she heard on the playground and wanted to know what they were talking about. She took it very well and said that what I told her was totally disgusting and she was not EVER doing that.. I told her to keep thinking that until she is about 30 and we will be doing GREAT!!!

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

Thanks guys! He is in public schools and he does have age appropriate sex education. I have also told him that if he has any questions to ask us first and not his friends. I just want to have a more formal discussion with him.

I say wise choice. While I appreciate PPs advise, I have to disagree. I got a lot of misinformation listening to my peers, and didn't realize some of it for a while. I am not that old, 33, so this wasn't a million years ago. I have a highschooler, so I know kids know a lot but there is also things they think they know and do not. The most accurate advise comes from adults. And yes, the classes at school are good but it is also good to know that you can talk to your parents if you need to. Also, some things sometimes need to be discussed before the schools do it. When I hit puberty the school wasn't going to teach about it for another year or so. I had not been told much of anything so I was scared and confused. I made darn sure that would not happen with my DDs and it didn't. We have ver open conversations, nothing is off limits. She doesn't get details so to speak, not that she'd wnat them, but she can ask me anything and as much as it is sometimes akward, I'd rather her learn from me than a friend or worse, a boy trying to teach her things. I believe you are very wise to talk with your son.

 

[fortheluvofpooh]

be prepared to be flamed. I asked about this a few months back and I was told outright that he knows it already and I waited to long. My DS is 12. We had a long talk and he knew NOTHING. I also bought him a body book that deals with changes and feelings and how new life is created. I knew that I needed to talk to him because his classmates were doing things, not his group of friends but just classmates.

 

[Irishgrl6975]

I have always been open and honest with my kids their whole life. Kids ask the darndest questions that completely blindside you. However, I always gave an honest answer that was age appropriate, and I found they were happy with the answer they got. My daughter is now 15 and she is comfortable coming to me with questions or concerns. The other option I always give my children, is if they are not comfortable coming to me then they can always go to aunts, uncles, grandparents etc...

Funny story about kids being misinformed. When I was in the fourth grade, circa 1984, I arrived at school hearing older students saying anyone who wore green on thursdays was h*rny...I didn't have a clue what this meant. At the end of the day I get home (this was a thursday mind you) and my mom is wearing a bright kelly green sweater. I proceed to walk in the door and announce to my mother that she must be h*rny! Needless to say my mother whips around and says "What did you just say?!" I tell her again she is h*orny.... She says WHERE DID YOU HEAR THAT?! I said "at school mom, the kids were saying that if you wear green on thursdays your h*rny". My mother, who is no longer wearing this panic stricken look on her face, but instead is trying not to laugh, tells me that she doesn't want me to say that anymore because it doesn't sound nice coming out of a little girls mouth. I then of course ask her what h*rny means, and she tells me I don't need to know at my age, I will know when I get bigger. Every once in a while I remind my mother of that day and we both get a good laugh out of it....

 

[JackJack08]

DD was 9 and DS is 5 and he even knows a bit. May sound crazy but we were discussing mammals, one day and the conversation, just kind of led that way. Of course I didn't get into all of the details but I think if you make it some big deal, where you sit them down and act all serious, it just "wierds" them out.

 

[parmtoo]

We have two DDs, (grown with families), and 1 DS. With the girls, I was always open with them and would say they had the "talk" by by age 10. With DS, I wanted DH to have that conversation. He put it off, and last year, (right before he deployed ), DS was 12, he finally had the talk with him.

 

[kldmom2000]

My DD has been seeing a pedi endocrinologist for possible precocious puberty.... she's 8 and began developing a little over a year ago I bought her the book from AG "The Care and Keeping of You"..... (it's for girls~I haven't seen anything similar for boys, but then again, I don't have boys so I haven't really looked very hard ) I asked her to read it and then talk to me with all the questions she had....She got scared of what she was reading and won't take the book out any more , so I'm going to have to sit down one of these days and talk to my innocent little girl who still plays with dolls about what's going to be happening VERY soon

(((HUGS)))

 

[mjkacmom]

No talk here, but around the age of 10, my kids get a book, It's So Amazing, which tells about EVERYTHING. Then, we just have on going discussions, and they ask questions. We talk about teen pregnancy, STD's, peer pressure, self respect, birth control, etc. I can't imagine sitting down to a talk - we just have an open-ended discussion, without embarrassment. BTW, I'd get moving before that window closes...

 

[mjkacmom]

DD was 9 and DS is 5 and he even knows a bit. May sound crazy but we were discussing mammals, one day and the conversation, just kind of led that way. Of course I didn't get into all of the details but I think if you make it some big deal, where you sit them down and act all serious, it just "wierds" them out.

I remember when ds was 9, we were watching a show, and he wanted to know how the sperm got to the egg. I told him, he said "gross," and that was that!

 

[Tisha_PA]

My oldest DD got her period when she was 9 so although I wasn't ready to have the talk yet it was necessary. My younger kids are still too young (4,2,2) but will probably have it around 9 or 10 with them as well.

 

[GothTink]

"The talk" at our house has been a regular dialogue, which started when each kid was about three. It changes each time to include more info. For instance, the latest talks with DS are about birth control, condoms and STDs. While DD's latest talk was about periods and pregnancy.

 

[melafive]

No talk here, but around the age of 10, my kids get a book, It's So Amazing, which tells about EVERYTHING. Then, we just have on going discussions, and they ask questions. We talk about teen pregnancy, STD's, peer pressure, self respect, birth control, etc. I can't imagine sitting down to a talk - we just have an open-ended discussion, without embarrassment. BTW, I'd get moving before that window closes...

Thanks, I was going to ask what the book was called and then it dawned on me that is is called "It's So Amazing"! I will look into that one and the reviews on Amazon.

I have read that you should start around eight but previously I was talking to another parent and I took her word that 8 and 9 is to young. I think she recommended 12 or something. I listened since she had an older daughter. I think I should have just gone with my gut and had the talk last year. Luckily he has no interested in girls what so ever. I do know he knows some things I just don't know what exactly.

Thanks everyone and if anyone has more book video recommendations please keep them coming.

 

[angelat]

Once my DS (9 at the time) was laughing at some show we were watching because they were making some funny comment that involved sex. I asked him what he was laughing at and he said the show. He said his friend told him all about sex. So I asked him WHAT he knew. He said sex was two people getting naked and then they start kissing. I said ok, well that's good enough for now. I've always answered questions with age appropriate answers as well. I know that this year in 5th grade they will learn a lot about sex ed but I'm thinking I want to jump the gun on that because after class I'm sure the kids will have their own discussion and I want him to have facts rather then hearsay and "My brother/sister told me" this or that. It's hard, but if you've always had an open relationship it makes it much easier. I also began talking to both DS and DD around 1 1/2 about not letting anyone touch them etc. So, with me I started very early making them comfortable with their bodies.

Just relax. You'll do fine.

 

[K and K's Mommy]

I have a 9 year old boy and would love book suggestions also. I've heard nothing but good things about the American Girl book for girls. I wish there was a boy book too!! I looked at one in Borders, and it was much more geared toward middle school. In our district, the first sex ed talk is in fourth grade so I have already told my DH that we are having the talk before April.

 

[NewmanFam6]

My 11 yr old and I have an open dialogue. For the 7 yr old we had an age appropriate conversation at first. She then came home asking questions about what little so and so's older sister told her. At that point I laid out the facts for her. She said "That is so gross and thank God my Dad doesn't do that" I told her we would revisit this conversation at a later date