How often do you call your parents?

[Skatermom23]

My Mom is in her late 60's, in good health, financially stable and lives in a good area in another state. Problem is that she does nothing, has no interests etc. She gets lonely since Dad died many years ago. My question is how many times a week am I supposed to call her? I try to call at least twice a week and apparently this is totally unexceptable to her. She doesn't call me because she says I am always busy. Well, yes I do have a family but I can count on one hand the number of times I have said I can't talk now. Even if I can't, whats the big deal? I'll call you later or you call me. Mom thinks I am totally abandoning her. I am at a loss. So how much contact do you have with older parents that live out of state?

 

[mallcat]

My mom is also in her 60's, active, excellent health, financially ok, etc. But she lives only 3 miles from me. My dad just died in April. She is newly widowed, and hates living alone.

We are very close. We always have been. I have always talked to her at least once a day. Most days it is more than that. Her house is on my way to work, so I even stop most mornings before I go to work to check on her. I think we would be lost without each other.

I love my husband dearly, but my mom is also a huge part of my life. Always will be. She's been a wonderful mom. I feel like I can't do enough for her.

Everyone's situation is different. You have to do what works for you and your family. Maybe you have other siblings that can help fill in the "gaps" by calling her too. It's hard when you have a family of your own to care for and tend to. Maybe do something "extra" to make her feel special and loved. I try to remember how I felt when I was alone and single.

 

[CEDmom]

Can you help your mom find something to get involved with? She sounds lonely. Does your mom have widowed friends in her area? Maybe she could join a widows support group. I think they do lots of fun activities. Would she consider volunteering? So many places need people, especially during the day.

My own mom is so busy that I probably only talk to her for any length of time a few times a month. In between we'll e-mail eachother. She's a 78 yo retired teacher who volunteers 2x a week at her local elementary school, goes to the gym several days a week and travels a good deal.

 

[DVC Sadie]

Before we moved from Maryland down south I use to call my mom at least every other day. When we moved down here to be with them we ended up moving into their house to help mom take care of my father. After dad died we stayed to take care of mom until she died. Those years being with my parents were the absolute best years of my life. If its no proplem just call your mother every other day if you can because it would probably mean the world to her.

 

[andromedaslove]

My Mom and I talk every single day. We both are very busy, but we make the time. I can tell you that any day I don't talk to my Mom I start to worry about her. Then again, my Mom was a single parent so my entire life I grew up feeling I needed to take care of her because I was all that she had.

 

[pearlieq]

My mom is in her late 50's, still working, still has her own life. Unless there's something going on (illness, crisis, whatever) I try not to let more than 2 weeks go by without talking to her. That's enough for us.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Once or twice a week. I call her, she calls me. Mostly to update me on what my bonehead siblings are up to.

She works as an LPN in a nursing home Alzheimers Wing at the age of 68. It is tough work. She tried to retire last year but my spendthrift father spends all their money and then they can't pay the rent.
Yes, I said rent. They live in an apartment because my dad spent every cent they had.

We moved last year out of state and I am happy. Not that I don't miss her but we really just talked on the phone anyway and never really did anything except go out to eat. So I don't really "miss" anything if that makes sense. She was always "busy".

 

[Kay7979]

My mom is in a nursing home and has basically no one else (my sister lives on the other side of the country) so I visit a couple times a week and maybe I call her once inbetween. My sister calls her once a week. If not for her being so alone, truly, calling or visiting every other week would be OK from my viewpoint. I guess maybe I am strange. I love her, but I don't get the need to talk to her all the time. DH calls his parents once in a blue moon. It does drive them crazy. They call us every two or three weeks if we haven't seen them or called. Usually when they call they want DH to work on their house or do something for them, so we both rather dread the phone calls. Love them but . . . I started a thread like this a year or so ago, only I asked how often people visited their parents. It seems that either DH and I are weird and there is no one else who does not feel a burning need to talk and visit all the time, or else only the people who are extremely close to their parents and visit all the time answered the question. I know that parents aren't there forever for you and I want to talk and visit in person enough to enjoy them, but it's quality rather than frequency that should matter most. We barely have time to see each other and our kids, much less have friends over, so maybe if we had more time we would call and visit more.

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

I talk to my mom a few times a week. She's in her mid-60s, active, but no job as it would interfere with her volunteer activities. She's a volunteer at her local hospital. They deliver mail, flowers, sit at the info booth, etc. She has a blast. She's now president of the volunteers and with them have gone to Disneyland twice for conferences. Also helps that my parents are 1800 miles away. Thanksgiving is always spent at the hospital at the info booth. They then delivery turkey dinners to the staff on the floors. They have a blast.
Sounds like your mom is lonely. My DM is one of the youngest volunteers at the hospital. Why not see if your mom might be interested in something like that. Besides, my DM always feels healthier after she's been there because there are all those sick people.

 

[Pooh93]

My dad is my only remaining parent. I talk to him a minimum of once a day. Sometimes 2-3x depending what is going on. Not on the phone more than 5-10 minutes each time. I usually talk to him in the morning from work, either he calls me or I call him. Then, I normally call him on my commute home. It breaks up the drive for me.

 

[luvwinnie]

Well, my dad lives with us. WHen my mom was alive we spoke at least twice a day. Oh, how I miss talking to her.

 

[binny]

I call my mom everyday but my brothers only call once a week or so.


Im a worry wart though and she isnt in great health but honestly she is so busy! I can never reach her on the first try LOL

 

[Pam]

My parents are 68 and 69. I have called my Mom every day since I got married over 23 years ago. Yes - it's long distance. I don't care.

Now that my Dad is retired - I talk to him a lot as well. In 2004 we bought my parents a cell phone stuck them on our plan (that has free nights and weekends), we told them to just go use it.

 

[pkasbohm]

I talk to my mom atleast 3 day a week.
She was just here yesterday and I called her this morning!
My mom and i are very close! We have a very good relationship!

 

[imsorry]

When both my parents were alive I spoke to them a couple of times a week; saw them every weekend.

After my Mom died and Dad lived alone, two hours away, I called him EVERY day to check on him. If he didn't answer I kept calling until I reached him. He was in his early seventies, went out in the car every day, and I wanted to be sure he got home safely.

 

[Crankyshank]

I email Dad at least once a day and stop by to visit him and Mom every other week or so. Sometimes more depending on if I have errands in the area.

I don't call all that much because it's long distance and because I'm not a phone person.

 

[staci]

I talk to my mom every day at least once. But we only talk to dh's mom about once a month. Just differences in families I guess. DH is annoyed that I talk to my mom TOO much, and I get annoyed that his parents NEVER talk to us.

 

[tkd lisa]

For probably the last 10 years, I called my mother almost every Saturday morning. It was kind of my touch base, duty call kind of thing. If I ever missed a call, she'd get pretty bent out of shape. She typically didn't call me, but she'd get mad if I didn't call her. I had lots of cell phone minutes, so I just made the call.

Now, given that I moved 2 1/2 hours from her (was 1000 miles away), and she's my care giver for the kids when I have to travel, I still call every Saturday if I haven't had something come up that I needed to call during the week. We do email a few times during the week, mainly she initiates those.

 

[thinkerbell]

Originally posted by Kay7979:
It seems that either DH and I are weird and there is no one else who does not feel a burning need to talk and visit all the time, or else only the people who are extremely close to their parents and visit all the time answered the question. I know that parents aren't there forever for you and I want to talk and visit in person enough to enjoy them, but it's quality rather than frequency that should matter most. We barely have time to see each other and our kids, much less have friends over, so maybe if we had more time we would call and visit more.

I also have no burning need to call and talk to my parents. We really have nothing in common. My mom usually calls me about once a week and that is really too much for me. I really love my parents but when mom gets on the phone I just can't get away from her. She will talk and complain forever and then say, " I'm going to let you go ,but I just want to tell you one more thing...." She does this over and over. She has been known to call and leave a message that says, "Call me back as soon as you can, I've got something to tell you." When I call her back it is something like, "Oh, I had a hang nail this morning."
My dad called me last night to ask me what the number was to call AOL. We were in the BED- almost asleep!! I don't have AOL so I referred him to the 800 information number and told him we were very close to being asleep since we had to get up and go to work in the morning. 10 minutes later--he calls back to tell me thank you--he got the phone number from information.

 

[Skatermom23]

Thanks for all the responses! Mom and I really aren't that close. She has one friend that she sees twice a week and other than that she does nothing. We have made suggestions until we are blue in the face and she doesn't want to do any of them. I guess I am just tired of being her emotional outlet and wish she would hook up with some friends to help her.