How many affairs are we talking about here? - the poll

[auntpolly]

I have 2 close friends whose husbands have had affairs with coworkers. One is divorced and the other is still torturing her husband. (I'm not condoning this, just reporting the fact.)

How many of you have seen affairs close up and personal?

 

[Shugardrawers]

Ok, I'll admit it. I had one. At the time I was in a marriage that was falling apart with an emotionally abusive man who barely acknowledged my existence let alone was concerned about my needs. It wasn't consumated until I'd left my husband but there was a strong emotional attachment and lots of kissing. I'm certainly not proud of it but sometimes these things happen as a direct result of a lack of love at home. Now, with my new DH I'd never ever dream of cheating on him. He adores me and proves it on a daily basis. My needs are well met at home and I'd never do anything to jeapordize what we have. Flame if you must but I'm a flawed human being. It was 12 years ago and a LOT has changed.

 

[EsmeraldaX]

There was no box for all of the above.

Well technically, I have never cheated on a spouse or serious boyfriend, but when I was in college I had a non serious boyfriend who I cheated on. That was the only time though. I have been cheated on at least 3 times by long term signifigant others and witnessed friends and family memebers being cheated on/or cheating themselves.

 

[auntpolly]

Originally posted by EsmeraldaX
There was no box for all of the above.

Well technically, I have never cheated on a spouse or serious boyfriend, but when I was in college I had a non serious boyfriend who I cheated on. That was the only time though. I have been cheated on at least 3 times by long term signifigant others and witnessed friends and family memebers being cheated on/or cheating themselves.

ha! I have to admit I did cheat on my HS boyfriend! (For about 2 weeks until I got the courage to tell him I was seeing someone else.) I guess I don't like remembering that! I had a reason for doing it -- not a good one, but it was a reason. He was my best friend and I was afraid that when I told him he wouldn't want to be friends anymore - I was right! First loves can be sad!!!!

 

[auntpolly]

Originally posted by Shugardrawers
Ok, I'll admit it. I had one. Flame if you must but I'm a flawed human being. It was 12 years ago and a LOT has changed.

No flames -- everyone makes mistakes!

 

[Laurabearz]

NO affair here... or anyone I know.... well I take that back.... after my dad died, I found letters (steamy ones) that he had written to my mother.... trouble is she was still married to his best freind....

 

[auntpolly]

I have to admit I'm curious about these 6 affairs that have been admitted to - I wish there was a way to anonymously tell about them!

 

[my3kids]

Definately none here.

I have seen friends though, and it isn't pretty. Especially in a small town.

 

[shmoogrrrl]

Originally posted by auntpolly
ha! I have to admit I did cheat on my HS boyfriend! (For about 2 weeks until I got the courage to tell him I was seeing someone else.)

Ack! Do HS boyfriends really count?! I would never dream of cheating on my husband. I never did when we were just dating and would not do it now that we are married. HS was a totally different situation though. Although I suppose that dating is a commitment that shouldn't be broken too, I admit that I cheated on a couple of my HS boyfriends (In a kissing way. I was a good girl!).

I dated a guy very seriously in my Mid-twentys and it got to the point that I had to make a decision about whether or not I could spend the rest of my life with him. I determined that I couldn't, and told him that I wanted to end our relationship. We were still friends, and he came over a lot and we hung out a lot. There was NO kissing and no anything else. We didn't hold hands, we didn't act in any way that a "couple" would act. I was so happy because I thought this guy was really nice (just not someone I'd want to marry) and was glad that we could remain friends. Well, this went on for 6 months, and during that time I went out on a few dates and actually met my future husband. Well, one night, the ex-boyfriend got mad at me because I couldn't go to a movie with him, and he broke up with me! I was horrible and laughed at him! I mean we'd been broken up for six months! He knew I was going out with other people so I'm not sure what that was all about. He got very upset and never spoke to me again. I felt kind of guilty, but I'm not sure why. I had made it VERY clear to him that we were no longer anything but friends and was veryopen about seeing other people!

Sometimes I see people who are obviously on a "date" or talk to my single friends and I thank God that I am not back in the dating scene. Not that it wasn't fun, but man, it was a lot of work! I wouldn't trade my husband for the world.

 

[jrydberg]

Never cheated... never saw the point in it. But then again, I'm a horrible liar so anyone who has spent any time with me would know the instant I was lying about anything. Not such a bad thing, I suppose. Kinda sucks when playing poker though

 

[LScot]

As ahairdresser, I have heard of many affairs from clients. I think they are very common these days (maybe they have always been )
I haven't had an affair and hope I'd ask for a divorce before I ever did. Affairs and divorce are so hard on kids. We kid ourselves to think that kids are so darned resiliant. I know they're strong but from all ages of kids I hear stories of heartache. I wish parents would think about it before they act on their "feelings".

 

[m&m's mom]

OK, I will confess. I was the initator of an affair w/ a married man. I was not dating anyone. I was in college and he was one of my professors. It was so stereotypical!
He was a very good looking 40 YO professor. I was a cute 20 YO who did not have the sense I needed. His wife had gained a very large amount of weight and cut him off sexually.
He resisted my very strong overtures (I wrote on the back of my final exam "If you ever feel like cheating on your wife let me know"). Well, it took about 3 months of work on my part but I finally got him. Now all of that sounds very bad but the best part is we truly fell in love w/ each other. We were together over 2 years and would be together today if I had been able to agree to never have children. He had been a very involved Dad and now wanted to concentrate on his career.
We still keep in touch every now and then.
Kind of life the thing that never was between us.
OK, since I am the first to admit being a hussy be relatively nice.

 

[Pkaroch]

I'm a horrible liar myself, so I probably couldn't pull off an affair even if I wanted to!

I've been cheated on, and a lot of my friends seem to have affairs...one that has lasted for 4 and a half years!!! It seems like they're so common, at least in the circle of people I know.

 

[grinningghost]

A LONG time ago, I had a 7 year relationship which was horribly abusive. Somewhere into the 6th year, I cheated on my BF. It was an on-going fling. It wasn't "love", it was simply an escape. Shortly after, I started seeing the guy who I would end up marrying. That was the magic bullet that put an end to the ugly relationship.

I thank my DH every single day for "saving" me. I would never, ever, ever cheat on him, and I believe he is 100% faithful as well.

 

[Beast fan]

Haven't cheated on DW. (No further comment since DW may eventually lurk around here.)

 

[vernon]

Where's the all of the above catagory.

 

[TigerBear]

I've never been on either end of an affair - at least to my knowledge. A few people questioned whether my ex cheated on me - including his mom and one of my best friends. I have absolutely no reason to think he did and find it interesting that both of them have been touched by affairs (one as the cheater and one as the cheatee).

I always felt my ex's honesty was one of his better qualities. When we got married, he told me that he would never cheat on me. He said, "If I no longer want to be with you, I will leave". And he did. How is that for commitment?

I'm so glad he is gone!

 

[snoopy]

Are we talking marriage here? Because, again, I think breaking a legally binding contract is different than people who cheat on the person they are dating.

I have not had an affair, nor as my husband; nor did my parents or inlaws that I am aware of We do know couples who have had affairs. Only one of those marriages survived, after many years of counseling.

 

[vernon]

Are we talking marriage here? Because, again, I think breaking a legally binding contract is different than people who cheat on the person they are dating.

Why is it more ( or less) of a betrayal of personal trust, promises and honour with or without a piece of paper to "prove" your commitment. Your commitment and promises are personal and to each other, the fact the "State" stamps a piece of paper to say that you've made that promise doesn't make it any more powerful or real to the two people involved. If my fiance were to tell me that she had an affair the pain would be the same, the betrayal would be the same as it would be if she'd waited until after the wedding.

IMHO too many people get caught up in "the sancitity of marriage" and forget that what the issue boils down to is a betrayal of trust between two people. They know the level of promises they made one another, it doesn't need a "legally binding contract" or "swearing in front of your God" to know the damage you're doing. JMHO.

 

[m&m's mom]

ITA!
Hopefully EsmeraldaX will see this. She was unjustly raked over the coals in another thread.