How long is long enough to store grown kids' stuff??

[Dancemom03]

For those with grown kids - or grown kids with tons of stuff at your parents' house... how long do you think parents should be expected to keep things before finally putting it out on the curb or selling at a yard sale?

With a house full of DS32's stuff - a full two years this month after he & his DF moved into their new house - I have to ask. When they moved out, they left everything here in total disarray. I've nagged, begged, pleaded, even packed up boxes and put it in DS's car, also left parked in our yard, but my entire downstairs is still overrun with stuff laying pretty much as they left it b/c we haven't been using that space. With seemingly enough shoes still here to supply an entire high school classroom - even two - I have to wonder what his DFi is even wearing to work in. I'm betting their house is really tidy b/c mine's sure a mess.

Experience has proven it's unlikely they'll ever come claim all this garbage. The doctor says DH will very soon be unable to work and we're downsizing our own possessions so we can eventually sell our home to move into something smaller/more affordable. That means it won't be long before I can't ignore DS32's former living quarters downstairs any longer. Would it be wrong of me to throw it out or add it to our own junk at a yard sale this spring?

 

[tinkntraining]

For those with grown kids - or grown kids with tons of stuff at your parents' house... how long do you think parents should be expected to keep things before finally putting it out on the curb or selling at a yard sale?

With a house full of DS32's stuff - a full two years this month after he & his DF moved into their new house - I have to ask. When they moved out, they left everything here in total disarray. I've nagged, begged, pleaded, even packed up boxes and put it in DS's car, also left parked in our yard, but my entire downstairs is still overrun with stuff laying pretty much as they left it b/c we haven't been using that space. I'm betting their house is tidy b/c mine's a mess. With seemingly enough shoes still here to supply an entire high school classroom - even two - I have to wonder what his DFi is even wearing to work in.

Experience has proven it's unlikely they'll ever come claim all this garbage. The doctor says DH will very soon be unable to work and we're downsizing our own possessions so we can eventually sell our home to move into something smaller/more affordable. That means it won't be long before I can't ignore DS32's former living quarters downstairs any longer. Would it be wrong of me to throw it out or add it to our own junk at a yard sale this spring?

I think you should inform him now, that you are having a yard sale in the spring, and that anything he wants, he should arrange to pick up before then, because anything that's still in the house on yard sale day is going to be sold. Give him a deadline. And stick to it.

Good luck!

 

[Sandy V.]

Give him a deadline to pick up his stuff or you will sell it at a garage sale, take it to Goodwill, etc. Put it in writing if need be.

And, after the deadline passes and if he still hasn't removed his stuff, then you can do what you need to do with it, guilt-free. He's 32 for Pete's sake, not a little kid!!

 

[mjkacmom]

I had to be out of my parents' house by the time I was 25 (I was 23). There is no way they would've held onto my stuff this long! We ended up buying my IL's house, and his sisters still had stuff here (DH's dad is not one to throw out). I told them to pick it up if they wanted it, otherwise, I was going to throw it out (we finished the attic and the basement).

 

[agnes!]

Maybe tell him if he wants the stuff he can buy it back from you at your yard sale .

I was also thinking that if this is an amazing amount of stuff and you truly just don't want to deal with it, would it be possible to call Goodwill or a charity to come by with a truck and just take it all away?

Barring that, I wonder if you could do a yard sale with a GS Troop or a church youth group or something similar, where they can help out, tagging items, etc. and they get to keep the proceeds or get to keep a certain percentage...use it as a fund-raiser for them or for another good cause.

agnes!

 

[wdwfan16]

When you have your own home you need to keep all of your personal items there. If you leave them in somebody else house don't be surprised if they are sold or put out to the curb on trash day. If the item is important to you then keep it with you.

 

[ZephyrHawk]

I'm 30 and my parents still have some of my stuff (though very little). I got most of it out of there when I bought a house. If they wanted to throw a yard sale I'd understand and go pick out whatever I actually still wanted. That being said, the majority of it (old toys) they're keeping for their grandchildren. Oh, I'm an only child, so that helps. They only have to hold on to one kid's things.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

At a minimum when they get their first permanent job and have a "grown up" place.

At a maximum--they get married and/or have kids on their own.

I took all my stuff with me when I left home for college (literally--took pretty much all of it to the dorms.).

DH's family--the kids took most of their stuff to their first post-graduation living arrangements. The exception is one who lived at home for 2 years as he graduated during the dot.com bust and had a challenge finding a job. So while he worked a regular job and lived at home until his career job came along--he clearly still had his stuff at home. It was evicted when he got married and moved cross country for his "new grad" career job.

Sorry--32yo....time to fly the coop--he can take it or you can dump it, but give it a deadline if you don't intend on keeping it forever. You are not A1 Air Conditioned Storage company.

 

[sue1013]

What I had to do to get all of DD's stuff out was tell her a specific date to come get it all or I was getting rid of it myself. I called on a Monday told her she needed to get it on the next Saturday. That was after 1 year of asking. They came that Saturday but didn't take everything we got rid of the rest. This was after storing it for 3 years she lived in a condo with no storage then she moved to a house with just as much storage as me. Guess she really didn't need it all.

 

[jen0610]

Our place has almost zero storage space and what we do have is taken up by holiday decorations. DH has a huge collection of SW items from the original movies, as well as 100's of comics that he was given as a kid, then added to as a young adult. His parents know we don't have the room to store the cases of stuff here, so they have no issue with us putting them up in the attic. They are the last things you get to up there. All of the boxes are neatly stacked and are marked that they at DH's and what is in them.

There isn't anything taking up space inside the house of theirs. And if they told us they were selling, we would have to figure out something else to do with the attic stuff. If we had stuff in the house and they wanted it out, I would fully understand a deadline of remove it yourself or we'll remove it for you.

 

[Handbag Lady]

Can you be my third parent? We'd work well together, I can see.

My mom WON'T let me take out any of my old stuff. I went to her house and tossed out a LOT of my old stuff I'd never use or need. She went into the trash and took it all out and said she'd keep it for me just in case.

It gets better. When we try to talk to her about her hoarding issues, she blames us for leaving our stuff at her house, and that's why her house is so full. Again, I try to toss out my stuff, and again, she takes it from the trash. I can't win.

I like the deadline idea. Make it for this weekend!

 

[Dancemom03]

I set a deadline last summer. It went totally unnoticed. Even my mom has asked them each time she's seen them over the past two years. They're always coming to do it "next weekend" but never do.

I thought about putting it out but remember going to a yard sale several years ago with a friend that I later found out was DS32 DFi's parents' house. She'd just moved out and her mom was selling her stuff - even her used flipflops... It seemed really harsh to me at the time but now I feel guilty for misjudging the poor woman.

Our house is large enough and there are seperate entrances so they had their space and we have ours. Problem is, their space looks worse than when they were still living in it. There's really good stuff (stamps, unopened presents, nice shoes/purses, ect) mixed in with what I discovered later were literally their garbage bags. Obviously we threw the garbage away long ago but what's left isn't just a stack of boxes that need to be moved. It'll take quite a few full days for us to pickup/sort/pack/get it out and I have enough to do now so I've been putting it off hoping eventually they'd do it.

DH's health has been getting steadily worse and we haven't even heard from DS32 directly in nearly two months now. I'm sure he has no clue how bad DH's health is b/c he hasn't been here to see it and can't believe his strong dad is slowly losing the use of his muscles. I know calling to set an ultimatum may cause a big blow up so wanted other opinions in case I was being unreasonable...

 

[clutter]

I set a deadline last summer. It went totally unnoticed.

It'll take quite a few full days for us to pickup/sort/pack/get it out and I have enough to do now so I've been putting it off hoping eventually they'd do it.

I know calling to set an ultimatum may cause a big blow up so wanted other opinions in case I was being unreasonable...

If you set a deadline last summer, why is the stuff still there?

Setting an ultimatum is NOT unreasonable. Get in touch with your son and his fiance. Tell them that your DH is deteriorating rapidly. That you're clearing the house out in anticipation of downsizing it. You're hiring one of those junk pickers and they're coming on xx/xx date, so they need to get what they want by then, and be prepared to pay their share of the bill for what they don't want.

 

[buckler]

Again, I try to toss out my stuff, and again, she takes it from the trash. I can't win.

You need to take the trash with you when you leave. Throw the trash out elsewhere and don't tell her that you are doing.

 

[Luvchefmic]

I'm sorry OP but I'm picking up on a few things here, you said "I'm betting his place is tidy"...he moved out 2 yrs ago.. so you don't know the condition which means you don't go there? Then you said you haven't heard from him directly in 2 months? Sorry but if my DD or DS didn't see me out the stuff goes, no further notice, what's the worst case scenario..he gets upset when he finally realizes the stuff is gone?? Best case scenario you and DH get your home & your life back. Good Luck

 

[agnes!]

You aren't being unreasonable. You sound like a wonderful and smart and caring person who is trying to de-stress her very stressful life.

Listen, they are NOT going to do it, they are never going to do it, *NEVER*. If Junior DARES to throw a tantrum about you getting rid of their junk that is being stored at your house for free, then just let me know and I'll be glad to open a nice big can of whoop-*** on him.

Which is worse, the stress of having all that JUNK in your house or keeping the supposed peace (when Junior apparently can't even be bothered to come visit anyway?) If it's important enough for him to throw a tissy fit over, then it's important enough for him to COME GET IT OUT OF YOUR HOUSE. And if it's important enough for him to blow up about, then maybe it's important enough for him to come visit his STUFF so he can see how sick his dad has gotten.

And I'm so sorry .

agnes!

 

[DVCLiz]

I'd find a storage unit in your town with a short term lease - like 3 months. I'd pay for the 3 months rental and move all the stuff your son has at your house into it. Then I'd give him the key and tell him the rent is paid until a certain date, and that he can either pay to store it after that or move it to his own house.

Tell him you are downsizing and didn't want to throw away his stuff but that you will be putting your house on the market this summer.

 

[agnes!]

I'd find a storage unit in your town with a short term lease - like 3 months. I'd pay for the 3 months rental and move all the stuff your son has at your house into it. Then I'd give him the key and tell him the rent is paid until a certain date, and that he can either pay to store it after that or move it to his own house.

Tell him you are downsizing and didn't want to throw away his stuff but that you will be putting your house on the market this summer.

Ooooooo, this has some definite possibilities.

agnes!

 

[ncmickeyluvr]

Can you be my third parent? We'd work well together, I can see.

My mom WON'T let me take out any of my old stuff. I went to her house and tossed out a LOT of my old stuff I'd never use or need. She went into the trash and took it all out and said she'd keep it for me just in case.

It gets better. When we try to talk to her about her hoarding issues, she blames us for leaving our stuff at her house, and that's why her house is so full. Again, I try to toss out my stuff, and again, she takes it from the trash. I can't win.

I like the deadline idea. Make it for this weekend!

Are we related?? This sounds EXACTLY like my Mother. To make it even better, my parents moved from MA to NC 13 years ago. I tried to go and dispose of any of my things before they moved and Mom wouldn't let me. They then paid a moving company BY THE POUND to move everything to North Carolina......it's all still in their new house!!!

 

[dislaney]

If you set a deadline and then don't enforce it - well that doesn't work as you found out. Set a new deadline and then get rid of it. If they haven't come and got the stuff by now it probably isn't very important to them. I know when I left home I took everything I REALLY wanted with me.