How far do you stretch partaking in complimentary items?

Discussion in 'Community Board' started by Erzengel, Mar 6, 2019.

  1. Frozen Canuck

    Frozen Canuck DIS Veteran

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    I have actually had someone ASK for a portion of the leftovers (more than once...same person) after I have had them over for a meal, even though I was needing to feed a family of five at the time. It struck me as extremely odd, but this was a good friend who has done stuff for us in the past, so I didn't want to be petty; however, in my head was trying to calculate how much I could send her with and still have enough for my family. It would feel selfish to say "no," but when I had planned the meal that I was serving her for lunch, I did so with the full intention of having the leftovers for us for dinner, so I wouldn't have to cook twice, whereas I got the feeling that my leftovers were going home to feed hers. The requests were along the lines of, "This was soooooo good! I would like to take some of this home so that others can see how good it is too! Can I get a container?" Now, I'm not against sending extra food home with others (and I have done so) when it truly is extra, but I would like to be the one to offer it to you, not be put on the spot where I would feel rude or awkward for denying what is apparently your "perfectly reasonable request."

    Yep. I've been on the receiving end of this scenario at least twice as well, from two different families. Once was when we were packing picnic lunches for both families to go on an outing together. We had limited space, so we went around and asked each person what they wanted packed for their drink. Both of the guests' kids (very much old enough to know what they want and stick to it) said they just wanted water, while my kids picked some other kind of drink. I specifically asked them, with their mom present, "Are you sure? We have lots of other options," and then proceeded to list them off. Nope. They were adamant that they only wanted bottled water. Okay. That's what I'll pack you then. Of course as soon as we get set to serve the meal, guess what two kids leap in and grab the only two lemonades (or whatever it was), leaving my kids to drink their bottled water. Their mom didn't say anything to them at all and I was caught off guard, or would have spoken up before they tore into them.

    Our second experience was with a different family and it was very similar to yours. They showed up without anything after being told they could bring what they wanted to drink (we were providing absolutely everything else) and then they proceeded to drink their way through the beer and other beverages that everyone else had contributed to the coolers. I mean, we aren't so stingy as to begrudge somebody a couple of beers or whatever, but when you are on at least your fourth or so (times the three people)...yeah, now I'm raising an eyebrow at you.
     
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  2. Mackenzie Click-Mickelson

    Mackenzie Click-Mickelson DIS Veteran

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    See I think that's just the difference between how I grew up, how my husband grew up and how everyone else I've really known grew up. Doesn't make it wrong or bad or whatever either way just different.

    Food wasn't prepared for guests to be limited like that. When we have dinner night with the in-laws we don't make the food and portion it off so that we have leftovers for us even though leftovers for us is always appreciated lol. We make it for them and as such whatever food is leftover there's no ill feelings or awkwardness if they want to take leftovers because it was made for them to enjoy. But on that note the in-laws wouldn't come to our house and go through our pantry and fridge and just take whatever the heck they wanted. And we wouldn't do that either to them. For thanksgiving and christmas you'll get hounded to take leftovers home as a guest lol. My family especially has the system down like an assembly line for holidays. Leftovers divided up amongst those who want to take it.

    Obviously how things go with people's circle of acquaintances can impact that.
     
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  4. wenrob

    wenrob DIS Veteran

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    The thing is, I don’t mind sending home leftovers at the holidays or whatever. What I *do* mind is when I’m the host, have paid for everything and certain people “need to” make a plate for such and such person that couldn’t be bothered to show up and/or take more than their fare share in leftovers so they can feed *their* family tomorrow. Not for nuthin’ but I wouldn’t mind having a turkey sandwich (that I paid for) the next day. There’s a difference between sending leftovers home with your guests and completely ungracious guests who TAKE your leftovers and beverages on the way out the door.
     
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  5. Lilacs4Me

    Lilacs4Me DIS Veteran

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    The point is, the food and drinks that were prepared for GUESTS was already served. Anything left, after everyone has eaten and has their coats on and is walking out the door, is no longer "guest" food/drinks, but now it's mine, to be used as i need to use it. When you have an intimate party for 45+ of only your *immediate* family and just spent $300 on pizza and salad and drinks and whatever, you will have your eye on what's leftover and are already calculating how many days you can use the leftover casserole and cans of soda as your guests walk out the door lol

    When you are feeding three teenagers, a nephew, and a brother in law who all live in your house, it's a little different mentality than when it's just you and a spouse.

    Of course, your family is/will be/has been different. My immediate family is huge on both sides, and my own little nuclear family in my home right now has 7 people. We don't act like a family of two. When you have a gigantic family, it makes it a little easier to see why other people do things differently because there are a LOT of different characters! And we are not very food-driven, so we don't equate food with comfort or love - it's purely a financial thing lol My sister wants to feed her family with my leftover food, and I don't want her to. :rotfl:
     
    Last edited: Mar 7, 2019
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  6. Mackenzie Click-Mickelson

    Mackenzie Click-Mickelson DIS Veteran

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    Yeah that is just the way it's designed in all the events I've been to. No one cares, no one minds, no one gets upset if leftovers are taken and by leftovers I mean the food for the event/get together. Leftovers aren't just whatever is in your fridge or pantry lol.

    But yes I know others don't have that same experience that I have.

    Oh I wouldn't mind either. But if we're talking about a whole turkey that whole turkey was made for the event/whatever not for our own personal usage. In terms of holidays it's divided up so if the host wants some then that is added to the configuration. Now if a guest just up and takes all the turkey it is what it is but that would be a bit frowned upon but that has only happened with 1 person out of all the times I've been to an event where just 1 person takes the bulk of the leftovers. That 1 person is my aunt who for many reasons my family doesn't want to be around. Being that she's lived out of state for a long time it's not been an issue in well over 15 years.

    Yeah see that's why I said what I said. It's not OUR leftovers at that point which is why it's treated that way. It was purchased or brought for the event/holiday/whatever.

    But I can see if someone views it as all their food and thus all their leftovers it may rub them the wrong way to have someone just up and take what they viewed as theirs so I get you there. **Again leftovers meaning what was made for the get together not just whatever is in your fridge or pantry---that wouldn't be viewed the same way by me either if someone just rummaged through my fridge.
     
  7. barkley

    barkley DIS Veteran<br><font color=orange>If I ever have a

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    i still do this for class of '18 college grad kid who lives local to us. she comes by once a week and i plan out a meal that i KNOW generates a ton of leftovers w/the plan to supplement her lunches for the following week. she was supposed to come over tonight but the roads are a slushy, slippery hazard so dear old dad will run by her place tomorrow with a mammoth container of stuffed bell pepper soup (and a few bottles of salad dress i got on sale).
     
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  8. Frozen Canuck

    Frozen Canuck DIS Veteran

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    I do understand what you are saying, but I don't see it as a difference in upbringing, but more so one of intent. I know a number of people who invite their parents or some other person over for a meal once a week and then send them home with leftovers for another meal or two. That is an act of service, where you set out specifically to care for others by simplifying their meals to a certain extent. You get to enjoy their company and you also get an opportunity to bless them through food. In those kinds of instances, I do plan to make sure that the meal provides enough for me to send the individuals home with extra (and if we happen to get some leftovers too, that is great, but if not, that is fine), so I see how when you set out to make a meal for the event, that that food is dedicated to those people. Likewise for family holiday gatherings, where it is often just assumed that everyone is contributing a portion of the meal and then can take home a reasonable amount of leftovers afterwards, or perhaps one person is so overwhelmed with leftovers, that they then beg others to take some, so people naturally go home with stuff.

    However, if I invite you (one person) over for lunch and you have eaten your fill and we have had a nice chat and now you are on your way home, I might offer to package up some extra cookies for you to take home to the family, or whatever, but what I am not going to expect is for you to actually ask to take home main dish leftovers for other people. Yes, I have made this meal for YOU (and I) to enjoy together, but I guess I'm stingy in my generosity, because that doesn't mean that I have planned on you taking home food to feed your family that I had planned on feeding to my own. My intent was to "dedicate" a certain amount of food (generously, but within reason) to what I thought you and I would consume together, while also "dedicating" the leftovers to feeding my own family later that day. I mean, yeah, I could have made two pans of whatever and secreted one away or gone through the trouble of making a small batch of something for you and I and then had to cook another meal again for our family's dinner, but why should I? You were invited for lunch, I served you lunch (which I assume you enjoyed, since you would like to have others try it), you are now fully capable of going home and cooking your own family dinner. I have worked hard on this day to clean my home, likely bake for you, prepared you a lunch where you could relax and hopefully enjoy yourself, and now I would like to know that I don't have to run around making and cleaning up yet another meal for my family when I have one purposely planned out and prepared ahead of time, while you make off with the leftovers.

    I'm struggling with this part. I mean, technically, I bought it, so it IS all my food to do with what I want, even if I bought all of it in order to throw you a party to celebrate your birthday with 20 of your closest friends. If I am hosting and taking on the cost of a get-together, the food is mine, but I am generously sharing it with all of those who are present as part of the festivities. At the end of the event, there may be nothing left but scraps, but there may also be tons of leftovers to deal with. However, it still comes down to the leftovers belonging to the host/ess and being theirs to distribute (or not) as they see fit. A host/ess is welcome to offer leftovers if they want to, but I don't think they should feel obligated to and I don't think they are being rude if they don't offer them. They have still been more than generous with their time and resources and should not feel guilty for it. I do think that a guest may be seen as being rude if they do ask for leftover food or just start scooping "free" stuff up to take home for later without being offered it first. (Although I do get the sense that your comment is not about people asking for food or taking it because they feel entitled, but that you are just handing the leftovers over because you have framed it in your mind as the food was purchased and prepared FOR THEM. That is a perfectly fine thing for you to do, because it is YOUR choice what to do with the leftovers and you want to give them to the guests.)
     
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  9. soccerdad72

    soccerdad72 DIS Veteran

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    We were at a party this past weekend where everyone was to choose a state and bring a dish and a drink native to that state (cool theme, BTW). The host made a point of telling everyone that she really didn't want a lot of leftovers, so she actually asked people to take home whatever they brought if it didn't get eaten (and drank, actually). There was a ton of food leftover, however, so I understand them not wanting/needing all of it in their house - they wouldn't have had anywhere to even keep it, plus most of it certainly would go to waste.

    Granted, that's a whole different situation than what most are talking about here - just thought about it today with the conversation going this direction on the thread. :)
     
  10. Mackenzie Click-Mickelson

    Mackenzie Click-Mickelson DIS Veteran

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    I think if you're mentioning intent you made a meal to feed your guest AND your family.

    That just doesn't happen in my circles. No one makes a meal intended to feed everyone else later on with the same said meal. It doesn't have anything to do with labor involved in cooking the meal, it doesn't have to do with cleaning up a meal. It just well..it just wouldn't be done. TBH I think that would probably come off rude with the people around me if I made a meal like how you did because of the intent behind it. I personally never would even think that if I invite my friend over for lunch that she could only have X amount. I mean I do understand what you're saying and I guess you could portion off what you want for your family before your friend ever came home for lunch. Then the portion size given to her is what it is. 'Course that doesn't work for every meal for sure.

    I'm wondering if that's a big difference.

    Also maybe because no one I know would just up and take all the leftovers like that. I don't think I remember running into an issue where someone has had their portion and then took the entire rest of the food. I mean I don't ask what happens to the food when it leaves the house though but we've just not run into that before. People kinda have an unspoken understanding I guess you would say.

    To put it another way no one stakes claim to food. It's not an my, your, whatever food.

    I do think there could be a slight misunderstanding. Every event it is pretty much made crystal clear leftovers are game for all to take. IF there was ever a case where it was not crystal clear it's not like I'm hanging around with a bunch of cavemen..they don't just go and take what they want. People aren't being rude because they aren't taking what hasn't already been offered and it's always been offered. If I bring a cake over I don't care what happens to it when the event is done. If I make a cake for a party I don't care what happens to it when the event is done. That's pretty much how it goes.

    Yeah no one is really entitled about leftovers but I could totally see not appreciating that sort of attitude. It's not like they demand to have leftovers. The culture I've been around is that food for a party, event, get together is just that. It's not a 'make some food for a party, event, get together with the rest being meant for some other purpose for me'.

    Now the only thing people stake claim to is their beer/liquor of choice :laughing:. Meaning if I bring 3 bottles of Guinness over and my husband brought 3 bottles of some Oktoberfest people do understand that it was not meant to be shared amongst everyone. But I've been to many-a parties where the host has just bought a ton of beer and it's "here get whatever you want". Trust me they do not care if they are left with 10 beers at the end of the night or no beers at the end of the night.
     
  11. Mackenzie Click-Mickelson

    Mackenzie Click-Mickelson DIS Veteran

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    We don't define guests that way :confused3

    And no truly in my environment it doesn't matter how many people is being served. My grandmother had 5 kids. She just wouldn't have made food to serve a guest(s) AND to serve her kids. My mom had 2 kids. My mother-in-law had 3 kids, etc etc. So nope number isn't relevant. It has zero to do with a mentality of just my husband and I lol. But you're more than welcome to tell my grandmother, my mom, my mother-in-law, etc that they should have had a different mentality because of the number of people.

    We have anywhere between 12 and 20+ people over for holidays same story. My aunt who buys the turkey doesn't care either way who ends up with what. No one cares about price tag of stuff. I understand for you it is and there's nothing wrong with that :)

    ETA: I should say I understand not wanting to feed your sister's family. That hasn't really occurred that people would act like that. Like I mentioned in my above comment it's an unspoken sort of understood thing aside from my one aunt. If you have people consistently taking all the remaining leftovers in such huge portions I could see being more apprehensive about things though the reason why is because we would deem you selfish and not thinking of the other guests who may have wanted leftovers not because we wanted the leftovers for ourselves. General you might find yourself on the outskirts of the family and be known as leftover queen and not in a good way if a person consistently did that. But of the many many events she's been the only person to act like that.
     
    Last edited: Mar 7, 2019
  12. Floridaman999

    Floridaman999 Livin' the life

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    tl;dr
     
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  13. LovesTimone

    LovesTimone Christmas Day 2017

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    We only take something once in a while, living in here in Fl. a lot of places offer bottled water... so if I'm thirsty I will grab a bottle.... Hotels sometimes have the grab bag in the morning, with a muffin, bagel and piece of fruit, so we have grabbed that on the go, as well I have walked down to get coffee, and maybe picked up some type of pastries to talk back to the room...

    We always get drinks to go in a restaurant...
     
  14. design_mom

    design_mom probably more like my dad than I care to admit

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    If something is offered (business meeting, car dealership, hotel breakfast) and I want something to enjoy while I'm there, I will take something. But I don't take extra for later unless it's offered. Occassionally, at the end of a meeting someone will say "There's XYZ left. If anybody wants anything, help yourself."

    At Costco, etc., if the sample is something I want/might buy, I'll take one. But I don't make a meal out of samples.

    At someone's house/party, I think the leftovers belong to the host (even if it's something I brought, I'll offer it to the host before taking the dish home myself.) It's nice of the host to offer leftovers, but rude of a guest to ask for them. I would never make a meal for guests with the *intent* of having leftovers for another meal, but my offering/not offering leftovers would be somewhat dependent on what I could do with the leftovers. For instance, if I invited people over for lasagna and there was 1/2 a pan left (just enough for another meal for my family), I'd be less inclined to offer leftovers to guests than if there was a whole pan or 1/4 of a pan. (For most things, I'd probably offer the leftovers becuase I'm not a big fan of leftovers myself.) If there is only one portion left, I might keep it for DH's lunch (he likes leftovers) rather than offering it to a guest.
     
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  15. kimblebee

    kimblebee now my thoughts will be worth 5 cents

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    To sum it up for you:

    I’m better than you because I don’t portion out meals with friends and family.

    No, I’m better than YOU because I have more people to feed at a time.

    No, I’m better than you because I don’t have to worry about the cost of food.

    Well, I’m better than ALL of you, because I see it as rude to take things that are offered to me. I’m not saying it, but we all know I was raised better than you.
     
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  16. Floridaman999

    Floridaman999 Livin' the life

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    Very nice summary. Thanks very much. :)
     
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  17. cabanafrau

    cabanafrau DIS Veteran

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    I've never noticed anyone taking multiple samples to save for later. I can't even imagine someone having the nerve to take a tray full, put it into storage containers and walk away with it.

    ETA: Not meaning to suggest doubt, simply that I find it shocking. I'd probably need to pick my bottom jaw up off the floor if I saw that happening.
     
    Last edited: Mar 8, 2019
  18. soccerdad72

    soccerdad72 DIS Veteran

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    I've never seen anyone fill up a storage container, but I do remember one shopping trip walking behind this older woman in her scooter with (I assume) her daughter and the old lady had a little tray in front of her with this miniature buffet line of samples lined up in front of her. It was kind of cute, actually. :D
     
  19. cabanafrau

    cabanafrau DIS Veteran

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    I know seniors do some quirky things like that and I probably wouldn't think much of it either. I still can't imagine anyone having the guts to just put a whole tray's worth into containers and walk away with it.
     
  20. Cannot_Wait_4Disney

    Cannot_Wait_4Disney Ok all you A cattle, get in ...

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    HAHA Granny living the thug life.
     
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  21. Lynne M

    Lynne M Moderator Moderator

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    That's nothing to feel guilty about, you paid for those refills. :) Mugs can be refilled for 14 days after activation.

    And just as an FYI, resort guests have access to all resort amenities (pools, etc) until 11:59 on checkout day. Any remaining credits on a dining plan are available till 11:59 PM, too.
     

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