How Often Do Your Kids Play With Their Friends?

[Brier Rose]

I posted this over on the CB too, but threads get buried so fast there I thought I'd try here too!

My DS is 8, so I guess I'm wondering mostly about that age group.

The reason I ask is this..

We moved into a neighborhood just a few months ago. Within a few weeks of our move this little boy from down the street..he's 5 BTW..started showing up wanting to play with DS.

No big deal..he seems nice...he parents seem ok..other than they let him wander the neighborhood alone.

Here's the rub..he's been coming over EVERYDAY!! It is just getting on my nerves so bad!

He'll come down just as soon as he steps off the bus, and stay until someone comes to get him usually around 6:30pm.

Now he's gotten where he is coming into my kitchen and going through our pantry everyday wanting candy. His parents have no problem with this??

DH tried to talk to the dad and tell him that weekends (at least) are our family time..hint..hint! They resonded by skipping Sat. and sending him down on Sun.!

Now here he is over again today..SICK!! He is upstairs hacking and coughing after walking down here in the RAIN!!

I really don't know what to do. DS likes playing with him even though there's the pretty big age difference. I just think this is becoming excessive, and feel we're being taken advantage of.

Any thoughts??

 

[ksumn1]

My DD is 8 and we live in arural area so we're not close enough to walk to a friends house. So far this year sh'e been to a couple of sleepovers, hosted one and had play dates maybe 3 times. I think that this child is spending way too much time at your house, since you obviously want him to stay home more. Try to catch Mom or Dad next time they come to get hime and tell them you need to talk to them later this evening. When they call just tell them that "John" is a good kid and you know he likes to come and play but you really have too much going on in the afternoon and evening to have to supervise another child. You feel that they need to make sure that John stays at home after school. PERIOD!!! If it's OK to play you'll have your DS call and invite him.

And if that doesn't work, when he shows up just tell him "I'm sorry honey, my DS has homework and we need some family time. You need to go home now." And call his parents and tell them AGAIN that you're really too busy, and you didn't want to hurt his feelings but he needs to stay at home.

Or you could turn it around and start sening your DS to his house and see how his Mom likes it!!

Good luck!

 

[suffolkprincess]

We have a similar problem with next door neighbors who want to come over all the time or have our daughter over all the time. And, well, we do like for her to play with them, but I don't like supervising extra kids for hours and hours and I don't like not having my daughter home all weekend, either (she is 4.) There needs to be a happy medium, I think between showing up right after breakfast and staying to dinner time (and then begging for a dinner and sleepover date) and never playing together. And I HATE to always be the one saying no. But you simply have to set limits. Its hard to start this now when the casual stuff is already established as ok, and it will be awkward at first-- but its really as simple as telling him he has to call first! Its much easier to say No over the phone.

 

[Mickey'sfriend]

We live in a large neighborhood with lots of kids. We typically have someone knocking at our door daily. Most of my kid's friends know our schedule by now and it's not a problem, but we just had a new boy move in and he comes by at 8:30 Sunday morning!!! Now, he's 10 yrs. old so I told him that it was WAY to early and we wouldn't be home Sunday's until after lunch. He hasn't stopped recently. I would limit this kid you are referring to. Maybe once or twice a week for an hour or so!! Going through your pantry??!! I would kill my kids if they did that!!!

 

[Brier Rose]

He just came down stairs to get something to drink and told me that he had a 104 degree fever last night!

 

[Mickey'sfriend]

Send Him Home!!

 

[Brier Rose]

My DD is freakin out running around the house with a can of Lysol!

 

[runwad]

I'd just tell him when he knocks on your door that you DS can't play today and leave it at that. After a few days of that I'm sure they'll get the hint. My neighbor always let her kids come over here when they were sick and no way I wasn't letting them in to infect my kids I sent them back home said we were busy.

 

[mepperson]

Send Him Home!!

Seriously, what he/she said! At least 1 of DD's friends calls every day to play. Some days I say yes, some days no. Just SAY NO, politely, when you don't want him over. "Sorry, DS can't play today. Maybe another time." The end. Until tomorrow.

When he is over, makes sure he knows the rules about your kitchen and pantry. You need to nip this in the bud, before it gets way out of hand.

 

[la79al]

Wow, this sounds SO familiar, right down to the candy thing. DSS is 10. Neighbor kid is 6. This poorly supervised child will come over (along with sister, age 3 and sometimes brother age 1) and hang out upstairs for hours and hours at a time. Someone will generally come to get them between 8:30 and 9:30p.m. We moved here at the end of last summer from a VERY rural area so this is all new to me. I'm sure it will get old to me soon but I realize 1) At least DSS is playing with other kids 2) Entertaining DSS has become very cheap. no more trips to the movie theater, just a bag of microwave popcorn and they will stay entertained for hours 3) I don't know what happens at their house (we don't let DSS go inside) but they are at least safe at our house. I would think the best way to end this problem is to tell the child at the door that your child can't play right now, you're getting ready to leave, etc....This child was able to entertain himself before you moved in so he should be just fine.

 

[kribit]

Oh boy..do we live in the same neighborhood? I swear that kid is the same one that jumps on all my bushes and plays Power Rangers in my flower beds.

Seriously, we used to live in a neighborhood and it just became too much of an annoyance to play referee with the neighbors kids (we had several families like yours, and I was the new mom "sucker" that thought it was cute...at first). DH and I are somewhat private people and would never think of letting our kids roam free through other peoples yards, houses, etc..., but the sad reality is that people don't care. It would especially bother my husband when he came home from work and wanted to play a father son game of baseball and the kid next door would come over in full hockey gear while smashing the daylights out of our lawn with his hockey stick while his own father sat on the back porch smoking a cigar (no exaggeration). AND would leave all his hockey sticks and pads on our lawn. The parents were just rude.

In addition, the competition on what kind of lawn mower you have, to the car you drive to how green the grass was, added to our decision to move. Our experience in a neigborhood was suburban hell. Not all neighborhoods are like this.

Anywho...back to your question. You may have to set guidelines with the parents because they seem oblivious to their child roaming into other peoples homes. Perhaps you can set a limited schedule with them? If the kids were being excessive, we would just tell Little Johnny or Suzy at the door that we weren't playing today.

Our kids socialize with other kids a couple times of week, but they also have each other so I'm not sure what the right answer is, but this kid showing up every day seems a tiny bit abnormal.

 

[Not so Dumbo]

we have someone in our neighborhood that's the sameway. When I feel like the added work of having to referee for a while I'll tell the boys that he can stay for a while, if not, I tell them no for any variety of reasons..... homework, have to clean their bedrooms, supper will be too soon, we're going away in a little while, ect. I have a million of reasons.

When he is here. I make sure he knows that he is to obey our rules and I have no problem telling him if XX happens again he'll have to go home.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Okay- I guess I will be the opposition here. Yes it would annoy me a bit, but is it possible that he has a stinky home life? I mean his parents don't seem to care that he is gone all the time. That should tell you something. I know it is not your responsibility and all but maybe he is just looking for someplace that he feels wanted. I also don't think going to get a snack out of the cabinets is a big deal. Growing up we had many close friends that were just like family and we didn't treat them as guests. They got what they wanted to eat and we liked it that way. I actually prefer it. I only hope that one day my house is full of my kids' friends and they love hanging out here. I would however have to say something to Mom ASAP if he was sick at my house. I would send him home that paticular time and all Mom and let her know in no uncertain terms that you do not want him over if he is sick. There is also nothing wrong woth just telling him "Sorry honey, Johnny can't play today. Maybe another time." I hope it works out for you and I do sympathize, but try to remember that he is only 6. Hopefully you can find a happy medium.

 

[Tink561]

I would take this opportunity and walk the sick child home so I could speak with the mom. That's not right!

 

[Not so Dumbo]

I was thinking too (along w/ mouse house mama) that maybe in my case and in yours that it's possible these kids don't have the best homelife. Our little boy is allowed to also wander the neighborhood. If they are at our houses, then they get some sort of stability for awhile anyhow.

I would much rather have the boy in my case at our house than my kids at his house. At least, I know what's going on, although, I still draw a line with kids helping themselves to my cupboard. Mine our included in that, they have to ask for a snack.

 

[Brier Rose]

Well DD volunteered to walk him home yesterday. She couldn't get him out of here fast enough..she's just a little germ phobic.

Anyway, she told the mom that the boy had been coughing A LOT. Mom said oh..ok, and that was it.

I really don't think this is a case of the child having a bad homelife. This is just par for the course in this neighborhood. It's a very nice place, and MOST of the parents do let the kids wander around. I've even seen them as young as 4 out riding bikes alone!
Heck I had one 12 year old girl coming over here for awhile and we NEVER met her parents!

NO neighborhood is that safe IMO! The boy goes to private school, is having a huge bday party..you get the idea. It's just been my impression that the parents just don't want to be bothered.

So..I've kind of talked myself up in anticipation of the inevitable door bell ring. He WILL NOT be coming in today..PERIOD!

Lord..what is Summer gonna be like???

 

[1of6]

I think my neighborhood is your neighborhood. Our roamer was slightly older than DS. DD also had a different one than DS. Sometimes I said "no honey, not today." And other times I let the little ones in. You have to break the everyday all day if it is bugging you. If it is not bothersome then let it go, but not the sick part. Take your germs and GO!

Talk to your kids about what is expected of them when they have a guest over. When DS gets a drink, he must offer to his friend. If DS is hungry, he must offer. And so on.

 

[PrincessParty]

I'm a chicken. Sometimes I just don't open the door.

 

[mericletwins]

I posted this over on the CB too, but threads get buried so fast there I thought I'd try here too!

My DS is 8, so I guess I'm wondering mostly about that age group.

The reason I ask is this..

We moved into a neighborhood just a few months ago. Within a few weeks of our move this little boy from down the street..he's 5 BTW..started showing up wanting to play with DS.

No big deal..he seems nice...he parents seem ok..other than they let him wander the neighborhood alone.

Here's the rub..he's been coming over EVERYDAY!! It is just getting on my nerves so bad!

He'll come down just as soon as he steps off the bus, and stay until someone comes to get him usually around 6:30pm.

Now he's gotten where he is coming into my kitchen and going through our pantry everyday wanting candy. His parents have no problem with this??

DH tried to talk to the dad and tell him that weekends (at least) are our family time..hint..hint! They resonded by skipping Sat. and sending him down on Sun.!

Now here he is over again today..SICK!! He is upstairs hacking and coughing after walking down here in the RAIN!!

I really don't know what to do. DS likes playing with him even though there's the pretty big age difference. I just think this is becoming excessive, and feel we're being taken advantage of.

Any thoughts??

Seems excessive. When my kids get home from school they immediately start do their homework. Then we move into dinner, baths, snacks, reading and bed time. Throw in dance, basketball, soccer, tee-ball or whatever other activity of the season. My kids wouldn't really have time to have a friend over on week days. Is this child in school?

My kids generally play with other kids on weekends. Friday night-Sat. afternoon. Of course, if we have family plans that pre-empts friends.

 

[trvlnut]

My kids play everyday with their friends. We live in Phoenix so it's usually nice outside. They walk home from school together and then stop at the park to play for about 15 minutes. Then they come home and all the kids go into their homes to have a snack. Usually my kids do their homework first, then play. However, the neighbor kids are at our door within 15 minutes. I just let them go out and play. I loved playing with the neighborhood kids when I was young. I played everyday too.

Recently, we had a new family move in with 3 boys. The youngest is 3 and he rides his bike without supervision all the time. I never let mine do that when they were that age. However, when my kids were 6 and there were other older kids outside, I let them play without me being outside all the time.

To answer your question, if you don't want him at your house, tell him no. You're the adult. It's not like you'll hurt his feelings. He'll find something else to do.

When my first boy was 2, he would walk right in my neighbors house and get food from her pantry. She knew he was doing it and was a good sport about it. He just felt so comfortable with their family. A 2 year-old doesn't understand that it's not polite to walk into someone's house to get a snack. Fortunately, he's now 6 and stopped helping himself to their food. When he was helping himself to their food, I would slip my neighbor $20 bucks now and then.