How long is my mother going to nag me?

[happybratpack]

Venting, I'm really frustrated. Let me start by saying that my mother has good intentions and I love her dearly.

With that disclaimer said, she is driving me up a damn tree. We work in the same office so I see her daily. I'm 32, financially stable, I have my own house, vehicle, blah blah blah. I'm not a freeloader or slacker and I don't ask anyone for money. The only thing I ever ask her for is to dogsit if I'm on vacation which she says she doesn't mind.

Everytime something comes in the mail for me (I send any packages here so they're not left out at home), for example Ebay or online purchase, I hear about it. She delivers it with a "spending money again?" or "I thought you were trying to save money", "You're going to spoil Lily with all this stuff", etc.
I mentioned Disney for this Summer and she ranted on and on for about 20 minutes about money, the time off, etc.

It's not just money, it's other things too. She'll come to the house and start the comments about all the dog hair and that I need to take care of it before Lily get's home. Yes, I know my dogs shed, that's what the vacuum is for and I can't vacuum 3 times a day so sometimes things get hairy. If dishes are piled in the sink or laundry is growing I hear about how I can't be a slop pig with a child and it's not good for them in that environment, etc etc. Yes, sometimes I'm not the most organized person in the world and sometimes dishes pile up. So shoot me. Does everyone else on the face of the earth keep a perfectly clean and organized house? (don't answer that if you actually DO!)

I feel like I'm 15 years old again. I ordered something the other day and put my sisters name on it for delivery so I wouldn't have to listen to it.

Does this EVER stop? It's going to push me over the edge once I get back from China to be constantly criticized about my parenting, I'm already worried enabout my lack of knowledge and experience as it is.

 

[Freyja]

I totally hear where you´re coming from. Maybe you could tell her how much these comments get on your nerves and that you feel it is spoiling your relationship somewhat.

However, remember she is your mother, and probably only wishes you the best. I sure I wish my mom was still around to nag.

 

[Planogirl]

You might want to consider changing jobs to be honest. Sometimes parents never quit and believe me, I know. I don't have contact with my mother any more (long story) but I do have an aunt that nags and nags about everything. She means well but it does get annoying and I can't imagine working with her every day.

 

[happybratpack]

However, remember she is your mother, and probably only wishes you the best. I sure I wish my mom was still around to nag.

I know...this is what keeps my mouth shut when I want to bite her head off.

 

[MAKmom]

No, It will never stop unless you take a stand.
Try telling her how upset she makes you.
If that does not work tell her it will affect your relationship with her if it does not stop. Tell her you do not want to keep things from her but you will if she does'nt stop making comments.

Was your house perfect growing up? If yes tell her " feel free to clean my house " if it was'nt rimind her of this.

At one point my mom & I were in the same office & bookclub!

She thought it was fine to cut me up but God forbid I ever say anything negative about anything she did.

 

[DVC Jen]

My husband is 42. His mother is 82 and she still nags about so much.

She also means well but I think in my MILs case she doesn't feel like she has control over much in her own life so she tries to control the lives of her kids.

I feel for ya.. I really do. It might take a really good long talk telling her how much it hurts your feelings and if that doesn't work ya may just have to politely ask her to leave if she is going to come into your home and constantly criticize.

 

[diznygirl]

My mom is a nag, and her father before her. He's 95 now - God Bless Him! - but he still harasses her for the money she spends!! If you drive with Grampa you can't use the radio or A/C cuz it wastes the battery or the gas....... there's always something.

My mom has learned not to say anything to me cuz she knows I won't stand for it. And she values the relationship we have so she manages to control herself (most times!)

I think there is a definite benefit to telling your mom how you feel - and you should do it before Lily gets here cuz I'm sure that will just give her more ammunition.

Good luck.

 

[goofygirl]

I remember my mom was pestering me about something and I told her to stop being a pest and she told me, "Well, that's what mothers do!"

And you wonder why I don't want to BE one???

I think once they give birth, some kind of "pest gene" emerges in them! LOL

Only advice I can give is have a serious talk with her before it explodes into a knock-down, drag-out ugly fight. That's stress you want to avoid, especially with Lily (love that name, its one of my cat's names!) coming in the home.

 

[Sandy V.]

She will nag you as long as you let her get away with it.

Be firm in letting her know that you're an adult and you can make your own decisions without being judged or criticized, and that certain subjects are not open for discussion. Lather, rinse, repeat, for as long as it takes.

It's best to get it nipped in the bud now, because if you don't do it before Lily arrives, it will get FAR worse when the baby comes!!

Best wishes!